Why do we do it?

WanderingPomme

So, it happened again. I had the perfect day planned. In fact, perfect macros. I exercised first thing in the morning. I actually felt wonderful. I forgot about my binge the other night, I just felt great for moving around. I forgave myself.

And then, family came over. Ruined my perfect macro food. They brought over goodies and well they didn't force me to eat them but I felt like I HAD to. For them. To show them I eat. But it got worse. I kept eating and eating until after they left. 2000+ calories in an hour or two. No one even saw me eat. I ate alone. I actually didn't want anyone to see how much I ate. It would disgust them. It sure disgusted me. I feel like i'm stuck in a cycle. Spiraling down. Losing control. Forgiving myself, then f*cking up again.

Before I know it, I'll be back to my old weight. Just when I thought I was in a good mindset, it gets f*cked up by factors I cannot control. I *could* control myself, but sometimes you just can't. It's like I'm on autopilot. I know it's bad but I still do it anyway. It's like I'm being possessed by the carb monster.

I wish things in my head were different. I wish my mouth, brain and my body knew when to stop. I wish I had more self control. I wish I knew when I was full and when to stop consuming food. I wish the carb monster would stop taking over my brain and body. I wish people would stop telling me that I'm skinny. I realized that that's what triggers it -- people telling me I'm skinny or thin. It's like my body rebels and my brain helps and me, I am left out in the back seat. Just watching my brain and body do it's thing. It's like... You know that out of body experience? When you watch yourself but you're not in your body? That's what kind of happens.

I wish I stop. I wish I learn. I wish to be normal and to be back to my normal weight. I wish I forget it enough to let it go but remember it enough to never let it happen again.

How do you stop yourself? I tried talking to myself but it's like... nothing. I completely ignored myself, if that makes any sense.

Rach__19

Hi, I'm new the my fitness pal community. Although I cannot give advice as of yet, as I am still struggling with my own binge eating, I hope that you take comfort in knowing that you are absolutely not in this at all. I feel that my binge eating stems from emotional eating. I also have a good day only to completely lose control at night.

I've recently gained about a stone in 3 months from binge eating and I am terrified of going back to my original weight.

I hope that we both find a way to stop the binges, feel free to message me for support

a_jp1202

Hello Rach_19 and WanderingPomm. I'm also new to this community but thought I'd share a little bit. WanderingPomm, I related so much to your story of what seems to be an ebb and flow of binging and not binging. It's incredibly frustrating. Especially when we think we're doing so well just to have that binge find us. What I notice about a lot of us (me included) is that there is so much shame involved in the binge. Afterwards, we feel so bad about ourselves with thoughts, like you expressed, "why can't i just stop this?". or "I wish I knew when I was full" but I think it's important for us to listen to our bodies instead of trying to go against it.

I'm certainly not saying that binging is something we should indulge in, but rather that there is something that our bodies want. And it's not mass quantities of crappy food or sugar or whatever, it's something else. Which is why I think it's important to rule out all of the possibilities of what is causing the binge. Could the binge be nutritional - i.e. have you had enough vitamins? minerals? water? Are you in anyway lacking in an essential vitamin that could be making your body want to binge? If this is ruled out, we have to address (even though it's sometimes so painful to) the other possibility which is the emotional one. Questions to ask yourself could be: Do I feel fulfilled in my life? Am I using food as a coping mechanism for an underlying problem (a painful memory, an early childhood traumatic event, low self-esteem, etc)? Do I find myself obsessing over food, thinking about it during the day, whether good or bad thoughts? Am I using food obsession, dieting, or binge eating as a distraction for something deeper?

When I find myself getting stuck in the cycle of binge eating, I often ask myself these questions. Especially because we all only have one body. And whether it's skinny, fat, unhealthy, healthy, curvy, or anything in between, we must accept our bodies for what they are in the moment. I think it's difficult to say, "well I'll accept myself when I'm thinner or stop binge eating" because that's unrealistic. If we are on this journey of self-healing, we must do it from the inside out, and we must stay conscious of our self-shaming and learn to really love ourselves whether we eat 5000 calories or 500.

I guess the fact of the matter is that when we binge eat, our bodies are calling for something. Most of the time, from the people I've known, what it's calling for is not the calories of food, but the emotional comfort and distraction of food. Food, therefore, as an emotional regulator (whether you're sad or happy).

I hope that helped in some way and thanks for reading.

Sending you boundless love and support!

WanderingPomme

I don't know what it is but it happened again.

escapepod

In my mind, you're absolutely asking the right question - WHY? And making it stop is probably dependent on answering that question. Unfortunately, I think each of us can only answer for ourselves.
For me, it's a combination of factors. Eating anything with sugar is very likely to result in later binges or all day out-of-control eating. I also developed the habit of using food to "cope" with stress, anxiety, and boredom - it's an ingrained habit.
And, I'm more prone to a binge when I've been over-restricting and/or over-exercising.
I've gotten a much better handle on it this year, and am getting close to my goal weight, but I suspect it's a tendency I'll always have to fight. My best defense is to pay attention to trigger moods, work on relaxation techniques and stress relievers, keep sugar out of my body, find other indulgent treats that I enjoy but can handle in moderation, and to fuel my body appropriately and regularly.

sherambler

Bingeing is the absolute pits. I can binge just as easily on healthy food as I can junk food. One thing that's been really bothering me with bingeing lately is that my therapist and I have been trying to incorporate the use of several workbooks in our sessions. We don't visit them everytime, but there's an expectation that I'm continuting to work on them between sessions where we discuss them (there's only so much you can cover in 45 minutes). And I've noticed that on weeks when I know we're not going to talk about them, I won't open the books. I love reading, I love self-help. If I'm ready to accept myself, the bingeing, and find ways to cope, why don't I do the work consistently? I know that when I do the work consistently it puts my bingeing in check and I'm less likely to do it. It's like I sometimes go out of my way to make sure that binge can happen, you know? So self-sabotaging. So annoying. Like I ignore the tools I have and have used successfully or don't keep my hands busy when I know that's a big trigger for me.

dt3312

Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth really helped me understand why I binge. In my case, there are many different reasons. The book helped me understand these, as well as gave me practical ways to stop binging. It is really helping me. Since I read the book, my binging has decreased to almost not at all.