Comin out story..
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I came out to my mom to stop her from voting for George W. in 2004.0
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i will tell my story another time...
But As For Gay Family Members My Mum Is Bi, Brother Is Bi, Cusion Is Gay Another Cusion Is Lesbain, EveryOne Knows That I Am 95% Gay 5% Bi0 -
Ha, I had a weirdly difficult time coming to terms with it because I tried to rationalize my sexuality to an absurd degree, despite awareness of my 'true feelings.' Intellectually, I had reached the point where I felt like I should be able to 'transcend gender' and be attracted to the person--not the (presence or absence of) particular genitals. And it wasn't until I was 20 that I was able to realize the futility of telling myself how I "should" feel versus simply acknowledging that sexual attraction is inherently irrational. And I think I also avoided making the proclamation, in part, because I had a strange apprehension about revealing something that would profoundly change people's perceptions of me--almost as though I were a liar who had misled them for so many years. (And, actually, one of the most noteworthy things for me was realizing--just a few months after I came out--how smooth that transition was from having to brace yourself for an awkward self-revelation to finally making new friends for whom your sexual orientation was a given from the start).
And just like there was an iconoclastic part of me that (pre-MFP) secretly enjoyed being a vegetarian *AND* overweight... I also liked being an 'exception to the rule' for gender stereotypes within my circle of friends at the time. For example, I was the (de facto) 'straight' best friend of a female, showing that not all male/female friendships had to have a non-platonic, sexual dimension--and coming out as gay would allow me to be 'explained away'... Ha, I know it sounds crazy, but it really did take me a long time to come to terms with the fact that while some people might generalize and be dismissive in that way, accepting the "gay" label did not mean I would accept all of the stereotypes associated with it--or accept mainstream gay culture in general.
The night after I came out, I wrote a hilariously lengthy LiveJournal entry describing how I finally reached the gay "conclusion"--and predictions for how each of my loved ones would respond to my coming out. It's both embarrassing to read and yet also kind of wonderful to now, you know--in my old age, look back on this 20-year-old, 2006 version of me who had just committed this crazy rite of passage, relieved and still nervous--contemplating the future. I figured I'd share an excerpt from this night in which, for the first time, I committed to writing my true sexual orientation:
"...Clearly, since I've been sexually aware, I've been attracted to men. I suppose I do have a few of the stereotypical gay tendencies. I'm currently obviously attracted to men. And the notion of sex with a female is repugnant. Thus:
I'm gay! Hmmmm, or at least "gay." with a period.
Part of me realizes how epic and important this final decision is--but another finds it almost laughable to make such a big deal over it. In terms of my identity--of who I am--it changes nothing. It's only a label that redefines me to other people. To place such a label onto myself does not mean I need to conform to any of the social constructs of it--or to change in any way whatsoever.
So now, I've arrived at this point. Based on everything I feel and everything I reason, the only conclusion is that I'm gay. I mean, even if I decided at this point to not label myself gay, it doesn't change the fact that I AM gay, and have ALWAYS been gay.
I have a feeling that, looking back on today, I'll laugh about how uncomfortable the "gay thing" used to make me because now it's a permanent and obvious facet of who I am. ..."
And, for the most part, 20-year-old me was correct in his predictions. Also, because I'm a weirdo (ha, or rather, 'quirky'), I also captured my coming out on film--unbeknownst to my best friend on the other end of the phone. Again, there's something about watching it that still embarrasses me to some extent, but I figured enough time has passed that I would be comfortable sharing it... even if you can tell how totally high-strung/super anxious (and totally coked-out looking) I am--with my weird need to rationalize this gay conclusion. So here I am--crossing a threshold from which I could never return:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFKn5mCBlkU
And now I shall cut myself off before I ramble on any longer... But I enjoyed reading your personal stories, and I think these are experiences worth sharing--so I figured I'd add my own contribution. Y'all are wonderful
--Michael0 -
I came out to my brother, sister, and mom individually when I was 14.
My sister actually didn't believe me, until I started crying out of frustration, but when she finally got it through her head I was serious she was totally supportive.
My brother was entirely supportive as well. He enjoyed the months after poking good fun at me for it. It doesn't even bother him a bit.
