Comin out story..
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Coming out is something I am struggling with now.
I'm 28 years old and I consider myself bi and have flings with guys and girl over the years (both of which my family didn't know about) but am now in a serious relationship with a girl. I live in a different country to my mother but I plan to move back home at the end of this year, and I eventually want my girlfriend to join me. I have no idea how to tell my mother that I've been in a relationship with a girl for 1.5 years because I know she will not take it well because the topic sort of came up 6 years ago but it's not fair on any of us and I'm getting quite depressed about it.
PS: all of my friends know and don't care and are completely supportive and I have just started telling people at work.0 -
I finally awkwardly "came out" to my VERY conservative tea bag paother over Christmas break. I identify as pansexual. So I started by trying to get to remember as a child I was always very bad at gender and gender roles, and what for boy/girls etc. Which she constantly talks about to me. Then went through this whole explanation which sounded something like "I'm not heterosexual.....I'm not homosexual either.... I'm not exactly bisexual either.... I identify myself as pansexual... I don't really see gender, I get attracted to the person, it doesn't matter what they are." She responds with "Oh." Then there was some silence then 5 minutes later "But you're not attracted to women right?" *facepalm* "I am ..... " "Oh" and that was that.
IMO it went well cause she didn't cry or start praying right then and there.0 -
I was actually outed by my therapist. I was bullied a lot in school for being obese (400 pounds at my heaviest) and my mum thought it would be good for me to "see" someone. Long story short, he convinced me his office was a safe place and everything I said would be confidential... and then he called my parents and told them I was gay and they needed to do something about it...0
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Omg. Great stories – some sad and some happy – all great nonetheless!
It was the 80’s and I was about 16 when I came out. I was wearing a long white shirt, and black stirrup pants that tucked into the black pointy boots with big buckles (known as what my father referred to as “fruit boots”). My hair was bleached white and sticking straight up (thanks to extra super hold aqua-net in the pink and white can). I may or may not have been wearing eyeliner – who can remember...but I walked in the front door and as I walked into the house, my mother, who was sitter in the chair gabbing on the phone, covers the mouth piece and just shoots out the question “Matt, are you gay?”. I just pointed at my masterpiece of an ensemble, gave her a look and said…”ahhhhhhhh yeah……DUH!!” and proceeded to walk to my bedroom. I shut my door and just fell on my bed wondering what just had happened. I could hear my mother stomping her feet toward the bedroom and she barges in, slams opens the door, looks at me (with a finger pointing at me) and says “you’re not just saying that to piss me off are you?”. And so the adventure began… I still laugh at that. Over the years she went from a hating anyone one who didn’t look like here Republican to a very divers and open-minded Lady. We still fight like cats n dogs (but that just cuz she’s naturally crazy and can’t help it) (hahaha…love you Mom).0 -
I was actually outed by my therapist. I was bullied a lot in school for being obese (400 pounds at my heaviest) and my mum thought it would be good for me to "see" someone. Long story short, he convinced me his office was a safe place and everything I said would be confidential... and then he called my parents and told them I was gay and they needed to do something about it...
WOW - thats crazy.0 -
I came out initially when I was 10 years old. The reaction I got from my mother sent me fleeing back into the closet until I was 45. I finally decided I was tired of living a lie and if people couldn't handle the truth then it was their problem, not mine. So I officially came out to family and friends as trans and gay in late 2012/early 2013. I lost a few friends and there are some family members I probably won't be speaking with much anymore, but overall most have been supportive. My transition has gone very smoothly at work- I couldn't ask for a better boss and co-workers. My mom's been the worst, she's completely in denial more than a year later and I honestly don't see it getting better with her. She's 78 and in poor health, so as much as I'd love her to be supportive, I've more or less given her a free pass.0
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I didn't come out, my perants knew I was gay/homosexual at a young age, my sister who is a open pansexual softened them up a bit, so their religious pursecutions we're less harsh, and now today, they're full fledge supporters of me, and the LGBT community. But I would have to say they first begin to question when I would always play barbie and put, ken, with a GI Joe doll and make them suck faces.
Oh, nostalgia. 0 -
I don't tell my story often because it brings up too many memories, mine has been a long confusing story so here's the super abbreviated version. The first time I came out was in the late 80's to a very very few select friends. My family had me hauled in for drug testing because I met all the "symptoms" of them not knowing where I went or who I was with and being secretive and all that. I told the guy doing the test that I couldn't tell them why, he swore it'd be confidential and then after I told him I had a girlfriend he proceeded to out me to my whole family. My super conservative parents freaked out and sent me to an all-girls lock up for troubled teens to "figure out what my value system really was". I learned my mom's true feelings when, on a 3 way call with my counselor in lock up, she called me a mistake of God.
