Can't take this roller coaster anymore... HELP!

FractalFae

I'm so sick of this up and down roller coaster that binging/emotional eating has caused in my life. I was doing great at the beginning of this month... eating right, exercising, weight was going down... Then I got sick. Now I've been stuffing my face with anything you put in front of me, I haven't been going to the gym, and I'm terrified to get on the scale.

I swear to god I've been doing this for 10 years. How do I stop? How do i get my brain to realize this is not okay? I can't take these ups and downs anymore!!!! Help please!

phabphour20

A few things I would say, and I am no expert. I am still fighting this, but have really addressed it in therapy and with my wife for the first time ever. I basically 'came out' to my therapist and my wife and it has been incredibly helpful. I am 32 years old and can remember hiding food and binge eating from the time I was about 12.

Have you read Overcoming Binge Eating Disorder by Christopher Fairburn? If not, please do. It has a lot of information that is extremely helpful. When I read it I was shocked to learn that there were other people that had this problem and it wasn't just my own weakness, sloth and gluttony. It is a real thing.

Second... do you have a therapist? I have recently found a good one and it makes all the difference in the world. She helps me think about things in new ways and make connections between my thoughts, actions and my past and present.

Third, something that has helped me get over a couple urges in the past few weeks, is just thinking about getting through today. Just one day. Make today the most important thing. Get through today. Forget the future. Forget telling yourself things like I used to... 'if I can just eat healthy and exercise for a year, then I'll be normal weight and be happy' or 'I just binged, guess I won't make my goal for our summer vacation, all is lost, screw it.' One day is eminently reasonable. A year is not. And "failure," the false failure from your own unrealistic expectations is incredibly damaging.

Eventually today becomes every day and you start to string together a pretty nice run of binge-free days.

It takes work to fix it, but binge eating disorder is actually VERY curable through treatment. Read Overcoming Binge Eating Disorder. Really. You'll be glad you did.

Keep up hope. Stay strong. And above all, be kind to yourself. It isn't weakness when you binge.

IsMollyReallyHungry

Excellent recommendations......I 2nd everything mentioned. I have been out of therapy for years and it is helpful. Now I have to apply what I have learned over the years. Find a therapist that specializes in cognitive behaviors would be good too. Depending on where you live their is a lot of treatment out there for eating disorders. If you have insurance, most will help with the cost too.

I have read the book referenced about twice over the years. It is a lot of technical stuff but explains a lot and definitely a good read.

The only thing I am not sure I can agree on is overcoming binge eating. I am not sure if you ever will overcome it but I definitely believe it can be managed. The urges can be managed. Even when I binge now, they are not real binges like in my past. They may even be classified as overeating. Either way because we always will have to eat unlike other addicts I feel it can be managed. Not sure on the overcoming but I am not sure and definitely not an expert.

phabphour20

The only thing I am not sure I can agree on is overcoming binge eating. I am not sure if you ever will overcome it but I definitely believe it can be managed. The urges can be managed. Even when I binge now, they are not real binges like in my past. They may even be classified as overeating. Either way because we always will have to eat unlike other addicts I feel it can be managed. Not sure on the overcoming but I am not sure and definitely not an expert.

I think some overeating is normal. As in, people without eating disorders overeat sometimes. They waddle over to the couch and say, 'wow, I'm stuffed.' And then they move on. Binge eaters, at least in my case, view this overeating as akin to something far worse, like stealing from the elderly lady next door. I feel guilty and hate myself which leads the overeating into a full-blown binge. There are other reasons why people binge, but this is a big one for me.

Personally I seem to have lost complete sense of what normal eating is. This is from Ellyn Satter:

“Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it—not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings.”

I think once someone understands why they binge and how to control them for the most part, if they then understand what normal eating is, then binge eating can be overcome. I don't think I will ever have a normal relationship with food. But I am going to try to get there and have to hold out hope that I can.

danifo0811

I have the same problem. I do good and mentally I can't figure out why it is so hard to do all the time. However, if anything disrupts my routine (me sick, sick kids, extra activities, anything that makes me feel tired the next day) I struggle.

What really frustrates me is that I could eat reasonably on those days because I do have reasonable meals because of the kids but I actually put effort into finding food to binge on so I am actively making the situation worse.

Although I've always had problems with binging, it used to be 1-2 days a month not most of the time like it is now.

bunnies26

Life is hard, and binging for me is about escape. Good advice here.