Did a bad thing
WillLift4Tats
Posts: 1,699 Member
[Warning: May be a trigger?]
I don't even know how to wrap my head around this. Last night, I was emotional, overwhelmed, and feeling out of control. No, I didn't binge. But I did something I haven't done for years and never thought I'd go back to. I cut. .... I can't even type that without feeling ridiculous and stupid. I don't know why, it was almost the same zombie feeling of a binge, but instead I did that. Right after I "came to" and stopped, I immediately regretted my stupid act and had a full on panic attack. This came out of NOWHERE. Whyyyy did I do this..?! I am scared of my emotional state and the fact that I have no idea how I came to that moment. I thought I was doing well not having a binge in so long, but I can't rejoice in that when I've just reverted back to something even worse. I'm obviously not doing as well as I thought. I need to refocus on my coping mechanisms because clearly, I've not built them up strong enough. I am just really scared, and really disappointed with myself. I don't want to trade one bad reaction for another, I want to be healthy.
I don't know if anyone has experience with this or if you can offer advice. I just needed to lay it out there. The last thing I want to do is keep it bottled up for another explosion. I want to tell my husband, but I don't want him to worry either. Ugh, why can't I just be normal.
I don't even know how to wrap my head around this. Last night, I was emotional, overwhelmed, and feeling out of control. No, I didn't binge. But I did something I haven't done for years and never thought I'd go back to. I cut. .... I can't even type that without feeling ridiculous and stupid. I don't know why, it was almost the same zombie feeling of a binge, but instead I did that. Right after I "came to" and stopped, I immediately regretted my stupid act and had a full on panic attack. This came out of NOWHERE. Whyyyy did I do this..?! I am scared of my emotional state and the fact that I have no idea how I came to that moment. I thought I was doing well not having a binge in so long, but I can't rejoice in that when I've just reverted back to something even worse. I'm obviously not doing as well as I thought. I need to refocus on my coping mechanisms because clearly, I've not built them up strong enough. I am just really scared, and really disappointed with myself. I don't want to trade one bad reaction for another, I want to be healthy.
I don't know if anyone has experience with this or if you can offer advice. I just needed to lay it out there. The last thing I want to do is keep it bottled up for another explosion. I want to tell my husband, but I don't want him to worry either. Ugh, why can't I just be normal.
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Replies
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sorry you are going through this .......
I don't know much about it, except that years ago I caught my teenage daughter cutting ...... she ended up with a horrible infection ...... I immediately made arrangements for her to meet with someone on a regular basis for counseling ......
perhaps you should consider doing the same ......0 -
Counseling may help. Even if you did it in the past and it didn't work, it might work now. As for worrying your husband... well, that's what he's there for. He's there to provide support, during the good times and the bad. This just happens to be a bad time for you. He's your partner and would want you to ask him for support. He may not know how to help you perfectly, but having any support is better than having none at all.
None of us know why we do it. We know, logically, that it doesn't make sense. If we could just stop ourselves from doing the things that don't make sense, none of us would have these problems! But, as we know, that's just now how it goes. It's a constant struggle with little breaks in between. That's kind of just how everything in life is. We just have to learn to make the good count for so much more. Don't be hard on yourself for your bad moments. It only creates more of them.0
