An Etiquette Question

DenDweller

Hello. I'm new. I've lurked so far a lot more than I've participated and I'm trying to feel out the best way I can contribute.

Briefly, because I did not introduce myself in the pinned introduction thread, here are my bona fides:

I was diagnosed Type II at the end of April,
I am currently 50 lb. lighter than my max (some lost before the diagnosis). I'm within 15 lb of my ideal weight now.
I feel my exercise and diet are on track after doctor/educator/nutritionist consultations and a bit o' elbow grease,
My numbers at the time of diagnosis were off the charts, higher than I've seen anyone else mention here so far,
I'm on oral meds, Janumet and Simvastatin. I was on, but now taken off after my first month, Glimepiride, and
Now, my BGs have been all below 120 and the majority have been below 100.

So I'm doing okay, I think. I'll have my first post-diagnosis A1C test next month so I can better judge.

On to my question.

I understand and appreciate the community that's been nurtured here. I can see receiving positive feedback and reinforcement are essential when fighting the uncertainty and scariness that is diabetes. I am personally apprehensive of my ability to maintain long-term diet and exercise vigilance. This MFP group seems a great place to find a kind word, motivational experiences, and a sympathetic ear when I need to overcome that nervousness. And, it seems a great place for other's to receive similar help for their challenges.

But, what happens if I don't need a sympathetic ear, but instead a whack to the back of my head? And, when is support no longer support, but enabling? If I were obviously messing up, I hope someone would have the courage to tell me that directly, worded in the kindest way possible, but with no uncertainty.

Is this group the right place for such frank discussion? Have you personally, ever felt the need to say to someone within the group, "Hey, you're messing up!" Did you speak up? If so, how did you handle the discussion? Did it help or did it alienate?

I appreciate that we are all adults here, masters of our destinies and pilots of our own ships. Physician, heal thyself.

But, sometimes a good, swift kick, delivered lovingly, is the right medicine. Isn't it?

jaegging

I am personally apprehensive of my ability to maintain long-term diet and exercise vigilance.

If you think you can't, you wont. Having the right mindset is really important. You are newly diagnosed and seem to be doing pretty good, I hope that will encourage you to have a bit more confidence in your ability.

I have been all over the place. I've maintained well and I've spent years in "meh" and I can tell you that for me, it doesn't matter whether someone is hammering at me to do better, or trying to cheer me in the right direct. The majority of it is you and the attitude you bring.

You still have a lot to go through, a lot to learn, a lot to experience with this disease. Believe in yourself and you will succeed! You're going to have ups and downs and if you're honest about your struggles, I think you will be able to find a lot of helpful advice here. MFP seems to be a pretty good place to get some blunt encouragement if that is what you need.

BigGuy47

But, sometimes a good, swift kick, delivered lovingly, is the right medicine. Isn't it?

I agree, but everyone doesn't react the same when a good swift kick is needed. On the internet you never know who's made of leather and who's a porcelain doll. Discussions here are often handled with kid gloves.

You are your own critic. There's a sweet spot somewhere between self deprecation and over confidence.

Any sort of long term success is going to come from within. You might get some encouragement here and there, but in the end it's up to you. A swift kick will get you through the end of the week. Self drive and determination will get you through the rest of your life.

bdubya55

Hi Paulfischer,

It's nice to meet you.

Each of us is unique in varying degrees on life's journey living with T2D as successfully as humanly possible. When it comes to managing this condition perfection doesn't exist. Improvement does.

What you will find within this community is a genuinely friendly supportive atmosphere, offering encouragement and advise to one another through sharing our experiences together with the common goal of achieving healthier blood sugar control.

As jaegging mentions, ultimately the "buck" stops with us at the end of each day. This is a condition requiring 24/7 attention and not always an easy task.

Looking forward to your future contributions and experiences living with T2D.

Welcome to our community!

cwrig

Sounds to me like you are doing great!

My philosophy is this: Would I rather eat lots of carbs or keep my feet and eyesight? We should not forget the disease is that serious. Fortunately we know so much today about how to control the symptoms with diet, exercise and as needed, drugs.

That doesn't mean we dont mess up occasionally. I think it is important to keep perspective and not fall off the wagon if you make one mistake. A while ago I broke down at the mall and had a banana split (a real weakness of mine). Instead of freaking out and loosing control I said to myself; OK, that is over with now lets get back on track and not do that again.

