Daycare Policy Issue
mommyrunning
Posts: 495 Member
Just wanted to hear some other opinions from moms on this issue with our daughter's daycare. Here's the background:
Our 18 month old has been a bit aggressive at daycare recently (a few weeks). She has scratched, bitten, and hit other children. She does this with her 6 year old sister as well. Obviously, we don't allow this but also understand that this is a phase most children will go through. If we see her do it we address it immediately by telling her no & that we do not hit/bite/etc. If she does it again she is placed in time out to calm down. We've taught our 6 year old to say "no hitting/scratching/etc!" in a firm voice then tell her sister she does not want to play with her anymore because she is being mean then walk away calmly. We supervise them when they are playing to ensure the 6 yr old isn't doing anything to encourage her sister to lash out.
I've spoken at length with the ladies at daycare. I've apologized of course and asked them to apologize to the other child's parents for us (they can't tell us which kid it was) and asked for their input on the situation. She seems to do it only with one teacher who we like a lot and our daughter likes. The teacher has said at the time it happens she didn't see any obvious reason (like fighting over a toy). However, she did admit that some other kids used to take our daughter's food and now she stands up for herself. I have also noticed our daughter coming home with scratches sometimes. According to them and at home she has always been very laid back and doesn't make much of a fuss about things. Prior to this starting they would comment on how easy of a baby she was to care for as she'd play quietly and didn't need assistance falling asleep. The girls at daycare think it's because I am pregnant that she is acting out. We haven’t explained to her and I think she’s too little to know just by looking at me. I think it's a combination of being a phase, her being bored (she's the oldest in class), being frustrated at not being able to communicate something, and possible attention seeking. Other than apologizing I don’t know what to do as far as it happening at daycare. If I scold her when I pick her up I doubt she’d remember the incident enough to make the connection.
So I spoke to the staff about moving our daughter to the next class which usually happens at 19 months. She said they would see if they have room but then quickly insisted she will not be allowed to have a pacifier in the new room. Currently she mostly uses it at nap time for comfort (she nursed until about 2 month ago) and sometimes when I drop her off if she's upset (literally she gives it up within 5 minutes of me leaving). I am moving toward weaning her from the pacifier but I have a problem with the daycare dictating something to me that I feel should be my parenting choice. I've done research there is no harm at this age in having the pacifier. It is not until age 2 that dental issues become a concern. As I said she doesn't have it all day just at nap or for a few minutes if she's really upset. What do you guys think? Am I being too sensitive about the daycare’s rule?
Our 18 month old has been a bit aggressive at daycare recently (a few weeks). She has scratched, bitten, and hit other children. She does this with her 6 year old sister as well. Obviously, we don't allow this but also understand that this is a phase most children will go through. If we see her do it we address it immediately by telling her no & that we do not hit/bite/etc. If she does it again she is placed in time out to calm down. We've taught our 6 year old to say "no hitting/scratching/etc!" in a firm voice then tell her sister she does not want to play with her anymore because she is being mean then walk away calmly. We supervise them when they are playing to ensure the 6 yr old isn't doing anything to encourage her sister to lash out.
I've spoken at length with the ladies at daycare. I've apologized of course and asked them to apologize to the other child's parents for us (they can't tell us which kid it was) and asked for their input on the situation. She seems to do it only with one teacher who we like a lot and our daughter likes. The teacher has said at the time it happens she didn't see any obvious reason (like fighting over a toy). However, she did admit that some other kids used to take our daughter's food and now she stands up for herself. I have also noticed our daughter coming home with scratches sometimes. According to them and at home she has always been very laid back and doesn't make much of a fuss about things. Prior to this starting they would comment on how easy of a baby she was to care for as she'd play quietly and didn't need assistance falling asleep. The girls at daycare think it's because I am pregnant that she is acting out. We haven’t explained to her and I think she’s too little to know just by looking at me. I think it's a combination of being a phase, her being bored (she's the oldest in class), being frustrated at not being able to communicate something, and possible attention seeking. Other than apologizing I don’t know what to do as far as it happening at daycare. If I scold her when I pick her up I doubt she’d remember the incident enough to make the connection.
So I spoke to the staff about moving our daughter to the next class which usually happens at 19 months. She said they would see if they have room but then quickly insisted she will not be allowed to have a pacifier in the new room. Currently she mostly uses it at nap time for comfort (she nursed until about 2 month ago) and sometimes when I drop her off if she's upset (literally she gives it up within 5 minutes of me leaving). I am moving toward weaning her from the pacifier but I have a problem with the daycare dictating something to me that I feel should be my parenting choice. I've done research there is no harm at this age in having the pacifier. It is not until age 2 that dental issues become a concern. As I said she doesn't have it all day just at nap or for a few minutes if she's really upset. What do you guys think? Am I being too sensitive about the daycare’s rule?
