Check In June 12, 2014
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Wow, I fell asleep at 7 p.m.! Now wide awake at midnight. Thank goodness for the Heather's Birthday no sugar mini challenge or I would be downstairs raiding the kitchen.
There are so many good posts today! I think I'll save some comments for tomorrow's thread, especially the discussion of getting attention for your weight loss efforts and how our instincts are to hide from others. I am NOT comfortable getting that kind of attention either, and I actually quit therapy the first time because my shrink told me I was beautiful and amazing. I freaked out.... I mean, here's this person who knows all my shameful secrets and transgressions. ... how can she see me as beautiful and amazing? Aaarrgghhh!
Ah, the irony... I needed therapy to sort out my therapy.
When I was teaching, I was always at the center of attention--standing in front of classes of up to thirty students or doing presentations in front of hundreds of people--and I LOVED it. But that attention was all about my brain and the subject matter, whether literature or creative writing or research. I can honestly say that my ability to teach and connect to students is my greatest asset. I am really, really, really, really good at teaching! And feel so blessed that I was given this gift and had so many years to enjoy it. Of all the losses of Still's Disease and obesity, losing my profession has been the absolute worst!
I am DETERMINED that after weight loss surgery, I will get back to teaching in some capacity. I may still have to struggle with Still's flares, but I'll be more mobile when I'm thinner, and even if I'm not, I am going to get a kickass scooter from the scooter store, paint lightning bolts and the heads of dead poets all over it, and strap a battery powered espresso maker into the basket.
A former student of mine just reached out tonight via facebook to see if I wanted to work on a project with him, a "mockumentary" on "Monsters of Maine," sort of like Bigfoot Hunters. I told him yes, but only if I could be interviewed about my erotic Bigfoot encounter ("Bigfoot gave me the greatest sexual pleasure I've ever known!" bwahahahahaha). zHe thought that was hysterical and definitely worth filming. I know, I know, I am twisted, but I blame it on the Sci-Fi channel running the movie Splice all week!!! If Adrien Brody can have sex with a genetic mash-up with wings and tail with a poison stinger, I can have pretend sex with Bigfoot! Anyway, I'll also ask him about doing some footage for our reality show proposal. He's working as an assistant in my old writing center but really wants to go to graduate school for film making. This might be a perfect opportunity for him.
Goodnight to you all, wondrous fellow shrinking people. Make your plans for an active weekend full of veggies. Cabbage is only 49 cents/pound here in Maine, so probably cheaper in the rest of the world, and yummy roasted with some garlic and olive oil.
Karen in Maine0 -
Karen,
So i assume you've read about the boom in sales of Bigfoot based erotica.0 -
Well not the best evening. Made a stupid choice. Nothing huge but really, stupid of me. Seems like I still need to fight myself a little harder.0
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Karen,
So i assume you've read about the boom in sales of Bigfoot based erotica.
Seriously??? I did read about Dinoerotica (cave women having sex with dinosaurs... ludicrous, I know) but not Bigfoot. Yay, just found my new career!0 -
Well not the best evening. Made a stupid choice. Nothing huge but really, stupid of me. Seems like I still need to fight myself a little harder.
I answered your wall post, honey, and told you not to beat yourself up!!!
I do the same thing... my therapist asked me one day, "Why are you so MEAN to yourself??? You'd never say those things to your friends or siblings." She's right. I like to give myself a good verbal punch in the face when I "screw up" so I can feel like crap about myself. Aarrggh. Work in progress.0 -
Okay, I SWEAR this is my last post and then I'm headed to bed.
I just got a HUGE reality check/wakeup call. I've really been slacking off on my food diary since the nutritionist at the bariatric center informed me that they would NOT be collecting my diary and the nurse practitioner said I do NOT have to lose more weight before surgery. Yay, free pass! Oh NO, free pass!
So I knew I'd slacked off for "a few days." Tonight I decided that I MUST fill in my food diary, even though today was a crappy food day, because I so need this accountability. Well... now I know... I haven't been filling in meals for a couple of weeks. And the meals I was filling in... well, sooooo NOT on track. I am really, really happy that MFP has the food diary pages, even if they aren't perfectly correct or foods aren't always easy to record. I'm starting to understand that in my head I am eating like a spartan, but in reality, I am still fighting the fast food, quick fix, high fat and calories demons. Tomorrow I get back on that scale for the first time in weeks and begin accountability there too.
It helps to know what has been making me feel so depressed and unable to get out of my own way. Mix of hormones, low vitamin D, stress about money, and Still's symptoms out of control. So I fixed some of those with meds and breathed and swum out the stress. I know others feel this way too, and especially we carb addicts. When you shut off your supply, endorphin levels drop and you have to get used to a new life without the "high" of the glucose. It sucks!!!!
I keep thinking about what Julie said a while ago... "this is the last time." Yes, it is. I didn't "blow it." I didn't give up. I just got sidetracked, and I'm pretty sure there will be other days or weeks when I'll get sidetracked again. Oh, look kids, Big Ben! Parliament!
It also helps that Jim is hysterically funny. This evening I told him about the farting patients in the colonoscopy ward, and he spent a good half hour making the most amazing fart noises and naming the patients "Phil McCrackin" and various other disturbing names. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.
Karen in Maine, finally heading to bed, thanks for reading all my crazy ramblings.0 -
Karen,
So i assume you've read about the boom in sales of Bigfoot based erotica.
Seriously??? I did read about Dinoerotica (cave women having sex with dinosaurs... ludicrous, I know) but not Bigfoot. Yay, just found my new career!
Here you go: http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/01/17/how-to-make-money-writing-bigfoot-sex-scenes/0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :noway: :noway: :laugh: :laugh: :huh:
I am just now reading all this. Holy cow, I missed a lot of fun ramblings last night. It has been so busy today. Will catch up on daily thread.0
