Other Ways to Satisfy the Dopamine Demands
lauriekallis
Posts: 4,794 Member
Stress hits - sadness, excitement, injury or ... ?... doesn't matter, good or bad - the brain hamsters demand highly palatable food. And lots of it.
What to do?
How do you stop the binge before it starts. I used to smoke - but that is out of the question
Let's make a list of our tricks - a grab bag we can come to at those moments.
What to do?
How do you stop the binge before it starts. I used to smoke - but that is out of the question
Let's make a list of our tricks - a grab bag we can come to at those moments. 1
Replies
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I dont' have a binge problem so I can't speak from that direction, but if I get a craving I can't ignore, I try compromising with myself and doing the math to work it into my calorie count for the day. Such as 1 cookie instead of 2 or half a serving, or substituting something else that is similar but less calorie dense.3
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I don’t binge per se. When anxiety hits I tend to walk around grazing on anything and everything. Carrot followed by cookies, handful of candy, chips, leftover bits from refrigerator - all day long. A few dozen of those grazes add up to a lot of never-satisfying calories. Sometimes even having a complete meal can be followed by crazy grazing. Most days I can distract myself but sometimes the crazies last a few days. Never know what’s going to trigger it. Wish I had a better strategy than trying not to do it or think about it. Somehow while doing this my head is on another planet.3
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I guess I should not have included the word binge in that description because that's really restrictive. I guess I was thinking of any time that we feel strongly compelled to eat for reasons other than hunger or nourishment.2
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That's exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of, Yooly.
Sometimes I can cut off the initial urge by calling and chatting with a friend who is very talkative so our conversation can go on for maybe an hour and sometimes the urge will have passed.
It seems if I give in it just keeps rolling and the urge can get even stronger.3 -
And the worst part is that I know it’s not physical hunger. It’s some emotional need that I can’t fix immediately. Could be big or small anxiety and off I go! 😱2
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Let me tell you about a binge lol…who can relate?….be honest…..it usually starts in the afternoon or evening and continues for 4 or 5 hours to a couple of weeks until it becomes your “ normal”…after a meal you think you just need “ a little something sweet”…. You have a cookie and it is gone so quick you need another….and then another…..or you are depressed or anxious…..it’s like a snowball rolling down hill….with me it gets to the point that I eat until I am sick….I swear I won’t do it again, but I do….it isn’t grazing or mindless….it is like something takes over and you can’t stop…..I might eat two or three candy bars followed by an entire bag of cookies and a quart of milk….I do not fill up…I can eat until I feel sick, wait an hour or so and then eat more….I rarely throw up but wish I could….usually IBS begins….and food not touching goes out the window….I have bologna and peanut butter sandwiches….Hershey bar loaded with peanut butter on top….butter and sugar mixed and spread on toast…a roll of ritz crackers with cream cheese and jelly….cereal in a mixing bowl loaded with sugar….an entire pie….it really doesn’t matter as long as I am filling that void…..I wish I knew what I was trying to feed….3
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You are so right Connie. What are we trying to feed? I would have tried therapy if I’d had the money to find a good therapist in my youth. Now I could afford therapy but don’t want to waste precious time at my age trying to find the solution.
I don’t think I’ll ever get the crazies under total control. Best I can hope for is being able to manage most lapses.1 -
Let's try to short circuit the response we've developed of eating and discover other things we can do to boost those dopamine levels.
Only thing I can think of for me is music - and maybe dancing around the house. Just for one song.2 -
Pacing and taking out the girl and or listening to an audiobook while out, or going lower cal and volume tend to work.
When I don't go out, it's almost continuous graze. Usually feeling tired, or cold, or agitated.
And I WOULD have sworn I didn't engage in emotional eating.
Took a while to even see it in myself.
Now I can also see it in close relatives.4 -
Right...I can't add much insight because what works for me probably won't work for you...but I do seem to have a temporary fix in place, that seems to be holding firm.
This is really long, so please don't feel obliged to read. I'm going into detail firstly to set out my 'binge credentials' and secondly to explain what's working for me....
