earliest memory

dragonflybird

Honesty, I was never exposed to anything gay, but my first memory of being in a "non-hetero" situation was when I was 12. I used to be a big swimmer and was in swim clubs all the time. My parents couldn't always afford to take me to swim meets, so I always went with a another family. They had a girl the same age as me. Anyway, this girl, we were always doing things together like two peas in a pod. One swim meet, we were staying at her grandparent's house and were sleeping in the camper. She told me all of her secrets and cuddled into me and said that she loved me. I told her I loved her too. The next day, she said to me that she didn't really mean that she loved me and I totally broke down and cried and expressed my love for her. She was my first love. After that, I no longer was able to go with them for swim meets and she completely stopped talking to me. It was the most depressing thing I went through at that age. I really didn't know that what I was feeling wasn't "normal" and when I approached my mom about it, she said that that is not how love should be and that it should be between a boy and a girl. So, that was my first experience and I never did express my love to a girl again until I was 27. Sigh.

HealthyAlison

My earliest memory is dressing in my mom's clothes and getting caught, maybe 4 or 5 yrs old. It took me nearly 30 years to get over the shame and guilt and accept my true self.

wendyapple

i had a friend who would come over to play at my house when we were in 2nd grade, so maybe 6 or 7 years old, and when it came time for her to leave, i used to hide her shoes. her mom would tell her to go find them, and i'd try to explain to her mom that maybe she should just sleep over.

LilRedRooster

My best friend came out to me when we were in 11th grade. She was so scared that I would stop being her friend, she actually did it over Yahoo chat. I remember not thinking anything of it, because honestly, I didn't have any preconceived notions about being gay, negative or otherwise. I wasn't even really aware of it until that point. I just told her that if she ever wanted to march in a gay parade, I'd be right there with her, waving a flag and kicking the haters. She even admitted several years later that she liked me, even though I'm straight, and we could laugh about it and still have an amazing friendship.

We're still friends to this day, actually. She was there for the birth of my daughter, we've traveled together, and even though we live 1,000 miles away at this point, I'm pretty sure we'll be old ladies living together with a ton of cats, throwing rocks at teenagers. It'll be awesome.

crownedone

I had thoughts about other boys in the 6th grade. I didn't fully understand what was going on at the time, of course, and didn't talk to anyone about it. Went all through junior high, high school and most of college and NEVER expressed this to another living soul. Just didn't have safe places to let this part of me known. Finally did talk to my pastor about it and that was a joke. I lived in an evangelical christian world where same sex attraction was a shameful thing, to be fought against and denied and buried. Really sucks that I carried all that confusion, guilt and shame all through puberty and young adulthood, but it was what it was. The point is that I'm still here. I'll be turning 46 next week and I survived and am still here and if you don't like or accept who I am you are free to leave. Wow, don't know where all that came from. Think I needed to vent a little?