Emotional Support

melifornia

You guys, I need help with the emotional side of getting healthy. I'm guessing others will as well. Not exactly sure what format to go with, but for now, here's a list of what I'm dealing with:

1. As mentioned in the weigh-in thread, my 10-year-old nephew got hit in the eye with a roman candle on Sunday night. That was rough in and of itself because he and I have a very close bond. I spent 2 hours in the ER with him until his mom could get there, then went back to their house to stay with the other 8 children when he was transferred to a children's hospital 2 hours away. He's doing great, the prognosis is good for a full recovery, and he's back home. In the meantime, I spent Sunday night through Tuesday morning taking care of the other children, spending the night at their house, keeping everyone fed and occupied with no advance planning. Also managed to get some work done after they went to bed (I'm a freelance writer), which meant really late nights. We all survived, but I was exhausted and behind on work. Fortunately I had a therapy appointment on Tuesday (just started back earlier this month) so was able to work through some of this with my therapist.

2. My younger brother is getting a divorce. This month marks 1 year since they separated, and it's been challenging to navigate this split as the sister/sister-in-law. They have 2 children and he's needed help with childcare, getting his new house renovated, and lots of emotional support. He called me tonight to say he needs to get professional help because he's been drinking too much, and he needs me to hold him accountable. Of course I will. I'm the big sister, that's what I do. My heart aches for him, though.

3. I'm fairly new to the freelance game. After being laid off 2 years ago from my 9-5 job, I was on unemployment and and job hunting for 18 months. It sucked. If I hear, "You're overqualified" one more time... Anyway, in September I managed to get hired as a freelancer for the local paper and start substitute teaching on the same day. That was a godsend; my unemployment benefits had expired in April and I was down to my last hundred bucks after wiping out my savings. I've had to hustle to keep my head above water, but I did and am building my freelancing clientele steadily. The financial insecurity is incredibly stressful, however, and has caused some anxiety attacks.

4. On the flip side, writing assignments are flooding in this month, plus I'm about to go on a trip (paid for by a friend) so am cramming a month's worth of work into 3 weeks. Add in all the family stuff, the lack of sleep, and financial instability, and I feel like I'm barely hanging on.

5. And finally...I am aware that I self-medicate with food. Tonight, I ate an entire pizza. It was an extra thin crust frozen pizza from Kroger (approx 1200 calories), but it was still an entire pizza. I thought I'd work it off with a workout DVD, but instead I vegged in front of the TV until it was too late to workout. (I struggle with insomnia; working out after 8PM is verboten because it gets my heart rate up too high.)

So....I don't know what I want to come out of this post. Maybe it's just a place to vent and let others vent. Maybe it's a chance for me to admit in public for the first time that I self-medicate with food. What it's NOT is a list of excuses not to get healthy. If anything, getting healthy will help me handle these stressors better.

kelieprincess

I understand where you are coming from with emotional support. I work freelance too as a web and graphic designer so my long days at the computer are pretty detrimental to weight loss. I also panic about lack of time on weekdays so I find myself craving carbs or sugar loaded foods to keep me going.

On weekends we have my little stepson who is 5. I try to cook healthily especially on weekends but I find that he pushes away a lot of meals I make and he prefers to eat kid friendly foods like fish fingers, sausages and chicken dippers. I am also conscious of how much healthy food actually costs with our food bills sky rocketing beyond control and I need to get them back down to a manageable and budget properly.

Last weekend was really emotional for me. I don't want to go into details but a friend I've had for 15 years expressed her disinterest in our friendship. Normally I would comfort eat over anything remotely painful but I didn't this time. Although we ate out all of Sunday and I had an ice cream, I stayed within my calorie allowance. I didn't exercise though as I felt so sad about everything.

Allmyusernamesaretakengeeze

I understand. That is a lot of stress for anyone to have to handle. The first thing you need to change the way you are thinking about the pressures that are on you.

1. Your nephew is going to be alright and you were able to look after all those kids so his mother could be with him. That is a priceless gift you gave to her.

2. Your younger brother realizes he has a problem and he is getting help. He trusts you to help him through weakness. He knows you love him and don't judge.

3. Work isn't necessarily stable YET but more clients are coming. Freelance writing and substitute teaching give you control over your schedule, freeing you up to be there for you family and take some time off when you need it.

4. While you feel like you are barely hanging on, I see someone who has met some challenges and is digging herself out of a deep hole.

5. Self medicating with food is something we all try to avoid but sometimes we just need to eat our feelings. Take control by doing some yoga BEFORE you create a masterpiece of self-indulgence. It may relax you or tire you out enough you won't need the food after all. If you are going to nom, make sure you've planned for it. Something healthy instead of Häagen-Dazs. You'll have the ingredients and you know the calorie, fat, sugar, etc. It kind of takes the romance out of the comfort food when you are looking at those numbers and realize they go straight to the hips.

