issues with returning to work - off topic
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miranda_mom
Posts: 873 Member
Sorry this is so long - I just need to get this off my chest!
I've been working for my boss for the last six years. We've always gotten along pretty well. When I started I had my daughter already and wasn't planning to have another baby. My boss always said (jokingly, I hope) that none of us was "allowed" to have any more babies. A few years ago, my husband and I decided to have another (I only told a few people at work and did not tell my boss) and I got pregnant about a year ago. She was good through most of my pregnancy until around the beginning of my third trimester. She became obsessed with several routine, "housekeeping" type things I had to do and would hound me every day for weeks (probably months) to get them done. But they were all things I couldn't do in advance such as filling out my time sheets (we have several different types of time off at work and very specific rules for each kind and I would have to know exactly the date I was giving birth and whether it was vaginal or C section before I could fill them out). I worked everything out with HR and explained the plan for the time sheets to her but she still hounded me every day about them. Finally I filled them out but told her that she was the one who would have to fix them when they were wrong (which of course they would since I had to guess in advance what day my baby would be born and whether it would be vaginal or C-section - BTW, I guessed correctly that he'd be vaginal but was off on the date by 2 1/2 weeks LOL so she really had a lot of correcting to do). Before I went out I was dealing with a lot of hormone related anxiety and even panic attacks and my boss knew this. I met with her and told her that I didn't want to come back to a list of every mistake she caught while I was out. Well, I've been back for four weeks now and last week she told me we needed to "touch base". During the meeting she literally pulled out a list she had been keeping of every mistake she caught while I was out! Some of the things were valid but some of them were so far out in left field. And all of them were at least 4 months old (that's how long I've been out) and up to 2 1/2 years old. So obviously it was hard for me to answer to these things since I can't remember why I did things a certain way in early 2013. The thing that upset me the most though was that she said that she thought "the baby had sucked out all (my) brain cells". I met with my boss's boss, along with a union rep. It turns out boss's boss had been upset with me as well, due to what had been reported to her by my boss. However during the meeting I was able to explain some things and she said she felt that my boss still had some valid points but that I did too. She said I could switch supervisors if I want, which I'm considering. Anyone else dealing with a lot of stress returning to work?
I've been working for my boss for the last six years. We've always gotten along pretty well. When I started I had my daughter already and wasn't planning to have another baby. My boss always said (jokingly, I hope) that none of us was "allowed" to have any more babies. A few years ago, my husband and I decided to have another (I only told a few people at work and did not tell my boss) and I got pregnant about a year ago. She was good through most of my pregnancy until around the beginning of my third trimester. She became obsessed with several routine, "housekeeping" type things I had to do and would hound me every day for weeks (probably months) to get them done. But they were all things I couldn't do in advance such as filling out my time sheets (we have several different types of time off at work and very specific rules for each kind and I would have to know exactly the date I was giving birth and whether it was vaginal or C section before I could fill them out). I worked everything out with HR and explained the plan for the time sheets to her but she still hounded me every day about them. Finally I filled them out but told her that she was the one who would have to fix them when they were wrong (which of course they would since I had to guess in advance what day my baby would be born and whether it would be vaginal or C-section - BTW, I guessed correctly that he'd be vaginal but was off on the date by 2 1/2 weeks LOL so she really had a lot of correcting to do). Before I went out I was dealing with a lot of hormone related anxiety and even panic attacks and my boss knew this. I met with her and told her that I didn't want to come back to a list of every mistake she caught while I was out. Well, I've been back for four weeks now and last week she told me we needed to "touch base". During the meeting she literally pulled out a list she had been keeping of every mistake she caught while I was out! Some of the things were valid but some of them were so far out in left field. And all of them were at least 4 months old (that's how long I've been out) and up to 2 1/2 years old. So obviously it was hard for me to answer to these things since I can't remember why I did things a certain way in early 2013. The thing that upset me the most though was that she said that she thought "the baby had sucked out all (my) brain cells". I met with my boss's boss, along with a union rep. It turns out boss's boss had been upset with me as well, due to what had been reported to her by my boss. However during the meeting I was able to explain some things and she said she felt that my boss still had some valid points but that I did too. She said I could switch supervisors if I want, which I'm considering. Anyone else dealing with a lot of stress returning to work?
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Sorry you had that experience. Maybe you could talk to your boss one on one again and have an open conversation about the issues. Remind her that everyone makes mistakes even her (maybe even have a couple examples ready). If it continues to be a hostile environment though it sounds like maybe switching bosses would be good.