After that was many years of struggling between accepting myself for who I am and being happy and fighting to be who they wanted me to be so they'd accept me, 2 failed marriages, hating myself, slowly learning to really accept myself, and having the most amazing daughter who after my last failed marriage told me "it's ok mom, just be who you are." It took me a long time to realize that no amount of pretending will make me really acceptable to the people who disapprove of me, all I need to be is true to myself because that's what matters. I'm definitely not out to my family at all at this point. I've stopped pretending for their benefit but I don't go out of my way to let them know who I am and they don't ask. It makes me a bit sad but it's far better than their judgement. If they ask, I won't lie, but I have a feeling they won't...0 -
Wow, what a story. I'm sorry you had to go through all that to finally become happy & comfy with the person you truly are/were. But I'm glad you had the courage to persevere! Cheers to you!0
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Good topic, I always think people's coming out stories are interesting.
I guess I'm kind of a late bloomer, I just came out last year (I'm 28). I actually was a very curious adolescent and let's just say I had a lot of sleepovers with my *best friends*. Around 16 or 17 I dated a girl secretly and we were doing the whole "oh we're just friends" thing until we got caught. My parents basically went nuts (a side of them I'd never seen- they were never really much for discipline) and I was terrified and said I was just curious and it would never happen again. Fast forward 10 years of failed straight relationships, still being very curious about women/lesbians, a divorce, etc etc... ....
Wow, what a story. I'm sorry you had to go through all that to finally become happy & comfy with the person you truly are/were. But I'm glad you had the courage to persevere! Cheers to you!0 -
Every single one of these stories has made me smile.
I just came out a little over a year ago. January 2013. That month was good and bad for me.
(long story)
Let me start from the beginning. I knew in 6th grade that I was much different from my friends. We were all learning what crushes were, and my friends were all developing them on the cutest boy in school. Meanwhile, I developed one on one of my best friends, a girl. I wasn’t raised in a highly religious family. I am Christian, yes, but my mother strongly believes you can believe in God and worship without being forced into a church (this came out after a Baptist church shunned us because we didn’t attend EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY). My mother always raised me to be myself and to love others for who they are, it’s something I strive to keep and teach when I have kids.
Any who, 6th grade I knew I had a crush on her, but all my friends had crushed on boys. I thought I was weird, and back then being the outcast was the LAST thing I wanted. So I also developed “crushes” on boys. Fast forward to high school, I had dated 2 boys from 6th grade to my senior year of high school. I didn’t care, nor did I really want to. It was a social thing I guess. After high school I went to college thinking I was straight, but still having the curiosity in my mind. I met a guy, and we dated seriously for 4 years. My family supposedly loved him, and so did I. We thought we’d get married. That ended after 4 years kind of quickly. Since I had date him right outside of high school, I had never had the chance for flings or non-serious relationships. After we broke up I went into a half depression/half freedom thing. Meaning, I slept with too many guys. I thought I needed to. However, looking back, I never enjoyed it. I kept doing it because I thought once I found the right guy it would feel right. It has never felt right being with a guy (I also tie this back to childhood abuse as well, a tiny bit). It never felt the way all my girl friends described it.
Finally, in October 2012 I met a guy. He was the sweetest guy on the planet. Did all the things any girl would be lucky to have. He introduced me to a friend of his on November 6, 2012. That day will always be stuck in my head, not only because I met the love of my life, but because I knew from that moment on I could no longer lie to myself. I ended all relationships and worked on myself. The first person I told was her, my love. She had been out for a long time, I wanted advice (and to let her know I was available haha) I then told my best friends, then my mom, then my family, then the rest of my close friends. Their reactions all different. 1 of my best friends, my very best friend of 15 yrs got upset at first. Confused as to how I never told her or why. It’s taken her time to get used to it, but now she jokes with me and things are seemingly back to normal. My other friends took it well, they were happy for me to be who I am. I was scared to tell my mom, but she took it well. She asked if I was sure, but then told me she loved me no matter what. Most of my family took it well, except my cousin, she hasn't. She said things to me I never thought she would say to me, and to this day she doesn't act the same. I never got the chance to tell my dad because he passed away about a week after I finally admitted it to myself.
So here I am, a little over a year later. I've never been more proud of who I am. I’m happy, I’m in love (with the girl I met November 6 I might add), and I've come to the conclusion that some may not like it, but it’s not their life. I’m happy and that’s what matters. I come out every day almost, because I’m not the stereotypical lesbian, but I’m proud of it. I happily tell anyone about me or my fiance.
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And reading all theses stories has brought me tears and happiness today. I just want to say that even though I don't know you all, I love you all!0
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bumping this because we have some new members and i think it's a great thread to follow, especially for people struggling with this very issue. (it used to be stickied to the top of the forum... not sure what happened to that)0
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Still figuring it all out. I have told my sister and my sister in law)(bros wife) my best friend and several mfp friends. They have all been so amazing and loving!! I am 37 but just really figured it out/admitted/believed it myself this year.
My issue is I am married to a woman and have two young awesome kids. Not sure my next step.0 -
I've been out for 26 years now. My "coming out" was being outted by circumstance. It was a tough year for me and my family. I had broken up with my much older gf (18 yrs older). My grandmother passed away shortly after that. I was a mess on booze and drugs because I was so lost. And my mother was going through menopause on top of everything else.
