Bisexual
pa_jorg
Posts: 4,404 Member
Would you date a bisexual? What if the person told you it was all in their past but just wanted to be honest about it?
No judgment, I'm curious because this came up with a guy I was talking to online and it's not something I've personally dealt with before.
No judgment, I'm curious because this came up with a guy I was talking to online and it's not something I've personally dealt with before.
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Personally, I find it quite off putting. I dont even know why!! :huh: It's not like I'm judgmental about anything sexual and I'm certainly not homophobic......hmmm! I dunno!! I met a bisexual once and I was immediatey turned off when he told me. Is it any different if he experimented years ago?? I really dont know. I guess I would just figure it out when I met him. The guy I met WAS rather effeminate, so perhaps it's just that.
Perhaps I just like rough men!! lol
I'm also turned off by men that like to wear women's clothes! And I'm not particularly attracted to guys that take hours to get ready and wear more hair products than I do!! :noway:
Yeah, I think I just like a man to be ............... all man!! :bigsmile:
I bet the men on here say they're not turned off my female bisexuals tho!!! :laugh:0 -
As long as she's okay with the word monogamy, I'm fine. For some guys, it may be a perk (the tired ol' threesome cliche...). For me, cheating is cheating if said gal can't handle word monogamy.0
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Not a chance. There's nothing worse than the thought of a potential threesome. Gross. And having to think about her with another girl? Like all hot and sweaty in little cheerleader dresses in the middle of a pillow fight or something?
Deal breaker!0 -
This is a topic that gets me every time. Personally, I don't have a problem dating a bisexual man. After all, we can't help who we are attracted to, right? My issue with this topic is that every time it's brought up, the guys start giggling about threesomes, and it becomes glaringly obvious that a girl who is bisexual will never be taken seriously as a dating prospect. No offense to anyone replying to this topic :-)
The reason you should never say that it's ok as long as the girl understands the concept of monogamy is because it immediately proves that you are not giving the girl any credibility at all as a reasonable human being looking to be in a relationship. Obviously she understands that. You understand the concept of monogamy, don't you? Why are you assuming that she does not?
Bisexual = being attracted to both genders, which is perfectly acceptable. Bisexuality =/= just wanting to sleep with the entire world, which to be perfectly honest, is also perfectly acceptable as long as you're smart about it. Try to look at it from a bisexual girl's point of view who isn't a big partier or into hookup culture. It gets old telling someone you are bisexual and getting one of two very disappointing reactions; either 1) disgust at the party girl who won't ever settle down, or 2) barely contained glee at the thought of all the threesomes he'll be experiencing with his cool, bi girl. Neither reaction gives the girl any credit as a human being who is worthy of respect.0 -
My issue with this topic is that every time it's brought up, the guys start giggling about threesomes, and it becomes glaringly obvious that a girl who is bisexual will never be taken seriously as a dating prospect.
Woah now! To be fair, I don't take any female seriously as a dating prospect.
Just kidding. The sarcasm in my previous comment meant to state that I thought it was a silly question. I would view a completely straight girl in the exact same light as a bisexual girl when it comes to the topic of a long term relationship.
This is an Internet forum, so of course we have to joke about threesomes. Being bisexual or straight doesn't really have an impact on whether or not those happen, though. But dating a bisexual girl it is fun to hear the stories.0 -
I think there is a fear that the person, like Kate said, will want to sleep with everyone.
Speaking as a girl, dating a bisexual guy would not be a dealbreaker, so long as he was a good and decent person...and into monogamy.
But maybe this is me - if you have something in your life that might be a dealbreaker to some, like you're bisexual or you've been divorced three times or something like that, you should wait to tell the person until you get to know them. I don't see the point in opening with your confession. Why did this guy tell you so soon? It makes you double check. But if he told you after two dates, which at that point you might like him a lot, it wouldn't be a big deal.0 -
It wouldn't bother me as long as they were alright being monogamous. I try not to judge anyone and hold past relationships against them, unless I know they have been serial cheaters- that may be tough to get past.0
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Chris, you are right. It is an internet forum! I have dated women as well as men, so I'm sure you understand that it is a touchy subject for me. We all have our pet issues :-)
Christine, why should someone try to hide their sexual orientation? This type of thinking just feeds into the idea that bisexuality is something to be ashamed of or a "lesser" orientation than another. I say kudos to him for being brave enough to be upfront about it. It certainly isn't easy.0 -
I would date one and it would not be a dealbreaker for me. Same with the monogamy part if it developed to something more. .0
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Chris, you are right. It is an internet forum! I have dated women as well as men, so I'm sure you understand that it is a touchy subject for me. We all have our pet issues :-)
Christine, why should someone try to hide their sexual orientation? This type of thinking just feeds into the idea that bisexuality is something to be ashamed of or a "lesser" orientation than another. I say kudos to him for being brave enough to be upfront about it. It certainly isn't easy.
Sorry I guess what I meant to say came out wrong. I'm not advocating hiding it, rather waiting to tell if you think it might be an issue. If you have something in your life that is considered a dealbreaker to some, perhaps letting the person get to know you without that in their mind would allow the person to get to know you, rather than what they think you will be.
For example as I've said many times I am a virgin and when I date a guy, we will not be having sex for a long time. To some guys that might be a dealbreaker. But if he gets to know me and grows to like me before I drop the bomb, he may be more accepting of it. I'm not advocating lying if the issue comes up, but not talking about it - that's not a lie.0 -
But maybe this is me - if you have something in your life that might be a dealbreaker to some, like you're bisexual or you've been divorced three times or something like that, you should wait to tell the person until you get to know them. I don't see the point in opening with your confession. Why did this guy tell you so soon? It makes you double check. But if he told you after two dates, which at that point you might like him a lot, it wouldn't be a big deal.