My issue is not being sure when to tell my work I am pregnant (I am 7 weeks). I found out a couple weeks after I started this job that I was pregnant. I am afraid that since they don't know me well it could affect me negatively. My company's contract is up in October and they will be able to ask to keep the same employees if they want. I am afraid they will not want to keep me since I am pregnant. I have also heard a male superior saying women shouldn't get out of certain stuff because they chose to have kids. I know I have to tell them eventually but I am nervous.0 -
To the OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's stressful enough going back to work after having a baby without the added stress of HR issues.
That said, it may only be my interpretation of your interpretation of things, but it sounds to me like your immediate boss may have it out for you. Definitely defend yourself with HR/higher-ups, but don't smear her because it'll sound like a work squabble instead of what may be some sort of weird, one-sided vendetta or jealousy/sabotage thing. (I know that's extreme language, but I know what it's like to work with people who act like you're suddenly the world's worst employee because you had a child.)
I would try switching bosses and hope that things improve. I'd also keep an eye out for opportunities elsewhere in case you still feel like you're being treated unfairly.
Edited for clarity0 -
Sorry you had that experience. Maybe you could talk to your boss one on one again and have an open conversation about the issues. Remind her that everyone makes mistakes even her (maybe even have a couple examples ready). If it continues to be a hostile environment though it sounds like maybe switching bosses would be good.
My issue is not being sure when to tell my work I am pregnant (I am 7 weeks). I found out a couple weeks after I started this job that I was pregnant. I am afraid that since they don't know me well it could affect me negatively. My company's contract is up in October and they will be able to ask to keep the same employees if they want. I am afraid they will not want to keep me since I am pregnant. I have also heard a male superior saying women shouldn't get out of certain stuff because they chose to have kids. I know I have to tell them eventually but I am nervous.
I think it's fair to wait until you're into the second trimester. It's a tough conversation to have, and you may even want to joke about bad timing with starting a new job and finding out after that you were pregnant. As for that conversation and employee renewal, keep in mind that once they know you're pregnant, your employer will treat you with kid gloves because they won't want to have it appear that they terminated you/didn't renew you/punished you somehow for being pregnant. Employment discrimination suits are ugly, and no employer wants to deal with one!0 -
Miranda--That's BS and I'm sorry you're going thru it. If I could do so without getting a reputation as a "difficult employee" I'd definitely switch supervisors. Hopefully it'll blow over. If it were me, I'd try to go in every day and be a stellar employer. I'm not as familiar with union jobs, but do they offer you any support thru this?
I took some FMLA leave when my dad was dying and my boss was a total pain about it. Word got around (huge company but corporate offices were small) and I ended up reporting directly to my CFO while things blew over. It strengthened my relationship with him as he saw I was worth holding onto. I wouldn't have initiated the change but I'm glad it worked out that way.
Runningcamp--For what it's worth, I don't think you have any obligation to inform them at a specific time. I think about halfway thru is a good time. Personally, I didn't inform my district office (I sub teach, but was doing it basically full-time) until about 8 weeks before my due date. If I were working full-time and needed a temp to do my job while I was out, I'm thinking I would've done it when I started showing, or at 20ish weeks if I wasn't showing yet (I didn't show until about 27 weeks with my pregnancy). My husband recently had one of his employees call in on Friday because his wife was in labor. Nobody even knew she was pregnant. The husband then took 3 weeks off!
And not to sound bad, but depending on the nature of your job...there are things women shouldn't get out of because we're pregnant. If pregnancy means you can't do your job, your employer has a right to do something (transfer, etc...). My dad's nurse couldn't enter his room during or for a period of time after his chemo treatments. Which basically meant she couldn't treat him for about half of her shift every day. That was wrong. I complained. She was transferred to a different floor. I felt bad, but she wasn't helping any patients by sitting in the nurses station most of the day. Good luck. Hopefully your nervousness will be unfounded!0 -
Just playing devil's advocate...but do you think you might be a little hypersensitive due to be generally stressed and things being out of sorts when you went on maternity leave? You acknowledged your boss had some valid points (identified deficiencies perceived/real) and she articulated them to you. It was probably overwhelming for you to be handed a list and she could have handled it or timed it better. That being said, I think you can put yourself in the best position by attacking that list instead of "fighting" over her nitpicking. I've been in situations like this before and I've found that the best solution is to kill them with information on your corrective actions - constant updates and emails. This helps because the perception is your not doing your job and the increased communication makes them realize that you ARE doing your job and a valuable asset to the organization. I wish you the best of luck! I fully expect to be eating a *kitten* sandwich when I get back to work too.0
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^^^ haha, I have been killing them with information the last week! I guess the thing that frustrates me the most now is that I see most of my co-workers making much larger mistakes and as far as I know, nothing is said. I think it mostly happened to me because someone else had to fill in for me. Otherwise you can kind of fix your mistakes as you find them.0
