By the Numbers
Lyndal816
Posts: 35 Member
By the Numbers
My son, Brian, called me last night and suggested the whole family meet in California for Thanksgiving. He, his wife, and our beautiful granddaughter, Josie would fly in from New York. He wants to rent a house so that Rom and I could stay with them for several days. My youngest son, Michael, would meet us there and, of course, we would take Tammy, our daughter and Gabrielle, our other beautiful granddaughter with us.
Now this sounds wonderful and I can’t wait to see everyone – including my mother and sister who live in California. I can’t wait to see everyone and I can honestly say that I am excited. If I am so excited, why, then did I title this “By the Numbers”? :huh:
The first thing I did when I hung up the phone was to calculate how long I have to lose more weight. I figured that I have all of September, October, and part of November to lose 29 more pounds. I want to be 50 pounds less than I was when they last saw me. Of course, if I lost ONLY 29 pounds, I would still weigh over 200 pounds. Why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I simply look forward to seeing the people I love?
I weighed 278 pounds when I married Rom. I worked hard and got down to 225 – which was the lowest I’ve ever weighed since I’ve known him. Two years ago, I got very sick and had to go on prednisone. Within two months I weighed 298. A good part of the weight I gained was the medication and, honestly, some of it was the junk I ate.
I got weighed just before my recent surgery and weighed 259 and yesterday I weighed in at 238. Now instead of rejoicing for the progress I’ve made, I am applying pressure to weigh 50 pounds less than I did when my sons came out just after my surgery.
Why do I do this to myself? Has Rom ever said anything about my weight? No, he just wants me to be happy and healthy. Will my kids not want to see me if I don’t weigh 50 pounds less – no, I did not raise them that way. Will my granddaughters refuse to sit on my lap if I still weigh 238? No, they love their Mema just way I am.
What is the reason that I map my life according to the numbers on the scale? To be honest way back to the last time I weighed about 150, I had the weird experience of losing a husband and uterus on the same day. Yep, my divorce was final on the same day as my hysterectomy (and because I was insured through him, that meant I was not covered).
I quickly lost 11 pounds, which means I weighed 139 pounds. That is THE lowest I’ve been as an adult. I should have been happy but I was miserable. I had no husband, no insurance, no job, a mortgage payment, not to mention a five year old and a one year old that needed me to be there for them. I lost weight because I could not afford to eat – not because I was trying to take care of myself.
Now that I just wrote this, why on earth do I want to be in that place again? I weigh 238 – and Rom cheered when he saw those numbers on the scale yesterday (and, yes I let him see me weigh myself). I have two sons, a step-daughter (who just happens to be the daughter that I did not give birth to), a daughter-in-law who fits wonderfully in our family, AND the two most perfect granddaughters in the world who all want to make it possible for us all to spend the holiday together.
Instead of stressing about what to stuff (or not stuff) into my mouth before November, I think I will just concentrate on how I’m going to make that stuffing everyone loves. Whatever the scale says at that time will be the perfect number for me at that time.
My son, Brian, called me last night and suggested the whole family meet in California for Thanksgiving. He, his wife, and our beautiful granddaughter, Josie would fly in from New York. He wants to rent a house so that Rom and I could stay with them for several days. My youngest son, Michael, would meet us there and, of course, we would take Tammy, our daughter and Gabrielle, our other beautiful granddaughter with us.
Now this sounds wonderful and I can’t wait to see everyone – including my mother and sister who live in California. I can’t wait to see everyone and I can honestly say that I am excited. If I am so excited, why, then did I title this “By the Numbers”? :huh:
The first thing I did when I hung up the phone was to calculate how long I have to lose more weight. I figured that I have all of September, October, and part of November to lose 29 more pounds. I want to be 50 pounds less than I was when they last saw me. Of course, if I lost ONLY 29 pounds, I would still weigh over 200 pounds. Why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I simply look forward to seeing the people I love?
I weighed 278 pounds when I married Rom. I worked hard and got down to 225 – which was the lowest I’ve ever weighed since I’ve known him. Two years ago, I got very sick and had to go on prednisone. Within two months I weighed 298. A good part of the weight I gained was the medication and, honestly, some of it was the junk I ate.
I got weighed just before my recent surgery and weighed 259 and yesterday I weighed in at 238. Now instead of rejoicing for the progress I’ve made, I am applying pressure to weigh 50 pounds less than I did when my sons came out just after my surgery.
Why do I do this to myself? Has Rom ever said anything about my weight? No, he just wants me to be happy and healthy. Will my kids not want to see me if I don’t weigh 50 pounds less – no, I did not raise them that way. Will my granddaughters refuse to sit on my lap if I still weigh 238? No, they love their Mema just way I am.
