"Extended" Breastfeeding

Jenny_Rose77

So, initially my plan was to BF my son to 12 months as the AAP recommends. However, now that he is a year old, and not showing signs that he wants to stop BFing any time soon, my new plan is to evaluate as I go, with the idea that I may very well do this until he is 2 (which is actually what the WHO recommends).

I'm having issues though, in that my MIL and to some extent my husband and my mother, are all kind of giving me grief about this. As if I am doing some freaky thing, BFing this long. The other day my MIL was literally trying to feed my son tortilla chips and pretzels (in an effort to get him to eat "real" food). WTF? My son does eat "real" food and he also nurses. I am not ok with her trying to feed him, what, in my opinion, is junk not appropriate for a baby.

Aside from just venting, I have a question. What do I do to get these people to back off and STFU with their unwanted opinions? If it was just a stranger, it wouldn't bother me, but these are the people who are closest to me, and their lack of support is really pissing me off.

touchafaith

I feel for you. I have that exact same problem but my daughter is only 11 months old. My mum constantly says 'she doesn't need breast milk now she's just being greedy she doesn't need it that much' but my daughter nurses for comfort too so is on the breast quite alot in the day but that works for us. The comments that annoy me the most that I get every other day is 'when are you gonna stop that it's getting weird now, she's too old'. Luckily I have a very supportive partner and he encourages me to breastfeed for as long as I can/am comfortable with. The only thing I do really is ignore them, hopefully these people will one day change their views on extended breastfeeding and Iin the meantime I'll continue to enjoy the special bond that I have with my daughter.

FitMama2013

Jenny - we're also shooting for 2 years nursing and Camden is a year old this month. My husband was initially questioning anything past a year, but I reminded him that any amount of breastmilk will help ward off sickness. So, I told him I would like to nurse through next winter, which would put Camden around 2 years old, and also will coincide with the timeframe where we'd like to TTC #2.

I also reminded him of the benefits for ME with each additional month of nursing - less cancer risks, namely.

I have encountered some questions from others on my plan and many "yeah, just wait until blah blah blah, you won't want to nurse through that." So, I keep it open ended. I say that I have no plans to wean and want to just let things happen as we want them to. We're flexible. I have no cut off dates. I have no expectations. I just want to feed my baby the way I was meant to for as long as he needs/wants it.

Stay strong - you're doing a great thing for G and yourself!

redheadmommy

I BFed my son until he was almost 2 yrs old as the WHO recommends. My immediate family didn't give me any problem, but extended family and acquaintances were a different story.
I always told them that WHO recommends based on the most current science and expert opinion so I am doing. If I felt snarky I ask the person if they obtained a Phd in infant /toddler nutrition or why they are pretend to know it better then expert at the WHO. Women designed to Bf for a few years, it is only this last century and making women boobs a sex object distort tghe notion that breast are there for breastfeed for a looong time.

Although I BF for that long, I stopped Bfing public around 9-10 months to avoid comments. In the second year , it was really just prior bedtime, after getting up, after picking up at daycare or prior naptime.

Also put you foot down NOW when it comes grandparents feeding him junk. This has nothing to do with BFing , but general tendency of grandparents. It will cause some tension between them and you, but you have to go for it, otherwise you are haveing an uphill battle for the rest of your son's childhood.

I like the idea of self weaning, but with my son it didn't happaned because even at age 3 he was not ready. I weaned in order to start hormone therapy as a preparation for a second child, and it was emotionally hard on the both of us.
The longer you Bfed the best your son immune system will be, and it lowers the risk of breastcancer for you. In any case go with the flow. If he wants it, and you are ok with it, go for it. It is really only the 2 of you business.

Are you planning any more kids ? Have you talked to your husband about that? When? If you are planning a second child soon, there is a good chance G wean himself during your pregnancy. The taste and whatnot is changes, and usually during the 2nd trimester the previous child wean himself.

chickybuns

I agree about sharing the benefits and if they don't care then they don't have the best interest of you or your child in mind, just ignore them. It sucks that people this day are so weird about that. Even my ped,( I only pump), I asked her how much breastmilk he should be getting at his year appointment and she said I should switch him to whole milk, so I just ignored her. I will give him whole milk when I'm ready. I like the idea especially of nursing though winter months. Good luck!

