Comin out story..
Noochie2Timez
Posts: 15
I have always been attracted to women. At first I thought it was a phase. But then I actually fell in love with one. I had already told my best friend and that was just several months ago. And I also told a few family members.. I didn't care about who else knew I was really worried about my mother finding out and how she would feel. I kept it a secret for so long. Then one day this sexy *kitten* stud commented on a pic of me on facebook and I flirted back 
.. My aunt had saw it and she called my mom and told her everything. My mama ran to my room and was cussing me out and was all in my face. It hurted me because I didn't expect her to say the stuff she said to me or react the way she did. It was just a whole bunch of mess after that. I never spoke to my aunt again but now my mom is trying to hook me up with guys and other extra stuff.. She says she loves me and accepts me but she keeps tellin herself and me that its just a phase I'm going through. But I can tell it's starting to get better. I can tell her things I never told her before and I feel like she's getting a little use to it but she still tries to hook me up with guys lol.. I will never tell my popz though. Everyone else knows except him.
Tell me your coming out story
.. My aunt had saw it and she called my mom and told her everything. My mama ran to my room and was cussing me out and was all in my face. It hurted me because I didn't expect her to say the stuff she said to me or react the way she did. It was just a whole bunch of mess after that. I never spoke to my aunt again but now my mom is trying to hook me up with guys and other extra stuff.. She says she loves me and accepts me but she keeps tellin herself and me that its just a phase I'm going through. But I can tell it's starting to get better. I can tell her things I never told her before and I feel like she's getting a little use to it but she still tries to hook me up with guys lol.. I will never tell my popz though. Everyone else knows except him.Tell me your coming out story
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Good topic, I always think people's coming out stories are interesting.
I guess I'm kind of a late bloomer, I just came out last year (I'm 28). I actually was a very curious adolescent and let's just say I had a lot of sleepovers with my *best friends*. Around 16 or 17 I dated a girl secretly and we were doing the whole "oh we're just friends" thing until we got caught. My parents basically went nuts (a side of them I'd never seen- they were never really much for discipline) and I was terrified and said I was just curious and it would never happen again. Fast forward 10 years of failed straight relationships, still being very curious about women/lesbians, a divorce, etc etc... I really believe that subconsciously I knew I wasn't straight all along but I never consciously acknowledged it, even to myself. I secretly read lesbian novels, I watched all the lgbt type documentaries when I was alone, etc but it never occurred to me I might be a lesbian still. Finally one day in a random conversation with my mother about my relationship with a man at the time, I said something about how I never had enjoyed kissing guys. She immediately picked up on the fact that I specified "guys" which I hadn't even realized I'd done and she asked if I ever thought I might be more into girls. And from that moment on it was like a light bulb had turned on and I couldn't continue to live a lie. I ended my relationship within a matter of a few days, made a few lesbian friends who I could talk to about things, and then I realized that there was no way I couldn't come out to everyone I knew immediately because I do not deal well with that kind of anxiety and my family is VERY close and I am a horrible liar/hider of the truth (let's pretend that's a thing.. "hider of the truth" lol). So one by one I came out to every single person within about a week and I was terrified but actually my entire family has been very accepting and supportive. There are a few who feel their religious beliefs don't agree with my life but they haven't disowned me or anything. My mom has had a harder time but she is trying, just an adjustment in our relationship. All in all, probably 95% of the people I came out to were not at all surprised or shocked and were totally okay with it, like nothing even changed. They are more curious than anything. It's a surprise to me because of how they had initially reacted when I was younger, but maybe that time in between gave them a chance to come around.0 -
Good topic, I always think people's coming out stories are interesting.
I guess I'm kind of a late bloomer, I just came out last year (I'm 28).
Oh, you're the class clown I see. A late bloomer and all of 28? Oh puh-leaze sister. I was twice that when I came out. I came out 3 years ago (I'm 58 now). Well let me put it this way: I came out the first time 3 years ago. I've discovered really that life is a series of coming out. At least it is for me. It's funny. My partner, who I've been with now almost 2.5 of those 3 years, has been open his entire life but never "come out" to anyone. Ever. I've been out 3 years and "come out" to everyone.
