Bisexual
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For those who say they wouldn't, please keep in mind that a lot of people lie. And a lot of people don't consider "exploration" when (if) they answer "have you ever been bi."
Actually, now that I think about it: at lot of people lie about a LOT of things when it comes to dating. I had one boyfriend (one of my favorites actually) who hid his smoking from me for 2 months. He was good at keeping the smoke smell out of his clothes and his brother smoked heavily so it wasn't til he got his own place that I discovered it. They lie about being single. They lie about having kids your age (pretending they're younger). And those are all things you'll find out easier about than if they had a bi-episode back in college.
As to the loose moral fiber discussion.... one person's "loose' is another person's "fun" just like one person's "upstanding morals" is another person's "prude."
And when I read fears that said person would be more likely to cheat… well… propensity to cheat doesn’t depend on orientation (though, if you were part of a subset of population that isn’t allowed to “marry” some lack of respect for the institution may be expected).
Finally, to answer the question for myself: I suspect someone who is truly bi-sexual will never be satisfied with the type of marriage I desire, because to me marriage means we are the only ones who have sexual access to each other. I also maintain a very strict view of non-sexual behaviors one can exhibit with people outside the marriage (with the goal of preventing infidelity or the appearance thereof). I can’t imagine it would be fun to be partner with a wife who expects you to stay away from all you’re sexually attracted to when that includes everyone. So while I wouldn't count them out based on past behavior (I see people make powerful changes ALL the time... but that's a religious discussion for another day) I don't expect that we'd be compatible enough to keep dating.
Edit: It’s like PJs vanilla and chocolate analogy. If someone is truly hardwired to like both, and they commit to vanilla for the rest of their life I have a hard time believing 10 years for now that yearning for chocolate isn’t going to cause us trouble. “But you knew I was this way when you married me” doesn’t help erase the pain.0 -
I have a huge crush right now on a woman. I also have a huge crush on a guy. That is all they are, though. Crushes. If I actually dated one or the other of my crushes, then I would stop dwelling on the other person and focus on whichever one I happened to be dating. I do not understand why this is such a hard concept for people to understand. Just because I am attracted to people of both genders, does not mean that I am going to end up being a big cheater ten years down the road. It's called discipline. I have several friends who are bisexual (both men and women), who are in very happy long term relationships. They, and I, understand perfectly the concept of monogamy, and quite frankly, it's insulting that people who are not bi project their own fears about our ability to remain faithful on to us and dismiss us as potential prospects.
As a disclaimer: I am perfectly happy to answer questions about it, and let anyone know where I am coming from, however, don't slap me with a label when you really don't know what it's like. The gay movement has grown by leaps and bounds, but back in the seventies, a gay person was considered to have "loose moral fiber" and "incapable of remaining faithful to a partner". I think anyone who tried to say that now would be flamed, and rightly so. Let's try to give us bisexual folks the same benefit of the doubt, shall we?
Love you all!!!! :flowerforyou:
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I would probably annoy the crap out of them with my honest but curious questions. I'm a VERY curious person. I mean well but... well, bless thier heart.
The last bf, was bi-curious I guess you could say. If he had teh opportunity he would have taken it, and I guess it bothered me a little bit, but I guess that was because he currently wanted to pursue it, it wasn't in the past.
Past might be different.0 -
I do not understand why this is such a hard concept for people to understand. Just because I am attracted to people of both genders, does not mean that I am going to end up being a big cheater ten years down the road. It's called discipline. I have several friends who are bisexual (both men and women), who are in very happy long term relationships. They, and I, understand perfectly the concept of monogamy, and quite frankly, it's insulting that people who are not bi project their own fears about our ability to remain faithful on to us and dismiss us as potential prospects.
Since I started the thread, I just wanted to note that I was asking out of pure curiosity. I'm sorry if you are somehow offended about the monogamy piece. :flowerforyou:0 -
I do not understand why this is such a hard concept for people to understand. Just because I am attracted to people of both genders, does not mean that I am going to end up being a big cheater ten years down the road. It's called discipline. I have several friends who are bisexual (both men and women), who are in very happy long term relationships. They, and I, understand perfectly the concept of monogamy, and quite frankly, it's insulting that people who are not bi project their own fears about our ability to remain faithful on to us and dismiss us as potential prospects.
