The "Fat" Mentality

Rindabu

My mother and I had Gastric bypass done 7 months ago. Last week was my son's 3rd birthday and we had his party at Mr. Gattis. My husband and I went to ride the bumper cars and out of habit i asked about the weight limit. The girl who was running the bumper cars looked at me like I had grown an extra head right in front of her. I've been thinking.

All this week one question has been running through my head.

"When does fat end?"

It's something I never thought to ask myself before. When do you "Stop" being "Fat?" Is it at your healthy weight? Is it when you're no longer in plus sizes? Is it when you stumble awkwardly from "obese" to "overweight" or from "overweight" to "healthy" bmi. They told me EVERYTHING i needed to know before my surgery except when the "fat" girl ends.

So that's my question: When does "FAT" end?

garber6th

I think this is a really great topic. Most of us who have had WLS spent a significant amount of time being over weight and being judged for it in some way or another, which can make one very self conscious. People would just see us as "that fat girl" or "that fat guy" and I think in a way it becomes part of our identity. We have to really rediscover who we are when we aren't "that fat girl" any more. For example, before I lost weight, my style was, "Thank God I found something that fits!" Now, I have so many more options, but I don't even really know what my style is. That's a pretty weird thing. Also, when I am out in public, I think if someone looks at me, they are looking at that woman who was 382 lbs last year. It's almost a reflex to revert back to that type of thinking, I don't know if there is a definite point in time where fat thinking or mentality ends, I think it's a process that has to run parallel with our progress as we lose weight. Like I tell people, through this whole journey, I am continually redefining my "new normal".

Laura8603

It took me several years after I got to goal to think of my current size as the "normal" me. Hang in there!!

stroynaya

Excellent topic. I'm about 9 months out and definitely find myself having "fat" moments. I have klutzy moments trying to give myself unneeded extra room to negotiate in what would have been tight spaces last year. I still expect people to say "oh we don't carry your size" when shopping and feel like a fraud for perusing the normal size shops even though I am not the largest size there anymore either. The other day I realized that someone I thought of as skinny was actually the same size as me.

Back to your question, I don't know when "fat" ends. But I suspect that for most of us it will take a while to adjust our perceptions of ourselves to our new reality.

Dannadl

Interesting topic. Growing up and in my teen years I thought I was overweight. But at 130lbs and 5'7" I wasn't. Even at 150lbs in my 20's I wasn't overweight. But because I developed an hourglass figure fairly early, I would compare myself to schoolmates who had not yet finished or in some cases started puberty. I also used current fashion trends to judge my body. So if a fashion trend wasn't flattering on my body type, it was the fault of my body, not just a bad style for me.

Then in my very late 20's and 30's when I gained weight, I knew what sizes I wore and how much I weighed but was a bit in denial about what I looked like and that I was as heavy as I was. I was 347.5lbs when I had RNY. But I never really internalized that as a part of my identity. I gained weight after I married (we're still married), my weight never really affected my career at all. Other than clothes being a pain in the tail to find, hating arm chairs in waiting rooms, movie theater seats and plane seats, I really didn't see that much negative lifestyle and social effect from my weight. So that tended to support my denial.

I'm a little more than 2 years post op. I'm down to 170lbs (still trying to lose 30-40 more) and once in a great while I think, oh I won't fit there or into that. And when sizes go down I'm sometimes still a bit surprises. But other than that, I feel like I'm back to my "regular" size. Like this is what I really was inside all along and the fat years were just not really me.

bikrchk

I'm beginning month 8 and just hit the top end of "healthy" BMI, which was my first goal. I'm going to take off another 9 pounds and re-evaluate on whether I need to go another 10 to land in the middle of the "healthy" zone. I'm thinner (clothing size wise and pound wise for the most part) than most of the people I always thought of as "thin". Most days I feel it\own it\see it in myself, but there are still times I feel like a fat girl. I was overweight or obese since I was about 8 years old. It may never leave me. I just need to learn to tell the fat chick in me to "pipe down" occasionally and that's okay. It's good for me to remember where I've been so I'm cognizant that I never want to return there. In the mean time, I'm looking forward to life in a healthy body!

pawoodhull

Good question! I have gone from 386 to 226. No I'm not done yet, but most days I do not still feel like the fat person I used to be. I'm down to a size 18 or XL from a 32/34 or 4X, but I still need to have things that stretch because of the excess skin on my upper arms and thighs. When I try on or am given something that doesn't have any stretch and can't wear it without having to go back to the 2X or 3X just to get around all that excess skin, that's when I once again feel fat. And since my insurance doesn't cover the cost of removing that excess skin, I'm kind of resigned to always wearing stretchy things or feeling fat some days. For me, I think that will be my issue.

