The mirror says it all
kathivg
Posts: 30
06/1/614
I made myself stand in front of the full-length mirror this morning. Naked. How did this happen? How did I get this way? Well, it's the items I stuffed in my mouth while languishing on the couch - the things meant for 4..6..8 people that I consumed in 24 hours. It's avoiding standing naked in front of the full-length mirror.
I weighed in also...280.4 lbs. on my 5'2" frame. I'm literally twice the size I should be. I'm also 20lbs shy of a major weight milestone: 300 lbs.
Help! Help! I can feel the resistance to making the changes...I think that's the stuff I'm addicted to. The more I resist and just not go to my OA group (which is really great) and exercise (also with many of the same group), the harder it will be to break free.
I admit, as much as I feel seized up inside with shock and apauled at how close I am to 300 lbs., there's a twisted part of me that wants to get up there and just hit that number...
I can see on people's expressions - family, coworkers of 18 years, friends, people I haven't seen in several years...I am up 20 lbs. from this date last year.
Then there's all the struggles with being obese. I would think any one or two of these would be enough motivator to make me lose weight...apparently not!
I made myself stand in front of the full-length mirror this morning. Naked. How did this happen? How did I get this way? Well, it's the items I stuffed in my mouth while languishing on the couch - the things meant for 4..6..8 people that I consumed in 24 hours. It's avoiding standing naked in front of the full-length mirror.
I weighed in also...280.4 lbs. on my 5'2" frame. I'm literally twice the size I should be. I'm also 20lbs shy of a major weight milestone: 300 lbs.
Help! Help! I can feel the resistance to making the changes...I think that's the stuff I'm addicted to. The more I resist and just not go to my OA group (which is really great) and exercise (also with many of the same group), the harder it will be to break free.
I admit, as much as I feel seized up inside with shock and apauled at how close I am to 300 lbs., there's a twisted part of me that wants to get up there and just hit that number...
I can see on people's expressions - family, coworkers of 18 years, friends, people I haven't seen in several years...I am up 20 lbs. from this date last year.
Then there's all the struggles with being obese. I would think any one or two of these would be enough motivator to make me lose weight...apparently not!
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Replies
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I can so relate to your post!! I haven't been able to truly look at myself in the mirror though. I may glance or take a quick look, but to spend time really looking at the damage I've done to my body is just not possible right now. I also know when I drift from the program, my mind starts to do its business on me, convincing me that I can have that forbidden food, it never let's up and I doubt that it ever will. I got complacent at managing, and accepting my obesity, even though I knew it was killing me slowly. We are a work in progress, some days I feel motivated and inspired, and some days I just want to crawl into a corner. My HP helps me through those days, so I don't stay there very long. You may just be in a funk, it happens, but work through those feelings to see what it's all about.0
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Use the tools. Work the steps. Listen to others Experience, Strength and Hope. The Los Angeles Intergroup has strong recovery and records speakers. You can find them here http://www.oalaig.org/speakers-podcasts/oa-speakers.html or subscribe via iTunes.
I didn't gain this weight overnight and I won't lose it overnight. If I could rationalize myself into dieting, or shame myself into it I wouldn't need Overeaters Anonymous - I would be a normal eater. I am a Compulsive Overeater. I have a three fold disease: a spiritual, emotional and physical. The solution is working the steps. Once I do that I can follow a plan of eating and an action plan. Otherwise I am just dieting with group support and that doesn't lead to me being Happy, Joyous and Free. I can honestly say today, I have a degree of serenity and it is because of OA. Take it one day at a time.
I look into the mirror, I see sagging skin, but I also see muscle. I have 50 more pounds to lose, and I suspect there is gonna be a lot more loose skin. I am grateful to be strong, feel fit and get healthier daily. It is a miracle of the program.0 -
Well said BrilliantCOE!!0