edisonswifey

Look up breast is best on fb they have all kinds of articles that you can show them proving the benefits of breastfeeding. I like you had the one year plan that has been extended due to babies desire to continue. However when I did start regular milk here and there while still breastfeeding, she broke out in hives. So now I'm back to just breastfeeding while tests are ran to see what she's allergic to. She eats table foods also. She loves onions lol.

kcasey155

I'm bf my fifth at the moment. I bf the first four until one of us was ready to quit, between 17 and 23 months each. My first self weaned, but the rest would have hung on to a couple of feeds a day forever and I was ready for a full night's sleep by the time they were 18 months. I don't think I carried on feeding in public once they started solids though. People do give you funny looks once the baby is approaching a year old. However, I would continue to feed as long as you both like. Don't be influenced by others. As long as they're fully weaned by the time they're talking in full sentences, that's my cut off point!

RBXChas

My mother knows better than to say something to me about that... But if she did, I'd firmly put her in her place. I'm going to guess that your mother is an intelligent, reasonable woman who would read and understand any research to which you directed her or would appreciate anything you could quote.

Your MIL, however, is a different story. I am not a big fan of mine, and she has serious Open-Mouth-Insert-Foot Syndrome. Since I will never hear the end of it if I stand up to her, my understanding with my husband is that he deals with her, and I deal with my family. I'm suggesting your husband handle his mother.

This does mean that you need him in your camp. Why does he say anything bad about continuing to BF? Even if everyone else supported me, it would really bug me if my husband didn't support me. I suggest a real heart-to-heart/sit-down/whatever you want to call it wherein you explain that you need his support in this.

You're not weird for BFing past age one! As much as I'm dying to wean him, I have a distinct feeling J will be tough to wean :-/

Jenny_Rose77

My mother knows better than to say something to me about that... But if she did, I'd firmly put her in her place. I'm going to guess that your mother is an intelligent, reasonable woman who would read and understand any research to which you directed her or would appreciate anything you could quote.

Your MIL, however, is a different story. I am not a big fan of mine, and she has serious Open-Mouth-Insert-Foot Syndrome. Since I will never hear the end of it if I stand up to her, my understanding with my husband is that he deals with her, and I deal with my family. I'm suggesting your husband handle his mother.

This does mean that you need him in your camp. Why does he say anything bad about continuing to BF? Even if everyone else supported me, it would really bug me if my husband didn't support me. I suggest a real heart-to-heart/sit-down/whatever you want to call it wherein you explain that you need his support in this.

You're not weird for BFing past age one! As much as I'm dying to wean him, I have a distinct feeling J will be tough to wean :-/

My mother BF'ed my brother and I until we were 8 months, because back then, I guess, our pedi told her that's when she should start us on cow milk, and she just followed what the doctor told her. She didn't go on about it or anything when I told her I was still nursing, but she did register surprise.

My husband doesn't really care what I choose to do, he basically would support me no matter what. The only thing is he was raised by my MIL who is actually pretty anti-breastfeeding, and I assume some of the way he was raised causes him to say things like, "Wouldn't it be easier if we just gave him a bottle?" (And I have to remind him what a pain it is for me to pump and how that tanks my supply, etc. Then he's like, "Ok." Lol.)

But my MIL is really getting on my nerves with her anti-BF'ing. In the beginning, when he was a newborn, she would always point out how I could have "more of a life" (her words) if I just gave the baby bottles (of formula). My husband and his siblings were basically raised by his nanny (who is still in his life, and who he refers to as his second mother). I respect that is what she wanted for herself, but it's not for me. I wish she'd step-back about it. It's actually making me avoid her a bit.

Pepper2185

Nobody really asks me about breastfeeding anymore, they just assume I have stopped because Max hit the magical 12 months (He's 15 months now).

I think the older generations are just used to having babies on formula or weaned at earlier ages. And some of them are clueless about nutrition in general - and want to feed babies pastries and crap like that.

For people that DO ask me, I tell them that Max has no intention of stopping and we'll wean when HE wants to (which could be tomorrow, or when he's 2). He only nurses in the morning and at night, and it works for the both of us and anyone else can piss off.

Also: my doctor told me that as long as breastfeeding was working for us, that she would recommend at least 18 months - so I offer that little tidbit to anyone who questions things.

I'm surprised that so many people care what other women are doing with their boobs.