Since I started the thread, I just wanted to note that I was asking out of pure curiosity. I'm sorry if you are somehow offended about the monogamy piece. :flowerforyou:
No, no, you all are fine. Just putting my side out there for everyone -- I went to bed at 2 and got up at 6, so I might come across a little crankier than I mean to be
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I have a huge crush right now on a woman. I also have a huge crush on a guy. That is all they are, though. Crushes. If I actually dated one or the other of my crushes, then I would stop dwelling on the other person and focus on whichever one I happened to be dating. I do not understand why this is such a hard concept for people to understand. Just because I am attracted to people of both genders, does not mean that I am going to end up being a big cheater ten years down the road. It's called discipline. I have several friends who are bisexual (both men and women), who are in very happy long term relationships. They, and I, understand perfectly the concept of monogamy, and quite frankly, it's insulting that people who are not bi project their own fears about our ability to remain faithful on to us and dismiss us as potential prospects.
As a disclaimer: I am perfectly happy to answer questions about it, and let anyone know where I am coming from, however, don't slap me with a label when you really don't know what it's like. The gay movement has grown by leaps and bounds, but back in the seventies, a gay person was considered to have "loose moral fiber" and "incapable of remaining faithful to a partner". I think anyone who tried to say that now would be flamed, and rightly so. Let's try to give us bisexual folks the same benefit of the doubt, shall we?
Love you all!!!! :flowerforyou:
I have no problem with the concept that if you're in love with someone, you wish to remain monogamous. The gender of that love being inconsequential and irrelevant.
Basically, we live in a world of infidelity atm, and I'm guessing that if one is prone to cheating, then it matters not if you're hetero, homo or bi! Everybody seems to be at it!! :huh:
I guess the masses just need educating, and stop stereotyping, so thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter :flowerforyou: .0 -
Not a deal breaker as long as the person was looking for a monogamous relationship. I have dated both men and women. My preference is with men but if a woman came along who completely stole my heart, I wouldn't be opposed to getting involved with that again. It's not for everyone, but you can't judge someone for who they like. I have never cheated on a partner, nor would I ever. I have been cheated on by every man I was with and would never subject that feeling onto another person ever!
That's the point. Monogamy is a question of individual moral standing, nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Totally get that.... :flowerforyou:0 -
Disappointed that there are no pics in this thread....
--P0 -
Not a deal breaker as long as the person was looking for a monogamous relationship. I have dated both men and women. My preference is with men but if a woman came along who completely stole my heart, I wouldn't be opposed to getting involved with that again. It's not for everyone, but you can't judge someone for who they like. I have never cheated on a partner, nor would I ever. I have been cheated on by every man I was with and would never subject that feeling onto another person ever!
That's the point. Monogamy is a question of individual moral standing, nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Totally get that.... :flowerforyou:
Monogamy isn't always about moral standing. A couple can have a completely open relationship and still behave morally towards each other so long as the boundaries established in the relationship aren't crossed.
I think that is probably why so many oppose that implication that bisexual person couldn't act morally. Morals really have nothing to do with sexual orientation. The important thing in life is to find someone who wants the same things that you do. If monogamy is one of them, then you would need to be certain that a potential partner, bisexual or otherwise, wants that as well.0 -
Not a deal breaker as long as the person was looking for a monogamous relationship. I have dated both men and women. My preference is with men but if a woman came along who completely stole my heart, I wouldn't be opposed to getting involved with that again. It's not for everyone, but you can't judge someone for who they like. I have never cheated on a partner, nor would I ever. I have been cheated on by every man I was with and would never subject that feeling onto another person ever!
That's the point. Monogamy is a question of individual moral standing, nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Totally get that.... :flowerforyou:
Monogamy isn't always about moral standing. A couple can have a completely open relationship and still behave morally towards each other so long as the boundaries established in the relationship aren't crossed.
I think that is probably why so many oppose that implication that bisexual person couldn't act morally. Morals really have nothing to do with sexual orientation. The important thing in life is to find someone who wants the same things that you do. If monogamy is one of them, then you would need to be certain that a potential partner, bisexual or otherwise, wants that as well.
Morals have to do with what an individual considers 'right' or 'wrong'.
Personally, I dont think an open relationship is right, for me. Therefore it's one of MY morals. Hence the 'individual' thing.