But my first and biggest coming out was the first time I had ever uttered the words to another person in front of me. In June of 2010 I was so severely depressed my psychologist and psychiatrist gave me a choice -- go into the psych ward for few days voluntarily or they would have me committed. They knew I was within a day or two of attempting suicide. They knew because I told them. I had the plan, the means, everything. I never really knew why I was so depressed for so long, i just was. I had known I was gay all my life. I had played around with guys when I was younger, through college. But I was an only child, of an age where family and societal expectations were you got married and carried on the family name. And so I did. And I suppressed that part of me. For 35 years, I kept nailing the closet door tighter and tighter. And getting more depressed. And never made the connection. So I went into the psych ward. And it was in group therapy that rockets went off for me. Because there I met a lesbian and she talked about her wife. And the floodgates opened. THAT's what it was. I was gay and had never thought about it, never connected the dots. I'm a very smart man but about myself as blissfully ignorant as can be. I never even saw that. I never talked about it there. But I started thinking and thinking. And when I got out, I found an on-line community of gay men and joined. I knew when I joined beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was the only married gay man in America. HAH! After that was quickly disabused, I found many other men like me. I formed friendships with men exactly like me. I'd never had any friends because I was afraid to. Afraid they would find out my secret.
When I got out of the hospital, my psychologist told me I needed to find a new therapist. We had been together for almost 15 years, she was treating my wife still, so she thought I needed my own therapist. So she recommended someone (and she knows them all in town and took her time and basically interviewed several for me -- it was a considered process). So I started seeing my new therapist in August. A nice Jewish man. Active in the Jewish community center. After about 6 weeks and we had gotten to know each other, the time had come. I had to address it. I have never been more scared of anything in my entire life. I knew for certain he was going to throw me out of his office. Call the cops on the pervert. I couldn't even look at him. So with my head down, eyes closed "I think there is an 800 pound gorilla in the room we'd better talk about. I'm gay". There. I'd said it. For the first time in my life, I'd uttered the words out loud. 'I'M GAY". He took a second, thought, while I was dying, and said "let's talk about it.". And so we did. Every week for 2 years. Now I don't say I'm gay. I shout it from the rooftop. I grab the bullhorn. Much to my partner's chagrin.
I've come out dozens of times since. To my wife. To my trainer. To friends. To strangers. For me it is a never ending process. But I will never forget how terrified I was that afternoon. How powerful it was for me to simply say the words "I'm gay" to another person. Three years into my "gay life" and I don't even remember now what it was like to have to pretend to be straight. Now you measure my depression in seconds, not years.
And I have never been happier in my entire life. If you offered me a pill that would make me straight, I would knock it out of your hands. Because this is who I am, this is who I am meant to be. I am a gay man. I am damned proud of it. I love my life now. And I wouldn't change it now for anything in the world.0 -
My story is boring, I just always knew I was gay and never kept it a secret. I don't think I really ever officially came out cause I wasn't "In"
I don't think it matters either way at this point, Im fairly certain and content with the fact that I will be single till the day I die but I am attracted to women.0 -
I knew I was trans* in High School (90s) but was really confused over it. There weren't resources and people didn't really know what it was (so few really do now). I tried coming out to my parents, but the words weren't there. I did tell them, but they found a teen sex book that said you had to be gay to be transgender. I wasn't then. Now that I'm out... I'm definitely questioning - and as I understand it, after I've been on HRT for a while I could tend lesbian, bi, or straight.
The second time I came out was in August. It started about a year ago when I was diagnosed with high BP and early diabetes (A1c of 7.5). I spent 9 months trying to fix it, but gave up after about 10 pounds (and kept it off... which is nothing short of a miracle for me). Finally, in August, I realized I had to fix the problem. I knew there was this other side of me - though I didn't really understand it. I had a lot of dysphoria recently too... So I started a diary and came out to myself over three days, trying to separate my weight and health issues from my gender issues.
It worked well... (too well - except for that I'm SOOOO much happier with myself now). I told my wife on the fifth day (it was actually the third try at telling her - since she didn't believe me the first two times). She broke down and is just now starting to act normally (and "act" is the correct word - she is still angry and feels betrayed by my 10 years of "lies" - but it is getting better).
I will be getting anti-androgens in December / January and estrogen in May (if all goes to plan - earlier if I leave the house earlier). My wife and I will be divorcing, probably after Christmas some time. We have 3 kids and a house to complicate things.
I also came out to the immediate family (and their SOs) on both sides. I wrote a letter and sat with them while they read it - in groups of 2-3 people. That was over a month ago and I'm just now starting to hear much of the aftermath.
