Feeling stressed and defeated
TaylorMade5717
Posts: 10 Member
I've always had a hard time with emotional eating/overeating. I don't know that i have EVER had a healthy relationship with food. Most of my family is overweight. Growing up it was always about food: Something good happens? Celebrate with food! Something bad happens? Comfort yourself with food! You get the picture.
I've struggled with my weight as long as I can remember. I also have PCOS and am incredible sensitive to hormones which hasn't helped. Through my twenties my weight yo-yo'd with a span of about 40 lbs. When I got pregnant with my daughter, i actually lost weight over the course of my pregnancy and left the hospital 30 pounds lighter than I was before I got pregnant. I did really well for 9 months after having her. I continued to lose weight very slowly, exercised, we ate well. I then went on Mirena, which doesn't impact most women, but knowing how I tend to not respond well to hormones - i was extremely strict - tracked food, tracked exercise and water intake - made sure my routine did not change at all. Even so, within 6 months of being on Mirena, my weight shot up 40 pounds, my hair started falling out in clumps, I would get crazy mood swings - from rage to extreme depression, my skin started breaking out in really bad cystic acne, i had headaches constantly and was just miserable. Within 2 months of coming off Mirena, again not changing my routine, I dropped 20 of the pounds i had gained and many of the other symptoms disappeared.
OK great - back on the right track right? I started working with a personal trainer and felt better than I had in a long time. Then, work got incredibly stressful - we had some unexpected turnover in the team i manage - as a result i was working 70 hour work weeks to the point that I was often working at 2 AM on my laptop in bed because there was just too much work to do. Add to that having a toddler and I started finding less and less time to go to the gym. Most days I wouldn't eat at all until i got home at 8 or 9 and night (and subsequently would just inhale any comforting food I could find) and was drinking a fair amount of wine (never much, only one glass per night, but I went from never drinking any, to drinking a glass each night, the calories add up). I've since dropped the wine and gotten back to eating at least lunch and dinner, but not necessarily healthy.
Then we had some car trouble, right before a planned much needed vacation and ended up shelling out a few thousand dollars for the car, we had to replace our furnace this winter, travel expenses for a sudden, tragic passing of a very dear friend of ours and a few other minor things eliminated our discretionary spending (we are OK now, but still building our emergency fund back up) so I dropped my trainer as it was too expensive. Add that to the emotional toll the past 2 years have taken on me and I feel like a hot mess!
So now I am back to square one. I just turned 30 and I had such high hopes to be in a better place by this point, and am disappointed that I'm not. This time, it seems harder than ever to break the cycle of turning to food for comfort.
My husband has been a negative influence throughout most of this. I realize this is my issue, and not his. And he was always supportive about me spending money on the trainer, going to the gym, etc. But he proceeds to bring unhealthy food home, eat, overeat and then complain that he's gotten "fat". He is wonderful with our daughter when she wants to play, go to the park, etc. But outside of that he is lazy and doesn't want to do anything but play his videogames or watch TV after work.
I realize that I need to be the one to make changes - but i'm also realistic enough to know that i can't do it on my own, I've tried for too long and it simply doesn't work. I feel like I want to change, i'm upset about it, but I can't seem to keep at it without support.
Anyone in a similar boat? I'd love to find a solid support system to help me make some permanent changes, before it's too late....
I've struggled with my weight as long as I can remember. I also have PCOS and am incredible sensitive to hormones which hasn't helped. Through my twenties my weight yo-yo'd with a span of about 40 lbs. When I got pregnant with my daughter, i actually lost weight over the course of my pregnancy and left the hospital 30 pounds lighter than I was before I got pregnant. I did really well for 9 months after having her. I continued to lose weight very slowly, exercised, we ate well. I then went on Mirena, which doesn't impact most women, but knowing how I tend to not respond well to hormones - i was extremely strict - tracked food, tracked exercise and water intake - made sure my routine did not change at all. Even so, within 6 months of being on Mirena, my weight shot up 40 pounds, my hair started falling out in clumps, I would get crazy mood swings - from rage to extreme depression, my skin started breaking out in really bad cystic acne, i had headaches constantly and was just miserable. Within 2 months of coming off Mirena, again not changing my routine, I dropped 20 of the pounds i had gained and many of the other symptoms disappeared.
