~ Off Topic - ?? re: Men Who Only Have Women Friends on MFP

TravelsWithHuckleberry

Hi All --

I know this is slightly off topic, but I'm posting here because this is a group for women and all of you seem to be more sensible and dedicated than much of what I've seen in the other general forums.

I'm new to the site -- less than a month in -- and don't know quite what to make of some of the friend requests I've gotten from men who only have women friends. I'm then even more confused since they don't tend to include a note with the request, and rarely have information on their pages that make me think we have a lot of common interests or goals. And, I've actually declined at least one man who then just puts in another request (but still no note).

What do you gals do with these types of requests? Am I being overly cautious or silly or vain or all / none of the above?

Thanks,
Courtney

spirit095

To friend request me, I wrote that people need to have a message. I will decline if they don't write anything. If you don't want to add them, then don't. There's nothing wrong with being selective in the friends you want

bruerin

Well, you are a very attractive woman, that is evident from your avatar. They see it, and send the request. I haven't gotten any weirdo requests, but my avatar is currently a chubby Panda. Plus, you are very nice. If people read your postings in the general forums, some probably do want to be friends for good reasons. But some will always be creepers.

I agree with spirit095-no shame in being selective in your friends. I'd much rather have a handful of people who have the same interests, are funny, and who I "click" with than a large amount of bozos.

Llamapants86

I just ignore it if there is no note and I don't recognise them from the forums or something. There be lots o creepers out there.

ketoandbarbell

Well, you are a very attractive woman, that is evident from your avatar. They see it, and send the request. I haven't gotten any weirdo requests, but my avatar is currently a chubby Panda. Plus, you are very nice. If people read your postings in the general forums, some probably do want to be friends for good reasons. But some will always be creepers.

I agree with spirit095-no shame in being selective in your friends. I'd much rather have a handful of people who have the same interests, are funny, and who I "click" with than a large amount of bozos.

Agree with pic. I had more random requests when it was my back in a bikini. I also have a note in profile to add a note to FR or will not be added. Dont have to add anyone if you dont want.

canadianlbs

on the pic theme . . . nobody's bothered me yet :laugh: plus, i don't hang out much in the general forum so i'm under the radar, i guess.

i'd be a little bit wary myself. plus, i guess i'm a little bit social-networking challenged, and antisocial in a more general sense. i like to have a little bit of something in common with someone before i see the point of becoming a 'friend'. just being in the same general environment for the same general reason doesn't make much impression on me. it would be like someone asking you to be their 'friend' because you're on the same bus or something.

PurringMyrrh

.

PurringMyrrh

on the pic theme . . . nobody's bothered me yet :laugh: plus, i don't hang out much in the general forum so i'm under the radar, i guess.

i'd be a little bit wary myself. plus, i guess i'm a little bit social-networking challenged, and antisocial in a more general sense. i like to have a little bit of something in common with someone before i see the point of becoming a 'friend'. just being in the same general environment for the same general reason doesn't make much impression on me. it would be like someone asking you to be their 'friend' because you're on the same bus or something.

Amen.

logg1e

I don't tend to accept requests unless there's a message. Why would I? I wouldn't have a problem with a male friend who only had female friends, if he had a reasonable motivation for being my friend.

In general I find the main forums anti-women.

lwoodroff

definitely no message=no friend. and if it's the first time you've seen the username and there seems to be no reason.. why would you friend them?!

likewise feel free to go through and have a cull of people on your friendslist who you never interact with.. it's your fl, your rules!

randomtai

I get tons of FRs everyday. No message means you can't be bothered, why would I be bothered to friend you? Automatic decline.

Hell now people get declined unless we have mutuals and I like ya. You can't keep up with everyone with a big FL.

gracielynn1011

I keep a small friends list. If you don't feel comfortable adding someone, male or female, don't. No shame in that.

I have only added one male, and then deleted him, because our goals were obviously different. I do interact with men on the forums though, because some of them can be a great resource for lifting information.

MissHolidayGolightly

I accepted a friend request from a rando a few days ago then noticed that his status updates were getting hundreds of likes. Interest piqued, I checked his profile and saw that he was friends with almost 8000 people, mostly women. I didn't even know you could have that many friends. I got the heebie-jeebies and deleted him.