Life can seem pretty bad right after coming out... but at least I have me (and my therapist, I suppose).0 -
To know my story you need some backstory. I was first born male with one sister on a family farm. I was raised with the belief that I would continue my family's legacy ie have biokids to continue the name. I am part cherokee descendant and hispanic. From the hispanic I get small town catholicism. At about age 11 or 12 I started getting the feelings about guys, I was devastated. I bury it in my religion become an altar boy and try to pray away that part of myself. fast forward to about 16, I try to come out to friends. It didn't stick and I continue down my path of solitude and fervent pray. At 17, I got involved with the local native american community and started singing on a northern powwow drum. By 18, I am going to purification ceremonies and have my family's blessing to leave the catholic church because of who I was turning into (a much better person and a community to turn to). Freshmen year of college was rough- my feelings resurfaced violently and I develop an eating disorder, no matter what I did I no longer wanted to eat. This time I came out and stayed out. I told my family who were less than thrilled. They didn't kick me out but thought it was a phase. The leaders around my drum start asking me questions and start using words like 2 spirit around me hoping I notice and feel comfortable because they knew I had a bit on my plate. Almost a decade of internalized homophobia to boot. So there were times I needed to leave the drum because I wasn't doing things right, ie like heavy drinking.
4 years ago I "came in", I use two spirit as the word that describes me. I am man who encompasses a little spark of feminity (when I'm really comfortable) and little bit of masculinity- I am neither femme or masc just a little bit of both. We are healers and we walk between worlds.0 -
Reading all of your stories is truly inspirational
My story is a bit long and a bit complicated. I’m not going to spare you the details! It was a long struggle for me to accept who I am. And like others before me, required two coming outs and took some dark paths.
I’d always been attracted to girls but didn’t necessarily realize it. My first kiss was with a girl but we were “playing house” so neither of us thought much of it. Looking back, I realize I had a lot of crushes, I just didn’t know what they were. Fast forward a few years to puberty. I started having dreams- yeah THOSE dreams- about girls I knew. This devastated me for some reason. I thought out loud to myself one morning, “i… think I’m gay” and I cried. I cried for about a week before I decided I was sure and wanted to tell someone. I decided to tell my three closest friends.
My first friend, told me I was disgusting but we could still be friends if I never brought it up ever again and she never heard any details. My second friend was fine with it and we eventually ended up dating in secret (she’s very straight now, in case you were wondering). My third friend was also mostly ok with it but was concerned and decided to tell her mother. Her mother called and said, “ya know, you really should tell your parents” and arranged a sit down (my mom and her were actually good friends). I told my mom first. She said, “are you sure?” and I replied with “yes, I believe so.” She responded with “ok. Cool” it couldn’t have gone better! I was pleased as my relationship with her had always been strained.
Then was my dad. I was not going to be so lucky with him. We weren’t religious but my dad comes from a strong catholic background. We were super close. Most of my time spent at home was with him. He… exploded. He went through the stages of grief all at once. He cried at first. Then he got angry and he screamed at me. He told me I couldn’t possibly know what I want because I’m far too young and inexperienced. Finally he decided it was a phase. It had to be. I’d grow out of it. he made it very very clear that I was not his little girl anymore. This hurt more than anything I’d ever heard up to that point, including things I’d gotten from a verbally abusive mother.
While all this was happening, unbeknownst to me, friend number 1 had been telling anyone who would listen about me. Keep in mind, friend number 1 was my very best friend, and had been since we were about 7. Now we’re in eighth grade and the school quickly learns about my orientation. Oops. Some bullies reared their heads and this continued throughout the rest of my school days. So faced with increasing hostility at home and at school, I decided it was easier to just… go back in the closet; pretend it was, in fact, a stage.
I became very depressed and my self-esteem was nonexistent. I started dating guys (and by dating I mean sleeping with) because it was easier. It eased some of the tension at home and it definitely made my schoolmates lighten up, mostly. I still had some mishaps and run-ins but they were becoming much less frequent. I experimented with drugs. A lot. I almost failed my freshman year of high school. I started self-mutilating because it was the only way I knew how to get rid of the pain. I continued on this cycle of recklessness until my senior year. At that point, I decided to start actually dating one of my male friends.
