Dating/Relationship Anxiety?
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We hugged and said it was great meeting you. He texted me after for a while and he asked me out again. We shall see. I didn't overanalyze or overthink anything and so when he asked me out again, it was sweet.
I have now adopted this way of thinking..sure as hell beats me stressing and worrying about what he thought blah blah blah.
Love it!0 -
I had my first "date" in over 10 years this past Saturday. OMG I thought I was going to have a panic attack on my way there. But once I got there and he hugged me, all was fine. I was relaxed after that and it turned from just being lunch into a 10 hour date. haha But I think there are so many factors and I think one of the biggest is the tendency to think that we have to win over the other person instead of the other way around. And I think that we have to be able to be comfortable in our own shoes, first, become you can have that peace about meeting someone new.
In the past I've been like you - looking at whatever facts I had about the guy and trying to figure out what future there could be, etc. But try to just think of it as just going out with a friend to have fun. Take the pressure off of yourself. Just go out with he intention that, "Hey it's nice to get out with a guy and have fun....IF it turns into more, great." But if it doesn't, then life goes on. So for ME I found that it's not as stressful or scary if I don't project or worry abuot IF there will be a future together.0 -
I had my first "date" in over 10 years this past Saturday. OMG I thought I was going to have a panic attack on my way there. But once I got there and he hugged me, all was fine. I was relaxed after that and it turned from just being lunch into a 10 hour date. haha But I think there are so many factors and I think one of the biggest is the tendency to think that we have to win over the other person instead of the other way around. And I think that we have to be able to be comfortable in our own shoes, first, become you can have that peace about meeting someone new.
In the past I've been like you - looking at whatever facts I had about the guy and trying to figure out what future there could be, etc. But try to just think of it as just going out with a friend to have fun. Take the pressure off of yourself. Just go out with he intention that, "Hey it's nice to get out with a guy and have fun....IF it turns into more, great." But if it doesn't, then life goes on. So for ME I found that it's not as stressful or scary if I don't project or worry abuot IF there will be a future together.
Wow.. 10 hour date!0 -
I had my first "date" in over 10 years this past Saturday. OMG I thought I was going to have a panic attack on my way there. But once I got there and he hugged me, all was fine. I was relaxed after that and it turned from just being lunch into a 10 hour date. haha But I think there are so many factors and I think one of the biggest is the tendency to think that we have to win over the other person instead of the other way around. And I think that we have to be able to be comfortable in our own shoes, first, become you can have that peace about meeting someone new.
In the past I've been like you - looking at whatever facts I had about the guy and trying to figure out what future there could be, etc. But try to just think of it as just going out with a friend to have fun. Take the pressure off of yourself. Just go out with he intention that, "Hey it's nice to get out with a guy and have fun....IF it turns into more, great." But if it doesn't, then life goes on. So for ME I found that it's not as stressful or scary if I don't project or worry abuot IF there will be a future together.
Wow.. 10 hour date!
That's really cool! What in the world did you do for 10 hours? If you don't mind me asking...0 -
Wow.. 10 hour date!
That's really cool! What in the world did you do for 10 hours? If you don't mind me asking...
My same thoughts exactly! Sounds like a pretty amazing date!0 -
Wow.. 10 hour date!
That's really cool! What in the world did you do for 10 hours? If you don't mind me asking...
My same thoughts exactly! Sounds like a pretty amazing date!
did you hear from stand up guy?0 -
did you hear from stand up guy?
Nope. I sent him a text yesterday saying it was okay if he couldn't make it, just let me know if he's alright since I haven't heard from him (it was more for my own benefit since I wanted closure/wanted an explanation) but haven't heard anything. Now I'm just annoyed cause I at least want an excuse lol.0 -
i totally do this. in fact i kind of think i've driven people away with the whole wondering what happens next, where things are, what does this mean, etc.
i try not to... but i'm so analytical that the curious george in me just HAS TO KNOW.
it's awful.0 -
did you hear from stand up guy?
Nope. I sent him a text yesterday saying it was okay if he couldn't make it, just let me know if he's alright since I haven't heard from him (it was more for my own benefit since I wanted closure/wanted an explanation) but haven't heard anything. Now I'm just annoyed cause I at least want an excuse lol.
Totally rude of him. You deserve much better!0 -
Totally rude of him. You deserve much better!
Thanks! Now that I'm losing weight and building up my self esteem I know that too :P0 -
I had my first "date" in over 10 years this past Saturday. OMG I thought I was going to have a panic attack on my way there. But once I got there and he hugged me, all was fine. I was relaxed after that and it turned from just being lunch into a 10 hour date. haha But I think there are so many factors and I think one of the biggest is the tendency to think that we have to win over the other person instead of the other way around. And I think that we have to be able to be comfortable in our own shoes, first, become you can have that peace about meeting someone new.
In the past I've been like you - looking at whatever facts I had about the guy and trying to figure out what future there could be, etc. But try to just think of it as just going out with a friend to have fun. Take the pressure off of yourself. Just go out with he intention that, "Hey it's nice to get out with a guy and have fun....IF it turns into more, great." But if it doesn't, then life goes on. So for ME I found that it's not as stressful or scary if I don't project or worry abuot IF there will be a future together.
Wow.. 10 hour date!
That's really cool! What in the world did you do for 10 hours? If you don't mind me asking...
We met for lunch at 130p and ended up sitting there talking till about 430ish. Decided we didn't want the date to end just yet, so opted to go play pool. Played pool till after 1130p. It was a blast! Had no problem finding things to talk about, was very comfortable. (Sitting in a restaurant, I find to be tense at first. But doing an activity kind of loosens the mood up a bit....) Bear in mind, I always text and talk on the phone to the guy for a few weeks before meeting up. Just makes a first date more comfortable, for me anyhow.0 -
did you hear from stand up guy?