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Replies
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I don't think an 18 month old would be aware that you're pregnant, and even if they did, they wouldn't be aware of the implications. I've got 22 months between my first two, and while my son knew there was a baby in mummy's tummy, he didn't actually realise there would be a baby sister for him to be jealous of in a few months!
The biting is just a phase. I think it's partly down to frustration that they can't communicate properly. I looked after my 16 month old nephew the other day and he's going through the biting phase. He bit my 3 year old as he wanted the toy she had. I remember my 5 year old biting, but I don't think he did it for long.
As for the pacifier, maybe it would be a good idea to try to give it up now? I don't know, none of my three ever had one, but maybe just have it for bedtime? The nursery my 3 year old goes to doesn't have rules about them, I don't think, but if that's their rule then I guess you need to stick to it.0 -
Thankfully neither one of mine will take a pacifier so I don;t have to worry about weaning but I do think that as soon as teeth start coming in, it become a little more important to take the pacifier away. It's eventually got to happen so why not now? I see your point about being told you have to do it, that kind of crap irritates me to no end. I'm not good at being forced to do things. I would consider whether or not it's worth the argument or not.0
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Thanks for your feedback. My issue isn't really the pacifier. I plan to wean from it soon though there's no medical reason it has to be now. My issue is the daycare trying to dictate it to me. I think it needs to be our choice but I realize it may come down to follow their policy or find a new daycare.0
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Update:
They daycare called me today and told me they have an opening in the next classroom for our daughter and would move her if we wanted. I told them we were interested in moving her to the next room but concerned it may take a few weeks to wean her from using a pacifier at naptime. They agreed to work with and let her keep the pacifier at naptime. So seems like it is working out.0 -
Glad to hear it! I'm sure they realize it will take time to wean her.0
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Update:
They daycare called me today and told me they have an opening in the next classroom for our daughter and would move her if we wanted. I told them we were interested in moving her to the next room but concerned it may take a few weeks to wean her from using a pacifier at naptime. They agreed to work with and let her keep the pacifier at naptime. So seems like it is working out.
Glad to hear it seems to be working out! The biting/hitting is probably a phase. My older son (3.5) was the bitee
He literally got bitten about 10 times in his two years at his first preschool (now he's in K3 at a Catholic school). He never bit anyone else. Now with my younger son (15 months) he bit someone the other day! He just bites sometimes. They understand it's a phase most of the time and that it's simply going to happen, and they have a gentle discipline to deal with it. (Off the top of my head I can't remember what that is, but I remember the form going around explaining what they do in case your kid bites.)
As for the pacifier, my son's school also doesn't allow them, and the youngest kid there is 13 months old (no kids under 12 months). I don't think it's so much of a dental issue as a safety/liability issue, but I could be wrong about that. However if they are allowing it for the 18-month-olds and younger, then that's a little weird. Maybe they want pacifiers out so that they can work on language skills? At least they're being flexible, though.0 -
Update:
They daycare called me today and told me they have an opening in the next classroom for our daughter and would move her if we wanted. I told them we were interested in moving her to the next room but concerned it may take a few weeks to wean her from using a pacifier at naptime. They agreed to work with and let her keep the pacifier at naptime. So seems like it is working out.
Glad to hear it seems to be working out! The biting/hitting is probably a phase. My older son (3.5) was the bitee He literally got bitten about 10 times in his two years at his first preschool (now he's in K3 at a Catholic school). He never bit anyone else. Now with my younger son (15 months) he bit someone the other day! He just bites sometimes. They understand it's a phase most of the time and that it's simply going to happen, and they have a gentle discipline to deal with it. (Off the top of my head I can't remember what that is, but I remember the form going around explaining what they do in case your kid bites.)
As for the pacifier, my son's school also doesn't allow them, and the youngest kid there is 13 months old (no kids under 12 months). I don't think it's so much of a dental issue as a safety/liability issue, but I could be wrong about that. However if they are allowing it for the 18-month-olds and younger, then that's a little weird. Maybe they want pacifiers out so that they can work on language skills? At least they're being flexible, though.
Yeah my daughters have been bitten, hit, and scratched too. And as long as it is being addressed I never hold it against the school or the parents. But I do feel quite bad when it is my child doing the biting or scratching. I've considered the language issue. She talks and the pacifier is put away after I leave until naptime versus her having it all day.
I don't mind working to get rid of it. Just felt bugged when I felt they were trying to force a parenting choice. I know in the grand scheme of things it isn't a huge issue but no one likes to see their child upset/uncomfortable. I know a lot of my strong feeling on this comes from my own guilt about not being able to stay home with her.
This too shall pass... as they say :blushing:0