My dad loved him. We were already fairly close and ran in the same circle. We stayed together for a long time. Far longer than we should have. He knew I was attracted to girls when we started dating. That wasn’t really a secret to anyone as hard as I tried to put on my straight party girl persona. The first few years were great. He moved in and we eventually both moved very far from home, to the other side of the country. I was in college and as I got closer to graduating, something changed. He wanted to get married. He knew very well and I made it very clear I did not want marriage. Or kids. Or anything of the sort. His whole personality had started to shift. He started berating me for nothing. He pushed me once or twice but I hit him back which I think is what stopped him from doing it again. I remember on one occasion, he screamed at me about how fat and lazy I was while I cried in a corner for what felt like hours. He tried to “accidentally” impregnate me on more than one occasion and eventually, against every bit of good sense I had, I married him. It was what my dad wanted and it was what everyone else seemed to want. This cycle continued, I got more depressed, and I got bigger and bigger. He later admitted he sabotaged my diet and tried to keep me fat on purpose so I couldn’t leave. The final straw was when he tried to force himself on me sexually when I clearly said no. that was it. I was done. I left and I filed for divorce.
At that point, I decided I was done making everyone else happy and I was don pretending a part of me didn’t exist. I re-came out to my parents. My mom was like, “oh sweetie, I knew that already. I was just wondering how long you’d keep this up.” My dad still didn’t take it well but better than the first time. He spent a long time trying to make me feel guilty for leaving my ex. Like, “oh I just don’t know how he’s gonna make it or what he’s going to do for money…” that sort of thing. I sat him down and I explained what exactly had happened to me. He stopped short of apologizing but he did acknowledge that he knew I was very much pressured into marrying.
To sum up, I’ve never been happier. I have an amazing girlfriend that my family loves and I love and who loves me for me. My relationship with my dad is still strained and he mostly won’t acknowledge my relationship but we’re getting better. My friends are all very much accepting and my family has warmed up to it too. My word of advice: never hide who you are. Sorry this is so long but I’ve been itching to share my story in hopes it’ll help someone else be true to themselves. It was a long, hard road to acceptance but I’m there now and I wouldn’t go back for anything. Thanks for reading 0 -
I think I always knew there was something different about me. I was assigned female still birth but I never really felt female, I was quite lucky though as my step-dad always wanted a son and my mum pretty much let me do what I wanted with regards to clothing, hobbies toys etc. I had flings with guys and girls in my teen years. I got severely bullied in school especially when I shaved all my hair off in year 8 (I loved Sinead O'Connor). Between 16 and 18 I went through a couple of abusive relationships with guys, it wasn't until a few months after the second one ended that I came out to my mum at 18 as gay. I met my partner a few months after I turned 19. About 18 months into our relationship I came out as trans and started to transition from female to male. In 2008 we got married after 5 years of being together and we celebrated our 10 year anniversary of being together and our 5th wedding anniversary this year. I count my blessings that my family and my partners family have both been very supportive and loving. I've been on T for nearly 8 years and am awaiting a revision surgery on my chest, as soon as I lose enough weight I can go on the waiting list for lower surgery. Some people know about me being trans/pansexual but a lot of people don't, I'm not hiding it just it's not always relevant. I turn 30 next year and I feel so comfortable in myself sexuality and gender wise. Coming out twice to the same people in the space of two years confused some of them but they eventually got over it. So yeah coming out really opened up my world.0
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My story is boring, I just always knew I was gay and never kept it a secret. I don't think I really ever officially came out cause I wasn't "In"
I gotta admit, I'm a little envious of this 0 -
My story is boring, I just always knew I was gay and never kept it a secret. I don't think I really ever officially came out cause I wasn't "In"
I gotta admit, I'm a little envious of this
Yes and no. Would it have been great to have lived authenitcally my entire life? You bet. But I also know that I am of the age that had I been out my entire life, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would be dead now, killed during the first days of AIDS. Even though in the closet, I still lost too many friends and acquaintances as it is. So in some ways, being in the closet saved my life. Sad and pathetic, but true.0 -
Reading all of your stories is truly inspirational
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To sum up, I’ve never been happier. I have an amazing girlfriend that my family loves and I love and who loves me for me. My relationship with my dad is still strained and he mostly won’t acknowledge my relationship but we’re getting better. My friends are all very much accepting and my family has warmed up to it too. My word of advice: never hide who you are. Sorry this is so long but I’ve been itching to share my story in hopes it’ll help someone else be true to themselves. It was a long, hard road to acceptance but I’m there now and I wouldn’t go back for anything. Thanks for reading
This is truly inspirational! It's a heartbreaking story and I'm so happy you were able to find happiness and love!
I saw a few parallels with myself in hiding who you are and self mutilation because of family that just didn't understand.