I may get all the way to my goal weight and still feel like the fat girl some days. But you know what? That's OK. And it's OK because I will still be smaller and much more mobile than I was at my biggest. Even if I never get all the excess skin removed, I will still feel and look so much better than I have since high school. It's really all about perspective. It's about focusing on where I am now. Becuase when you get right down to it, I didn't have the sleeve to be model thin. I had the sleeve to get my mobility back and be healthy and I am successfully doing that.

Holly_penguin

I have this just about everyday. I had my surgery in August 2012 and I still feel like a fat girl ALL THE TIME. the think i have the hardest thing with is recognizing or knowing what to do if a guy flirts with me. I still look around to see who he is looking at, but no-one looks at me. Because I was fat since before puberty, it's always been this way. As a result, I never learned how to recognize flirting or the proper response. I'm a strong and confident woman in every aspect of my life...but when a stranger flirts with me I act like a 13 year old girl and giggle and blush. The other response is a realize he was flirting a hour later while wondering "why was the stranger being so nice/engaging?"

I think I will always be a fat girl in my head. I suspect therapy muight be helpful to change my mind set, but who has time for that?

KCSF

What a wonderful topic! Just the other day I was thinking this. I am only 3 months post op but it hit me that I may not be that "fat girl" forever.

An example: I went to pick up my youngest niece from daycare. I was waiting in the reception area and she walked in and just stared at me. I finally said "hey shorty (I'm the only person who calls her that), are you ready to go to the waterpark?" She laughed and said "Aunt Krissy! I don't recognize you...you're so thin! You were fat 2 weeks ago when I saw you last!" Her 8 year old words shocked me because I don't see myself as thin. I am 35 pounds away from my goal weight and only see the fat that is still hanging on.

MaggyMaizy2

This IS a great topic! Nearly two years post-RNY and a year after hitting my goal weight, I still see myself as "fluffy." I thought I might feel thin when I iron my size 8 clothes (used to be a 24), but even they look big to me. I really only see myself as thin when I see pictures of me. I usually do a double-take because I often don't recognize myself at first! :laugh:

Having been overweight for my entire life (with a few smaller days, before the weight started piling back on!), I don't know that I will ever automatically think of myself as thin. That might be a good thing for me because it keeps me vigilant about what goes into my mouth.

meyou4042

I lost weight several years ago after delivering my surrogate twins. I worked out and ate healthy and got down to 147. That was my lowest weight since before I had my three kids! But yet, even though I could wear a size 8/10, I would still look in the mirror and see a "fat" person.

Honestly, I am really not sure if it ever goes away. I am not expecting it to for me, but if you keep telling yourself that you are not that "fat" person anymore, it may help!

My mother and I had Gastric bypass done 7 months ago. Last week was my son's 3rd birthday and we had his party at Mr. Gattis. My husband and I went to ride the bumper cars and out of habit i asked about the weight limit. The girl who was running the bumper cars looked at me like I had grown an extra head right in front of her. I've been thinking.

All this week one question has been running through my head.

"When does fat end?"

It's something I never thought to ask myself before. When do you "Stop" being "Fat?" Is it at your healthy weight? Is it when you're no longer in plus sizes? Is it when you stumble awkwardly from "obese" to "overweight" or from "overweight" to "healthy" bmi. They told me EVERYTHING i needed to know before my surgery except when the "fat" girl ends.

So that's my question: When does "FAT" end?

heathervsg

I am really glad to hear I am not the only one! I still see myself as the big girl! I even say that about myself and my family says "not anymore." I still can't get used to it. In my head I am still over 200 lbs and am surprised daily when I don't break out in a sweat walking to the car. I think it takes a while for the brain to catch up with the body. At least, that is what the doc says :-)


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