Background: My mom was very restrictive with food because she was slim herself but had two teenage overweight daughters - I was the third (& youngest) daughter, and in her eyes I 'exhibited symptoms' of heading towards obesity, so when I was eight years old she took me to a doctor to have me put on a VLCD. The doc refused, saying my weight was fine, so mom had to make up her own plan, which was basically to restrict my food to one meal per day (evening dinner). Up to that point I don't recall any out-of-control eating (in fact mealtimes were stressful as I had a very small appetite and she was a tartar about us clearing our plates); but fasting for 23 hours per day triggered some compensatory behaviours, and I started eating in secret, sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night to eat. Mom knew, and started locking me in my bedroom at night (yeah, I know...). The fasting also set off a cycle of lying and evasion, because I had to lie to my teachers that I'd eaten my lunch already etc., so they wouldn't keep questioning me about why I hadn't brought lunch to school...
Fast forward a couple of years, and the urge to binge is off the charts. I'm still struggling to eat the large portions of unpalatable veggies my mom dishes up in the evening, but before dinner I'm thinking about food ALL the time. Without access to either the food I craved or the money to buy any, this led to me stealing (usually from dad's wallet, sometimes from my mom's purse) - I'd buy lots of sweets and crisps, and literally gorge on them until I was physically in agony.
This behaviour continued through my teens, which is when I hit my highest ever weight. My mom refused to buy me clothes because she thought it would encourage me to get even fatter, so I literally wore the same pair of jeans (my brother's cut-down cast-off pair of size 36 Levis) for two years, though they caused a weeping ulceration across my belly because they were so tight. In the end I had to remove the zip and sort of lace them corset-fashion to relieve the pain and discomfort. I'd sprinkle them with perfume/talc/febreeze because I knew they must smell, but I didn't have alternate outfits to wear. I didn't dare wash them, in case they shrunk and I would literally have had nothing else to wear. Apart from school, I never left the house. Mom believed in harsh medicine but instead of being shamed into weight loss, I just kept on gorging in secret.
Anyway, things improved when I left home for University. I became less of a hermit, ate better and got more exercise. My weight started to drop...I was still fat, but no longer stealing and gorging. Through my twenties and thirties I yo-yoed - losing up to 80 lbs (not in a healthy way) then regaining it quickly through a return to my old habits of gorging in secret. I'd met my husband by then, and when he became seriously ill gorging was a way of coping...
It wasn't until 2012 that I started to properly improve. I lost 88 lbs in 18 months, to reach a healthy BMI for the first time in my adult life in November 2013...and, having discovered MFP, I'd lost the weight in a healthier way than previously.
But, in the 10 years between then and March 2021, I still regained back 80 of those 88lbs. I still had episodes of secret gorging...and I also habitually overate through large portion sizes and between-meal grazing. But I WAS getting better. The gorging happened less frequently, and for shorter duration. I'd 'confess' to it when I got home, which took away some of the shame. I went completely cold turkey on chocolate and some of my favourite trigger foods (e.g. Doritos and dip) - at first I banned them from the house, but after a while I was able to resist them even if we had them in the house if they were unopened...and eventually I was even able to resist them if they were open... So at first, complete elimination of those foods was essential - it took me a loooong time before I had enough control to eat my trigger foods in moderation.
I guess I used that decade of steady weight gain to learn some really key lessons, and really start to understand myself. I watched myself, my behaviours, my triggers, my successes and failures closely, as if I were a laboratory rat. I kept a detailed food diary for the whole decade, even though I wasn't counting calories. I had certain 'lines in the sand' which I simply wouldn't cross. One was that I NEVER, EVER ate fast food from the major chains (McDs/BK/Dominos etc). Another was that I never ate anything that was totally lacking nutritional value....so if I ate chocolate, for instance, it either had to be really good quality chocolate with anti-oxidant properties, or it had to have some protein (e.g. the nuts in a Snicker bar) etc. That way, if I gorged on 10 Snickers in a row, I'd at least be able to say I got a good hit of protein!
I tried to shift my focus more onto health, not weight. I made it a goal to eat nutritionally-dense food most of the time, with an emphasis on organic, seasonal etc. I'd still eat too much of it - and was gaining weight as a result - but I was gaining weight through good nutrition, rather than eating crap. It became a sort of game to me - I'd challenge myself to eat better than the day before...than the week before...than the month before.
When the urge to gorge happened, sometimes I had no defence against it, and I'd just cave immediately. Always in secret. Always eating as fast as I could, literally hurting my throat to swallow as fast as possible. But another of my challenges was to be honest...so I'd come home and tell my husband about it, and we'd discuss what had triggered the behaviour. I became better at understanding what my triggers were, and better at defusing the situation before it escalated into a full on binge.