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Reading all of your stories is truly inspirational
[...]
To sum up, I’ve never been happier. I have an amazing girlfriend that my family loves and I love and who loves me for me. My relationship with my dad is still strained and he mostly won’t acknowledge my relationship but we’re getting better. My friends are all very much accepting and my family has warmed up to it too. My word of advice: never hide who you are. Sorry this is so long but I’ve been itching to share my story in hopes it’ll help someone else be true to themselves. It was a long, hard road to acceptance but I’m there now and I wouldn’t go back for anything. Thanks for reading
This is truly inspirational! It's a heartbreaking story and I'm so happy you were able to find happiness and love!
I saw a few parallels with myself in hiding who you are and self mutilation because of family that just didn't understand.
♥
Thanks for the kind words i've noticed that mutilation and destructive behavior among LGBT teens (and adults too) is entirely too common. i felt like i was so alone for such a long time and i know many others do too. This is why i feel it's so important that we share our stories and that we have LGBT communities like this one. Much love to my LGBT brethren! 0 -
It was a memory I'd supressed and uncovered a couple months ago, myself. I'm really only coming to terms with it... but I didn't do any lasting harm (lol, I had kids, after all...). I'm not giving out details, but I plan to explore it a bit during NaNoWriMo (MIDNIGHT TONIGHT!!!!! ~~ I don't think I'll be awake for that - but I start tomorrow, early a.m.)0
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Tagging this for later. I don't have a coming out story myself, but I would like to hear others. I hope you guys don't make my eyes leak too much.0
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I think i knew.............i was Bi/Gay/LGBTQ for a long time. I'm thinking 12 probably. I always............want to touch one of my friends boobs........idk it was a thing. They were huge mind you and right there. Blah what's a 12 year old confused girl to do!
Anyway, I didn't finally accept who i was until I was a senior in High School. I still hadn't kissed a girl until freshman year of college though. I had a weirdly wanting friend in highschool that was like "yeah we could make out.....you know......just so you know......." Not attracted to her..........did not want. Don't **** your friends. A moral i shall always live by. Anyway, I had my ho phase and made out and did lots of stupid things with boys and girls blah. Fun silly times. I finally met a girl i was like...hm......she's pretty cool and i legitimately like her............she screwed me over 10 ways to Sunday and top it off...........due to this I was "forced" to come out.
I took her to a very nice restaurant and bought her drinks and food. Had a nice night etc. The next day i get a phone call from my father. He comes in and says he needs to drop something off.......cool whatever........but he had a certain tone in his voice. Naturally I freaked out. He basically confronted me and asked me if I was dating a girl. Apparently someone had told him and that I have been dating a girl. I'm assuming when i took her to this restaurant. Both my parents would not tell me who it was and attacked me and said I disgraced them. Feelings were hurt. They still do not approve in the slightest but it's moved to the background. Currently I have been in amazing relationship with a beautiful girl name Kelly for the past 2 1/2 years now. They still ask me whether or not i'm doing this "thing". I always just say i'm happy. It's still not great between my parents but it's not completely awful. Will they be there on my wedding day........probably not but they haven't totally shut me out so for that I am grateful. I have personally never had any problem with people in general. It took me a lot of time to get used to the idea but now Kelly and I dont care. We'll kiss and hold hands wherever we go. I have a great group of friends and I'm proud of myself. I still haven't come out to the entire Indian community but the people of my generation and age group pretty much all know and I have not received any hate thankfully. No fairytale but compared to most I have it pretty good. Felt i should share though 0 -
Wow, I love this post! It's not 2:30am and I'm absolutely not balling my eyes out.
I wish I had some super inspirational story, but I don't.
Fairly sure I knew I was gay from a really young age, I remember being totally besotted with my teacher when I was like 5. I had boyfriends at school, and I did dreadful things in bushes, but by 14/15 I was fairly sure I was at the very least bi. I came out to my boyfriend at the time and my best friend but it wasn't until a year or so later that I decided I was defiantly gay. I fell absolutely, head over heals in love with my science teacher. My God. If I saw her today, I'm sure I'd wet my knickers. Not in that way! That was your mind, not mine ..
Anyway, I told my girl mates at 16, they were not best pleased but they didn't make much of it.
