Incorporating Birth Culture

mamapaints

Something wacky is going on w/ the openness thread (my posts keep disappearing and reappearing) so I figured I should start a new thread anyway since we were headed off topic.

I wanted to post a great resource for anyone interested in learning about Korean Cooking or Korea in general. There is a great show called "Kimchi Chronicles" Here is the link: http://kimchichronicles.tv./ I'm thinking about ordering the whole first season on dvd and getting the accompanying cookbook as well. I'd love to have more recipes to try out.

Thanks to little sparrow and crystal for motivating me to do something more for my daughter... there is an internationally recognized music and arts school just a few miles away (despite our location in rural america!). I am going to call this coming week and see if any of the Korean students would be interested in coming to our home for a meal and to teach us more about language and culture.

LIttle sparrow, you said:
"Another issue happened during high school where a class (I wasn't in it) was shown a documentary about the dog breeding and eating in Korea. Suddenly every kid in my year was asking me if I ate dog and thought Koreans were dirty. Of course, they neglected to mention that is nowhere near as common as they make it out to be, and certainly not practiced by the general population (frowned upon). I was embarrassed to be Korean for a while there. The problem with being visually different also means you can't just "blend in" - you're constantly reminded that you're different, but you know next to nothing about the place where you got your looks from. So it's just "bad" and not something to be proud of. "

This makes me so sad... it's so hard when folks around you are ignorant to your birth culture but then you yourself don't know enough to make a solid argument against it, etc. Even today, our kids who are adopted internationally will deal with their share of uncomfortable situations. We live in a rural area too and my girls are in the minority at school. My daughter from Korea has been mistaken for the little girl adopted from China and vice versa. They look nothing alike! My daughter from Ethiopia says that everytime she looks in the mirror she hates seeing that she looks so different. She thinks she looks "weird". She is beautiful! but no amt of affirmation from me can convince her of that when she is surrounded by a sea of whtie faces with long straight hair. She has said she wishes she went to a school with more black kids.

velarneyraptor

We live in a rural area too and my girls are in the minority at school. My daughter from Korea has been mistaken for the little girl adopted from China and vice versa. They look nothing alike! My daughter from Ethiopia says that everytime she looks in the mirror she hates seeing that she looks so different. She thinks she looks "weird". She is beautiful! but no amt of affirmation from me can convince her of that when she is surrounded by a sea of whtie faces with long straight hair. She has said she wishes she went to a school with more black kids.

This made me really sad, I had tears in my eyes... your poor girls, I completely understand how they feel. I was also mistaken for Chinese, Japanese, Indonesian, Indian (I mean, REALLY?)... very frustrating. Someone even asked me if I was part Aboriginal and that was just so funny that I didn't even bother being offended.

I really like your idea of inviting some Korean students to dinner at your house. I had a few Japanese exchange students staying at my place through high school (just for 1 week - where a group of students aged 5 - 18 come to Australia and do a homestay in each city they visit) and even that was really good for me, to be around a similarly aged Asian girl and learn about foods and cultures that were more similar to Korean. Moreover, it was helpful in showing that it was "normal" to be Asian and accepted in a big group of Asians - and seeing all of the homestay families as the "minority" among the students was certainly interesting. One night there was a social event - a meet and greet of different families. One of the other homestay mums was talking with me and my mum and asking me all sorts of questions about Australia and whether I liked it or not. Eventually it came out that she thought I was a Japanese exchange student - despite my obvious Australian accent. My mum was offended and the poor woman was quite embarrassed. I was embarrassed too, but I realised in retrospect that someone elses' ignorance is not something anyone else (least of all, a child) should feel guilty or embarrassed about.

A weekend ago, I volunteered to help with the kids at this communication workshop aimed specifically at intercountry adoptees and their parents. It was designed to assist the kids in knowing how to respond to awkward questions relating to adoption (e.g. why are you brown and your mum is white? where are you from? why don't you speak Chinese? how come you speak english when you're Asian?). It was really positive and I think the kids got alot out of it. Some of the Chinese girls and Ethiopian boys knew each other from groups they were involved in, but many of the children were strangers with no real contact with other adoptees - even in the city. I believe that they attend schools that don't have much ethnic diversity either.

Most of the girls I've befriended at university attended private schools and grew up with alot of Asians, Africans, Middle-easterners, and for them it was perfectly normal to see different people - nothing out of the ordinary. They were suprised when I told them that I grew up with all kinds of racist comments, etc. because they had Asian friends at primary school and they didn't recall anything like that being said (of course you don't tend to notice it happening to others). I had a hard time trusting people and their motives in high school and the friends I did have told me they didn't even think of me as an Asian which was insulting as well (reinforces the idea of difference being "bad" - although they didn't intend for it to come off that way, they were trying to express that they felt I fitted in).

