the word retard
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We need all the words, good, bad, and ugly, to create literature and art. What would Uncle Tom's Cabin be without the n-bomb? How poignant would Crash be if we danced around the issue in the name of being PC? It's important to be sensitive, caring, and kind to those around you..but we can't just turn a blind eye to all that ugly.0
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Words are not always "just words". Words hurt people, especially ones that are racist, hate-filled, discriminatory, or harrassing. There are certain words throughout history that have changed, as the OP indicated. If they're only being used incorrectly, strike 'em!
And being hurt is part of life...
Here's to living!0 -
And being hurt is part of life...
Here's to living!
True. So everyone that's been called a tard, *kitten*, or the n word should just learn to deal with life. And by no means should someone speak up and tell someone not to use such words. Let the people learn how to deal with life, especially when they're children or mentally disabled. Life's tough, and they better get used to it now.0 -
True. So everyone that's been called a tard, *kitten*, or the n word should just learn to deal with life. And by no means should someone speak up and tell someone not to use such words. Let the people learn how to deal with life, especially when they're children or mentally disabled. Life's tough, and they better get used to it now.
I'd like to think there's a happy medium. We can learn to live with people saying hurtful things, and we can also censure the *kitten* who chose to say hurtful things. What we can't do, and shouldn't do, is try to eliminate all sources of pain - pain that is normal, universal, and conducive to learning and living.0 -
I'd like to think there's a happy medium. We can learn to live with people saying hurtful things, and we can also censure the *kitten* who chose to say hurtful things. What we can't do, and shouldn't do, is try to eliminate all sources of pain - pain that is normal, universal, and conducive to learning and living.
We agree on the above!0 -
I'd like to think there's a happy medium. We can learn to live with people saying hurtful things, and we can also censure the *kitten* who chose to say hurtful things. What we can't do, and shouldn't do, is try to eliminate all sources of pain - pain that is normal, universal, and conducive to learning and living.
I'm a little bit confused by the conclusion on your point? As your two posts seem to contradict each other a bit. Are you saying we should have a "suck it up" attitude and accept pain, or we accept pain except when it comes from words? I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm genuinely curious.
Personally I look at the word "retard" being used in the following:
Its used in a derogatory sense meant to intentionally inflict pain onto someone else, in which case.. its likely not a person I would want to associate myself with anyway
OR, one uses it in a "casual" sense and are simply ignorant of the impact of its meaning, because they are not blessed enough to know an individual who may be affected by this word. In which case, I feel sorry for said person for not having experienced much variation in their life.
OR, its simply someone using the word with its proper definition, without a derogatory implication. In this case, its probably a person I'd be OK with having a conversation with. Whether or not I'd associate myself with them, well that depends on the quality of the conversation
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double post0
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I'd like to think there's a happy medium. We can learn to live with people saying hurtful things, and we can also censure the *kitten* who chose to say hurtful things. What we can't do, and shouldn't do, is try to eliminate all sources of pain - pain that is normal, universal, and conducive to learning and living.
I'm not sure what you find contradictory about it. Yes, you have to suck it up when people say hurtful things. You can defend yourself and hold the offender accountable, but you still have to deal with your own emotions over the offense. And that experience, the dealing with emotions part, is part of growing and learning and living.0 -
While I don't think the word "retard" is in very good taste, I also don't believe in censorship. Where would we draw the line? The F bomb? C-U-Next-Tuesday? Poop? It would open up a door that I really, really, really don't want to open.
Sticks and stones, man.0 -
I don't like people using certain words as an insult-- like the words retarded, gay, etc.. Something I REALLY cannot stand is when people say "That's so gay" as is being gay is something undesirable. I don't say something is retarded, things of that nature.
And this perhaps has nothing to do with this issue, but I cannot stand the following "She looked like she was having a seizure, she danced like she was having a seizure" I do not like this. I've had seizures for 33 years now, and pretty bad ones at that. I wish everyone who uses the word in a non-medical way could wake up a few days later after having had one that you almost died from, and not being able to lift your freaking head off the pillow for a week. Definitely isn't something to joke about.0 -
Sticks and stones, man.