Fast forward a few months. A lesbian friend from work asked me to go out with her to go drinking. We went to a lesbian bar. "Fine by me, let's get drunk!" I had no idea of what a life changing event that would be. I hold that memory so close to my heart now more than ever. Across the room I see this group of men and women. It's a dance group that met there weekly. This one man I see, I can't keep my eyes off of him. He finally comes up to me and asks me if I'd like to learn to dance. I knew right then and there that we were soulmates. Fast forward again a week or so. We spent the night together at his house. We woke up late and I was already an hour late for work. Work called my emergency call number which was my mother. My bf and I pull up to my house on a motorcycle as my stepfather is knocking on my door thinking I'm dead inside. There we were with a quick kiss goodbye and me not seeing my stepfather seeing us. No way to explain that away.
My mother went through her personal torment of guilt, wonder and rage. I got called the "F" word, accused of cheating her out of grandchildren and getting from my father (biological father is gay).
Fast forward to today. That bf who I knew was my soulmate...we were together for 22 years before his passing from liver and kidney failure three years ago. I miss him so much. He helped me in so many ways. Because of him I was able to find myself. Able to get off of the booze and drugs and become the man I should be. I'm only now starting to feel human again from the loss and depression. That depression is what led me to this highest weight of 330lbs. But here we are...road to progress! We can do it! My relationship with my mother is best it's ever been. Her hope for me now is to find a man that makes me happy again before she dies. So...0 -
Welcome to MFP, Tall1IAm! Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. What a blessing, though, to have had 22 wonderful years together. And I'm glad to hear that your relationship with your mother is mended. Times have certainly changed - I'm glad she can be loving and supportive now.
If you'd like to add me as a friend, please do. I'm happy to lend support when I can, and on occasion could use some motivation myself.0 -
I came out as transgender to my closest friends, younger brother, mother, and father over the course of two weeks and four different Thai restaurants. I ate A LOT of rice noodles.
Some were surprised, some had stories they wanted to tell me about how and why they already knew, but for the most part they were supportive.
My brother said: "Well, we grew up as brothers."
My mother said: "I suspected when you were in middle school and was sure when you cut your hair short."
My dad laughed and said: "Are you going to get an Addadicktome procedure?"
My dad's girlfriend at the time: told me I was going to ruin my marriage and needed to embrace my womanhood. I (nicely) told her she should probably get to know me (I had only met her twice) before deciding her input was worth anything.
My sister (who was 14 at the time): Cried and said, "I wish I had a sister."
Because my family had assumed I was a lesbian up until coming out two years ago I'm yet to come out as bisexual to them. I'm also married so that means coming out as polyamorous as well.
I know, as supportive as my family is trying to be, they still have a very heteronormative way of thinking. To them, me being attracted to women made me being a man logical. Telling them I also sleep with gay men would probably be too much for them to wrap their heads around just yet.
One beast at a time. Right now, they know I'm a dude and are solid with that, so I'm not piling on anything else.0 -
You did better than me with my family and marriage!
My father-in-law talked to me this past Sunday and asked if I was going to "finish" it... I told him I already had and made him ask about surgery more directly. Then I told him. (I wouldn't be going for an addadicktome procedure, myself, though
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I grew up not really understanding the appeal of relationships. All of my friends were typical girly girls who had crushes on every cute boy in school, and thought I was weird if I didn't admit to having a crush too. So I pretended to have a crush on a few boys in elementary school. In high-school a friend of mine came out as gay, and it made me question if I were gay for awhile. It caused some major depression and anxiety for me, especially since one of my new friends was a born again christian who thought gays were going to hell.
Eventually, I discovered that I could appreciate both the male and female genders, so I decided I must be bisexual. I opened up to my guidance counselor, and a couple of friends who were supportive if surprised. I then spent a long time trying to figure out how to tell my mom, and eventually just blurted it out in the car. She did not react the way I was hoping. She basically told me that I wasn't because I hadn't even dated anyone yet, so how was I supposed to know that? She was sure I was just confused. I dropped it, and didn't bring it up again for a few years.
I dated a few guys, and a girl, over the years. All of them unsuccessful. The farthest I ever got was one guy groping me before he ever even tried to kiss me, and one guy giving me a kiss on valentines day. I remember thinking the kiss was very bleh. I had no interest in repeating it any time soon. Suffice to say, I am still a virgin. Lol.
So now I'm finally at a point in my life where I am again questioning my sexuality. Recently I was google searching and came across some new terms I'd never heard of. One if which is "Gray-Aromantic". Not sure if that's what I am, but I really have no interest in being in a relationship with anyone. I'm not opposed to being with someone male or female in a romantic relationship if there were a strong physical, emotional, and intellectual relationship was there, but really... who actually finds their soul mate without a ton of effort? And I don't know if I'm up for that much effort.
I even had a discussion recently with my mom about how I'm not into relationships, and even brought up the possibility of being gray-aromantic, and while confused, she responded fairly reasonably, though thinks I'll eventually find someone who is perfect for me. Who knows, maybe she's right. But for now, I'm in no hurry. If that perfect person comes along, male or female, hopefully I'll be comfortable being in a romantic relationship with them.
And that's my story. So far.
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