My mom was the same. I told her when we were both alone in the car on our way to pick up some concert tickets, and she replied with "I always knew. I was waiting for you to tell me." Mind you, I had JUST determined I was gay not very long before I came out, so for her to "know" was quite surprising. I joked with that that maybe she should have clued me in because I've been struggling with it for so long.
My aunt (who I told along with my sister) told my grandma a couple of years later, so I didn't have to come out to her. Again, entirely supportive.
I didn't tell my dad I was gay until I was 22. We don't have a strong relationship, so talking to him isn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but I found an opportunity to be with him alone (while we were in the car driving to a relatives house in New Jersey), and he was fine with it as well. He said his only goal as a father was to raise a good, upstanding person, and since he'd already done that anything else was OK with him. It didn't matter a bit who I ultimately decided to be with.
My family is very liberal, so it's no surprise they were all supportive. I admit my grandma was a homophobe before she knew I was gay, but as soon as she knew, her attitude took a complete 180.
On the topic of gay family members: quite a few. At least 5 I can think of on my dad's side - none openly gay on my mom's side (they're from a rural conservative area of Virginia, so that makes sense, but there are most certainly some).0 -
Wow so many nice stories...
My story maybe quite boring in compared to some.
I recently came out (last month) having always known I felt different, I'm 21 I had a relationship with a girl for 3 years (ex best friend) we never really did anything until we got very drunk on my 18th birthday, however it just felt strange.
As I said I've always know I've been different and after my experience on my 18th birthday it kind of confirmed what I'd been denying most of my life. I was always the bullied one at school because I wouldn't join in with the football team or be a "bey" AKA "chava" anyway I signed up to a gay dating website and it wasn't very successful, I mean it was good to talk to people but I never felt comfortable because I wasn't actually "out". So I didn't meet anyone being worried that my parents would find out and hate me.
See below for the rest of the story0 -
Wow so many nice stories...
My story maybe quite boring in compared to some.
I recently came out (last month) having always known I felt different, I'm 21 I had a relationship with a girl for 3 years (ex best friend) we never really did anything until we got very drunk on my 18th birthday, however it just felt strange.
As I said I've always known I've been different and after my experience on my 18th birthday it kind of confirmed what I'd been denying most of my life. I was always the bullied one at school because I wouldn't join in with the football team or be a "bey" AKA "chava" anyway I signed up to a gay dating website and it wasn't very successful, I mean it was good to talk to people but I never felt comfortable because I wasn't actually "out" so I didn't meet anyone being worried that my parents would find out and hate me.
I then moved out of my parents home and lived with a friend, that way I was able to meet people and not feel worried, August 2013 I met a guy from an online app, who lives in my town bonus...so we met for a drink, then a few dates after that we because a "proper couple" 2 months in. Things seemed to be going right for me until I was diagnosed with depression, I was driving home one night from work and flipped at myself because I was stuck behind a slow moving wagon, so I pulled over and just cried and cried, I called my boyfriend who managed to calm me down. This happened many times- then one of these afternoon I decided to go to the shop buy some flowers, I took some to my grandparents grave then phone my boyfriend and told him I knew what I needed to do. Next thing I know it was 9PM I was sat in my car writing a letter to my parents begging them not to hate me, and that I loved them so much etc..etc. I took the letter to my parents, when I say I took it, I mean I put the flowers and letter on the door step, ran then drove off down the road.
I got home told my housemate what happened and then I got a call from my parents, scared was an understatement, however they told me to go up and see them, then they told me that they had known for awhile and weren't bothered....So relieved I went down to my boyfriends to tell him, and I've never been happy so happy to what I am now !
It's been a really good learning process for me and I'm starting to realized that people who have an issue with me being gay, it's their problem not mine and I've leaned not to care...0 -
I don't really have a coming out story, as such.
I've always been attracted to women, and apprehensive toward men (tho that may be due to childhood sexual abuse).
I consider myself a hetero-romantic bisexual. I have never had a relationship with a woman, I have never had romantic feelings for a woman although I have had sex with numerous women.
Anyway, one day as an adult I turn to my mother and say, "I thought I should let you know I'm bisexual. If [current boyfriend] and I break up, I don't want you to be surprised if I start bringing women around."
To which she replied, "Psh, I always knew you were a carpet muncher."