Keep the attitude you have, and you will do well.

scubasuenc

But, what happens if I don't need a sympathetic ear, but instead a whack to the back of my head? And, when is support no longer support, but enabling? If I were obviously messing up, I hope someone would have the courage to tell me that directly, worded in the kindest way possible, but with no uncertainty.

Is this group the right place for such frank discussion? Have you personally, ever felt the need to say to someone within the group, "Hey, you're messing up!" Did you speak up? If so, how did you handle the discussion? Did it help or did it alienate?

I appreciate that we are all adults here, masters of our destinies and pilots of our own ships. Physician, heal thyself.

But, sometimes a good, swift kick, delivered lovingly, is the right medicine. Isn't it?

I agree sometimes that is what we need, but I'm not sure anyone can give it to you. Folks here will be happy to give you tips and techniques on how to manage your diabetes. Everyone is different, so what works for one person might not work for you.

I understand your fears about whether or not you can do this long term. I have lost and regained weight my whole life. I've finally got my T2D under control and I"m down to minimal medications and normal A1C numbers. I'm not even done losing weight and I'm already scared to death I will put it back on. I have to conquer that fear myself. I am thinking about it as I am losing the weight and I am preparing for maintenance even though I still have quite a ways to go. I plan to be vigilant. I will weigh weekly and I'm giving myself a 10 lb range that if I go above or below I need to take corrective action. I intend to kick my own butt. I've worked too darn hard to blow it.

hookilau

But, what happens if I don't need a sympathetic ear, but instead a whack to the back of my head? And, when is support no longer support, but enabling? If I were obviously messing up, I hope someone would have the courage to tell me that directly, worded in the kindest way possible, but with no uncertainty.

Is this group the right place for such frank discussion? Have you personally, ever felt the need to say to someone within the group, "Hey, you're messing up!" Did you speak up? If so, how did you handle the discussion? Did it help or did it alienate?

I appreciate that we are all adults here, masters of our destinies and pilots of our own ships. Physician, heal thyself.

But, sometimes a good, swift kick, delivered lovingly, is the right medicine. Isn't it?

lol! it depends. Diabetic denial is a powerful thing & the type of DD that's going on is important to consider. If you are aware of limits but choose to tell yourself otherwise, I might speak up.

If you are following your doctor's orders and targets are in line with ADA, then you're on your own :flowerforyou:

In the end, you are an adult & the diabetes police simply does not exist. You do it for you and your future quality of life.

For me, I was diagnosed at 45 yrs old. I have an unbelievably strong familial history that only was revealed when I was diagnosed at a relatively young age, due to the shame and stigma attached. My father's entire family has it, both his parents and one sister died of complications due to years of out of control sugars.

It's pretty easy for me to keep myself in line. I made that specter my b!tch.:blushing:

hookilau

Sounds to me like you are doing great!

My philosophy is this: Would I rather eat lots of carbs or keep my feet and eyesight? We should not forget the disease is that serious. Fortunately we know so much today about how to control the symptoms with diet, exercise and as needed, drugs.

That doesn't mean we dont mess up occasionally. I think it is important to keep perspective and not fall off the wagon if you make one mistake. A while ago I broke down at the mall and had a banana split (a real weakness of mine). Instead of freaking out and loosing control I said to myself; OK, that is over with now lets get back on track and not do that again.

Keep the attitude you have, and you will do well.

Absolutely!!!
I also have the occasional treat. My mom (bless her heart) is in carb denial. Whenever I go there, she cooks & it's alllllllll carbs :ohwell: and she says things like 'I made this especially for you, it's LOW FAT'....face palm.

She simply doesn't get it & is totally stuck on low fat dogma, oh, and lemon juice and hot water in the morning...did I mention she's a nurse? :laugh: :laugh: :blushing:

My mom says things like, I don't eat carbs for breakfast, I have oatmeal.:huh:

Anyhow, point is, make room for the occasional treat & if you indulge occasionally, deal with it, it will pass if you choose to just hop back up on the wagon.
:drinker: .

amberj32

I understand and appreciate the community that's been nurtured here. I can see receiving positive feedback and reinforcement are essential when fighting the uncertainty and scariness that is diabetes. I am personally apprehensive of my ability to maintain long-term diet and exercise vigilance. This MFP group seems a great place to find a kind word, motivational experiences, and a sympathetic ear when I need to overcome that nervousness. And, it seems a great place for other's to receive similar help for their challenges.

But, what happens if I don't need a sympathetic ear, but instead a whack to the back of my head? And, when is support no longer support, but enabling? If I were obviously messing up, I hope someone would have the courage to tell me that directly, worded in the kindest way possible, but with no uncertainty.

