Mental Blocks
mmipanda
Posts: 351 Member
Guess I'm looking for anyone who has similar hangups. Advice on how to get over them, or around them, etc.
Normally my self-esteem is a-ok. But as soon as I'm trying to do something exercise-related, my brain turns into a pit of self-loathing and I sabotage myself. I lose all willpower to continue because my brain keeps telling me horrible things.
I started NROL4W recently based on advice from someone on the mfp forums. And its been going well; I had trackable progress and could see improvement. Now I'm approaching the end of Stage 1. The last 4 times I have gone to the gym, it has ended in tears. I can think of a few reasons for the nosedive in confidence:
- my partner has lost so much weight that he is almost MY weight! I get very anxious about this idea of him weighing less than me, but I can't bring myself to say anything because it is dumb and selfish to even think about HIS health in terms of how it affects ME.
- I seem to be in a cycle of feeling disappointed that I am not progressing quickly enough -> don't go to gym as often as I should -> don't get results I should be because of infrequency -> disappointment. and so on.
so.... help?
Normally my self-esteem is a-ok. But as soon as I'm trying to do something exercise-related, my brain turns into a pit of self-loathing and I sabotage myself. I lose all willpower to continue because my brain keeps telling me horrible things.
I started NROL4W recently based on advice from someone on the mfp forums. And its been going well; I had trackable progress and could see improvement. Now I'm approaching the end of Stage 1. The last 4 times I have gone to the gym, it has ended in tears. I can think of a few reasons for the nosedive in confidence:
- my partner has lost so much weight that he is almost MY weight! I get very anxious about this idea of him weighing less than me, but I can't bring myself to say anything because it is dumb and selfish to even think about HIS health in terms of how it affects ME.
- I seem to be in a cycle of feeling disappointed that I am not progressing quickly enough -> don't go to gym as often as I should -> don't get results I should be because of infrequency -> disappointment. and so on.
so.... help?
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Replies
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My partner's a full foot taller than me and at one point, the difference between our weights was itself getting dangerously slim. He could put on my jeans, easy.
I think we have a vision in our heads sometimes of how it's "supposed" to be--but think about it: depending on your height, even, this ideal falls apart; and there are plenty of heavier women with smaller men and both partners love the arrangement!
For your own mental health, perhaps you can try to let that ideal go; that way there are no comparisons, no fretting about it. it'd be better for both of you. It has nothing to do with selfishness. Men and women sometimes lose at different rates, anyway, and they don't have to deal with monthly fluctuating hormones and the weight that comes with them. Your feelings aren't dumb, but perhaps you can move them in a different direction. Acknowledge them, and let them go.
Re: reason two--
I only lift 2x a week on average. I keep two days off in between and try to use at least one of those days for a run or walk. I don't like the gym. I dislike treadmills and ellipticals. I walk outside, the weather be damned. That way if I get at least a mile from my house, I have to walk the mile back. And I like being outside.
How do you define progress? At first I lose a few pounds and a few inches lifting.. I've been in a holding pattern lately, but I'm not eating all that cleanly and eating a bit too much. I forgive myself that (usually--I'm only human) and keep on keeping on. Hell, last week I ate my way through New Orleans, no regrets about that!
So give yourself a little wiggle room--try to lift twice a week, and try to get outside some. Put away the scale, the measuring tape. Think about how much stronger your'e getting, how much your bone density is improving (I'm over 35, so this concerns me--my gram has osteoporosis, and I don't want it), all those non-scale victories that we sometimes just have to keep in our heads.
J.0 -
It seems to me that you are comparing yourself to too many things. How do you know how far you SHOULD have progressed by now? Everyone reacts differently to comparison, for me, it is my drive to do better.
As for the partner thing, there are a few couples out there where the guy is smaller than the lady. Most of the time, it is genetics. Most of us women want to be smaller, whereas most of those "smaller" guys want to be bigger and they probably have to work just as hard, if not harder, to achieve it.
Also, as weird as this is to know.. my hubby can drop 5 lbs just urinating. It would take me weeks/months to lose those 5 lbs.0 -
i'm sorry, i've become terrible at remembering to check in here. thank you both for your comments!
I've just given myself some time away from the gym. I figure a week off can't hurt too much. Felt like I was doing more damage by forcing myself to go and crying through it.
The other positive is, taking the time away means that i've dropped a bit of water weight, so its nice to see the scales take a dip after spending a long time at the same weight.0
