Horrible habit...

caseyjade88

I'm a single mom of a 1-year-old little boy. His father has legally been removed from our lives due to physical abuse (he abused my precious little boy when he was 2 months old). I now live by myself for the first time ever, not relying on a man to help me get by. It's definitely a struggle and I'm not even making it paycheck to paycheck. I'm currently in a relationship with a man I assume is cheating on me, but my heart is so invested that I can't bring myself to leave. I often find myself skipping meals and just snacking on comfort foods. My problem isn't overeating...it's what I choose to eat. I need a support system, bad. Please add me to your friends list and become MFP friends. I lack friends in real life so having them on here would be a huge honor... especially since we all have one goal, which is to lose weight!

cmsincla

eshanimongia5

Hi!
I am very sorry to hear all that you and your child have been through!

You deserve much better!

I can understand the urge and pleasure of snacking on comfort foods because i end up minching like that as well.

Feel free to add me!

doctorregenerated

I've abandoned meals so I could just eat junk all day, so I know how that is.
I just wanted to give you and your son big internet hugs, because you have been through so much. Be kind to yourselves. Hold out for someone who knows how wonderful you both are.

Kabiti

♥
I've got three kids and I'm not on my own, but will be (probably with shared custody) sometime in the next year or two. I love my kids very much and I'm afraid of what will happen after. It's very scary to see how hard it will be for all 5 of us afterward and I think their mother and I are both dragging our feet on this because of that.

Of_Monsters_and_Meat

You have a child. Sorry things aren't working out for you. You need to get rid of this dude if he is cheating on you, it's not even really an option.
Then get yourself in a good place first, not really sure how you could be in this situation and not emotionally eat and stress out all the time.

Patttience

Hi, you sure do need help but it sounds like you are attracted to being in harmful relationships. Why don't you just get out and stay single for some time. If you are not already getting help from a professional therapist, then i think you need to do this.

I do know what its like to be so emotionally attached to someone and not be able to breakfree. its like you are a suckers on an octopus and can't pull yourself free from the guy. But you have to find a way to let go of him if you really are not getting your needs met by this guy. How long are you willing to suffer with this stuff before you can let go? How bad will things have to be this time before you can let go? Are you going to keep repeating the same patterns for the rest of your life?

This is not something i think you can change on your own. Most people can't. you need support from people who will not use or abuse you. So i recommend a female psychologist with good therapy skills.


Are you too depressed to eat well? I remember a few years ago, when i was too depressed to feed myself properly, though i did overeat.

If you are able to address your eating its time to stop skipping meals. If you don't have to leave home for work or studies, do the three meals a day thing and quit snacking completely. Establish some structure in your life. Go shopping, buy only healthy foods. Chuck all the sweet stuff out of your house and stop buying it. Don't feed it to your child either. Sugar is bad for a lot of us and most people eat far t o much of it. we just don't need it. There are lovely foods out there that are healthy and delicious.

Actually i'm wondering if you don't overeat, are you saying you are not overweight? Nevertheless, if you are eating badly you are probably not getting good nutrition and that can create weight problems, health problems and depression. So if you are not already depressed, please start eating more fruit and vegetables. Dno't eat the same thing every day. Start cooking from recipe books and get excited about food. If you do not eat a lot you might have insulin resistance and the worst thing for someone like you is sugar foods and other refined foods. If this is you, read some low carb diet books. Atkins is a good one though i'm not suggesting you rush right out and start going atkins. You should at least get your fasting glucose tested by your gp before deciding that you must do low carb. But fewer carbs are healthier for all of us.

If you can't get excited about healthy food and cooking and what you are eating, then i'd suggest you are depressed enough to see a doctor, get some medication and definitely be seeing a councillor for support and helping you address your attachment issues.

The feelings you've got and which are keeping you stuck in harmful relationships is not love. Its just attachment. Its clinging and its bad. The buddhists teach that attachment causes us pain and suffering and they are right. We can be attached to all sorts of things. The thing sooner or later we are going to have let these things go anyway because nothing is permanent. So hold your relationships, possessions and jobs lightly. You can care, love and enjoy without clinging. That's what we have to learn how to do with everyone and everything. Hold your attachment to things and people lightly. Clinging causes such suffering but letting go is actually not that hard. Its as easy as letting go a rope. But it has to be a choice. We have to want it. The thing is we tend to be able to let go more easily when we understand and recognise the pain of our clinging and the truth of this explanation.

Imagine you are carrying a bucket full of concrete. FEel how heavy it is in your hand. How it cuts into your palm. How the longer you hold onto it the greater the pain is. This is you in relationships. And then imagine letting go the bucket handle. Just let it fall. And feel how easy that is. and how quickly the pain dissipates. This can be you. I have experienced this numerous times since i first decided to stop my attachment to someone. I recognised it was affecting my mood and behaviour and i said to myself "enough". And i just stopped thinking about the guy. If thoughts of him came into my mind i distracted myself. I just said no its finished. I don't want this pain anymore.

Here's an other example. You are in the supermarket and your little boy sees some lollies and wants them. You don't want him to have them and say no. He's taken a bag of them off the shelf and you've taken it off him and put it back saying no you can't have them. Your little boy cries and has a bit of a tantrum That's because he is clinging to his desire for the sweets. Its all a pretty normal reaction. But what say his tantrum escalates and he starts screaming the further down the aisle you go, the further away from the sweets and he doesn't let up. His pain gets more and more intense. And so does everyone else's. A healthier minded child, would stop the crying after a short while and forget about the sweets but not this child. He keeps thinking about what he's being deprived of and just keeps wanting and wanting what he can't have. He can't stop wanting. See his pain is more intense and more prolonged. Don't you just wish he would let it go and forget about it.

That's what everyone knows about someone stuck in an abusive or unhappy relationship. You probably even know it yourself but you don't know it deeply enough. YOu keep telling yourself you can't let go but in fact, its more that you won't. So long as you tell yourself you can't you won't be able to, you don't. The moment you decided that you are sick of this situation and your done. It gets easier. The more distance you get between you and the object of your desire the easier it gets.

Its how my diet has been too. At one point early on in the year, i just said that's it. I've had enough with being fat. I"m doing this and i'm doing it forever. And i 'haven't looked back.

If you really believe your guy is cheating on you, end the relationship. Unless you can genuinely accept his cheating and be ok with it - but i don't think you can do that.. Either way you are going to have to let go of something if you want this suffering to end. And you can do it. You just have to decide you want to enjoy life and not live in such a hellhole of pain all the time.

Maybe look into buddhism if you have time and opportunity. There are lots of great centres in America. Their teachings are very practical and useful. And for parents, there is a lot of useful stuff as well.