After a while, I made up another game. If I could feel the desire to binge getting stronger, I'd say: 'Just wait 5 minutes, then you can start eating....' Once the 5 minutes were up, I'd say 'Just wait 5 minutes more...' and so on and so on... When I'd successfully deferred the start of the binge for a whole hour, I'd award myself a tick on my binge deferral chart (yeah, I know...geeky!)...then start on the next hour...and the next hour. I'd distract myself...take the dog for a walk...or watch an episode of 'My 600 lb Life'...or run a bath...or try to get absorbed in a good book...or sometimes just buy the damn food that I wanted so badly, and then immediately stow it away in my food bank donation bag.
Of course sometimes the food didn't make it to the food bank...but sometimes it did, and that was progress.
I also started putting money in a jar for every time I successfully resisted buying my trigger foods when I was in binge-mode....it was another game/challenge...seeing the coins/notes mounting up gave me a sense of pride, and was a visual reminder of the money I waste on food that has no nutritional value. And when the jar was filled and I got to take it to the food bank and hand it over, it was such an amazing feeling....
So that's how I used that period from November 2013 to March 2021. Watching my weight steadily go up-and-up-and-up, but learning so many things about myself.
And finally, in March 2021, I felt ready to try to lose the weight, without throwing the lessons I'd learned out of the window. I felt I'd learned enough about how to head off binges...how to make better choices...how to keep my interest from flagging by making up challenges for myself...how to spice things up...how to talk myself into a better frame of mind.
And...fingers crossed...it seems to be working. I haven't had any urges to binge since I started losing the pounds, not even when I went through the big hunger experiment at the 6 month point. I successfully navigated through Christmas, even though y'all knew how worried I was about going off the rails... I have a pantry full of trigger foods - open and in full view - and I can eat them in moderation, or not at all.
For me it's all been about shifting the focus to HEALTH. Not weight. That was an important one. Treating my body well. Respecting it. Feeding it properly.
The second thing that helped was the challenges. Silly ticks on a spreadsheet if I resisted eating crap for 5 minutes...silly coins in a jar if I put the chocolate back on the supermarket shelf...silly stickers on a wall-chart if I ate my rainbow of veggies...I channelled my inner 5 year old and strived to rack up those rows of gold stars!
I tapped into my social conscience and used that as a tool to keep me on the straight and narrow...and it felt good to donate money/food via the food bank to those who actually needed it, rather than to gorge myself on food I clearly didn't need. The pride had a snowball effect...it made me want to try harder.
I write every day in my weight journal. It helps keep me focused on the important things and allows me to spot trends and behaviours I'd otherwise overlook.
And I make good use of this group, which has helped immensely.
Am I totally cured? I doubt it. I'm sure I've not seen the last of my binges, or put weight gain behind me forever. But I do genuinely think that I have better coping mechanisms than previously.
Whew...that was a long one!5 -
Whew Bella what a grim childhood! Glad to know you’ve been able to work through and find some healing. It’s surely a long road but you’ve made great progress.
I’m sure many of us, myself included, have food disfunction rooted in childhood. Mine was basically being happily overfed by starved immigrant parents who were thrilled to put food on the table. My two thin sisters balked at overeating while I was the poster child for the available bounty of freedom.2 -
Thank you, Bella. I can't even reply properly but wow what an experience even to read. I know that I will come back to your post again and again and will benefit from what you have shared with us. At the same time I'm so very sorry that you had to go through what you did to learn what you so generously share with us here.
I had a little of that, Yooly. My wonderful dad always stopped at the store and brought home special treats for me every payday, and if he worked overtime. Oh how good those treats made me feel.3 -
Folks, I don't want to give a wrong impression. In parts my childhood/adolescence was pretty grim, but in parts it was perfectly fine. My mom had a very complex personality and was a very damaged woman in many ways, but I was never in the slightest doubt that I was loved. She and my dad would literally have lain down their lives for us without a second's hesitation, and they made enormous sacrifices for us. Mom was of the generation that believed in tough love - it was because she loved and worried about me that she did her best to force me into what she saw as a better shape. She wanted me to have a fulfilled and happy romantic/personal life and a fulfilling career, and she thought being fat would hinder me to achieve both those things.
