An Unfortunate side effect of losing weight..

determined24girl

Hi ladies

I'm relatively new to the group so this is my first topic.

I have encountered the strangest side effect of losing weight. I have no one to talk to. When I was bigger I could talk to all of my friends about how unhappy I was and how much I wanted to lose weight. But now that I have lost weight (40 lbs) and am actually happy with myself, none of them want to talk to me.

I am now the smallest out of my group of friends. They are all over weight right now, which i figure factors in to why they won't talk to me. Every time i see them they never fail to say "you've lost more weight? I hate you." and things like that. Most of the time they come off like they are joking but some times i get a hint of seriousness in their voices.

So now I can't talk to any of them about my success, I refuse to bring it up. I can't find anyone to be happy for me. I need some one to be happy for me. I need someone to talk to. I don't know, maybe that comes off as a bit self centered. I have known my group of friends for 10+ years. All of them. And i never saw this coming.

MrsSchimmy

I can really relate to your situation. I've faced this twice in my life:

1) When I got pregnant with my daughter (my first) at 18 years old. This is where I lost 97% of my friends. We just couldn't relate to one another anymore. They didn't understand my new responsibility and I couldn't hang out like I used to. We grew apart but never full lost touch.

2) When I lost weight after having my 3rd child. I didn't have many friends at that point but this is where I lost what few I did have. Again, we just couldn't relate to each other. I even had some family members stop talking to me.

Fast forward 3 1/2 years after #2 and I still have very few friends but the ones I do have, are more like minded. I've reconnected with a few from my past that are interested in what I have accomplished and want me to help them achieve a healthy lifestyle. It's all a growing process. I think you just have to be the example. Not by constantly preaching what you do/how you do it but just by living a full and happy life.

That's what I've done and people have come around to the idea more. But expect to lose some... as hard as that is.

mave34

I can really relate to your situation. I've faced this twice in my life:

1) When I got pregnant with my daughter (my first) at 18 years old. This is where I lost 97% of my friends. We just couldn't relate to one another anymore. They didn't understand my new responsibility and I couldn't hang out like I used to. We grew apart but never full lost touch.

2) When I lost weight after having my 3rd child. I didn't have many friends at that point but this is where I lost what few I did have. Again, we just couldn't relate to each other. I even had some family members stop talking to me.

Fast forward 3 1/2 years after #2 and I still have very few friends but the ones I do have, are more like minded. I've reconnected with a few from my past that are interested in what I have accomplished and want me to help them achieve a healthy lifestyle. It's all a growing process. I think you just have to be the example. Not by constantly preaching what you do/how you do it but just by living a full and happy life.

That's what I've done and people have come around to the idea more. But expect to lose some... as hard as that is.

You just described my life. I can relate to all these issues. It can really hurt when the people you thought were there for you are no longer giving you the support you need in a friendship. Sometimes it's not always an unfortunate side effect. You may have hit a point where your friends are no longer meaning well and bringing you down rather than building you up. I would maybe do my own thing for a while, maybe find a few new people to build a friendship with and go from there. Yes they have been long time friends but sometimes when your life changes and your goals and mindset change it's better to separate yourself a bit and be proud of the work you have done to get to where you are.

Friends are great and all but really you are in this for you and each journey is an individual journey. Find positive influences

fitnessqueeninnyc

I can really relate to your situation. I've faced this twice in my life:

1) When I got pregnant with my daughter (my first) at 18 years old. This is where I lost 97% of my friends. We just couldn't relate to one another anymore. They didn't understand my new responsibility and I couldn't hang out like I used to. We grew apart but never full lost touch.

2) When I lost weight after having my 3rd child. I didn't have many friends at that point but this is where I lost what few I did have. Again, we just couldn't relate to each other. I even had some family members stop talking to me.

Fast forward 3 1/2 years after #2 and I still have very few friends but the ones I do have, are more like minded. I've reconnected with a few from my past that are interested in what I have accomplished and want me to help them achieve a healthy lifestyle. It's all a growing process. I think you just have to be the example. Not by constantly preaching what you do/how you do it but just by living a full and happy life.

That's what I've done and people have come around to the idea more. But expect to lose some... as hard as that is.

You just described my life. I can relate to all these issues. It can really hurt when the people you thought were there for you are no longer giving you the support you need in a friendship. Sometimes it's not always an unfortunate side effect. You may have hit a point where your friends are no longer meaning well and bringing you down rather than building you up. I would maybe do my own thing for a while, maybe find a few new people to build a friendship with and go from there. Yes they have been long time friends but sometimes when your life changes and your goals and mindset change it's better to separate yourself a bit and be proud of the work you have done to get to where you are.

Friends are great and all but really you are in this for you and each journey is an individual journey. Find positive influences

I concur... Sometimes you have to separate from those that don't offer the support you deserve and find people that are more like minded in your journey. It doesn't mean your friendship has to end, so much as you have to change your expectations of them. Not everyone is going to understand what you're going through, nor should you feel badly about what you've accomplished. Maybe joining a fitness group in your area can help to keep you motivated and support you on your continued journey? I had to do the same and I found that in my gym there were people that were very much like minded. In the process, I've met some pretty cool people that offer immense support and help me to keep track of my goals while setting new ones. Keep your head up and keep on moving!

determined24girl

Thanks everyone. I suppose it's just a sad fact of life. I suck at talking to people and meeting new people lol. But I am planning on joining a new gym in October, I haven't been to my old gym in over a year because we moved and i can't afford the gas to make it that far. so maybe when i join the new one I can get over my shyness and make some new friends.

Arizona_C

There can be jalousy from your friends, fear of loosing your friendship when you change, the feeling of not knowing you and relate to you when you are different. Maybe you can reassure them that they still count in your eyes by continuing to share things with them other than thoses related to weightloss, and with time create new friendships with mind-like, as in your gym?

I have two overweight friends, we're doing great but everything realted to sport and bodyweight is taboo. I'm sad as well that I cannot share with them my little victories nad feeling good's, but I have realized it is too difficult fro them, since it being topices where they are hurting because of their personal issues about food and weight.

Sport and weightloss, I share with my friends here on the forum; nobody around me in real life feel confortable with me changing, either.