Gotta love Mom.0 -
My coming out story is a little funny. I started dating a girl this past February, without any of my friends or family knowing. Constantly lying to them about where I was going and with whom became exhausting and it wasn't fair to my Girlfriend who was openly gay. So in late March I finally came out to my Dad and 2 friends. Every time I sat down to tell someone, my emotions got the best of me and I would cry.... there was no way I could have this "talk" with everyone. So I took a deep breath and just changed my relationship status on facebook. After I changed it I immediately went and watched a movie with a friend (whom I came out to, the day before) just to get my mind off of things. When the movie was over I checked my phone and had 7 missed calls and 19 text messages. What makes it funny is that I changed my relationship status on April 1st (April fools day), without even thinking of it. So all of the texts I was getting were people asking if I was joking or not.
In the end all of my friends and family were supportive and I'm still happily together with my Girlfriend.0 -
OMG... I'm totally changing my gender to Female on Facebook on April 1st. (\ /)
Too bad it doesn't match up too well with my current timeline...
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I know my husband was the first person I openly admitted to that I was bi... He didn't mind, and that was that. Then, people at work started to figure it out, so I had to start telling people. I told my mom first, since she works for the same company. It went over OK, at first. Then she kind of flipped out. So, I later just told her that I was just bored and confused, and she knows it's a lie, but it made her feel better. My sister in law was next, who was a little shocked, but it didn't upset her at all. Then, my older younger brother. He responded worse than my mom, told me basically he was just going to pretend he didn't hear me say it. My best friend from childhood (who I figured would act about like the one brother) was next. She just looked at me for a minute, said "huh!" and that was it. But, she promised me she'd probably pick at me when we hung out together about the hot girls around us. My youngest brother was last. He just looked at me and said "I figured, that doesn't change that you're my sister, and I still love you just the same." I bawled. It was the best reaction, and I really thought he would have the worst. I haven't told anyone else in my family, though several of my friends know... I am so scared of my dad's reaction, my mom told me NOT to tell him. Plus, I'm afraid it would give my grandpa a heart attack... Literally. And we're not even going to think about my in-laws. Not that who I find attractive changes who I am, but some people just don't seem to get that.
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Coming out is something I am struggling with now.
I'm 28 years old and I consider myself bi and have flings with guys and girl over the years (both of which my family didn't know about) but am now in a serious relationship with a girl. I live in a different country to my mother but I plan to move back home at the end of this year, and I eventually want my girlfriend to join me. I have no idea how to tell my mother that I've been in a relationship with a girl for 1.5 years because I know she will not take it well because the topic sort of came up 6 years ago but it's not fair on any of us and I'm getting quite depressed about it.
PS: all of my friends know and don't care and are completely supportive and I have just started telling people at work.0 -
I finally awkwardly "came out" to my VERY conservative tea bag paother over Christmas break. I identify as pansexual. So I started by trying to get to remember as a child I was always very bad at gender and gender roles, and what for boy/girls etc. Which she constantly talks about to me. Then went through this whole explanation which sounded something like "I'm not heterosexual.....I'm not homosexual either.... I'm not exactly bisexual either.... I identify myself as pansexual... I don't really see gender, I get attracted to the person, it doesn't matter what they are." She responds with "Oh." Then there was some silence then 5 minutes later "But you're not attracted to women right?" *facepalm* "I am ..... " "Oh" and that was that.
IMO it went well cause she didn't cry or start praying right then and there.0 -
I was actually outed by my therapist. I was bullied a lot in school for being obese (400 pounds at my heaviest) and my mum thought it would be good for me to "see" someone. Long story short, he convinced me his office was a safe place and everything I said would be confidential... and then he called my parents and told them I was gay and they needed to do something about it...0
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Omg. Great stories – some sad and some happy – all great nonetheless!