VeryKatie

Yes, I never put an actual picture of me so that I don't get requests either... of course I'm also doing it because I wouldn't want someone I know to be able to identify me (work, family, friends, enemies, what have you). That seems super awkward to me. I don't mind if strangers know my weight and weight loss troubles but I don't need people I see knowing that stuff.

katro111

I also have a note on my profile that says no message with friend request = declined. I've only had 3 males send me friend requests. The first one was a tad creepy, but he sent me a legit private message about his story, goals, and all that. He kept his diary private, didn't post on his wall thingy and didn't post in the forums so I ended up removing him. The second was a teenage boy who went on a FR spree and I ended up removing him because he was eating ~1200 cals per day and his posts were annoying teenager things. lol. The third was a total creep that I declined right away. He asked me to wrestle with him. Ew. The only other people on his friends list were females that were all hardcore body builders (according to their profile pics anyway).

TravelsWithHuckleberry

In general I find the main forums anti-women.

I haven't spent that much time in the general forums -- too many "would you bang the person above you or not?" type threads for my taste. But surprised / disappointed that they'd be "anti-women" in tone. Could you explain? (Note: I'm not being a smart *kitten* or combative -- really am curious.)

logg1e

I personally find the content very different in tone and content to the other forums I use. I was struck by:-

- the popular assumption amongst many posters that women want to become healthy in order to appeal more to men.
- the assumption that women should choose gym clothes which make them sexually appealing to men.
- the prolific use of images which objectify women.
- the confidence with which some posters feel entitled to announce what they find attractive or unattractive in a woman as if it's interesting, important and not at all sleazy.
- the use of gifs, images and terms which ridicule women purely because they are female.
- the disparaging and often factually incorrect talk about mensuration from people who will never have a period in their life (and the rather bizarre use of euphemisms for mensuration).
- the celebrating of historically male pursuits such as weight-lifting and disparaging comments about activities such as zumba, treadmills etc.
- the use of emotive terms in a casual manner, e.g. use of the word "rape" to indicate repeated use.
- the constant referring to women as girls.
- women being told they shouldn't contribute to a thread, purely because they are female.

ETA: and when this challenged, there's surprise and a bit of a "Cool Girl" backlash.

randomtai

I personally find the content very different in tone and content to the other forums I use. I was struck by:-

- the popular assumption amongst many posters that women want to become healthy in order to appeal more to men.
- the assumption that women should choose gym clothes which make them sexually appealing to men.
- the prolific use of images which objectify women.
- the confidence with which some posters feel entitled to announce what they find attractive or unattractive in a woman as if it's interesting, important and not at all sleazy.
- the use of gifs, images and terms which ridicule women purely because they are female.
- the disparaging and often factually incorrect talk about mensuration from people who will never have a period in their life (and the rather bizarre use of euphemisms for mensuration).
- the celebrating of historically male pursuits such as weight-lifting and disparaging comments about activities such as zumba, treadmills etc.
- the use of emotive terms in a casual manner, e.g. use of the word "rape" to indicate repeated use.
- the constant referring to women as girls.
- women being told they shouldn't contribute to a thread, purely because they are female.

ETA: and when this challenged, there's surprise and a bit of a "Cool Girl" backlash.

:huh:

logg1e

:laugh: I promise you that was auto-correct!

neandermagnon

I personally find the content very different in tone and content to the other forums I use. I was struck by:-

- the popular assumption amongst many posters that women want to become healthy in order to appeal more to men.
- the assumption that women should choose gym clothes which make them sexually appealing to men.
- the prolific use of images which objectify women.
- the confidence with which some posters feel entitled to announce what they find attractive or unattractive in a woman as if it's interesting, important and not at all sleazy.
- the use of gifs, images and terms which ridicule women purely because they are female.
- the disparaging and often factually incorrect talk about mensuration from people who will never have a period in their life (and the rather bizarre use of euphemisms for mensuration).
- the celebrating of historically male pursuits such as weight-lifting and disparaging comments about activities such as zumba, treadmills etc.
- the use of emotive terms in a casual manner, e.g. use of the word "rape" to indicate repeated use.
- the constant referring to women as girls.
- women being told they shouldn't contribute to a thread, purely because they are female.

ETA: and when this challenged, there's surprise and a bit of a "Cool Girl" backlash.

this is a sub-forum for women who lift weights (just so you know)... I find the assertion that weight training is something for men and not for women to be sexist. I'm sure a lot of the other weight-lifting women here would as well.