I went off to college, joined all the gay groups I could and met this girl I thought was cute. I asked her out, when she said yes I thought I'd better tell my parents. I actually told my little sister first (only 13months difference in age) who was pretty horrified and shrieked that if I didn't tell mum straight away then she would! Walking the dog with my mum that night I told her I was dating a girl, she asked if that made me gay and I said 'yeah, I guess so'! She didn't bat an eyelid, told me she was fairly sure she'd known I was gay for years anyway. My poor dad, I don't think I've ever told him I'm gay, but I'm assuming my living with partners probably gave him that impression.
Now, I'm 30, I'm happier in my self than I've ever been, understand my self better than I ever have and have a lovely partner who I'm hoping I'll get to share the rest of my life with.
Out of interest, do many of you have other gay family members? My dad's sister is gay, and so is his brothers son! Gay gene anyone!?0 -
I don't know of anyone else in my family who's trans*... I don't know how genetic being gay or transgender really is. I think the current thought seems to be that the mother's hormonal balance during certain stages of development can influence it... which would have only a weak genetic predisposition.
I know I'm just starting to understand my new life... but I'm happier now, too (despite the pain). I'm really starting to think I'm more gay than hetero (that's still confused for me - I could be bi, too) and I won't know for sure for a while (HRT - it'll be like puberty again - only better).
I guess I should have had a point to this... I love your stories and I think I'm just a little envious of those who actually got the chance to experiment in high school and college, while I wasted my life being withdrawn.0 -
Out of interest, do many of you have other gay family members? My dad's sister is gay, and so is his brothers son! Gay gene anyone!?
Parents had 4 kids... 3 gay and one totally f*cked up ( i am not the f*cked up one :laugh: )0 -
I used to babysit a family who have two boys and a girl, all are gay!0
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I came out at age 28 on January 1, 2006. I knew I was gay I think since I was a kid. I had sex with a girl at a very young age twice and realized it was not for me. I didn't really date until senior year and went to the prom with a girl. Nothing every came of it. I spent college and my 20s not dating anyone although I knew I was gay then.
I joined a gay friendly gym in 2004 and slowly started inching out of the closet. I decided to come out in late 2005, but did not want to ruin the holidays for my parents, so I held on until January 1 at midnight. I came out to my cousin (who is like a sister to me) first. I then came out to my best friend (a guy), who was surprised, but extremely supportive. I came out to my parents at New Year's dinner. My father was super supportive and my mother struggled. She continued to struggle for the next 18 months. I had my "coming out tour" and proceeded to come out to nearly all my friends and family in three days (that was a lot).
I had a met my first boyfriend and wanted to bring him to meet my parents, but my mother was still having a hard time. I told my father to "talk to his wife" because I was not going to have it. I had given her enough time to get used to it. She pulled it together and is OK now. The rest of my family was super supportive.0 -
That's exactly how it was with me..0
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I came out to my mom to stop her from voting for George W. in 2004.0
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i will tell my story another time...
But As For Gay Family Members My Mum Is Bi, Brother Is Bi, Cusion Is Gay Another Cusion Is Lesbain, EveryOne Knows That I Am 95% Gay 5% Bi0 -
Ha, I had a weirdly difficult time coming to terms with it because I tried to rationalize my sexuality to an absurd degree, despite awareness of my 'true feelings.' Intellectually, I had reached the point where I felt like I should be able to 'transcend gender' and be attracted to the person--not the (presence or absence of) particular genitals. And it wasn't until I was 20 that I was able to realize the futility of telling myself how I "should" feel versus simply acknowledging that sexual attraction is inherently irrational. And I think I also avoided making the proclamation, in part, because I had a strange apprehension about revealing something that would profoundly change people's perceptions of me--almost as though I were a liar who had misled them for so many years. (And, actually, one of the most noteworthy things for me was realizing--just a few months after I came out--how smooth that transition was from having to brace yourself for an awkward self-revelation to finally making new friends for whom your sexual orientation was a given from the start).
And just like there was an iconoclastic part of me that (pre-MFP) secretly enjoyed being a vegetarian *AND* overweight... I also liked being an 'exception to the rule' for gender stereotypes within my circle of friends at the time. For example, I was the (de facto) 'straight' best friend of a female, showing that not all male/female friendships had to have a non-platonic, sexual dimension--and coming out as gay would allow me to be 'explained away'... Ha, I know it sounds crazy, but it really did take me a long time to come to terms with the fact that while some people might generalize and be dismissive in that way, accepting the "gay" label did not mean I would accept all of the stereotypes associated with it--or accept mainstream gay culture in general.