Have a conversation with your therapist about #5. I'm no pro and I bet it's going to be challenging. They will likely have some good suggestions.

melifornia

5. Self medicating with food is something we all try to avoid but sometimes we just need to eat our feelings. Take control by doing some yoga BEFORE you create a masterpiece of self-indulgence.

Good idea. Do the "make up" exercise first, then see if I still need to eat my feelings. I probably won't, or at least won't indulge as much, so it's a double win.

Thank you for your positive spin on the rest of it, too.

Found out that my insurance covers up to 6 sessions/year with an obesity counselor. I'm going to ask my regular therapist if he can refer me to someone local-ish and get going on that after I get back from Comic Con in a couple of weeks. Given how long I've struggled with my weight (since 4th grade), I know there are some issues that need to be dealt with.

Charlotte012

Your story really speaks to me Melifornia as I know my weight problem will go away only when I'll learn how to cope with stress in other ways than with food.

I am reading a lot on instuitive eating and this philosophy suggests making a list of things you like to do/things that calm you down. It can be yoga, but also reading, writing, walking, crafting, etc. etc. You go through the list when you have cravings and hopefully they will go. I know that sometimes, my "mouth" is hungry but not my "belly", if that makes sense? I feel hungry and want to eat but I am not really. So I drink like 3-4 glasses of water and it may help. But sometimes, food is the only thing that can help. And in those situations, I agree with Allmyusersnamesaretaken (lol), logging it is part of the process. When you self-medicate with food, make the decision and own it.

TheBrowniesMadeMeDoIt

Wow, I am so glad to see this rally of support. This in and of itself helps me through MY struggles!

I'm so sorry for all that you ALL may be struggling with. It definitely is an ordeal when one is under stress that's coming from various angles....then ADD to that the stress of trying to follow a healthy eating plan and exercise regime when you're used to the exact opposite, and the stress levels can rise exponentially!

I am a chemical dependency counselor, and the funny thing is that addiction is addiction - from alcohol to drugs to sex to food, the same rules apply...we do what feels good to attempt to right the wrongs of the bad things that transpire in our lives. The crazy thing is is that over time the doing what feels good tends to become what makes us feel bad...and then we have to do more to counter the bad feeling, and so on and so forth until it becomes a merry go round of horror. I know this is what I felt like when I looked at myself in the mirror and was very unhappy by what I saw.

The problems are going to be there....they'll alleviate, they'll go away, and new ones will take their place. Such is life. The issue isn't in the problems themselves, (we'll always have SOMETHING going on), but in how you choose to look at them and deal with them. Sure we could turn to food (or alcohol or drugs), but the mindset has to be "Has this process caused the problems or stress to go away any faster in the past?" and "Will it today?" Then affirm the choice, the decision, the promise you made to yourself to stick with something that is going to lead you where you want to go. I KNOW it isn't easy, but when I look back over the instances I've triumphed over this past week (Hell, just today I was at a luncheon where a huge beautiful hunk of chocolate cake was sitting right in front of me begging me to have a taste....just a taste, I thought...what harm can it do? I began to shake my head when I played the tape all the way through and saw myself licking the plate clean and slid the cake over to my husband) and I feel so much accomplishment, and that's a way better feeling than the guilt and shame that I've felt in the past. I'm willing to take that any day!

So, just hang in there. It'll get better, and I know that for now that doesn't help much, but I'll be praying for you and your family and for you to continue to resist the temptation and lure of that tricky old ornery deception of "comfort" eating, cause we all know there's no comfort AFTER the crumbs are gone, and this what you need to remember most!

melifornia

Thanks, Brownie. I thought I remembered that someone in the group was an addiction counselor. I will be seeking professional help for the food issue in particular, in addition to seeing a therapist for life in general.

Charlotte, I have a list like that geared more toward when depression rears its ugly head, but I don't always think to look at it when I head toward food instead. Thanks for the reminder.

This weekend I did better. Better on food, better on getting some exercise, better on alternate forms of emotional release (i.e. I watched a movie that let me cry and cry and cry :P).

llysenw

I'm not really losing weight, and I'm not sure why. Ever since I started tracking my food and exercise on July 2, I've been bouncing around in a 3-4 lb range.

Of course, I could always stand to exercise more, but my exercise isn't totally out of whack with my eating. I'm not eating more than I'm burning, but I feel like I must be doing something wrong.

kisseso3

Sometimes we have ****ty days and we medicate w/ food. I'm sure none of us got to this group because food wasn't our friend. The important thing to remember is that it's okay. You're going to have a bad day and you're going to eat. The goal isn't to be perfect the goal is to make progress. To become aware. Eat the pizza and then the next day push just a bit harder, and the day after that and so on. It's allowed.

As for the rest of it; well eff! I'm sorry dear. It's sounds like a mell of a hess. It sucks and saying it sucks is a big step in overcoming it. And you're doing that. And luckily you are part of a great group that allows you to vent, to admit you medicate w/ food, and not judge you. But support you and try to comfort you. Hang in there. Enjoy the trip! And vent all you want.