Really look at yourself
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Allmyusernamesaretakengeeze
Posts: 146 Member
I got hit in the head tonight with a BIG breakthrough for me when I changed out my profile pic. It made me think about perceptions. All my profile pics are close-up head shots. Why is that? Well, it's easier to see a persons face that way. That isn't my real reason. I don't like anyone to see the rest of me. There is no doubt I'm hiding. Just like I choose my clothing to disguise what I consider to be a figure flaw or cover up how my thighs are kinda lumpy. I want to look tall, slim, and have looooooong legs. Magazines and movies tell me so. (nope not EVER EVER EVER going to happen sunshine, you are 5'4 and curvy). I'm controlling pictures of myself so no one can see I'm not living up to these ideals. It's worse than can be imagined; On top of being short, I'm fat. Oh yeah, not just a little. I've got another person to loose!
Why am I hiding? It's not like it isn't obvious as soon as someone lays eyes on me. I get reminded anytime I try to buy clothing. Not only do I have to buy large sizes, I have my own special section in the back. I don't think they want me in the window. The selection isn't nearly as cute and stylish as the regular sizes are. It's very difficult to find 'big girl' clothing with even a hint of tailoring and I still have to be careful because most stuff doesn't have room for my upper arms. With a hundred pounds to go, it's going to be a long time before I'm allowed to shop in the front of the store. Is this sort of what it felt like to be forced to move to the back of the bus? (couldn't think of a better example of how it feels to be singled out for different treatment)
When I look in the mirror I just see a fat girl. But tonight I had a thought...that isn't who I am. There is so much more to me. Why am I tearing myself apart? There is only one of me, why do I even compare myself to anyone else. Tonight, for the first time in my life I took an honest look at myself and only saw the good things.
I'm beautiful now.
Why am I hiding? It's not like it isn't obvious as soon as someone lays eyes on me. I get reminded anytime I try to buy clothing. Not only do I have to buy large sizes, I have my own special section in the back. I don't think they want me in the window. The selection isn't nearly as cute and stylish as the regular sizes are. It's very difficult to find 'big girl' clothing with even a hint of tailoring and I still have to be careful because most stuff doesn't have room for my upper arms. With a hundred pounds to go, it's going to be a long time before I'm allowed to shop in the front of the store. Is this sort of what it felt like to be forced to move to the back of the bus? (couldn't think of a better example of how it feels to be singled out for different treatment)
When I look in the mirror I just see a fat girl. But tonight I had a thought...that isn't who I am. There is so much more to me. Why am I tearing myself apart? There is only one of me, why do I even compare myself to anyone else. Tonight, for the first time in my life I took an honest look at myself and only saw the good things.
I'm beautiful now.
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I like the saying.... Stop calling yourself fat. You have fat. You have fingernails but you don't call yourself fingernail.0