The night after I came out, I wrote a hilariously lengthy LiveJournal entry describing how I finally reached the gay "conclusion"--and predictions for how each of my loved ones would respond to my coming out. It's both embarrassing to read and yet also kind of wonderful to now, you know--in my old age, look back on this 20-year-old, 2006 version of me who had just committed this crazy rite of passage, relieved and still nervous--contemplating the future. I figured I'd share an excerpt from this night in which, for the first time, I committed to writing my true sexual orientation:
"...Clearly, since I've been sexually aware, I've been attracted to men. I suppose I do have a few of the stereotypical gay tendencies. I'm currently obviously attracted to men. And the notion of sex with a female is repugnant. Thus:
I'm gay! Hmmmm, or at least "gay." with a period.
Part of me realizes how epic and important this final decision is--but another finds it almost laughable to make such a big deal over it. In terms of my identity--of who I am--it changes nothing. It's only a label that redefines me to other people. To place such a label onto myself does not mean I need to conform to any of the social constructs of it--or to change in any way whatsoever.
So now, I've arrived at this point. Based on everything I feel and everything I reason, the only conclusion is that I'm gay. I mean, even if I decided at this point to not label myself gay, it doesn't change the fact that I AM gay, and have ALWAYS been gay.
I have a feeling that, looking back on today, I'll laugh about how uncomfortable the "gay thing" used to make me because now it's a permanent and obvious facet of who I am. ..."
And, for the most part, 20-year-old me was correct in his predictions. Also, because I'm a weirdo (ha, or rather, 'quirky'), I also captured my coming out on film--unbeknownst to my best friend on the other end of the phone. Again, there's something about watching it that still embarrasses me to some extent, but I figured enough time has passed that I would be comfortable sharing it... even if you can tell how totally high-strung/super anxious (and totally coked-out looking) I am--with my weird need to rationalize this gay conclusion. So here I am--crossing a threshold from which I could never return:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFKn5mCBlkU
And now I shall cut myself off before I ramble on any longer... But I enjoyed reading your personal stories, and I think these are experiences worth sharing--so I figured I'd add my own contribution. Y'all are wonderful
--Michael0 -
I came out to my brother, sister, and mom individually when I was 14.
My sister actually didn't believe me, until I started crying out of frustration, but when she finally got it through her head I was serious she was totally supportive.
My brother was entirely supportive as well. He enjoyed the months after poking good fun at me for it. It doesn't even bother him a bit.
My mom was the same. I told her when we were both alone in the car on our way to pick up some concert tickets, and she replied with "I always knew. I was waiting for you to tell me." Mind you, I had JUST determined I was gay not very long before I came out, so for her to "know" was quite surprising. I joked with that that maybe she should have clued me in because I've been struggling with it for so long.
My aunt (who I told along with my sister) told my grandma a couple of years later, so I didn't have to come out to her. Again, entirely supportive.
I didn't tell my dad I was gay until I was 22. We don't have a strong relationship, so talking to him isn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but I found an opportunity to be with him alone (while we were in the car driving to a relatives house in New Jersey), and he was fine with it as well. He said his only goal as a father was to raise a good, upstanding person, and since he'd already done that anything else was OK with him. It didn't matter a bit who I ultimately decided to be with.
My family is very liberal, so it's no surprise they were all supportive. I admit my grandma was a homophobe before she knew I was gay, but as soon as she knew, her attitude took a complete 180.
On the topic of gay family members: quite a few. At least 5 I can think of on my dad's side - none openly gay on my mom's side (they're from a rural conservative area of Virginia, so that makes sense, but there are most certainly some).0 -
Wow so many nice stories...
My story maybe quite boring in compared to some.
I recently came out (last month) having always known I felt different, I'm 21 I had a relationship with a girl for 3 years (ex best friend) we never really did anything until we got very drunk on my 18th birthday, however it just felt strange.
As I said I've always know I've been different and after my experience on my 18th birthday it kind of confirmed what I'd been denying most of my life. I was always the bullied one at school because I wouldn't join in with the football team or be a "bey" AKA "chava" anyway I signed up to a gay dating website and it wasn't very successful, I mean it was good to talk to people but I never felt comfortable because I wasn't actually "out". So I didn't meet anyone being worried that my parents would find out and hate me.
See below for the rest of the story0 -
Wow so many nice stories...
My story maybe quite boring in compared to some.
