I gained 1.1 pounds in one hour. I'm so tired of this.

Rosieannaxo

On January 1, 2014 I promised myself to not binge. I told myself I was going to just fight the urge. My binges are not prompted by emotions. I honestly don't know what sparks them, they happen randomly. There isn't a set day or time that it happens. I binge on healthy and unhealthy foods. I'm not just overeating. When I binge, hunger is irrelevant. Being full is irrelevant. It's just about putting the food into my mouth, chewing, swallowing, and then repeating until the food makes me sick. But even after that, I just wait till I digested some and then continue. When I binge, I'm fully aware of my actions. I weigh and measure the food I binge on. But I'm incapable of stopping. A strong force takes over me and overwhelms me. I can't control it no matter how hard I try. If I suppress it, the urge grows until it becomes painful. I always give in because the pain of a extremely full stomach is less than the pain of suppressing the urge to binge.

Today, I ate 3,186 calories over my 1400 daily calorie intake which means my total for today is 4,586 calories.

That's 1.1 pounds I ate today. Probably more. All my hard work of a calorie deficit. Gone. In an hour. 3,186 calories in one hour.

I'm so tired of this cycle. I'm so tired of constantly feeling guilty. How do I stop this cycle? How can I gain some control over my urges?

phabphour20

Hi Rosie! Thanks for your post. The first step is seeking help and you have done that.

I am a married man with young children and I have been bingeing for almost 20 years. If I have learned one thing, it is that promises to yourself are hard to keep. I cannot tell you how many times I have promised myself "this is the last time" or "on Monday I will eat clean" and "this is the year I get control of my eating." It doesn't work.

And beyond that, it can even become extremely counterproductive. I have a LONG history of setting weight loss goals for myself. Some specific date in the future, usually 6 months or so out, like a beach vacation, will be my target. I'll set a reasonable goal, like 2 pounds a week. It'll go great for a few weeks or even a month or two, then I'll slip. I'll miss a gym trip or two, get drunk with my friends and eat half a pizza, wake up hungover, hating myself, and then I'll start a true binge. If I can't stop it immediately (which I can't), then I have backtracked weeks towards my goal and it becomes impossible and I hate myself more and I binge more.

Then I'll eat garbage for the rest of that time period, be miserable at the beach, and then tell myself that next year is the year I will be comfortable with my shirt off at the beach. You can probably guess what happens next. Wash, rinse and repeat. For a decade.

What you describe in that first paragraph is exactly how a lot of us feel. The feeling of lost control, the regret and guilt.

I will recommend the same two things to you that I will for almost anyone struggling with binge eating disorder...

1.) Read Overcoming Binge Eating Disorder by Fairburn. It has great information (that let me know what I do is common) and also a method of self-treatment that can be effective. Especially if combined with...

2.) Find a good therapist. Preferably a Doctor of Psychology. Mine has been invaluable. Whether you know it or not, binge eating is an emotional response. It might not feel that way or be a result of an immediate stimulus, but it is. You need to figure out why you binge. Walk into a Doctor of Psychology's office on your first visit and say "I have binge eating disorder and I need help."

I'm glad you posted. It is the first step toward recovery and a healthy future.

Best of luck and feel free to send me a message if you want more advice or just need to talk.

-PP

Edit: typos...

bunnies26

I wish I knew.....just know that you are not alone.

MSWDiet

WOW, WE REALLY ARE LEADING PARALLEL LIVES. I'VE DONE THE SAME MORE TIMES THAN I CAN REMEMBER. THE EATING WHEN FULL, WAITING FOR ROOM, THEN CONTINUING TO EAT HITS HOME.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. ONLY THOSE WHO LIVE THIS UNDERSTAND. KEEP AT IT. WE MUST NEVER GIVE UP. OVER TIME YOU WILL FIGURE OUT THE CAUSE OF YOUR BE SO YOU CAN WORK AT MAKING THE CHANGES YOU NEED.


I'M NOT SHOUTING AT YOU I'M JUST HARD OF SEEING. ;-)
.

rlnadolny

Hon your definitely not alone. I'm all to familar with the post binge pain.

eso2012

First of all, what you have described is binge eating disorder, clinically defined. I am in the same boat. I am saying that because recognition is the first step. Some people call "over eating" as binging which is not true.

Second of all, that's why we are here!!!

Thirdly, I have many many stories to share. I started in my 20s, getting better over time, then suddenly had relapses in my 40s!! I am just getting over one right now. While I think my method may work for you, please bear in mind that everyone is different, and I certainly am not "cured"...in fact, I think BED will be in you for life, it is a matter of keeping it in check, understanding the roots and being prepared for the urges.

So, here's what I do
1. Do NOT weigh yourself daily and DEFINITELY not hourly! Even if you were not binge-eating, you can put on 1.5 pounds after a normal meal. I know I am on the right path when I see a higher number on the scale and I did not freak, knowing that getting rid of a few pounds is easy.

2. You may not be aware of the triggers but they are there. Without psychoanalysing yourself to death, you still need to figure out (a) triggers (b) how you feel before binge (c) the root of the whole issue. (C) of course is the most important, also the hardest, may not be sometjing you can do alone, and definitely not something you can achieve overnight.

3. The need to self-exam (as in point 2 above) is a long exercise. Meanwhile, to get out of the cycle you need to make yourself feel better right away. Or at least NOT negative. Ignoring the scale is one thing. Creating an environment of good eating is another. When I say "good eating", I do NOT mean keeping to a cal count, immediately switch to "good food only'. etc. In fact, I think the best baby step ever is to just eat at meal time, eat WHATEVER you want but slowly and mindfully, re-learn the sense of fullness. Visualizing or even creating great looking dishes help. Enjoying the process of cooking and dining (in or out) helps. Basically, try to eat like a non-binge-eater. Forget about healthy stuff...just get that rhythm first!

4. Exercise. as long you get the heart rate up and sweat, it gives you a boost of mental juice that is so important to feel alive and kick you out of the binge-eating trance (mine certainly feels like trances).

5. Do not do New Year Resolution. OK, I know you did it, but you do not have to do the "As of 1 Feb" thing. I find that it is a process of slowing starting it, easing into it....the whole date-driven resoltuion will add pressure...and stress...and the issue of control is what leads to binge-eating in the first place.

Sorry this is soooo long. I lived through this, am living through this, and would like to let you know - you are not alone. And I welcome to hear how you cope and get out of the cycle in the near future!

eliz229

hey rosie - i really sympathize with you. i'm just realizing in the last few months that i have binge eating disorder...but i'm trying to tell myself that it's not entirely my fault! i definitely get those overwhelming, painful desires to eat that you speak of-- but i believe that they come from our bodies being addicted to sugar, carbs, etc. it's really no different than say heroin! and while it SUCKS to get yourself addicted, dont blame yourself for not being able to fight the urges so easily. i blame Nabisco and Hershey and Edy's and Coca Cola and all the others to some extent.

while i know this isnt helpful in breaking the addiction, i do hope it helps you to not be so hard on yourself! you can beat this...in time you can get that addiction out of your body. let me know if you need a buddy to talk to. like i said, im struggling myself and could use a friend who understands