I can't stand that saying. Words CAN and DO hurt. I also don't buy into the "words only hurt if you let them" crap (I realize you didn't say that).0 -
lol!Also, you can't 'strike' a word out of a language. What are you going to do, have the word police go around and fine everybody who uses an illegal word?0 -
I didn't think too much of it until I called someone retarded(jokingly) in front of a guy I work with who's daughter has Down's Syndrome. I felt pretty small. Haven't used it since.0
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Ya me too, I would lose it.Touche.
Anyway, I don't like the word either. It can be offensive, and if the wrong person hears it (like a mother with a child that has special needs) then they better prepare for the backlash.
That's me! My son has autism; he's not retarded. Most people use this word to mean someone is stupid or dumb. I mentioned in another thread that I asked one of his teachers during Open House how David was doing. His reply, "He sits in the back with other weird kids, so he's fine". So when David tells me the teacher allows other kids to call him a "tard", I tend to believe him.
I would have FLIPPED out on that teacher. My son has apraxia so he's in his 2nd year of preschool for the speech therapy (although he won't be considered special needs next year as he's caught up super quick), and if one of his teachers said something like that I would LOSE IT on them.0 -
DPepic. on so many levels.Explanation???
Still no explanation?
Maybe my mind is just perpetually in the gutter, but maybe DP was just funny because it can also stand for something...sexual?
HEHEHE0 -
Anyway, I don't like the word either. It can be offensive, and if the wrong person hears it (like a mother with a child that has special needs) then they better prepare for the backlash.
i know a mother of a special needs child and she will say 'this is retarded' or 'that is retarded' and not mean anything derogatory towards her daughter or that community. but as with everything else, it's all about context and yeah, sometimes you have to be ready for the consequences of saying the wrong thing around the wrong person0 -
I don't like people using certain words as an insult-- like the words retarded, gay, etc.. Something I REALLY cannot stand is when people say "That's so gay" as is being gay is something undesirable. I don't say something is retarded, things of that nature.
And this perhaps has nothing to do with this issue, but I cannot stand the following "She looked like she was having a seizure, she danced like she was having a seizure" I do not like this. I've had seizures for 33 years now, and pretty bad ones at that. I wish everyone who uses the word in a non-medical way could wake up a few days later after having had one that you almost died from, and not being able to lift your freaking head off the pillow for a week. Definitely isn't something to joke about.
Well not everyone feels the way you do, and not everyone is quite so sensitive. Even my paraplegic brother still has a sense of humor....it's one of the few things that saved him from losing his mind. Sorry about your seizures, though.0 -
I can't stand that saying. Words CAN and DO hurt. I also don't buy into the "words only hurt if you let them" crap (I realize you didn't say that).
I hear what you're saying. For a rational, developmentally normal adult that may be true....but it doesnt exactly apply to most special needs children.0 -
I think people try way too hard to be politically correct. In fact i think the whole politically correct movement has almost destroyed honesty and open communication in many parts of our everyday lives. Really I can't imagine a better world than one in which people just say what they mean.
There is no way to be politically correct all the time without lying.
Being respectful is one thing, but avoiding a word that properly describes a thing is just silly. .
Pray tell, what concept or description does "retard" express exclusively that cannot be communicated by any other word?0 -
Pray tell, what concept or description does "retard" express exclusively that cannot be communicated by any other word?
Is "mentally challenged" or "mentally handicapped" or any of the other "PC" words really any less offensive? I ask this as a genuine question, not to be snarky.
A lot of people don't like the sticks and stones saying, but I don't see how you "can't" prevent words from hurting you. They're just words. If someone uses the term "retard" or gay as stupid or something, then you audibly judge them for their limited vocabulary and move forward with your day.0 -
I don't like the word when it's used in a derogatory way, like "that's so retarded," --similar to "that's so gay." Both the words "retarded" and "gay" have appropriate uses in the correct context-- but using them to describe something as bad/dumb/stupid is not one of those appropriate uses.
Obviously I know we can't "ban" the word, and I'm actually not a fan of censorship in general. BUT I make a conscious decision not to use those words in the derogatory context, simply because I have friends who are disabled, and friends who have kids that are disabled. Out of respect to those people that I know and love, I won't use the word "retarded" as an insult.0 -
I'm surprised at some of the responses in this thread. People are supposed to "get over it" and "move on with their day" when someone uses the word "gay" or "retarded" to describe something distasteful to them? & just because someone "didn't know" or "didn't mean to" be offensive, doesn't mean it's ok, either!
