To The Ladies From A Husband
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MagJam2004
Posts: 651 Member
I have spent the better part of two weeks on this site, reading posts and profiles, and making my observations. I go home and spend time with my wife and I can see, in both words and expressions, her in some of these profiles and it resonates. I cannot speak for every man, and know that this is my humble opinion; and one I share with fear and trembling, and an intent to to motivate and most of all, to reassure..
Ladies, I urge you, do not lose weight to look sexy for your husbands. Do not make it a goal, to transform yourself so that he will find you attractive. Lose the weight for you. Your confidence, your betterment, and your health. One of the struggles my wife has is a lack of self esteem due to her weight and there are times when no matter how often I tell her she is beautiful she doesn't believe it. She want's to lose weight, because in her heart of hearts, she is afraid I will no longer want her. Because of that, until she fixes herself and her own self image, she will never allow herself to believe that I find her attractive, much less the drive to actually lose the weight.
The first step has to be yourself. Know that you are supported, loved, and cherished and ACT like you are. Lose the shame, then the weight. I would imagine your husband would be down for that ride. To watch his partner break loose. Where before she was paralyzed by the doubt and embarrassment, to now have the confidence to go out and DO IT. Much easier said then done, granted, but not impossible. But you have to love yourself, because you ARE loved; even if you feel gross, or big, or fluffy, or embarrassed, we don't care; we still want the best for you.
Like I said, it has been bothering me for a couple days so I wanted to share it.
Ladies, I urge you, do not lose weight to look sexy for your husbands. Do not make it a goal, to transform yourself so that he will find you attractive. Lose the weight for you. Your confidence, your betterment, and your health. One of the struggles my wife has is a lack of self esteem due to her weight and there are times when no matter how often I tell her she is beautiful she doesn't believe it. She want's to lose weight, because in her heart of hearts, she is afraid I will no longer want her. Because of that, until she fixes herself and her own self image, she will never allow herself to believe that I find her attractive, much less the drive to actually lose the weight.
The first step has to be yourself. Know that you are supported, loved, and cherished and ACT like you are. Lose the shame, then the weight. I would imagine your husband would be down for that ride. To watch his partner break loose. Where before she was paralyzed by the doubt and embarrassment, to now have the confidence to go out and DO IT. Much easier said then done, granted, but not impossible. But you have to love yourself, because you ARE loved; even if you feel gross, or big, or fluffy, or embarrassed, we don't care; we still want the best for you.
Like I said, it has been bothering me for a couple days so I wanted to share it.
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Replies
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What an amazing and thoughtful post! Your wife is a lucky woman! :flowerforyou:
I am married also and have been very fortunate to have a husband who has supported me through thick and thin and random woman moods and hormonal craziness. I can only say it is extremely helpful to have a partner who is supportive and encouraging!
I've mostly maintained my weight in the 10 years my husband and I have been together, the last year and few months ... not so much. This is a second marriage for both of us and he has never seen me at my heaviest weight but last month was my heaviest weight since I've been with him. He never blinked an eye or said one word to me. I knew he loved me no matter what. But *I* didn't love me at that weight and level of unhealthiness. And that is why I am here today. For me. Also him. Also our kids. I'm too young to just let myself go and I was reaching a point that life wasn't as enjoyable for ME which also equates to him to be completely honest. If *I* don't want to go out in public bc I HATE how I look and feel ... that DOES affect him.
I can give plenty of excuses of things that we went through, a hurricane and our house flooding was the beginning of my severe depression but at the end of the day... none of that matters. We did survive it and we're here today and it's time for me to put my big girl panties on and get my *kitten* together and move forward with life!
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! :flowerforyou:0 -
Well said, both of you!0
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The first step has to be yourself. Know that you are supported, loved, and cherished and ACT like you are. Lose the shame, then the weight. I would imagine your husband would be down for that ride. To watch his partner break loose. Where before she was paralyzed by the doubt and embarrassment, to now have the confidence to go out and DO IT. Much easier said then done, granted, but not impossible. But you have to love yourself, because you ARE loved; even if you feel gross, or big, or fluffy, or embarrassed, we don't care; we still want the best for you.
^^^ YES!! Self-loathing IS self-sabotage.0 -
Very well said. I also have a very supportive husband and he is fine with me just the way I am. He has told me multi times that I am beautiful just the way I am and that I don't need to lose the weight. However I on the other hand am very self conscious of my body. I have always been little and I hate being as big as I am now. I realize that there are some women who are trying to get to where I am now which is my heaviest weight. We are ALL working to get to where we think or need to be. I was just not happy at my weight and won't be until I reach my goal weight.0
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Good job for you and your woman needs to kiss your feet well ok not that far but she better know how luck she is. I am a blessed wife as well. I first lost weight to get sexy and as I was improving I still feel that way but I know feel so strong and confident at what my habits created this new body God has made me to be and I love it and that strength and confidence and that glow I cannot hide no matter how much I try it actually has made my husband feel very attracted and blessed at who he has to spend his life with-someone who cherishes herself enough to do something about her life to make it healthy and full of vitality and life!
Saying that it makes me feel like Im on cloud nine and that i don't have to look this way to be loved by him-but even if i didn't feel that way I still would do it for myself and positive energy only creates positive life style. Its hand in hand. Um good for you for giving support but I hope she won't abuse that support by staying where she is at….I love my what working out has done fore me not just outwardly but I love the inward transformation!!!! I feel happier all around-i have energy period-I think more sharply/focused and again feel so strong and young. Its a no brainer. I think we all focus on the end result so much we lose the means of getting their…just one step at a time and the rest will fall into place. I don't mean to sound cheesy at times but its said for a reason-its the truth
aNd I just brought an old post to life (eye roll) I dislike it when I do this…need to look at dates more often0 -
nothing wrong with bringing a old post that has so much truth to it back to life..
his wife is VERY lucky. hes right this journey should be for us first. we have to love ourselves now while becoming the person we were meant to be.
lets keep going!0 -
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