Do childless peeps understand peeps with children?
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Anna about your point of introducing kids to a date.
A girl I was best friends with in elementary school is a serial dater. Probably since we've been FB friends (two ish years) she has had about four boyfriends. Her latest boyfriend has a five year old child. They've been FB official for about a month now. I now, on a regular basis, see her post statues about hanging out with his daughter...like "Dakota's fifth birthday party!" "Doing my nails with Dakota!" It's a little weird to me...I feel like the couple hardly knows each other. And if this guy dates around his daughter has probably met several women and doesn't understand in her young mind why they come and go.
I think parents parent differently. Over the years I've seen so many different approaches to children that I really couldnt tell you which one is 'right' or 'wrong'. Will a short term relationship have a long term effect on the child's grounding? I leave that up to the parent to decide.
You never know, your FB friend might be happy with her new step mum status and that might encourage her to give this relationship a lasting approach. Who knows? :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm not sure. I always thought it would be nice to date a guy with kids because I don't particularly want my own, and usually guys look at me funny when I say that :frown:
Is it weird to not want children?
Well Kate, for the first time in my 49 years I've been made to feel weird about it...........the reason I posted this topic is because I was recently rejected by a father for basically, not being a mother! He doesnt think I will understand him??
I'm offended and saddened by the whole assumption that a childless person is any less empathetic, caring, switched on to or concerned about a child's protection, needs and welfare than a parent would be. I know that I would die for my friend's children such is the natural 'motherly' instinct I feel when they're round me.
I've honestly never given a second thought to prospective partner being a parent. I dont see what difference it makes. You either dove tail into each other's lives, or you don't. This, is as much to do with the character of the two people as it is to do with their lifestyle, circumstances and your overall compatibility.
I know we are all different. But it's been reassuring to read that most of you parents are happy with your childless partners :flowerforyou:
Wow. I'm so sorry, Anna. It drives me up a wall when people say that people without children are more selfish, less empathetic, etc. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not in any financial situation or point in life where I have the time to focus on children, and since I am an opera singer, not sure that I will ever get to that point. Wouldn't it be more selfish to say, eh whatever, I'll have children right now whether I can take care of them or not? Kids are wonderful, but not everyone's life is structured to include them. I don't really understand why this is an issue??
Thanks Kate. Drives me mad too!!
It's not an issue hun, I think you're sensible and focused on your career, just like I was at your age. I have no regrets, so you won't either. It's the first time I've ever come across prejudice like this. And I'm pretty sure it's based on other insecurities!! People love to 'project' dont they?
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I even allowed him to discipline. This was a mistake on my part because he took "discipline" too far. When I confronted him about his discipline methods, he informed me that the kids were badly behaved because of me and I needed to let him take control of the discipline. Instant deal-breaker!
I don't think allowing him to discipline was a mistake on your part, unfortunately he was just polar opposite of your discipline style.
It's tough, because they are a role model for your child and at some point have to take a discipline approach too - depending where the relationship is, etc. - but I think you need to have a discussion up front about it before you allow them too.
My first relationship as a single mom the guy had kids and it was quickly evident we had the same parenting style, so worked well. My current boyfriend doesn't have kids of his own, but we tend to have our heads on the same direction. he has never disciplined my kids persay, majorly, but will correct them when they are obviously doing something wrong.
I think a BIG discussion needs to take place so you both can be comfortable with the others discipline so it doesn't cause any issues. What your styles are, what is ok for you/him, etc.
Well the problem wasn't that we didn't have the same discipline style. It was that he would not make adjustments. I'm pretty flexible. I do believe in corporal punishment, but I also believe that if something isn't working, then course correction is necessary. It turns out that my youngest child is Asperger's. We didn't know that at the time. Asperger's children do not process information the way normal children might so the corporal punishment wasn't working with her. I wanted to get away from corporal punishment and try some other techniques, mainly because his spankings were causing some severe bruising. In my mind, if corporal punishment isn't working as an effective form of discipline, then you are just beating your kids. Honestly, we didn't work out because he was far too controlling and inflexible. The issue with disciplining the kids was just the straw that broke the camel's back.0 -
I know plenty of relationships where one person has kids and the other one doesn't. Of my friends I can think of 3 instances where a woman has full custody of 1-2 kids and is dating/engaged to a guy that doesn't have kids and one instance of a guy having 50/50 custody of his son and in a relationship with someone without kids.