What is the reason that I map my life according to the numbers on the scale? To be honest way back to the last time I weighed about 150, I had the weird experience of losing a husband and uterus on the same day. Yep, my divorce was final on the same day as my hysterectomy (and because I was insured through him, that meant I was not covered).
I quickly lost 11 pounds, which means I weighed 139 pounds. That is THE lowest I’ve been as an adult. I should have been happy but I was miserable. I had no husband, no insurance, no job, a mortgage payment, not to mention a five year old and a one year old that needed me to be there for them. I lost weight because I could not afford to eat – not because I was trying to take care of myself.
Now that I just wrote this, why on earth do I want to be in that place again? I weigh 238 – and Rom cheered when he saw those numbers on the scale yesterday (and, yes I let him see me weigh myself). I have two sons, a step-daughter (who just happens to be the daughter that I did not give birth to), a daughter-in-law who fits wonderfully in our family, AND the two most perfect granddaughters in the world who all want to make it possible for us all to spend the holiday together.
Instead of stressing about what to stuff (or not stuff) into my mouth before November, I think I will just concentrate on how I’m going to make that stuffing everyone loves. Whatever the scale says at that time will be the perfect number for me at that time.
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Replies
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Lyndal, We all tend to do this i was determined i was going to get to the 2 stone loss mark by my birthday which was last week on 13th Aug, no it didn't happen. We always want to make the numbers nice and even and round too don't we??.
Don't stress yourself the most important thing is to just lose at the rate your body can go don't worry about magic numbers you have done great especially after all you have been through, Your family want to see you well not x amount of pounds less.
Look forward and enjoy your visit and company of all the family no matter what you weigh if its less than now all well and good if its the same as you are now that also is all well and good.
Good Luck and don't stress.
Carolx0 -
We all do this I think. Even now when I look at family photos over the last 43 years of marriage - the first thought in my head when I see myself in a photo is whether I was up or down that year. I think 'Oh that was the year I did really well on that diet and looked good, or Oh I was really at my highest weight that Christmas. There are a couple Christmas' where I stayed out of the photos altogether. How foolish that was!
It is a reflection of our self worth and the last thing you should think about when looking forward to family holidays. Be healthy, stay focused and be happy with who you are when you arrive!0 -
Lyndal,
Your insight is always amazing.
We cannot equate numbers on a scale with happiness or unhappiness. We cannot equate numbers on a scale with love, money, stability, or success. Goals are good as long as we keep them in perspective. They are something that keeps us on track, but that track has to have room for a breather, detour, or back-track along the way.
Unfortunately, we do tend to focus on the numbers on the scale and the numbers on the calendar. But, to some extent, the numbers on one are somewhat negated by the numbers on the other.
Let's face it. The numbers on the calendar say that I am 63 years old. Even if I can make the numbers on the scale match my weight at 23, 33, or 43, I will never be that again. My breasts won't be where they were. My stomach won't be as flat. My hair won't be as full and shiny. My skin won't be as smooth. But, I will be able to get up and down from the floor with my granddaughters and keep up with them while they play. I will be able to enjoy travel and other activities without getting out of breath. I will enjoy all the numbers that remain on my calendar.
My only family are my children, my daughter-in-law, granddaughters, and, yes, even my ex. I am so lucky that they are all here close by. We don't get together a lot, but I know how lucky I am. How wonderful you can have your family together for Thanksgiving. You can bask in their love and be proud of your successes so far.
Hugs,
Charlie0 -
The most important thing is how you feel about each other and if you all get along so well, there's little else to ask for.
Your weight and your health are a continuous process that you just keep working on. After Thanksgiving your well-being will still be a priority. By then, your mindset about food and sticking to a plan might be different than it is now.
What I love about seeing my grandchildren is that they do not judge my appearance (my kids don't either.) They're just happy that I'm there and we do fun things together. That is all I need from them.
Happy Trails,
Claudine0 -
Lyndal, I don't know how to copy and do the quotes that I've seen in some of these emails but if I could, I would post your last sentence, so since I can't copy it, I'll type it: "Whatever the scale says at that time will be the perfect number for me at that time".
The sentence sums it all up - you've already made up your mind that like your loved ones, you've decided that your weight, whatever it might be, at your family gathering isn't important - what is important is the love that you share with them.
I think many of us set these 'time' goals as a means of motivation - the danger of course is if we don't meet that time line goal, we may get discouraged and back slide to the attitude " I didn't lose X number of lbs. by X date; I'll never lose that amount so I might as well 'give up' , etc. - all the self defeating thoughts most of us have had during past 'diets'. Goals are great and time lines aren't all bad - we just also have to love ourselves enough to know that the amount on the scale doesn't reflect our worth. Something that I need to keep reminding myself about a 'zillion' times or so.
Enjoy! :happy:0
