The Real vs The Ideal
NovusDies
Posts: 8,940 Member
One of the things we have floating around in our heads is an idea of perfection. The perfect relationship, the perfect career, the perfect house, the perfect spiritual life, and the perfect lifestyle to name a few. We often get these standards of perfection from other people which are usually based on snapshots. Snapshots of vacations might give you the idea that a family is always 'that happy' for instance. 24 hour surveillance of someone's life will show that even they struggle. We think an Olympian is the gold standard of a healthy lifestyle and human potential but they sacrifice much to get there and stay there and they struggle.
In all situations we start with the real which may be somewhere between in need of tweaking to nightmarish. I can only really appreciate how bad my lifestyle became by having changed it. When I use the expression "I was in a prison of my own fat" I am not embellishing or attempting to be dramatic to drive home a point. That expression softens how bad it was and while others get to even a worse place that doesn't help what I was going through.
The daily test is finding the correct tension setting between the real and the ideal. We should feel tension. It should drive us towards better. However, if we are not careful that tension level is too high which makes any movement overwhelming. We get so frustrated with the current state that we cannot be satisfied with the small steps it takes to actually change it.
In other words, do not allow yourself to get crushed under your own expectations. When you feel yourself getting frustrated, and it happens to all of us, be aware and get above it. For the areas of your life you can improve, managing your short term expectations is a crucial element of getting from here to somewhere better.
In all situations we start with the real which may be somewhere between in need of tweaking to nightmarish. I can only really appreciate how bad my lifestyle became by having changed it. When I use the expression "I was in a prison of my own fat" I am not embellishing or attempting to be dramatic to drive home a point. That expression softens how bad it was and while others get to even a worse place that doesn't help what I was going through.
The daily test is finding the correct tension setting between the real and the ideal. We should feel tension. It should drive us towards better. However, if we are not careful that tension level is too high which makes any movement overwhelming. We get so frustrated with the current state that we cannot be satisfied with the small steps it takes to actually change it.
In other words, do not allow yourself to get crushed under your own expectations. When you feel yourself getting frustrated, and it happens to all of us, be aware and get above it. For the areas of your life you can improve, managing your short term expectations is a crucial element of getting from here to somewhere better.
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Replies
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This post really hits home with me....for so many reasons......wonderful insight.......2
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See... that's why we need time: either to discover these things for ourselves or in order to discover Novus who articulates them for us!3
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Out of desperation I joined Weight Watchers. About the same time I got Churchill’s memoirs on tape from the library. At some point he said this about a problem Britain faced during WWII- Perfect is the enemy of the good.
I don’t think that’s a Churchill original, but it sure helped me a lot while I was learning to count and track WW points.4 -
I used to think that thin people were happy all of the time!2
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Out of desperation I joined Weight Watchers. About the same time I got Churchill’s memoirs on tape from the library. At some point he said this about a problem Britain faced during WWII- Perfect is the enemy of the good.
I don’t think that’s a Churchill original, but it sure helped me a lot while I was learning to count and track WW points.
I believe it was also Churchill that said something along the lines of victory is dependent on the enthusiasm we have between failures.
I am not sure there is such a thing as new wisdom. What makes a person appear wise now is understanding that all or much of the "old wisdom" is relevant, it may just need to be paraphrased so it can be pointed at a situation.2 -
As someone who deals with anxiety and a lot of issues with pefectionism, this has been one of my biggest challenges, but since I'm still here and still 50 lbs down, I think also one of my biggest successes (even if it still feels like a struggle). Getting comfortable with it not going as planned, but jumping back in and continuing regardless.5
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One of the things we have floating around in our heads is an idea of perfection. The perfect relationship, the perfect career, the perfect house, the perfect spiritual life, and the perfect lifestyle to name a few. We often get these standards of perfection from other people which are usually based on snapshots. Snapshots of vacations might give you the idea that a family is always 'that happy' for instance. 24 hour surveillance of someone's life will show that even they struggle. We think an Olympian is the gold standard of a healthy lifestyle and human potential but they sacrifice much to get there and stay there and they struggle.
In all situations we start with the real which may be somewhere between in need of tweaking to nightmarish. I can only really appreciate how bad my lifestyle became by having changed it. When I use the expression "I was in a prison of my own fat" I am not embellishing or attempting to be dramatic to drive home a point. That expression softens how bad it was and while others get to even a worse place that doesn't help what I was going through.
The daily test is finding the correct tension setting between the real and the ideal. We should feel tension. It should drive us towards better. However, if we are not careful that tension level is too high which makes any movement overwhelming. We get so frustrated with the current state that we cannot be satisfied with the small steps it takes to actually change it.
In other words, do not allow yourself to get crushed under your own expectations. When you feel yourself getting frustrated, and it happens to all of us, be aware and get above it. For the areas of your life you can improve, managing your short term expectations is a crucial element of getting from here to somewhere better.
I needed to read this today!…maybe it will help someone else, too!2 -
Out of desperation I joined Weight Watchers. About the same time I got Churchill’s memoirs on tape from the library. At some point he said this about a problem Britain faced during WWII- Perfect is the enemy of the good.
I need to paste this on my monitor! I get so "in my head" as they say. It is so easy to give myself permission to go off the rails if I have a bad meal....or a bad day.
Great thread....definitely giving me something to think about.
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thank you, Connie. I need this too.2