If monogamy isn't one of your morals, then that's cool. :flowerforyou:0 -
Not a deal breaker as long as the person was looking for a monogamous relationship. I have dated both men and women. My preference is with men but if a woman came along who completely stole my heart, I wouldn't be opposed to getting involved with that again. It's not for everyone, but you can't judge someone for who they like. I have never cheated on a partner, nor would I ever. I have been cheated on by every man I was with and would never subject that feeling onto another person ever!
That's the point. Monogamy is a question of individual moral standing, nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Totally get that.... :flowerforyou:
Monogamy isn't always about moral standing. A couple can have a completely open relationship and still behave morally towards each other so long as the boundaries established in the relationship aren't crossed.
I think that is probably why so many oppose that implication that bisexual person couldn't act morally. Morals really have nothing to do with sexual orientation. The important thing in life is to find someone who wants the same things that you do. If monogamy is one of them, then you would need to be certain that a potential partner, bisexual or otherwise, wants that as well.
Morals have to do with what an individual considers 'right' or 'wrong'.
Personally, I dont think an open relationship is right, for me. Therefore it's one of MY morals. Hence the 'individual' thing.
If monogamy isn't one of your morals, then that's cool. :flowerforyou:
Well I actually wasn't referring to myself. But what I mean is the implication that you made that if one is not monogamous, then they are immoral, which implies an undeserved negative connotation. If a couple has set boundaries that lies outside of the scope of monogamy, as long as they respect those boundaries, then they are behaving morally.
The individual comprises society, and society imposes its morals on others. That does not mean that someone who does not conform to societal views is immoral.0 -
Not a deal breaker as long as the person was looking for a monogamous relationship. I have dated both men and women. My preference is with men but if a woman came along who completely stole my heart, I wouldn't be opposed to getting involved with that again. It's not for everyone, but you can't judge someone for who they like. I have never cheated on a partner, nor would I ever. I have been cheated on by every man I was with and would never subject that feeling onto another person ever!
That's the point. Monogamy is a question of individual moral standing, nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Totally get that.... :flowerforyou:
Monogamy isn't always about moral standing. A couple can have a completely open relationship and still behave morally towards each other so long as the boundaries established in the relationship aren't crossed.
I think that is probably why so many oppose that implication that bisexual person couldn't act morally. Morals really have nothing to do with sexual orientation. The important thing in life is to find someone who wants the same things that you do. If monogamy is one of them, then you would need to be certain that a potential partner, bisexual or otherwise, wants that as well.
Morals have to do with what an individual considers 'right' or 'wrong'.
Personally, I dont think an open relationship is right, for me. Therefore it's one of MY morals. Hence the 'individual' thing.
If monogamy isn't one of your morals, then that's cool. :flowerforyou:
Well I actually wasn't referring to myself. But what I mean is the implication that you made that if one is not monogamous, then they are immoral, which implies an undeserved negative connotation. If a couple has set boundaries that lies outside of the scope of monogamy, as long as they respect those boundaries, then they are behaving morally.
The individual comprises society, and society imposes its morals on others. That does not mean that someone who does not conform to societal views is immoral.
lol I honestly can't explain my point any clearer. I 'implied' nothing. I thought I made it clear that morals are 'individual' codes of practice. I'm not judging anyone :flowerforyou:0 -
Not a deal breaker as long as the person was looking for a monogamous relationship. I have dated both men and women. My preference is with men but if a woman came along who completely stole my heart, I wouldn't be opposed to getting involved with that again. It's not for everyone, but you can't judge someone for who they like. I have never cheated on a partner, nor would I ever. I have been cheated on by every man I was with and would never subject that feeling onto another person ever!
That's the point. Monogamy is a question of individual moral standing, nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Totally get that.... :flowerforyou:
Monogamy isn't always about moral standing. A couple can have a completely open relationship and still behave morally towards each other so long as the boundaries established in the relationship aren't crossed.
I think that is probably why so many oppose that implication that bisexual person couldn't act morally. Morals really have nothing to do with sexual orientation. The important thing in life is to find someone who wants the same things that you do. If monogamy is one of them, then you would need to be certain that a potential partner, bisexual or otherwise, wants that as well.
To be clear, when I made my sarcastic post about bisexuals having loose moral fiber, I wasn't commenting on monogamy, I was commenting on cheating. Cheating is immoral. An open relationship is not cheating, therefore not immoral.0
