My Food Diary
Lyndal816
Posts: 35 Member
Isn’t it surprising just how much we didn’t know back when we thought we were so smart? I remember the first time I time I went to a Weight Watchers meeting – 38 years ago. I was 23 years old, had just had my first son and weighed in at a whopping 152 pounds! I could NOT believe how disgusted my first husband was (this husband was NOT Rom, the wonderful man I am married to now). I had never been a thin person but this was this was scary. I didn’t even have the excuse of being pregnant and, yet, I weighed that much!
I started Weight Watchers that very night. I did EVERYTHING (including eating the nasty, horrible liver we HAD to eat each week). I wrote everything down…and even started losing some weight. I brought my diary in for the “teacher” to review and tell me what a great job I was doing. I was not only proud of myself, I was actually quite smug.
Smug, that is, until I snuck that stupid candy bar and “forgot” to write it down. My day had been stressful and I put a Milky Bar in my grocery cart and hauled it out to the car with the rest of my stuff. I dug through every bag until I found it. I tore that wrapper off that chocolate bar in the parking lot and devoured that thing like I hadn’t eaten in a week. I got out of the car, walked over to the garbage can on the side of the store (not the one in front, mind you) and threw the wrapper away before I went home. I checked the mirror to make sure I had no tell-tale sign of it and proceeded to drive home like nothing at all had happened.
That night when I wrote down EVERYTHING in my diary I had my very first occurrence of convenient amnesia. I “forgot” to write down that candy bar. It’s also strange that, for some reason, that was the first week I, not only did not lose anything, I actually gained something – granted it was a very tiny amount but it was a gain. It’s not weird, however, that was my first time that I quit Weight Watchers.
It’s interesting that I can forget what I wanted from the room I just walked into, and yet 38 years after the fact I can still remember making the conscious decision to not log that candy bar into my food diary. I waited for about a year before joining again. I had “only gained” a little less than four pounds from the initial 152. So my second WW weigh in was 156, which doesn’t sound like a lot, does it? For some reason, I repeated this whole scenario for the next 38 years. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. What can I say, I am a S L O W learner!
Gaining just under four pounds a year does not sound like a lot, until you multiply it times 38 years – and then it is a 156 pounds more than I was when I started. That’s right I eventually ended up weighing 298 pounds and wishing I could magically return to that time when I was so huge that weighed a “whopping” 152 pounds.
Why am I writing this post today? My MFP friends all share their diary every day. While I have learned my lesson and write (or log) everything down, sometimes there is an entry of my Milky Way Unwrapped Bites instead of the bell pepper and cucumber salad that “should” be on my log.
I finally decided that Milky Way (or chocolate) will be in my life. I plan for it and look forward to it. Does this mean I am still going for the insanity thingy again – no, this time I am consciously aware that I can (and will) be successful because this time I am fully aware that I own my food choices (and the diary) that I log those choices into.
Today I made the decision that I would share my food diary with my friends. I can honestly say that I changed my mind at least 20 times. I kept going from Private to Friends Only. Each time, I checked the box for the Friends; I felt something in my stomach. I felt scared, I felt pressure; I felt…I don’t know what it was that I felt. And then I felt silly. The people I have opted to call My Fitness Pal friends have been nothing but supportive of me. They are on their own journey. I want them to be successful on their own journey – and they want the same for me. I clicked on “Friends Only” and left it.
I started Weight Watchers that very night. I did EVERYTHING (including eating the nasty, horrible liver we HAD to eat each week). I wrote everything down…and even started losing some weight. I brought my diary in for the “teacher” to review and tell me what a great job I was doing. I was not only proud of myself, I was actually quite smug.
Smug, that is, until I snuck that stupid candy bar and “forgot” to write it down. My day had been stressful and I put a Milky Bar in my grocery cart and hauled it out to the car with the rest of my stuff. I dug through every bag until I found it. I tore that wrapper off that chocolate bar in the parking lot and devoured that thing like I hadn’t eaten in a week. I got out of the car, walked over to the garbage can on the side of the store (not the one in front, mind you) and threw the wrapper away before I went home. I checked the mirror to make sure I had no tell-tale sign of it and proceeded to drive home like nothing at all had happened.
That night when I wrote down EVERYTHING in my diary I had my very first occurrence of convenient amnesia. I “forgot” to write down that candy bar. It’s also strange that, for some reason, that was the first week I, not only did not lose anything, I actually gained something – granted it was a very tiny amount but it was a gain. It’s not weird, however, that was my first time that I quit Weight Watchers.
It’s interesting that I can forget what I wanted from the room I just walked into, and yet 38 years after the fact I can still remember making the conscious decision to not log that candy bar into my food diary. I waited for about a year before joining again. I had “only gained” a little less than four pounds from the initial 152. So my second WW weigh in was 156, which doesn’t sound like a lot, does it? For some reason, I repeated this whole scenario for the next 38 years. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. What can I say, I am a S L O W learner!
Gaining just under four pounds a year does not sound like a lot, until you multiply it times 38 years – and then it is a 156 pounds more than I was when I started. That’s right I eventually ended up weighing 298 pounds and wishing I could magically return to that time when I was so huge that weighed a “whopping” 152 pounds.
Why am I writing this post today? My MFP friends all share their diary every day. While I have learned my lesson and write (or log) everything down, sometimes there is an entry of my Milky Way Unwrapped Bites instead of the bell pepper and cucumber salad that “should” be on my log.
I finally decided that Milky Way (or chocolate) will be in my life. I plan for it and look forward to it. Does this mean I am still going for the insanity thingy again – no, this time I am consciously aware that I can (and will) be successful because this time I am fully aware that I own my food choices (and the diary) that I log those choices into.
Today I made the decision that I would share my food diary with my friends. I can honestly say that I changed my mind at least 20 times. I kept going from Private to Friends Only. Each time, I checked the box for the Friends; I felt something in my stomach. I felt scared, I felt pressure; I felt…I don’t know what it was that I felt. And then I felt silly. The people I have opted to call My Fitness Pal friends have been nothing but supportive of me. They are on their own journey. I want them to be successful on their own journey – and they want the same for me. I clicked on “Friends Only” and left it.
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Replies
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Thanks for sharing this.
I've been down that same path... horrified, AFTER giving birth, to weigh 145...and I've hidden my fair share of candy bar wrappers.
I won't bore you with my tale. I'm returning after a month-long absence. (vacations, etc)
But this is a great group; very supportive and non-judgmental.
:flowerforyou:
Best wishes on your journey!0 -
Wow, isn't it amazing how many of the same paths we all have followed. This certainly could be my post in so many ways.
Thanks, again, for sharing with us!
I so appreciate your honesty
:flowerforyou:0 -
You are really helping yourself by putting it all out there. You are also helping people like me who think no food should be off-limits cuz it drives me nuts and I will binge on it then. Just accounting for it, and not going over your daily calorie amount is amazing. Good going!0