I really enjoy weight lifting and hate stuff like zumba and treadmills. I also really enjoy rough sports like ice hockey, and when I used to play (back in the day) I played a very physical game, in defence, body checking people n stuff (and a few fights here and there).... does that make me unfeminine? Yep, by modern sexist standards.... but not by any biological reality.

Why is zumba considered feminine and weight training considered masculine? Because we live in a sexist society, that's why. Instead of complaining about the number of people here who like weight training (which include both men and women who actively encourage other women to take it up) question the attitude that weight training is for men. Because it's so good for health (for men and women (and anyone who's transgender too, for that matter)) and because.... .... .... .... women are supposed to be strong too. See my avatar - she's a forensic reconstruction of a woman who lived around 50,000 years ago. She had big muscles and needed to be very strong to survive. Women evolved to be strong. Humans evolved to be strong. Gender shouldn't even come into it.

Also, zumba and treadmills will not give you the kind of results in terms of physique that weight training will give you. That applies equally for men and women (although the hormonal differences between men and women mean that women and men don't get exactly the same results from weight training - women won't see the muscle size gains that men will) - that's a biological fact. There are some cardio haters on this forum, but you'll find just as many female cardio haters as male cardio haters, and that's not sexist at all because there's no biological reason why cardio is more for women than for men - both/all genders need to keep their heart and lungs and circulatory system healthy. Just as strength training/weight lifting increases bone density and strength for both men and women... if you want to get into a gender difference with bone density, women are more at risk of osteoporosis than men due to hormonal changes at/after menopause, so if anything, strength/weight training is a little bit *more* important for women than for men. I don't agree with anyone who's hating on other people doing cardio, because that's just silly. But it's not sexist.


ETA: I haven't seen most of the other stuff you mention... and some stuff, like "men only" threads are greatly outnumbered by "women only" threads - and no-one pays any attention to those requests anyway, no point making them. Put a "warning TMI" instead if you want to discuss menstrual cycles or something.

Also, a male ob-gyn quite possibly saved my life and the life of my 2nd child... I'm sure he knows a lot more about periods than I do even though he's never had a period himself... sexism against men isn't very nice either.

randomtai

this is a sub-forum for women who lift weights (just so you know)... I find the assertion that weight training is something for men and not for women to be sexist. I'm sure a lot of the other weight-lifting women here would as well.

I really enjoy weight lifting and hate stuff like zumba and treadmills. I also really enjoy rough sports like ice hockey, and when I used to play (back in the day) I played a very physical game, in defence, body checking people n stuff (and a few fights here and there).... does that make me unfeminine? Yep, by modern sexist standards.... but not by any biological reality.

Why is zumba considered feminine and weight training considered masculine? Because we live in a sexist society, that's why. Instead of complaining about the number of people here who like weight training (which include both men and women who actively encourage other women to take it up) question the attitude that weight training is for men. Because it's so good for health (for men and women (and anyone who's transgender too, for that matter)) and because.... *shock horror*.... women are supposed to be strong too. See my avatar - she's a forensic reconstruction of a woman who lived around 50,000 years ago. She had big muscles and needed to be very strong to survive. Women evolved to be strong. Humans evolved to be strong. Gender shouldn't even come into it.

Also, zumba and treadmills will not give you the kind of results in terms of physique that weight training will give you. That applies equally for men and women (although the hormonal differences between men and women mean that women and men don't get exactly the same results from weight training - women won't see the muscle size gains that men will) - that's a biological fact. There are some cardio haters on this forum, but you'll find just as many female cardio haters as male cardio haters, and that's not sexist at all because there's no biological reason why cardio is more for women than for men - both/all genders need to keep their heart and lungs and circulatory system healthy. Just as strength training/weight lifting increases bone density and strength for both men and women... if you want to get into a gender difference with bone density, women are more at risk of osteoporosis than men due to hormonal changes at/after menopause, so if anything, strength/weight training is a little bit *more* important for women than for men. I don't agree with anyone who's hating on other people doing cardio, because that's just silly. But it's not sexist.

ALL OF THIS!!!!

logg1e

I think you've kind of missed my point. By a country mile.

neandermagnon

I think you've kind of missed my point. By a country mile.

I think I could say the same about you......