He said he just wanted to be open and honest since he knows its a dealbreaker for many people. I think the older one gets, the less time we want to "waste" or invest on the wrong person. Frankly I admire the fact that he was up front. As a side note, we talked for a few days and he disappeared anyway, so NEXT! I also wonder if this would have gone anywhere simply due to Anna's point that I may not have been as attracted to him in person anyway, as I do prefer a manly man.
Back to the topic though, I think the issue of monogamy is the most important piece of this. I guess I'll make an analogy to ask my question... if someone likes vanilla and chocolate equally, but then they are told they can ONLY have vanilla for the rest of their life, does that mean they no longer like/want/desire the chocolate? Where as if someone only cared for vanilla to begin with it might not be as big of a sacrifice. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to make a joke of this, just trying to ask in a simplified manner...0 -
But maybe this is me - if you have something in your life that might be a dealbreaker to some, like you're bisexual or you've been divorced three times or something like that, you should wait to tell the person until you get to know them. I don't see the point in opening with your confession. Why did this guy tell you so soon? It makes you double check. But if he told you after two dates, which at that point you might like him a lot, it wouldn't be a big deal.
He said he just wanted to be open and honest since he knows its a dealbreaker for many people. I think the older one gets, the less time we want to "waste" or invest on the wrong person. Frankly I admire the fact that he was up front. As a side note, we talked for a few days and he disappeared anyway, so NEXT! I also wonder if this would have gone anywhere simply due to Anna's point that I may not have been as attracted to him in person anyway, as I do prefer a manly man.
Back to the topic though, I think the issue of monogamy is the most important piece of this. I guess I'll make an analogy to ask my question... if someone likes vanilla and chocolate equally, but then they are told they can ONLY have vanilla for the rest of their life, does that mean they no longer like/want/desire the chocolate? Where as if someone only cared for vanilla to begin with it might not be as big of a sacrifice. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to make a joke of this, just trying to ask in a simplified manner...
Ok thanks PJ I was curious!
But yes I understand your analogy and wonder the same thing.0 -
The reason you should never say that it's ok as long as the girl understands the concept of monogamy is because it immediately proves that you are not giving the girl any credibility at all as a reasonable human being looking to be in a relationship. Obviously she understands that. You understand the concept of monogamy, don't you? Why are you assuming that she does not?
I agree. I'm not quite sure why everyone is hung up on the monogamy issue APART from the train of thought that she may not be 100% with one gender for her life? I don't think it's meant in a way that suggests that bisexuals are more prone to infidelity, just that there be a yearning there at some point for something that one gender cannot fulfill? I dunno.......
What are your thoughts on that Kate?
ETA: she could be he and vice versa
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Back to the topic though, I think the issue of monogamy is the most important piece of this. I guess I'll make an analogy to ask my question... if someone likes vanilla and chocolate equally, but then they are told they can ONLY have vanilla for the rest of their life, does that mean they no longer like/want/desire the chocolate? Where as if someone only cared for vanilla to begin with it might not be as big of a sacrifice. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to make a joke of this, just trying to ask in a simplified manner...
Yes, that's what I mean......lol0 -
I look at it this way: a heterosexual person doesn't stop being attracted to other people just because they happen to find the love of their life. They choose to be with one person for whatever reasons, and discipline themselves to not act on their desires toward any other individual. It's no different for a bisexual person just because they happen to be attracted to a wider variety of people. No one person is ever going to satisfy all of your desires. I think we would agree with that. However, if I find someone who I truly love, that person will be enough, no matter what gender, and we will make it work together :-)0
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Thanks for sharing. Fair enough. :flowerforyou:I look at it this way: a heterosexual person doesn't stop being attracted to other people just because they happen to find the love of their life. They choose to be with one person for whatever reasons, and discipline themselves to not act on their desires toward any other individual. It's no different for a bisexual person just because they happen to be attracted to a wider variety of people. No one person is ever going to satisfy all of your desires. I think we would agree with that. However, if I find someone who I truly love, that person will be enough, no matter what gender, and we will make it work together :-)
This is a great way to rephrase my question.I don't think it's meant in a way that suggests that bisexuals are more prone to infidelity, just that there be a yearning there at some point for something that one gender cannot fulfill? I dunno.......0 -
Chris, you are right. It is an internet forum! I have dated women as well as men, so I'm sure you understand that it is a touchy subject for me. We all have our pet issues :-)
What did you say about touching and petting women?0 -
I wouldn't date a bisexual man.
With that said, I am attracted to women and have been with several. I am only attracted physically, I have no desire for a relationship with a female.
I agree with Kate. But I have seen the other side as well. I have many bisexual married friends whom either cheat or make their husbands agree (most of them do so happily) to an open relationship. I've seen it many many times. So i can understand why some people might get the impression that bisexuals can't keep it in their pants. Still, there are plenty whom are monogamous and are content doing so.0 -
Chris, you are right. It is an internet forum! I have dated women as well as men, so I'm sure you understand that it is a touchy subject for me. We all have our pet issues :-)
What did you say about touching and petting women?
Hahaha you are lucky that you are cute ;-)0 -
Hahaha you are lucky that you are cute ;-) 0