Would it be cool for me to start saying "oh god, how straight!"? Doubt it. I can just imagine all the people crying over their hurt fee fees.
We will never get rid of these derogatory terms if we continue to excuse them. We should call people out when they're being offensive and remember to keep ourselves in check, too.0 -
I'm surprised at some of the responses in this thread. People are supposed to "get over it" and "move on with their day" when someone uses the word "gay" or "retarded" to describe something distasteful to them? & just because someone "didn't know" or "didn't mean to" be offensive, doesn't mean it's ok, either!
Would it be cool for me to start saying "oh god, how straight!"? Doubt it. I can just imagine all the people crying over their hurt fee fees.
We will never get rid of these derogatory terms if we continue to excuse them. We should call people out when they're being offensive and remember to keep ourselves in check, too.
I can honestly say that referring to that as "oh god, how straight?" wouldn't bother me. I come from a Jewish family and the phrases "getting jewed out of something" or "_______ nazi" doesn't bother me just because of that - they're only words. Maybe that kind of stuff just doesn't bother me - I'm not saying that other people shouldn't be annoyed by people using the words or have to encourage the use of them, but I guess I don't see it as that big of a deal. Kind of a "pick your battles" scenario to me.0 -
If some one is acting retarded I will say so. Funny thing is, I have never called a handicapped person retarded. So if you get busted for DUI in 2011, you're a retard. If you love marajuana, but drive a vehicle with pot leafs and "legalize it" bumper sitckers, don't act all offended when cops target you, you're retarded.
I could go on forever, but here's where I have a problem with the PC police. I agree, it is mean spirited to make fun of some one for who they are, the color of their skin, sexual preference, or handicap. But I am not going to stop making fun of people's ridiculous behavior, and I'm not giving up good words. And just because some one is part of a minority doesn't they are off limits. I don't make fun of people for being gay. But if a guy is at a gay parade in an adult diaper, angel wings, and an eye patch, that gay guy is retarded. And a lot of my gay friends would call him queer.0 -
I don't like people using certain words as an insult-- like the words retarded, gay, etc.. Something I REALLY cannot stand is when people say "That's so gay" as is being gay is something undesirable. I don't say something is retarded, things of that nature.
And this perhaps has nothing to do with this issue, but I cannot stand the following "She looked like she was having a seizure, she danced like she was having a seizure" I do not like this. I've had seizures for 33 years now, and pretty bad ones at that. I wish everyone who uses the word in a non-medical way could wake up a few days later after having had one that you almost died from, and not being able to lift your freaking head off the pillow for a week. Definitely isn't something to joke about.
Well not everyone feels the way you do, and not everyone is quite so sensitive. Even my paraplegic brother still has a sense of humor....it's one of the few things that saved him from losing his mind. Sorry about your seizures, though.
I know not everyone feels the way I do. Its fine if they don't-- but I'd love the world better if!!!! Okay, that was a total bad joke.. I'm not "sensitive" as you say-- but really, it isn't something to make a joke about. If others say it-- fine but I REALLY wish they wouldn't.0 -
Touche.
Anyway, I don't like the word either. It can be offensive, and if the wrong person hears it (like a mother with a child that has special needs) then they better prepare for the backlash.
That's me! My son has autism; he's not retarded. Most people use this word to mean someone is stupid or dumb. I mentioned in another thread that I asked one of his teachers during Open House how David was doing. His reply, "He sits in the back with other weird kids, so he's fine". So when David tells me the teacher allows other kids to call him a "tard", I tend to believe him.
The teacher allows the other kids to call him names??!! Isn't that against some bullying policy at your school?0 -
I know not everyone feels the way I do. Its fine if they don't-- but I'd love the world better if!!!! Okay, that was a total bad joke.. I'm not "sensitive" as you say-- but really, it isn't something to make a joke about. If others say it-- fine but I REALLY wish they wouldn't.
Umm....you would rather people not joke about it, because you have a particular sensitivity owing to your experience with the condition. So yea, you're sensitive about it. Nothing wrong with that, but call it what it is.0 -
Advocates explain why the R-word is so hurtful when used in jokes or as part of everyday speech.