Actually, I met a girl (also volunteering) who was adopted from Ethiopia when she was 9 years old (along with a biological twin sister, I believe). Maybe it could be helpful if I got you in touch with her through Facebook or something, I am sure she would be able to relate to some of the things your Ethiopian daughter is going through as she was adopted as an older child and has strong memories of Ethiopia and her birth family.

I'm sorry if I'm dragging out all of the "bad" things about being adopted... but hopefully it can be helpful to you

velarneyraptor

From another thread - thought I'd reply here instead.

My girls are both very proud of their birth countries (right now anyway) and we buy lots of books about Korea and Ethiopia and try to celebrate national holidays, etc. I've done *some* cooking, no doubt americanized a bit I'm sure, but the girls always enjoy when I do that.

I had a Korean cookbook that we found at the local Big W (like Wal Mart) of all places. I tried cooking the Japchae and made some Kimchi - but having never tasted "real" Korean food, I didn't know what it was supposed to taste like, and whether I was doing it right. So instead, I focused on cooking Chinese and Japanese (I realised later that it was a weird thing where I didn't want to be "unKorean" by liking something that didn't taste authentic - it sounds really silly, but it was important for me). I've been shopping at a local Korean grocers and buying the kimchi, but they make a different kind than I do (has alot of radish and carrot and stuff in it). As a result, it tasted different to the one I used to try to make. When we went back to Korea last year and I finally tasted "real" Kimchi made in Korea, it tasted just like the one I used to make - I was so proud of myself!!

totally off-topic but have you gals seen "The Kimchi Chronicles" It's a cooking show and it's all Korean food/cooking. They don't air it here, but I was thinking about ordering the whole first season. There is also a cookbook by the same name.

http://aptvs.org/catalog.nsf/vLinkTitle/KIMCHI+CHRONICLES

I have heard of it through the H-mart store (I just go on there and look at the foods. I just love looking at food. LOL). I will have to try and get a copy! I have been mostly watching videos by Maangchi on youtube.

mamapaints

Actually, I met a girl (also volunteering) who was adopted from Ethiopia when she was 9 years old (along with a biological twin sister, I believe). Maybe it could be helpful if I got you in touch with her through Facebook or something, I am sure she would be able to relate to some of the things your Ethiopian daughter is going through as she was adopted as an older child and has strong memories of Ethiopia and her birth family.

I'm sorry if I'm dragging out all of the "bad" things about being adopted... but hopefully it can be helpful to you

That is sweet of you to think of us; thankfully we actually have quite a few connections to other Ethiopian kids adopted both from infancy and as older children. However, none attend her school. Next summer I am hoping to get her registered for a week-long "Ethiopian culture camp". It is specifically for Ethiopian adoptees, and takes place a couple hours south of here. (driving distance).

Seriously, you don't have to worry about talking about the "bad" things about being adopted. It IS helpful. I think too many times adult adoptees are dismissed and not counted as experts, or continually treated as children w/in the triangle, even when they are well into their adulthood. Who could understand the experience better??

Crystal817

Even today, our kids who are adopted internationally will deal with their share of uncomfortable situations. We live in a rural area too and my girls are in the minority at school. My daughter from Korea has been mistaken for the little girl adopted from China and vice versa. They look nothing alike! My daughter from Ethiopia says that everytime she looks in the mirror she hates seeing that she looks so different. She thinks she looks "weird". She is beautiful! but no amt of affirmation from me can convince her of that when she is surrounded by a sea of whtie faces with long straight hair. She has said she wishes she went to a school with more black kids.

I know exactly how your little girls feel. I went through the very same thing when I was younger. I too, am from a rural area and I was only one of 2 or 3 Asian children at my school. I understand now that kids are going to be kids and we all got picked on at some point. But because most of the time I was teased for simply being Asian, people constantly picking out what was different about me, my eyes, my face, it made me feel even more different than everyone else. I spent a long time when I was younger, wishing I was white!

I really admire you for wanting your girls to learn about their culture. I think it's so, so important. I've talked to so many Korean adoptees who now (in their 20's-30's) are really truly embracing who they are and really trying to find out about their lost heritage. Hopefully by the time your girls are my age, they will already have a good understanding of who they are and where they come from!

there is an internationally recognized music and arts school just a few miles away (despite our location in rural america!). I am going to call this coming week and see if any of the Korean students would be interested in coming to our home for a meal and to teach us more about language and culture.

I think that would be awesome! I know I would have loved to have an experience like that when I was younger. I had little to no interaction with any Koreans growing up.

Also, I'm not sure who you adopted through or where you live, but I know Holt has "Heritage Camps" for kids. I always wanted to go when I was younger!
http://www.holtinternational.org/camp/

Jairosmom

Holly, please let me know if you have any success with the school....I've thought about calling over there so many times, no excuse why I haven't.