So her interventions came from a place of love and concern....and though dreadful, they were well-intentioned. I think I survived pretty well, all things considered, and plenty of folks have far worse childhoods.3 -
Bella - you have such a good heart and so much strength. Your words of compassion and understanding are beautiful to read.4
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I think most parents TRY to do what they think is best for their kids but some fail miserably…my moms dad was an abusive alcoholic and he would hit my mom when she was a child and it left her scarred….but she still loved him and he was a good provider for the family always having food and clothing for them….I never could figure out why my mom still loved him….Bella I want to give the little girl you were the biggest hug….the way my parents coped with me being overweight was taking me to the doctors and getting me diet pills!….I lost weight but I was buzzed a lot of the time!….all in the name of love….3
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I grew up in a loving home but in a family that came from hard working farmer stock and who cooked liked farmer's wives though we no longer lived on farms or worked hard enough to need those excess calories. Portions sizes were always large, which makes it hard for me this day to accurately judge what is a true portion.
I have the bad habit of a handle here, a pinch there, too, so I've also had to really restrict the snackable food in the house!3 -
Eating an apple with just a little peanut butter or chocolate hummus keeps me satisfied some time2
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I try putting the trigger foods into small packet. Hoping if I can’t control the crazies at least it will be a smaller portion.2
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I've been known to squirt washing up liquid over food to stop a binge in its tracks (because I've also been known to fish well-wrapped or unopened contraband out of the bin a few minutes after throwing it away so that I can eat it after all). The washing up liquid closes off that avenue...
Such wasteful behaviour upsets my puritan side these days so I try to simply exercise self-control....having the food-bank-bag to deposit tempting foods into makes a big difference to my willpower. If a food makes it as far as the food-bank-bag I rarely fish it back out again and eat it myself, because it would feel like stealing from the hungry and desperate...5 -
I do remember one memorable evening which came after a solid week of bingeing thousands of calories each evening on salted peanuts after leaving my husband's hospital bedside. I'd literally come home from the hospital and sit on the sofa with a fresh family-sized tub of salted peanuts and pour them into my palm, then shovel them into my mouth like an automaton, until the tub was empty.
This one memorable evening I bought home a fresh tub, opened it, and then forced myself to eat the peanuts with a pair of chopsticks. In an hour I think I managed about a palmful before quitting in frustration and going to bed instead.
So sometimes creative solutions can work...5 -
So many reasons why we are all here.
I keep thinking/hoping it is possible to retrain my brain so that "food" isn't what I reach for when I need that "hit."
My alcoholic friend was shocked when he eventually started to see that alcohol didn't have to be a part of everything. That he could have fun without drinking, grieve without drinking, relax without drinking. But it took years and years.
We can't completely eliminate food from our lives like he had to eliminate alcohol - but I would like to eliminate food for reasons other than nutrition.- Dream of a hot bath and a cup of herbal tea and music to settle my nerves - rather than a big bowl of comfort food when coming home from a rough day in the world
- Go for a vigorous walk - rather than going out for donuts after having a fight with a loved one
- Lie down with a good movie and go to bed early when I'm exhausted after The Boy goes home on Sunday evening - rather than ordering pizza the moment the house has cleared
The brain juices are flowing this afternoon - you all have inspired me.
2 - Dream of a hot bath and a cup of herbal tea and music to settle my nerves - rather than a big bowl of comfort food when coming home from a rough day in the world
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It's all about finding what the emotion is that you're trying to sooth, and trying to develop new habits that create new neural pathways that are healthier responses to that emotion than simply going into a binge. It takes a lot of trial and error, a lot of patience, a lot of self-awareness and a willingness to delve deeply into some painful emotions. Lots of stuff on CBT can be helpful...3
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Although it is more money, I only buy chips in snack size 160 calorie bags…chips are really not my go to, I like sweets…..freezing food like cookies or brownies does not help…l just eat them frozen!….sugar free hard candy helps a little….1
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conniewilkins56 wrote: »Although it is more money, I only buy chips in snack size 160 calorie bags…chips are really not my go to, I like sweets…..freezing food like cookies or brownies does not help…l just eat them frozen!….sugar free hard candy helps a little….
How about something other than food? Just no food unless it is for a meal/hunger/nourishment?3 -
lauriekallis wrote: »How about something other than food? Just no food unless it is for a meal/hunger/nourishment?
OK, you're going to think I'm weird, but when I'm anxious or tense or upset, I have a few non-food ways to sooth myself.
