Siblings

_SusieQ_

A story about siblings, adoptive, biological, step, half.

Qarol

oops...I posted in the Introductions. My older brother was given up for adoption before I was born. I wasn't raised with him. I didn't meet him until I was 18, as adoption records were sealed in our state. He found us, actually, through the church he had been placed for adoption. I hurt for my mom, that she kept him for 6 weeks before realizing there was no other choice but to give him up. And believe me, if you knew about the abuse she suffered as a child, with her only option to move home...she freaked at the idea that she might have to leave her child with her abusive parents. She was young and did what she felt was best for her child. He is sometimes callous, casually mentioning his "abandonment issues" in front of her, which she then confides in me that it hurts her.

It's just an unusual position to be in.

_SusieQ_

I just have the one sister, who was also adopted at birth. She is 7 years younger than me and part Creek Indian. The year she was born, 1978, was the year they passed the Indian Child Welfare act was enacted. Basically the "ICWA was enacted in 1978 because of the high removal rate of Indian children from their traditional homes and essentially from Indian culture as a whole. Before enactment, as many as 25 to 35 percent of all Indian children were being removed from their Indian homes and placed in non-Indian homes, with presumably the absence of Indian culture". A couple more months and we would not have been able to adopt her b/c neither of my parents are Indian.

My sister has said that she always felt just a little different or like something was missing. I personally never had this feeling, I honestly thought of being adopted as another trait, like hair color or height. But she felt it made her different.

This next part could be more of a story about search, but since it's her story and not mine, I'll put it here. About 6 or 7 years ago my sister decided to search for her birth parents. It wasn't so much b/c she really wanted to meet them, but more that she wanted to know more about her heritage. Since she is Indian, she applied to the state to have records opened and b/c of the ICWA her request was granted. She received all the information that was available, including names, birthdates, etc. It wasn't hard after that to locate her birthdad, who lived just a mere 30 miles from her. She originally sent her then husband to meet him, she was afraid to just show up at his doorstep. Gary, who is my sister's bdad, at first denied the claims. But once he saw pictures of my sister he knew. They are mirror images.

Since then Gary has become a big part of our lives. He and my dad get along great, his family spends holidays with ours. He is truly the type of bparent an adoptee would be happy to find. Her bmom is another story. She has serious mental issues and is difficult to get along with. My sister found her shortly after finding Gary, but has only had minimal contact after the first meeting.

My sister has 4 half siblings by Gary and one by her bmom. She is actually in contact regularly with 2 of Gary's children, and occasionally with bmom's daughter.

At first I had a hard time with it. WE are her family, and it was a little difficult sharing her. But now I realize it's just another piece of the big pie, and I love Gary and his family as well.

My family about 5 years ago:


My sister and her bdad:

velarneyraptor

Susie, that was a really touching story about your sister Thanks for sharing

bt_13_21

Susie, what an amazing story. How wonderful for your sister to have such support from all sides of her family! Thanks so much for sharing.

My oldest son has bio sibs (half, we think) in Guatemala. 7 by his bmom all living w/ bmom as far as we know. We know nothing of his bdad.

My daughter has no bio sibs at this time.

I think it's interesting that my son would have been the youngest, but is now an oldest child. My daughter would have been an only (or an oldest, time will tell I guess). Now she's the youngest!