I picked up on one of the statements you said. If you can't see the sexism in that statement, then you need to look a little bit harder.

canadianlbs

I personally find the content very different in tone and content to the other forums I use. I was struck by:-

- the popular assumption amongst many posters that women want to become healthy in order to appeal more to men.
- the assumption that women should choose gym clothes which make them sexually appealing to men.
- the prolific use of images which objectify women.
- the confidence with which some posters feel entitled to announce what they find attractive or unattractive in a woman as if it's interesting, important and not at all sleazy.
- the use of gifs, images and terms which ridicule women purely because they are female.
- the disparaging and often factually incorrect talk about mensuration from people who will never have a period in their life (and the rather bizarre use of euphemisms for mensuration).
- the celebrating of historically male pursuits such as weight-lifting and disparaging comments about activities such as zumba, treadmills etc.
- the use of emotive terms in a casual manner, e.g. use of the word "rape" to indicate repeated use.
- the constant referring to women as girls.
- women being told they shouldn't contribute to a thread, purely because they are female.

ETA: and when this challenged, there's surprise and a bit of a "Cool Girl" backlash.

all of this, and thank you.

kgeyser

I don't find the main forums to be anti-women, and after being here for awhile, there are just as many women who are completely clueless about menstruation as men.

SkepticalOwl

Yes, I never put an actual picture of me so that I don't get requests either... of course I'm also doing it because I wouldn't want someone I know to be able to identify me (work, family, friends, enemies, what have you). That seems super awkward to me. I don't mind if strangers know my weight and weight loss troubles but I don't need people I see knowing that stuff.

^ This

neandermagnon

I don't find the main forums to be anti-women, and after being here for awhile, there are just as many women who are completely clueless about menstruation as men.

I agree ^^^^

I also stand by what I said in my other post about it being sexist to imply that men can't comment on menstrual issues just because they don't have periods. Having periods doesn't make you an expert on them, and not having them doesn't stop you from studying biology. Female chimpanzees have periods but I'm pretty sure they know very little about them.... male humans who've studied some basic biology may not have had periods ever, but will know a lot more about them than a female chimpanzee and also than the majority of female humans.

and then there's the statement about weight lifting being for men....

Really it annoys men when people criticise sexism against women - often which is well justified - by being sexist against men, and/or by perpetuating stereotypes about women.... How about a world where we don't judge people's capabilities or faults or anything else by their gender?

logg1e

"and then there's the statement about weight lifting being for men..."

This is not what I said. My point was that stereotypically male activities are celebrated whilst stereotypically female activities are disparaged, e.g. "cardio bunnies", "Barbie dumbells" etc.

I have not made anti-men comments.

logg1e

Regarding the points made about menstruation, I agree that there is often a rather surprising level of ignorance from posters of either sex. However, it is male posters I have seen making comments such as, "Don't lift weights during your period - your body is bleeding and needs to heal itself". We also get comments from men telling women to stop posting about their period. I'd like to see a similar demand made about something that happens about 12 times a year to most men.

neandermagnon

the thing is I've been here years now and I've seen just as much sexism against men as sexism against women. There's body shaming against men and body shaming against women... most of the threads picking women's bodies apart or hyperfocusing on some stupid ridiculous aspect of it (like the thigh gap threads) are started by women. There are some idiots, and from what I've seen here, idiocy is pretty much evenly distributed among men and women..

the thing about not lifting when menstruating of course is BS but that's because the person is ignorant, not because they're male. Honestly most of those kinds of comments come from women in my experience, along with other BS like never lift weights heavier than 5lb, never do "men's" push-ups (which should be called "full" push-ups not "men's" push-ups for a start... lol don't even get me started on that one)... there's a huge amount of ignorance and stupidity on the forum... I just don't think it's fair to label it as sexist. Most people on the forum didn't pay much attention in science class. Most would probably fail GCSE science (even if they passed it age 16 they'd fail it if they had to take it again now). That's an unfortunate fact. But really I don't see it as sexism. And it really does not all come from men either.

As for men telling women not to post about periods... I've never seen that at all, personally. I've seen huge numbers of threads about periods too. If someone puts "TMI warning" in the thread title and someone else says they shouldnt post about it, then the best response is to tell them they shouldn't have clicked on it. A handful of comments does not represent the views of the majority on the forum.

Also, I've been mistaken for being male many times on this forum, my avatar has been mistaken for being male (presumably because modern women don't have a mahoosive supraorbital torus) so when someone says "it's all the men who post about..." my question is whether they actually checked it was all men who posted something, or if they assumed it was men based on what was written (i.e. observer bias)

logg1e

I am in agreement that the anti-women comments often come from female posters, and some of the most feminist comments come from men. Why wouldn't they? I'm sorry if I gave the impression I thought any different.