I would not want to date someone that has kids as it is hard enough for me to break from being single to including one person in my life much less two people. Plus I am just not a kid person.
So it really just depends on each individual.0 -
It's been working out pretty well for me so far. But it helps that her ex gets the kids Tuesdays and every other weekend, so we still get quality alone time. I don't mind at all that the kids will always come first, I wouldn't expect it any other way. In fact it actually takes some of the pressure off. Past girlfriends have obsessed about getting married and having kids, but with the current girlfriend things are going a little more my speed. Neither of us really want to have more kids and we are both on the same page about when we think we should take the next step.
I've found when you really like someone things just seem to work. Yes eventually I will have to make a very big life adjustment, but I barely even worry about it anymore, I'm actually a little excited for it.0 -
Roadie, I'm happy for you!!0
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Roadie - I'm the same as you, I think it can work like a dream when the dynamics are right.
Thanks for your input everyone. I'm thinking the guy that rejected me is a fool :bigsmile:0 -
I'm not sure. I always thought it would be nice to date a guy with kids because I don't particularly want my own, and usually guys look at me funny when I say that :frown:
Is it weird to not want children?
Well Kate, for the first time in my 49 years I've been made to feel weird about it...........the reason I posted this topic is because I was recently rejected by a father for basically, not being a mother! He doesnt think I will understand him??
I'm offended and saddened by the whole assumption that a childless person is any less empathetic, caring, switched on to or concerned about a child's protection, needs and welfare than a parent would be. I know that I would die for my friend's children such is the natural 'motherly' instinct I feel when they're round me.
I've honestly never given a second thought to prospective partner being a parent. I dont see what difference it makes. You either dove tail into each other's lives, or you don't. This, is as much to do with the character of the two people as it is to do with their lifestyle, circumstances and your overall compatibility.
I know we are all different. But it's been reassuring to read that most of you parents are happy with your childless partners :flowerforyou:
i find that when i point out to people that they're just bitter that i can do whatever i want with my money, can travel when i want, can use my sick days for myself, can sleep in when i want and they are just interested in having someone to commiserate with about how hamstrung they are , they tend to not broach the subject again about how i need to enrich my life with kids :laugh:0 -
It's been working out pretty well for me so far. But it helps that her ex gets the kids Tuesdays and every other weekend, so we still get quality alone time. I don't mind at all that the kids will always come first, I wouldn't expect it any other way. In fact it actually takes some of the pressure off. Past girlfriends have obsessed about getting married and having kids, but with the current girlfriend things are going a little more my speed. Neither of us really want to have more kids and we are both on the same page about when we think we should take the next step.
I've found when you really like someone things just seem to work. Yes eventually I will have to make a very big life adjustment, but I barely even worry about it anymore, I'm actually a little excited for it.
awe, that's great.
And you are right, it does take some pressure off!0 -
i find that when i point out to people that they're just bitter that i can do whatever i want with my money, can travel when i want, can use my sick days for myself, can sleep in when i want and they are just interested in having someone to commiserate with about how hamstrung they are , they tend to not broach the subject again about how i need to enrich my life with kids :laugh:
Haha SO TRUE!!!0 -
I've found when you really like someone things just seem to work. Yes eventually I will have to make a very big life adjustment, but I barely even worry about it anymore, I'm actually a little excited for it.
Like Diana said, Roadie, I'm happy this relationship is working out for you!
And this is such a true statement. I have to admit I've used a man's kids (lack thereof) or my son (playing the "I'm too busy for a relationship" card) as an excuse to gently back out of a relationship, but when things work they work and you are willing to overcome the inconvenience.0