Is this group the right place for such frank discussion? Have you personally, ever felt the need to say to someone within the group, "Hey, you're messing up!" Did you speak up? If so, how did you handle the discussion? Did it help or did it alienate?

I appreciate that we are all adults here, masters of our destinies and pilots of our own ships. Physician, heal thyself.

But, sometimes a good, swift kick, delivered lovingly, is the right medicine. Isn't it?

I understand the concern about the long term diet and exercise vigilance. Personally, I haven't really thought about it in the long run. I have been taking it day by day. But it does have to be forever.

I feel like this is the right place for frank discussions. I have had someone say that he thought there was too much fat in my diet. If I'm lowering my carbs the calories have to come from somewhere- protein or fat. I wasn't offended by it. I made me look at the things I was eating and think if there was a better choice for that day.

I will probably be the first person to kick myself in the butt if I think I'm messing up. Currently I'm eating more carbs and processed food than I personally think I should. It is fitting in my calorie macro for the day, which is how I justify it and I'm still losing weight. I still have about 80 lbs to go. No one is perfect and we are all going to mess up now and then.

I was also diagnosed at the end of April. It runs in my family. I was put on 10mg of glipizide once a day and 500 mg of metformin twice a day. The glipizide was making my blood sugar go too low after a month so the doctor said not to take that one anymore. I'm currently on 500mg of meformin three times a day. I'm usually running 95-120 during the day. 104-130 fasting.

If you have a comment or suggestion or question feel free. My diary is open to friends. I promise I won't get too sensitive about it.

kmouse2

hello paulfischer20 - LOL - you have many frank and interesting questions - I guess my question back to you would be - If you know that you are messing up why would you need someone from this group to validate that for you? Why would you need someone else to make an assessment and then provide a verbal -'swift kick- delivered lovingly'. I don't think this group is here to enable but to assist others when they desire and need assistance with their control of diabetes. We all have our demons to overcome and I bet none of us are finding this very easy to master. I find a positive outlook and kind words - makes a better approach than any negativity. From what you have written, it appears that you are doing very well - and are currently in control of your health. So I would continue taking that direction on a day to day basis - and see where that takes you. We are all on this journey together and we are here to support and help that journey continue as safely as we can knowing that there will be detours and bumps in the road along the way. We are all adults and we do this for our own good health and our futures. Making those important daily decisions that are viable options for our continued health and well being. 'When you don't give up, you cannot fail and the choices we make, dictate the lives we lead.'

earlnabby

The first thing I thought of is, if you need some kind of kick in the head, all you have to do is post in the general boards. There are always people there willing to do that whether the poster wants it or not.

Here we will support everyone and offer advice or a different way of looking at things if someone is struggling. I see enabling as agreeing with someone even if I know they are going down a dangerous path but everyone here (as far as I can tell) is following their medical team's advice for them with personal tweaks.

ila1941

I am new to this board so I can't say how the members react, but I know for myself, don't try to tell me what to do!!! LOL I am stubborn and know it all. I know when I'm not doing well, and I certainly don't need the diabetes police telling me I'm eating wrong. If you do, I will just stubbornly do more of it. Does any of this sound familiar? Just like a teenager, right. Well, I'm a 72 year old teenager. LOL

I think the best tactic is not to hit someone over the head, but ask questions, give suggestions, etc. to help them get on the right track. And it may take something like what happened to me to get someone moving. I saw my eye doctor about 6 months or so ago. I complained about not seeing well, but nothing I could put my finger on. He checked me and my eyeballs were swollen. Two things could cause this - macular degeneration or diabetes. Got my BG down, and several days later saw an improvement. So, right now we are leaning toward diabetes. Every time my BG gets above goal, I write it in red and put EYES beside it. So I think after asking questions, suggestions are more helpful than hitting over the head.

DenDweller

Thanks for the comments and the welcome everyone.

I do believe at different times and in various measures I'll need support in stick-, as well as carrot-form. Either would be equally appreciated.

Yes, we are all adults. And, although I agree wholeheartedly with statements of personal responsibility for our actions and decisions, I wonder if at times I have used that myself as an excuse to not intervene when it could of made a difference in other situations with other people. Whether choosing to remain silent, or speaking up, there's a balance there. The existence of this Group speaks to that fact. I guess. like anything, appropriateness depends on context and delivery.

Enough musings. Enjoy your day! And, if you ever feel I need a good "whack", let 'er rip! :laugh:

diabetesdieter

If you want a swift whack go to the diabetes.org community...they are more brutal ; )