I don't want to be "that" girl
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jemethyst
Posts: 107 Member
Sitting out on the front porch with my coffee as normal and started looking through old posts on the message boards. I've been sitting here for an hour thinking to myself about my journey and had hoped for a "pick me up" I think.
This is where I am.... Almost two weeks ago I was given the all clear to start walking again, I've walked twice since. Maybe it's fear, but I still feel a little pain and I'm afraid to push it. But I'm having a hard time getting back on the walking horse. I know deep down walking will improve my health and aide in my weight loss journey, but here I sit. Naturally since I'm putting so much thought into it I'll probably go walk once I'm done here, but what about tomorrow? I'm bipolar, have PMDD, and deal with ovarian cysts on a monthy basis. My body goes through cycles so severe it's gives me whiplash! (Mentally and physically) And of late I seem to be in the down slope, in such a funk that I feel sometimes like it's not gonna happen so why continue. I'm not giving up. No, that's not an option. I refuse to give in completely, I have goals... Just right now I feel so tired in the body and mind. I envy all those that are going strong every day, exercising like there's no tomorrow. I know they are probably just as tired, but they do it. I feel like I'm failing my MFP friends because I'm too tired or too down to express my happiness for their success. I am happy for all of them, they are all wonderfully and doing amazing. At the end of the day I scroll through the updates thinking "alright!, so and so did this today!" But the effort to respond without letting my depression through is too much. I'll find my way back eventually.
Back to my point....I am at the point that has broken me so many times before. The weight loss has slowed or paused, my depression has kicked in, my body feels like it has the flu (weak tired and sore). I've let this mark beat me before, but this time I 'see and realize'. I don't want to be 'that girl' on the message boards. When others scroll through the history posts for encouragement by looking At the tickers a year from now I don't want my number to be stalled... I don't want them to think...well what happened to that girl? She posted a year ago with such ambition and has only lost 33lbs and her goal was to lose 100-150lbs, she must have quit. What happened to her? I don't want to be that girl, I want my ticker number to keep increasing. The only way for that to happen is to not give up. Even if my plateu last a month And weight loss is a mere 1lb a month afterwards....I won't give up.
This is where I am.... Almost two weeks ago I was given the all clear to start walking again, I've walked twice since. Maybe it's fear, but I still feel a little pain and I'm afraid to push it. But I'm having a hard time getting back on the walking horse. I know deep down walking will improve my health and aide in my weight loss journey, but here I sit. Naturally since I'm putting so much thought into it I'll probably go walk once I'm done here, but what about tomorrow? I'm bipolar, have PMDD, and deal with ovarian cysts on a monthy basis. My body goes through cycles so severe it's gives me whiplash! (Mentally and physically) And of late I seem to be in the down slope, in such a funk that I feel sometimes like it's not gonna happen so why continue. I'm not giving up. No, that's not an option. I refuse to give in completely, I have goals... Just right now I feel so tired in the body and mind. I envy all those that are going strong every day, exercising like there's no tomorrow. I know they are probably just as tired, but they do it. I feel like I'm failing my MFP friends because I'm too tired or too down to express my happiness for their success. I am happy for all of them, they are all wonderfully and doing amazing. At the end of the day I scroll through the updates thinking "alright!, so and so did this today!" But the effort to respond without letting my depression through is too much. I'll find my way back eventually.
Back to my point....I am at the point that has broken me so many times before. The weight loss has slowed or paused, my depression has kicked in, my body feels like it has the flu (weak tired and sore). I've let this mark beat me before, but this time I 'see and realize'. I don't want to be 'that girl' on the message boards. When others scroll through the history posts for encouragement by looking At the tickers a year from now I don't want my number to be stalled... I don't want them to think...well what happened to that girl? She posted a year ago with such ambition and has only lost 33lbs and her goal was to lose 100-150lbs, she must have quit. What happened to her? I don't want to be that girl, I want my ticker number to keep increasing. The only way for that to happen is to not give up. Even if my plateu last a month And weight loss is a mere 1lb a month afterwards....I won't give up.
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Replies
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You're that positive girl who has consistently helped and encouraged other people, day in and day out.
You're that tough girl who exercised to the point of physical pain, and kept on going.
You're that dedicated girl who has kept logging her food intake with commitment.
You're that tenacious girl who will grit her teeth, bear down, and break through any and all obstacles in her way.
So yeah, you're that girl.0 -
Thank you0
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and did your body answer your call this week
I see you have lost 5 lbs
Amazing work!!!!0 -
Apparently it did, haven't had a loss like that in some time. Guess it was my body saying "hey don't give up on me!" I'm not giving up on the journey but I think I'm giving up (for now) on trying to understand why my body does what it does.0
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Two quotes that have inspired me
"A Goal is a Dream with a Deadline" " To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did" Go for a walk, but go somewhere interesting, some place youve never been before. Make an activity bucket list---list things you want to do such as " swim across the local lake" run/walk a 5k in the spring hike up to a local vista point Be able to walk 5 miles nonstop by Jan 16th, 2014. Pick a goal and figure out how to achieve it. DONT GIVE UP ON YOU OR YOUR DREAMS..........0
