Week 3 Chat (3-9 February)

Miffylou

Wow mungo, that sure is not an easy thing to deal with, especially if you're doing it on your own.

When the kids were younger we used the chart system for getting ready in the morning which worked for us but this was with a six and seven yr old, so completely different age group.

michable

Hi Mungo, I like that you have a reward system in place for your son to encourage him to go to school.

I used to work with a young man with significant behavioural concerns relating to going to school. He had ADHD, ASD, significant anxiety, and an intellectual disability. He did not want to get in the taxi to go to school - he would refuse to leave the house, and would often start punching the walls, smashing windows, etc. If he got to the taxi, he would start hitting and punching the car, and run off; anything to avoid getting in the taxi to go to school. If he got to school, he would often refuse to get out of the taxi; if he got to his classroom, he would have a meltdown and have to go to the office. It turned out that he had had a teacher that year who had been very negative and punitive towards him, and even after the teacher was removed from the class, the classroom was still a trigger for him. The following year, he had a new teacher with a great attitude, a different classroom, and he was a different boy. The new teacher did say that she only saw behavioural issues with him when he went to his old classroom.

There may not be such an easily identifiable cause with your son, but try to find out why he doesn't want to go to school - maybe there is something going on at school that could be addressed (you'd be lucky if the school did tell you anything, though - usually they like to say the problem is all in the child, or his medication isn't right, or it's what is happening at home). Also, what reward system do they have in place at school to make school a more rewarding and reinforcing place for him to be? Good luck! These issues are never simple, and can't be solved quickly or easily.

SkimFlatWhite68

My heart goes out to you Robin.

I've had my own difficulties with my DD, but nothing like that. I can't imagine being called those things by someone I love and cherish.

Cudos to you for hanging in there and looking for answers XXX

mungowungo

Thank you three - no it isn't easy. I sometimes feel like it's one step forward, two steps back and it gets to me sometimes, especially when helpful people say silly things like just get him into a routine - that one always makes me laugh.

My son doesn't have an intellectual disability - quite the opposite, in fact. In last year's NAPLAN he was above the school average in everything and he barely went to school. His reports all say he could so much better if he actually attended. At school they are not much into rewards (except for once a year when the most consistently well behaved are taken on an excursion - last year was Sydney, this year is the Gold Coast - my daughter gets invited to these - my son has given up on the idea) They seem to be more punative in their general approach - he spent most of last year on a level, detention or on in school detention (some of these were stupid things like not having sport uniform - then he gets upset for being placed on a level and it just escalates from there. Or some of the kids seem to like pushing his buttons and he reacts - no stop button). I do understand why he doesn't really want to go - but he is also insistent that he doesn't want to be Home schooled - I also don't think this would be a good idea either - my sanity is important. The school won't change their system - though they are thinking of forming another class especially for the children with severe behavioural problems - I really don't know if this would help him or is just benefiting the other teachers, since they won't have to deal with him and the other handful of kids in that class.

I have also had my fair share of smashed windows, walls, furniture etc. It's just getting to me lately that I get called names and poked, prodded, flicked, slapped and all I can do is say that I don't do that to you so don't do it to me.

Punishment doesn't work with him at all - he'll just retreat into I don't care mode - that's why I focus on a rewards system.

sweetysmum

Evening all, will be back on track tomorrow, got a new laptop up and running, this week has been a right off. Laptop died, 4 year old deleted my sd card in my phone so I lost a lot of photos Birthday weekend, so too much food. Hope everyone has had a great week. Will catch up tomorrow, off for an early night.

EGirl7

Not a great week for me, either - started with TTOTM and the first day was fine, and then it all went badly the second day. Third day was fine, but then my diabetes started going stupid with low blood sugars multiple times in one night, which wrote me off for the next day...and then the heat just about levelled me. I've not been going too stupid with food, because I really haven't been up to eating much at all, but the exercise component of things hasn't been happening.

Not looking forward to weighing in tomorrow, suffice to say... :-/