No. 1 is always to walk barefoot, preferably on a lawn, but if not on a deep pile rug or carpet. There is something deeply soothing about being - literally - grounded. Make fists with your toes and dig/burrow them into the lawn/rug/sand/mud. It releases some really primeval emotions...
No. 2: I light some candles, make myself a mug of hot tea, put on my Billie Holiday LP and put my feet in a bowl of hot water with a few drops of lavender oil in it. The bowl of water has to be placed on a 2-3-deep- layer of towels, so that when I remove my feet from the water, I can sink my toes into the towelling, to evoke the feelings mentioned above in no. 1. The combination of the candlelight, the crackles and hiss from my 41 year-old-vinyl record, the hot tea and the scented hot water are utterly blissful. I've had this Billie Holiday record since I was 15, and it soothed me then and continues to soothe me now...
No. 3: I take a bath and lie completely flat in the tub with just my nostrils above the water (like a hippo). Again, primeval....maybe it harks back to the warmth of the womb....Usually I fall asleep...I top up the water as it cools, and emerge as wrinkled as a Shar-pei....lovely!
No. 4: I go for a walk. Works almost every time.
No 5: Music....so evocative. Sometimes something upbeat and cheerful to get me bopping round the living room. Sometimes cello music, which is so mournful and beautiful....
No: 6: I listen to this versionof The Little Prince. It's a stupendous recording that never fails to lift my spirits.
No 7: I read one of the books that I loved from childhood (e.g. an Enid Blyton or Charlotte's Web/The Secret Garden/Alice In Wonderland...)...or an Agatha Christie or a Sherlock Holmes...something that I can practically quote by heart because it's so cosy and familiar...4 -
Love these, Bella. All sensual - which I guess makes sense! A few are similar to mine - but I've never tried the barefoot walking ... though I have used walking barefoot for other purposes. Going to try that for sure....sorry I let my shag rugs slip away from my life now
Maybe this will be a time for me to try poetry!1 -
My bedroom rug - silk - is beautiful to the foot. I'll be walkin round the end of my bed next time I need to self soothe...diggin the healthy vibrations coming from the three pothos in the window (they are the happiest plants in the house).
Having a soothing place - making a soothing place to retreat to in times of stress could be a good one too.1 -
Holly hamster 🐹 management seminar! I KNEW that the emotionally adroit and adept CAT 😺 contingent would probably prove to be the best at managing hamsters and GARFIELD sure as *kittens* is coming through with some hard won and insightful... err... insights!
Thank you.
All jokes aside: truly thank you. I will think on some of these... cause... under the "right" conditions... I just keep eating as I am sure many of us here do!
... checks paws and contemplates barefooting it.... not tonight 2 -
"lauriekallis wrote: »
Maybe this will be a time for me to try poetry!
I use a wonderful app called The Poetry Hour that has famous actors reading poetry aloud. Some of the recordings are mesmerising. I highly recommend it!
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lauriekallis wrote: »My bedroom rug - silk - is beautiful to the foot. I'll be walkin round the end of my bed next time I need to self soothe...diggin the healthy vibrations coming from the three pothos in the window (they are the happiest plants in the house).
Having a soothing place - making a soothing place to retreat to in times of stress could be a good one too.
I know it sounds a bit new-agey and hippyish, but I do think it makes sense why there is emotional benefit and resonance in stripping away anything extraneous and getting as close to nature as we possibly can.
Our veneer of civililisation is just that - the thinnest veneer, laid down during the most recent nano-seconds of our evolution. For millenia we were part of the primordial swamp - warm, wet, dark- until we managed to haul ourselves onto land. In evolutionary terms, we only donned garb and footwear at minute 23:59. So it makes sense that when we're stressed, tired, unhappy or afraid that we would find comfort and solace in sensory inputs that take us back to those warm, wet, dark origins. I'm not sure if I fully swallow the theory of genetic memory, but our far-back ancestors would've walked barefoot through swampy mud, grainy sand, springy grasses, cool,smooth rock - they would've rested their backs wearily against the rough, mossy sun-warmed bark of trees, they'd have crunched through crisp fallen leaves and felt their toes sink into the rich loam beneath. They'd have rejoiced at the warmth of the sun on their skin after a long winter, and enjoyed the cool dim interior of a cave during the blistering heat of summer. I think we can experience some of that same simple, primitive pleasure and sense of innate rightness from trying to recreate some of their experience.
Like I say, a bit new-agey/tree-huggy/hippyish...but it works for me!2