High five to you for feeding your baby healthy!

RBXChas

You really hit the nail on the head - older generations were taught that formula was actually better than BFing. It wasn't until about the 90s that the tide turned. Your MIL would have had to bottle-feed (and presumably wouldn't have had time to pump, though I'm not sure if pumps were really highly available back then) if she had a nanny from Day One. What's sad is that she's imposing that on you.

My MIL was holding baby J and gave him a peanut shell. My husband and I both saw it as it was happening, and we both jumped up to stop her. She was like, "Oh, yeah, allergies," but I told her not only allergies but he could choke on that as well. Instead of apologizing, she justified it by saying she thought he might like to suck the salt off the peanut shell. Um, no. Babies don't need salt. (Still no apology, just more justifications, which makes me understand why I never ever hear an apology for anything from my husband. Drives me nuts! I probably over-apologize, but still.)

She is one of those "this is how I did it, and all my kids survived, so you should be ok with it, too" types. Thank God my BIL is a pediatrician because he can reinforce things like that.

BeckyJill7

Nobody really asks me about breastfeeding anymore, they just assume I have stopped because Max hit the magical 12 months (He's 15 months now).

I think the older generations are just used to having babies on formula or weaned at earlier ages. And some of them are clueless about nutrition in general - and want to feed babies pastries and crap like that.

For people that DO ask me, I tell them that Max has no intention of stopping and we'll wean when HE wants to (which could be tomorrow, or when he's 2). He only nurses in the morning and at night, and it works for the both of us and anyone else can piss off.

Also: my doctor told me that as long as breastfeeding was working for us, that she would recommend at least 18 months - so I offer that little tidbit to anyone who questions things.

I'm surprised that so many people care what other women are doing with their boobs.

High five to you for feeding your baby healthy!

Almost this exactly for me too. Caitlin is 14 months and people just assume we're done nursing. I feel it's a non-issue... until someone asks and passes judgment. I thought for sure my mom would be super supportive but instead she's taken the stance that I'm a b'feeding "nazi". I put her right in her place. My MIL is super supportive and so is my big brother which totally surprised me but is awesome. My husband shocked me the other day when I told him I was thinking about weaning myself from pumping. He said NO WAY, keep the breastmilk coming as long you can! That stuff is so healthy. Then he backtracked and said "I mean, I support whatever you want to do, it's your body. But that milk is important. Just my two cents." I thought it was amazing and helped motivate to keep up with pumping while at work. It's only once a day but I know you other pumping mama's know how I feel... 14 months strong.

Pepper2185

@BeckyJill - I think having your husband on board makes the biggest difference! My husband said the same thing, and it thought it was so cool of him! Definitely makes dealing with the questions of anyone else much easier when you know you have that support!

FitMama2013

It's only once a day but I know you other pumping mama's know how I feel... 14 months strong.

totally get this we've dropped to once at work and it's glorious...now I can fit in a workout on the other part of my lunch break!

Mewlingstork

I still nurse my 15 month old in public, when the nursing agitation from being 23 weeks pregnant isn't too bad. I've only had positive comments from strangers and family alike, so I am sooo sorry people are questioning you! I have had a couple of conversations where it headed into the when will I wean territory and I always say, "Hopefully he'll go to an in-state college so we can continue even then.". It usually stops that *kitten* right there. The recommendation is *at least* two years, if things are going smoothly for mother and baby. No magical off switch for when breastmilk and nursing lose their value. My guy nurses, but I don't think I produce much milk at this point, but he's still really attached to the nursing. If I could stand it, he would probably still nurse 4-7 times in a 24 hour period!

I like the thought of looking up some specific facts online about breastfeeding and food in general to bring out for the nay sayers. Or the fall back of that's what the doctor recommends usually works as well. Good luck and good for you for nursing!

Jenny_Rose77

I have had a couple of conversations where it headed into the when will I wean territory and I always say, "Hopefully he'll go to an in-state college so we can continue even then.". It usually stops that *kitten* right there.