It was the 80’s and I was about 16 when I came out. I was wearing a long white shirt, and black stirrup pants that tucked into the black pointy boots with big buckles (known as what my father referred to as “fruit boots”). My hair was bleached white and sticking straight up (thanks to extra super hold aqua-net in the pink and white can). I may or may not have been wearing eyeliner – who can remember...but I walked in the front door and as I walked into the house, my mother, who was sitter in the chair gabbing on the phone, covers the mouth piece and just shoots out the question “Matt, are you gay?”. I just pointed at my masterpiece of an ensemble, gave her a look and said…”ahhhhhhhh yeah……DUH!!” and proceeded to walk to my bedroom. I shut my door and just fell on my bed wondering what just had happened. I could hear my mother stomping her feet toward the bedroom and she barges in, slams opens the door, looks at me (with a finger pointing at me) and says “you’re not just saying that to piss me off are you?”. And so the adventure began… I still laugh at that. Over the years she went from a hating anyone one who didn’t look like here Republican to a very divers and open-minded Lady. We still fight like cats n dogs (but that just cuz she’s naturally crazy and can’t help it) (hahaha…love you Mom).0 -
I was actually outed by my therapist. I was bullied a lot in school for being obese (400 pounds at my heaviest) and my mum thought it would be good for me to "see" someone. Long story short, he convinced me his office was a safe place and everything I said would be confidential... and then he called my parents and told them I was gay and they needed to do something about it...
WOW - thats crazy.0 -
I came out initially when I was 10 years old. The reaction I got from my mother sent me fleeing back into the closet until I was 45. I finally decided I was tired of living a lie and if people couldn't handle the truth then it was their problem, not mine. So I officially came out to family and friends as trans and gay in late 2012/early 2013. I lost a few friends and there are some family members I probably won't be speaking with much anymore, but overall most have been supportive. My transition has gone very smoothly at work- I couldn't ask for a better boss and co-workers. My mom's been the worst, she's completely in denial more than a year later and I honestly don't see it getting better with her. She's 78 and in poor health, so as much as I'd love her to be supportive, I've more or less given her a free pass.0
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I didn't come out, my perants knew I was gay/homosexual at a young age, my sister who is a open pansexual softened them up a bit, so their religious pursecutions we're less harsh, and now today, they're full fledge supporters of me, and the LGBT community. But I would have to say they first begin to question when I would always play barbie and put, ken, with a GI Joe doll and make them suck faces.
Oh, nostalgia. 0 -
I don't tell my story often because it brings up too many memories, mine has been a long confusing story so here's the super abbreviated version. The first time I came out was in the late 80's to a very very few select friends. My family had me hauled in for drug testing because I met all the "symptoms" of them not knowing where I went or who I was with and being secretive and all that. I told the guy doing the test that I couldn't tell them why, he swore it'd be confidential and then after I told him I had a girlfriend he proceeded to out me to my whole family. My super conservative parents freaked out and sent me to an all-girls lock up for troubled teens to "figure out what my value system really was". I learned my mom's true feelings when, on a 3 way call with my counselor in lock up, she called me a mistake of God.
After that was many years of struggling between accepting myself for who I am and being happy and fighting to be who they wanted me to be so they'd accept me, 2 failed marriages, hating myself, slowly learning to really accept myself, and having the most amazing daughter who after my last failed marriage told me "it's ok mom, just be who you are." It took me a long time to realize that no amount of pretending will make me really acceptable to the people who disapprove of me, all I need to be is true to myself because that's what matters. I'm definitely not out to my family at all at this point. I've stopped pretending for their benefit but I don't go out of my way to let them know who I am and they don't ask. It makes me a bit sad but it's far better than their judgement. If they ask, I won't lie, but I have a feeling they won't...0 -
Wow, what a story. I'm sorry you had to go through all that to finally become happy & comfy with the person you truly are/were. But I'm glad you had the courage to persevere! Cheers to you!0
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Good topic, I always think people's coming out stories are interesting.
I guess I'm kind of a late bloomer, I just came out last year (I'm 28). I actually was a very curious adolescent and let's just say I had a lot of sleepovers with my *best friends*. Around 16 or 17 I dated a girl secretly and we were doing the whole "oh we're just friends" thing until we got caught. My parents basically went nuts (a side of them I'd never seen- they were never really much for discipline) and I was terrified and said I was just curious and it would never happen again. Fast forward 10 years of failed straight relationships, still being very curious about women/lesbians, a divorce, etc etc... ....
Wow, what a story. I'm sorry you had to go through all that to finally become happy & comfy with the person you truly are/were. But I'm glad you had the courage to persevere! Cheers to you!0
