What's Perfect Timing?
Options
Replies
-
I have no desire to be married to someone who will "let themselves go" once they "catch me." I don't want to deal with more than necessary health problems, and I want someone who looks good that I can be proud of on my arm. And hot sex. Yes, I'm shallow. I've been married before, got a kid, got my own money, and am ok with being single if I never find anyone to accept my shallowness.
So I can empathize with the guys who might be wary of someone who used to be unhealthily heavy. "Well, she was heavy before, and once she becomes the old ball and chain she'll let herself go and blow up again." To him that translates to a less desirable wife and lackluster sex life. Not necessarily true, but I get where people are coming from. We should ABSOLUTELY love people for who they are on the *inside* but the past skews their perception of us until they get to know how fabulous we *ARE* on the inside. This is why I don't think one must "disclose" extreme weight loss early on in a relationship. This isn't like some genetic disorder that runs in your family and could impact your future kids. This is something you've done to change your life, and hopefully by time he decides to become a permanent part of it you will have *SHOWN* him that the changes are permanent and that you will always care about your health.
[/quote]
^ Definately this!0 -
1/3 of US adults are obese (http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.HTML). Another 1/3 are overweight (BMI 25.0 - 29.9). Let that set in for a minute...
If someone is so shallow to think that it was unusual for you to be overweight or obese, they are wrong. You should be proud that you've taken these steps to better yourself.
Now, on the topic of letting yourself go after entering a relationship:
This is yet another reason why people shouldn't get married. How many of you that were previously married, noticed a change after the "I do?" When you're dating someone, it is easier for either of you to walk.0 -
I don't know I would bring it up either, other than I went to the gym today. My boyfriend and I had been together for quite some time and only recently he saw pictures of me holding my little sister 5 years back. All he said was, that's you? I responded with "Yup, now you know why I'm so anal about counting my calories"0
-
1/3 of US adults are obese (http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.HTML). Another 1/3 are overweight (BMI 25.0 - 29.9). Let that set in for a minute...
If someone is so shallow to think that it was unusual for you to be overweight or obese, they are wrong. You should be proud that you've taken these steps to better yourself.
Now, on the topic of letting yourself go after entering a relationship:
This is yet another reason why people shouldn't get married. How many of you that were previously married, noticed a change after the "I do?" When you're dating someone, it is easier for either of you to walk.
I'll only consider getting married again if it's the only most plausible way to be together (IE: Someone from a different country). Marriage is totally unnecessary for me - I don't need a piece of paper to commit to a person, and I like the idea that leaving is easier - So if I'm with the person, I'm there because I want to be and not because I'm trapped.
And I would have zero qualms about dating someone who used to be obese but has taken care of themselves and lost the weight. Pot calling the kettle black if I felt any differently. . . And typically that sort of person would be more sympathetic and understanding about my calorie counting and limited eating out. . . I got fat BECAUSE of the lifestyle I lead with my husband - I looked like I do now before I met him. . He liked fast food, and fatty food, and never counted a calorie in his life. Someone who's been where I have been, knows the discomfort of being overweight, will work WITH me, instead of against me, as I maintain my healthy lifestyle.0 -
I bring it up in small ways early on, even the first or second date. The fitness and healthy part of my lifestyle is a big part of who I am now, so that's how I bring it up. I'll say things like, "I've lost a lot of weight recently and I feel pretty good about myself." I've even mentioned MFP a couple of times, "oh, I'm not addicted to FB, but I am addicted to a website where I track fitness and diet." It hasn't run any of the guys off yet, and that's a good thing because the fact that I've lost nearly 50 lbs is not something that I want to hide or be ashamed of. I am proud of it.
That said, I do wonder about the day when one of the guys makes boyfriend status and begins to see old pictures. I guess it won't matter too much cuz I'm so hot now
0 -
I do wonder about the day when one of the guys makes boyfriend status and begins to see old pictures. I guess it won't matter too much cuz I'm so hot now
Exactly! It won't matter because he'll know by then that this is a *permanent* part of your life, that you're serious about it. IIt's not just a few months thing. How many of our friends have lost the same 20, 30, 40, 50 pounds, over and over again? Even MFP has those stories. I'm not saying people are *right* to judge, I'm just saying my observation says that they do. Especially men looking for a woman.0 -
Why do you feel compelled to tell him? Are you going to detail all of your prior sexual encounters, drug use, grade point average, and the time you dropped the pop fly and lost the little league game? You are who you are today. If he asks, answer truthfully.
This0