LOL!! I may steal this.

ramsx1991

My MIL tried giving me crap about breastfeeding when LO was a newborn. She was jealous that she couldn't give LO what I can. I told her to mind her own business. If anybody ever tried feeding my 12 month old pretzels and chips, especially without asking then I would immediately tell them to leave. That's not okay. Chips are a major choking hazard! You need to tell your MIL to let you be the parent. And as for your husband... Tell him to ask your LOs pedi what they think about breastfeeding past 1. I'm sure once he realizes that it's recommended then he will change his mind. Makes me so angry when I hear about MILs trying to bully and boss parents around. My MIL used to be like this until I started sticking up for myself and it feels good! You need to release your mama bear and stand up for what YOU think is best for your child.

Mary407

Fortunately, my MIL is supportive and my own mom is just going with what we prefer, so I really feel for you in your situation. Every child is different, and you as a parent understand this best. Our first daughter breast fed for 18 months, but the last 6 or so of that she was mostly just feeding before bed and it was more of a comfort thing. Our youngest is 19 months now and still feeds three to four times a day - for real nutrition. I'm sure she'll keep it up for a while longer, which is great by me. She is not a very vigorous eater when it comes to solids, though we always present her with many healthy options and she eats what she wants. I've discussed this with our family doctor who says this is all fine - she's healthy, happy, and growing. The best suggestion I can give you is to talk with your child's doctor, who I'm sure will be supportive of your decision, and then let your un-supportive family know what he/she says. If your MIL tries to contradict your doctor... well... then she just has issues. You are doing what's best for your baby.

Mary407

OMG - that "in state school" comment is hysterical! I am so going to steal this comeback if anyone ever questions me feeding my 19 MO in public, which I certainly do. Awesome!

jls8209

I've been lucky that nobody has given me grief about still BFing (14.5 months now). My mom thinks it's great, the inlaws haven't said anything, and it's the norm in my circle of friends. If I did hear any negative comments, I would also give the WHO/2 years bit of info, and depending on who the commenter was, I would also probably tell them it's none of their business. It bugs me when people are judgy about what parenting decisions mothers make, and I don't feel the need to defend or justify myself like I used to.

My MIL was holding baby J and gave him a peanut shell. My husband and I both saw it as it was happening, and we both jumped up to stop her. She was like, "Oh, yeah, allergies," but I told her not only allergies but he could choke on that as well. Instead of apologizing, she justified it by saying she thought he might like to suck the salt off the peanut shell. Um, no. Babies don't need salt. (Still no apology, just more justifications, which makes me understand why I never ever hear an apology for anything from my husband. Drives me nuts! I probably over-apologize, but still.)

She is one of those "this is how I did it, and all my kids survived, so you should be ok with it, too" types. Thank God my BIL is a pediatrician because he can reinforce things like that.

As for MIL issues, we had the exact thing as RBX happen over the holidays. We DO have a genuine fear about Rose eating nuts right now because she had a reaction to something that had the "may contain peanuts or other nuts" warning on the label. We won't know for sure until we see the allergist in a few weeks. DH had several conversations with his parents about this issue before we went to stay with them over the holidays. Sure enough, MIL gave the older grandchildren chocolates with nuts in them and let them run around while eating them, and of course they got food on the floor. She also offered to make plain chicken for Rose's lunch one day (the rest of use were having spicy), and when I asked what it was cooked in (we have to keep a detailed food journal until we confirm/rule out this allergy), she mentioned she'd added salt. I told her kids never need salt and got "Oh, it's just for flavour" as a response, and I went on a no-salt spiel that just resulted in a blank stare from MIL. She's also the "this is how I did it, my kids survived" type, too. We also had a heated debate about giving Rose a pillow and blanket to sleep with, but that's another story...

Anyway, your DH definitely needs to be on board when it comes to your MIL (or anybody) giving your little guy food without permission. If she's still not listening, you might need to step up, too, and you both need to stick to your guns. I've watched my MIL ignore BIL and ESPECIALLY his wife for the past 7 years, and it's a never ending issue. DH and I have learned a lot, and we now discuss before we head to their house what will we do if x happens, and while I try to let DH handle things first, I do step in and back him up when she's not listening. Fortunately for us there's 18 hours between us and our families, so these issues only pop up once in a while.

veganbettie

I'm still nursing my 18 month old, and in public, with no cover.

So i'll make a stand for everyone else that doesn't feel comfortable doing so.

Your boobs, your business.

You really need to take a stand with your MIL now before she takes advantage of you, most people especially MIL s will do whatever they feel best, they tend to dismiss the DIL. Be firm. You don't have to be mean, but you need to be firm and stand up for yourself and your child.