I recently came out (last month) having always known I felt different, I'm 21 I had a relationship with a girl for 3 years (ex best friend) we never really did anything until we got very drunk on my 18th birthday, however it just felt strange.
As I said I've always known I've been different and after my experience on my 18th birthday it kind of confirmed what I'd been denying most of my life. I was always the bullied one at school because I wouldn't join in with the football team or be a "bey" AKA "chava" anyway I signed up to a gay dating website and it wasn't very successful, I mean it was good to talk to people but I never felt comfortable because I wasn't actually "out" so I didn't meet anyone being worried that my parents would find out and hate me.
I then moved out of my parents home and lived with a friend, that way I was able to meet people and not feel worried, August 2013 I met a guy from an online app, who lives in my town bonus...so we met for a drink, then a few dates after that we because a "proper couple" 2 months in. Things seemed to be going right for me until I was diagnosed with depression, I was driving home one night from work and flipped at myself because I was stuck behind a slow moving wagon, so I pulled over and just cried and cried, I called my boyfriend who managed to calm me down. This happened many times- then one of these afternoon I decided to go to the shop buy some flowers, I took some to my grandparents grave then phone my boyfriend and told him I knew what I needed to do. Next thing I know it was 9PM I was sat in my car writing a letter to my parents begging them not to hate me, and that I loved them so much etc..etc. I took the letter to my parents, when I say I took it, I mean I put the flowers and letter on the door step, ran then drove off down the road.
I got home told my housemate what happened and then I got a call from my parents, scared was an understatement, however they told me to go up and see them, then they told me that they had known for awhile and weren't bothered....So relieved I went down to my boyfriends to tell him, and I've never been happy so happy to what I am now !
It's been a really good learning process for me and I'm starting to realized that people who have an issue with me being gay, it's their problem not mine and I've leaned not to care...0 -
I don't really have a coming out story, as such.
I've always been attracted to women, and apprehensive toward men (tho that may be due to childhood sexual abuse).
I consider myself a hetero-romantic bisexual. I have never had a relationship with a woman, I have never had romantic feelings for a woman although I have had sex with numerous women.
Anyway, one day as an adult I turn to my mother and say, "I thought I should let you know I'm bisexual. If [current boyfriend] and I break up, I don't want you to be surprised if I start bringing women around."
To which she replied, "Psh, I always knew you were a carpet muncher."
Gotta love Mom.0 -
My coming out story is a little funny. I started dating a girl this past February, without any of my friends or family knowing. Constantly lying to them about where I was going and with whom became exhausting and it wasn't fair to my Girlfriend who was openly gay. So in late March I finally came out to my Dad and 2 friends. Every time I sat down to tell someone, my emotions got the best of me and I would cry.... there was no way I could have this "talk" with everyone. So I took a deep breath and just changed my relationship status on facebook. After I changed it I immediately went and watched a movie with a friend (whom I came out to, the day before) just to get my mind off of things. When the movie was over I checked my phone and had 7 missed calls and 19 text messages. What makes it funny is that I changed my relationship status on April 1st (April fools day), without even thinking of it. So all of the texts I was getting were people asking if I was joking or not.
In the end all of my friends and family were supportive and I'm still happily together with my Girlfriend.0 -
OMG... I'm totally changing my gender to Female on Facebook on April 1st. (\ /)
Too bad it doesn't match up too well with my current timeline...
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I know my husband was the first person I openly admitted to that I was bi... He didn't mind, and that was that. Then, people at work started to figure it out, so I had to start telling people. I told my mom first, since she works for the same company. It went over OK, at first. Then she kind of flipped out. So, I later just told her that I was just bored and confused, and she knows it's a lie, but it made her feel better. My sister in law was next, who was a little shocked, but it didn't upset her at all. Then, my older younger brother. He responded worse than my mom, told me basically he was just going to pretend he didn't hear me say it. My best friend from childhood (who I figured would act about like the one brother) was next. She just looked at me for a minute, said "huh!" and that was it. But, she promised me she'd probably pick at me when we hung out together about the hot girls around us. My youngest brother was last. He just looked at me and said "I figured, that doesn't change that you're my sister, and I still love you just the same." I bawled. It was the best reaction, and I really thought he would have the worst. I haven't told anyone else in my family, though several of my friends know... I am so scared of my dad's reaction, my mom told me NOT to tell him. Plus, I'm afraid it would give my grandpa a heart attack... Literally. And we're not even going to think about my in-laws. Not that who I find attractive changes who I am, but some people just don't seem to get that.
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