Motivation?

CalynZeigs

In the back of my mind I am still working towards the goal of running. I want to run. I loved running, I miss it more then anything else, besides possibly easy breathing itself (long story short, my second pregnancy nuked my lungs). In the back of my mind while I'm working towards getting my lungs better so I can... you know breathe, it's also so I can run again. While I'm building muscle so I am stronger and feel better, I focus on the muscles I'll need to run. I've lost around 10 pounds since this time last year (actually a little more, but I'm on a just gained some while sick, now loosing downswing atm, so 10 is close enough). Not a ton, I know, pretty slow loss, but it's something. It's made harder by the strong steroids I'm on daily and the prednisone I'm on during flares- but I'm still doing it. Each time I gain it doesn't go quite as high, and each time down is a little lower. I can run is short bursts, but I pay for it with my lungs locking down. Sometimes I can run for 20 minutes daily for a few or several days- and then I can't. I keep thinking if I just keep at it, eventually there won't be a can't. The problem is once my lungs start locking down it triggers a flare and then it's more steroids, less moving and more weight. When I focus on doing slower more controlled aerobics and inside biking the flares are farther between. Ballet, yoga, rhythm boxing, etc...

I think I would be further at this weight loss thing if I wasn't constantly fighting the battle of wanting to run, and then not being able to exercise at all when I trigger a flare. I need to stop trying to run. I need to stop working towards running. Instead of I want to run again- I want to what? What exactly am I excited to be working towards?

What is your motivation?