venting
michellemybelll
Posts: 2,228 Member
**fair warning: there will copious use of swear words in the following**
I have been ****ing up royally for the past month. I have had more binge days than not. I'm so damn angry at myself for being so weak. My resolve will be as strong as steel in the morning and through until after lunch, but then it just dissolves. I get off work, and go by the grocery AGAIN and spend money i don't have on all my favorite sweets and then stuff myself silly. WHY the **** do i do this? I don't feel stressed, anxious, whatever. Aside from allowing my life to revolve around this bull****, I'm pretty happy. I'm madly in love with the best man in the world (who, btw, is so unbelievably wonderfully outstandingly ****ing supportive and patient with me about all my STUPID food and eating issues), my family is great and also very supportive of me, work is good - what.the.**** is my problem??
whatever. i don't need more excuses, i just need to get it together. i'm just SO frustrated and angry at myself. I need to climb out of this deep dark hole, and then fill it with cement because i NEVER want to come back here.
i guess that concludes my outburst for now. not gonna lie, felt good to just type out what i've been screaming at myself in my head.
I have been ****ing up royally for the past month. I have had more binge days than not. I'm so damn angry at myself for being so weak. My resolve will be as strong as steel in the morning and through until after lunch, but then it just dissolves. I get off work, and go by the grocery AGAIN and spend money i don't have on all my favorite sweets and then stuff myself silly. WHY the **** do i do this? I don't feel stressed, anxious, whatever. Aside from allowing my life to revolve around this bull****, I'm pretty happy. I'm madly in love with the best man in the world (who, btw, is so unbelievably wonderfully outstandingly ****ing supportive and patient with me about all my STUPID food and eating issues), my family is great and also very supportive of me, work is good - what.the.**** is my problem??
whatever. i don't need more excuses, i just need to get it together. i'm just SO frustrated and angry at myself. I need to climb out of this deep dark hole, and then fill it with cement because i NEVER want to come back here.
i guess that concludes my outburst for now. not gonna lie, felt good to just type out what i've been screaming at myself in my head.
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Replies
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I felt the SAME way the past few times it's happened to me. I don't have a solution for you, but I will say that I started up therapy and bought a lot of self-help books and intuitive eating books and those things all helped. You will get there, just keep trying!0
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You are not alone. I could have written the same words after one of my episodes. Breathe. You're right, it's good to let that chit out! You may find that it could help you before the binge if you try to sit and write what it is that's making you want to give in.
Move on and take baby steps. I won't lie, you want to think 'that's it, that's the last one'. But you will have slip-ups, and that's okay. Just remember to get up and move on again. Little by little, you can build a healthier mindset with this
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I do the same stuff.. On the way home from work I drive by so many food choices, or when I get home I just eat and eat and eat. My bf made a comment about how he isn't used to spending so much money on food, made me feel totally ****ty. I feel like I'll never be able to stop sometimes.0
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I can totally relate to your post...foul language and all! I have been greatly helped by Geneen Roth's book, Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, which others in this group have recommended. It has helped me break a lot of my bad eating patterns.0
