It happened one night...a moment of clarity

mooseschultz

I would like to share an eye-opening moment that happened to me yesterday afternoon/evening. All day long all I could think about was going home with a bottle and drinking away my anger and sadness. Had it all planned out including my exact route to get a bottle and something to eat before going home. As difficult as it was, and it was painful and stressful, I ended up at Wal-Mart walking around for a little bit after picking up a prescription...which helped get some time in before my planned night of binge drinking. While at the gym, I got a text from my brother-in-law stating that if I was bored I could come see my niece in her project display at school. No if I had been drinking, I would have missed out on that because I could not drive (or show up at a school intoxicated). Of course there are the obvious benefits of the exercise too.

My point...and I do have one It made me think of all the negative things that have happened and that I have missed because of the vice-like grip alcohol has on me. My performance at work has suffered (work being the main trigger of my drinking), my health has suffered, I lost the most amazing woman, and have missed out on so many opportunities to grow strong relationships.

Only one day sober and I feel like crap...sweating my *kitten* off and headaches. Am I naïve enough to think I will not relapse? Heavens no. Am I more motivated to try after some (sober) self-reflection? Indeed. We can do this!

Thanks for listening (or reading I guess)!

eddiesmith1

Good for you, it's a one day at a time journey. I quit Dec 21st and there have been a few days i would have liked to drink in that time (for various reasons - Christmas and new years being in there for instance - and the usual rough day reason....) I feel a whole lot better and you will as well. I lost 5 + pounds just due to quitting by the time I officially started the weight loss program in January . I quit for myself, but it has improved my relationship as well (probably saving it to be frank) there are many good reasons to not drink, there isn't one i can think of to drink (though there are lots I used)
Good luck on the journey Moose

su11378

I couldn't agree more Moose. You are so right about missing out on opportunities because of the drinking. I've had that realization too and it's been 9 days since I had a drink. I know what you mean about vice-grip it has on our lives. I'm so glad to putting myself first and getting back on track with my health. I would use alcohol as a way to escape from my life, not worth it. I've accomplished so many little things I've been avoiding in the last week just bc I cut out booze. I feel a lot more clear headed and not as depressed, anxious and paranoid. Hope you will find this too!

jacques57

Moose,

Your articulation and quality of writing tells me you live inside your head sometimes, and it takes a bottle to get out and relax. No more! You have discovered the big A-HA! Living inside your head is ok when you like yourself and there is balance in your life - you live in lots of other places, as well.

Nice to hear from you. Do not be a stranger.

bethanyka

Agree, Agree, Agree!
i know the feeling of losing hours, (and DAYS) because of drinking.
And yes. 1 day, 1 step at a time

I will admit, I recently saw a therapist, to talk about eating/ drinking/ relationship/ lack of motivation issues ( yep for me they are all related!)
She said, I used food and drinking as an "escape" - i know that was pretty obvious, but it's so true, After a long day at work, when I'm bored, when .. anything... my first thought is , toward drinking. Then i lose motivation, eat a ton, and it's a cycle.

like Moose said ^ when I am actually able to incorporate a "good escape" into my day, i can break the drinking cycle. then I feel GREAT and don't have such an urge to drink.
Working out, taking long walks with my dog, reading, beekeeping program, call my Mom, etc.

So- that's my goal these days, to incorporate new "good escapes" into my life!

Thank you for sharing, guys! Day 3 !

Bethany

mooseschultz

I so appreciate hearing from everyone and glad there is this group. Already feeling the cravings today and trying to justify to myself why it's ok to drink tonight. Trying to stay strong!

TriciannT

I am so happy I found this group, I feel you are my friends. There is a little bit of me in each of you. I come from a family that drank, my career was full of happy hours, friends and neighbors and happy hours. Let's keep the board going! I am going to friend you all for support.

TriciannT

I can so relate to most of what you said. Thank you for having the courage to type it out.

TriciannT

Thanks for the encouragement.