The R-word is EXCLUSIVE
“What’s wrong with "retard"? I can only tell you what it means to me and people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding us from your group. We are something that is not like you and something that none of you would ever want to be. We are something outside the "in" group. We are someone that is not your kind. I want you to know that it hurts to be left out here, alone.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger
The R-word IGNORES INDIVIDUALITY
“Words matter. People don't need to scoff at others to make a point. Everyone has a gift and the world would be better off if we recognized it.” – Tim Shriver, CEO of Special Olympics
The R-word equates intellectual disability with being DUMB OR STUPID
When saying the R-word, “What we mean is that he is as stupid as someone who is mentally handicapped, and we mean that in the most derogatory sense. The implication is that the only characteristic of mentally handicapped individuals is their stupidity.” – Crystal, Stanford, CA
The R-word spreads HURT
“It is wrong to pain people with your language. Especially, when you have already been made aware of your oral transgression's impact. Make no mistake about it: WORDS DO HURT! And when you pepper your speak with "retard" and "retarded," you are spreading hurt.” – John C. McGinley, actor and star of the hit TV show “Scrubs”
The R-word is OFFENSIVE
“The word retard is considered hate speech because it offends people with intellectual and developmental disabilities as well as the people that care for and support them. It alienates and excludes them. It also emphasizes the negative stereotypes surrounding people with intellectual and developmental disabilities; the common belief that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities should be segregated, hidden away from society, which, in my opinion, is really old fashioned.” – Karleigh Jones, Special Olympics New Zealand athlete
The R-word is INCORRECT
“When you say the "R" word it makes people feel bad and it hurts my feelings and I don't want to hear you guys say it. Instead, you can call me a leader, a hero, or a human being, but please don't call me the "R" word.” – Dony Knight, Special Olympics Oregon athlete
The R-word is DEROGATORY
“Because the word has become a casual description of anything negative or flawed, ‘retarded’ is no longer considered an appropriate way to describe people with intellectual disabilities. And any use of the word, even when used as slang and not intended to be offensive, is hurtful - because it will always be associated with people who have disabilities.” – Sara Mitton, Board Member, Treasure Valley Down Syndrome Association
The R-word fosters LONELINESS
“It hurts and scares me when I am the only person with intellectual disabilities on the bus and young people start making “retard” jokes or references. Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term that describes you. It hurts and it is scary.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger
The R-word is HATE SPEECH
“I don’t think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don’t realize that you hate. But that’s what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them [people with intellectual disabilities], your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it’s nothing but another form of hate. It’s more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything.” – Soeren Palumbo, student, advocate, brother to a sister with an intellectual disability.0 -
And then what? The C word? They are just words.
What if I get together with the Bald guy coalition and we decide "Bald" is derogatory? We gotta come up with something new?
They are just words. I'm not a fan of censorship. I'm more a fan of courteousness.
Words are not always "just words". Words hurt people, especially ones that are racist, hate-filled, discriminatory, or harrassing. There are certain words throughout history that have changed, as the OP indicated. If they're only being used incorrectly, strike 'em!
I have to disagree. Words are just words. It's the meaning, the tone, and the intent that people put behind them that cause the feelings others fill. For example, the 'n-word' is just a word. Because someone used it with the intent of it being a racist/hateful term that is now how it is interpreted. Take away the intent and it's just a word.0 -
And then what? The C word? They are just words.
What if I get together with the Bald guy coalition and we decide "Bald" is derogatory? We gotta come up with something new?
They are just words. I'm not a fan of censorship. I'm more a fan of courteousness.
Words are not always "just words". Words hurt people, especially ones that are racist, hate-filled, discriminatory, or harrassing. There are certain words throughout history that have changed, as the OP indicated. If they're only being used incorrectly, strike 'em!
I have to disagree. Words are just words. It's the meaning, the tone, and the intent that people put behind them that cause the feelings others fill. For example, the 'n-word' is just a word. Because someone used it with the intent of it being a racist/hateful term that is now how it is interpreted. Take away the intent and it's just a word.
Uhhh, the interpretation of the 'N' word is not new. It's always been a hateful word.
Yes, words are just words. And I'm against censorship as well. But it's perfectly fine to dislike when someone uses a word because of the meaning behind said word or even how they're using it.
Just because someone finds it offensive when the word 'retard' is used doesn't mean they want to promote censorship or ban the word altogether. They usually just wish people would be more mindful of other people when choosing the words they use.0
This discussion has been closed.