Time to get off this merry go round.

crys_todd

I've been losing and gaining weight my entire life. Some of my earliest memories are of doing Richard Simmons workouts and counting fat grams with my mother in the 1st grade. I was always slightly pudgy kid. My weight ballooned in high school and by the time I graduated I weighed 275lbs.

In 2000 I weighed 275 lbs. I got serious about weight loss and lost 120 lbs in 18 months and was 155 lbs.
Got married, got comfy, school stress, work stress. Weight gain steadily happened.

In 2008 I weighed 325 lbs. My husband I wanted a family so I got serious about weight loss and lost 160 lbs in 18 months.

Gained and lost 70 lbs with baby one over a couple of years.

Gained and lost 75 lbs with baby two over a couple of years.

I weighed 150 lbs in 2017 and have ballooned back up to 280 lbs in the past three years. So I'm back to needing to lose 120 -130 lbs again.

All told, in the past 20 years, I've lost close to 500 lbs. But I've also regained 500 lbs at various times. In the past 20 years I've been a size 8 and a size 28 and every size in between...multiple times.

And I'm just so tired of the constant cycle. The roller coaster ride ends now. This is the time I take control of my weight for good. I have to let go of the notion that I'll ever "eat like a normal person". "Normal" people don't yo yo 150 lbs. Maybe 20-30 but not 150. I think I've finally fully acknowledged my food addiction and my need to always treat food as a necessary evil in my life. Not my friend, not my fun, not my way to show love. It is a threat to me and my health but one I have to keep around just enough to stay alive.

I'm 37 right now and my goal and promise to myself is to be down to my goal weight and MAINTAINING by my 40th birthday. And to never see another massive weight gain again.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this beyond needing some accountability to myself. Maybe to others.

I'm almost 2 weeks in on another large weight loss journey but this time I've sworn to myself if will be the last.

alligatorob

Hey Crys todd, how goes it? I am new to this group and just saw your post. Except for the having kids part (I am a man) I can relate to almost everything you said. I know how you feel.

I don't even want to add up the pounds I have lost and then regained, it would be a depressing exercise.

Anyway check in, I hope you are on track and doing well!

ladyzherra

Thanks for sharing your story of weight loss and gain. My thought is that if you focus your energy in the reasons behind the weight gain-back then you will set yourself up for success. You seem to be able stick with a weight loss program well. The issue seems to be that when things change you can gain weight back. Discover the reason for this and see if you can identify some tools and approaches to help you maintain, once you get where you want to be.

tinkerbellang83

Thanks for sharing, I am also 37, with a plan to be fit by 40 and I am currently sitting around 265lbs.

I can highly recommend one of the books listed in the reading list here (Overcoming Binge Eating) it's used by the NHS in the UK and has a self-help program that I found very useful (I kept a diary in another thread here about how it went and what it involved). It certainly helped me retrain my brain in the way I think about weight loss and my relationship with food.