OK great - back on the right track right? I started working with a personal trainer and felt better than I had in a long time. Then, work got incredibly stressful - we had some unexpected turnover in the team i manage - as a result i was working 70 hour work weeks to the point that I was often working at 2 AM on my laptop in bed because there was just too much work to do. Add to that having a toddler and I started finding less and less time to go to the gym. Most days I wouldn't eat at all until i got home at 8 or 9 and night (and subsequently would just inhale any comforting food I could find) and was drinking a fair amount of wine (never much, only one glass per night, but I went from never drinking any, to drinking a glass each night, the calories add up). I've since dropped the wine and gotten back to eating at least lunch and dinner, but not necessarily healthy.
Then we had some car trouble, right before a planned much needed vacation and ended up shelling out a few thousand dollars for the car, we had to replace our furnace this winter, travel expenses for a sudden, tragic passing of a very dear friend of ours and a few other minor things eliminated our discretionary spending (we are OK now, but still building our emergency fund back up) so I dropped my trainer as it was too expensive. Add that to the emotional toll the past 2 years have taken on me and I feel like a hot mess!
So now I am back to square one. I just turned 30 and I had such high hopes to be in a better place by this point, and am disappointed that I'm not. This time, it seems harder than ever to break the cycle of turning to food for comfort.
My husband has been a negative influence throughout most of this. I realize this is my issue, and not his. And he was always supportive about me spending money on the trainer, going to the gym, etc. But he proceeds to bring unhealthy food home, eat, overeat and then complain that he's gotten "fat". He is wonderful with our daughter when she wants to play, go to the park, etc. But outside of that he is lazy and doesn't want to do anything but play his videogames or watch TV after work.
I realize that I need to be the one to make changes - but i'm also realistic enough to know that i can't do it on my own, I've tried for too long and it simply doesn't work. I feel like I want to change, i'm upset about it, but I can't seem to keep at it without support.
Anyone in a similar boat? I'd love to find a solid support system to help me make some permanent changes, before it's too late....
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Wow, you have been through a lot of stressful life events for sure!! I think most of us in this group can relate to emotional eating/overeating in one way or another. So you are in the right place! I can hear your disappointment for not turning things around before you hit 30, but there's no time like the present.
I don't have any magic bullets or answers; my best advice is start on the path one step at a time, one day at a time. It's not going to happen overnight. But just keep doing it, even when a day doesn't go like it should, or you have a great day and feeling all confident and the next day comes and gives you a big old bump in the road, just pick back up and keep on trucking. Try not to fixate on the scale too much--it can really frustrate folks.
I'm going through a really tough time right now; I even stepped away for awhile to get my priorities in line and my head in the right place, but with the promise to myself it was only temporary.
One thing that has really changed my perspective is now I exercise (mainly walk) for relieving stress and anxiety and not weight loss. I can write more about that if you want. I consider it a "prescription".
Btw, I LOVE your profile pic!! I am going to Disney World in 3 weeks and I've been there during Christmas with the lights on the castle and it is stunning!0 -
Wow that sounds like such a frustrating experience, and I can definitely relate.
There will always be something standing in your way. Some reason not to try. Some reason to stay exactly where you are. This will never change.
We just have to be stronger. I think so much of adopting a healthy lifestyle is having a good mental game, and a support system definitely relates to that.
Personally, I'm a self-saboteur. I just eat and eat and eat and suddenly I'm 30 pounds heavier and wondering why my clothes don't fit. All I can do to combat this is pick my head back up and lose the weight again. My motivation and inspiration just has to be temporarily stronger than my desire to ruin my progress.
Enough about me, yes I agree that you need a support system and I truly hope that this site provides you that. This is the first time I've ever used MFP and I hope that by making a conscious action to reach out to people in these groups, it helps everyone.0