Nope. I sent him a text yesterday saying it was okay if he couldn't make it, just let me know if he's alright since I haven't heard from him (it was more for my own benefit since I wanted closure/wanted an explanation) but haven't heard anything. Now I'm just annoyed cause I at least want an excuse lol.
Totally rude!!! You deserve so much better. What an *kitten*!!! Hang in there. It's tough dating....sometimes.0 -
I've had issues with depression and social anxiety for years. This would most definitely include the kind of dating anxiety you're talking about. I was overweight, confidence was shot and just kinda thought I'd deal with it. I got on meds and felt a lot better but still had next to zero confidence. Now I'm still nervous before a date but nothing like before. I'm in infinitely better shape than before, have a renewed sense of confidence and got off my prescription meds.
I haven't been in a decent relationship in a while but I do have to kind of take steps back at times to stop from trying to break down what she's thinking, or where it's headed, etc. I tend to fall kinda quickly so it's good to kind of have something to bring you back and keep you from jumping in too fast imo.0 -
did you hear from stand up guy?
Nope. I sent him a text yesterday saying it was okay if he couldn't make it, just let me know if he's alright since I haven't heard from him (it was more for my own benefit since I wanted closure/wanted an explanation) but haven't heard anything. Now I'm just annoyed cause I at least want an excuse lol.
what an a-hole!!!0 -
Yes, generally I have so much dating anxiety that I will do my best to talk the guy out of actually asking me out and if that goes well, talking him out of asking me for the second date. It works for me.0
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I've had issues with depression and social anxiety for years. This would most definitely include the kind of dating anxiety you're talking about. I was overweight, confidence was shot and just kinda thought I'd deal with it. I got on meds and felt a lot better but still had next to zero confidence. Now I'm still nervous before a date but nothing like before. I'm in infinitely better shape than before, have a renewed sense of confidence and got off my prescription meds.
I haven't been in a decent relationship in a while but I do have to kind of take steps back at times to stop from trying to break down what she's thinking, or where it's headed, etc. I tend to fall kinda quickly so it's good to kind of have something to bring you back and keep you from jumping in too fast imo.
Glad you're feeling better and more confident now!0 -
did you hear from stand up guy?
Just thought I would provide an update since I got so much awesome support from this thread/group.
About three days later he sent me a pic of his arm in a sling and his battered car- he was in an accident on the way to our date. I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, or even give him a second chance after I drove an hour and 15 minutes to get stood up (and no courtesy "I'm not going to make it" message).
One theory of thought is that if he stands you up once, he'll do it again or he's showing he's not taking this seriously, etc. I kind of believed that.
I just wished him well, hoped he healed up, etc and decided I wouldn't respond to any more texts/emails. But he has been pretty consistent, always texting me things, pics "saw this and thought of you", etc.
After about a week, I decided to respond and told him we could still try to hang out as friends. We planned to go hiking this Saturday but it will be stormy in our area, so he's asking to take me out to dinner. I do want to, but I don't. It'll be nice to finally meet him, but I wished it was still on my terms- friend date, not date-date.0 -
did you hear from stand up guy?
Just thought I would provide an update since I got so much awesome support from this thread/group.
About three days later he sent me a pic of his arm in a sling and his battered car- he was in an accident on the way to our date. I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, or even give him a second chance after I drove an hour and 15 minutes to get stood up (and no courtesy "I'm not going to make it" message).
One theory of thought is that if he stands you up once, he'll do it again or he's showing he's not taking this seriously, etc. I kind of believed that.
I just wished him well, hoped he healed up, etc and decided I wouldn't respond to any more texts/emails. But he has been pretty consistent, always texting me things, pics "saw this and thought of you", etc.
After about a week, I decided to respond and told him we could still try to hang out as friends. We planned to go hiking this Saturday but it will be stormy in our area, so he's asking to take me out to dinner. I do want to, but I don't. It'll be nice to finally meet him, but I wished it was still on my terms- friend date, not date-date.
Wow, that's a crazy story! He sounds like he's really trying and was honest about the accident, so don't push him to the friend-zone just yet. Keep us posted.0 -
Wow, that's a crazy story! He sounds like he's really trying and was honest about the accident, so don't push him to the friend-zone just yet. Keep us posted.
Yes let us know what happens! I don't think anybody could even make up a story like that. Give him another chance!0 -
did you hear from stand up guy?
Just thought I would provide an update since I got so much awesome support from this thread/group.
About three days later he sent me a pic of his arm in a sling and his battered car- he was in an accident on the way to our date. I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, or even give him a second chance after I drove an hour and 15 minutes to get stood up (and no courtesy "I'm not going to make it" message).
One theory of thought is that if he stands you up once, he'll do it again or he's showing he's not taking this seriously, etc. I kind of believed that.
I just wished him well, hoped he healed up, etc and decided I wouldn't respond to any more texts/emails. But he has been pretty consistent, always texting me things, pics "saw this and thought of you", etc.
After about a week, I decided to respond and told him we could still try to hang out as friends. We planned to go hiking this Saturday but it will be stormy in our area, so he's asking to take me out to dinner. I do want to, but I don't. It'll be nice to finally meet him, but I wished it was still on my terms- friend date, not date-date.
Wow, that's a crazy story! He sounds like he's really trying and was honest about the accident, so don't push him to the friend-zone just yet. Keep us posted.
I agree with this. If he was in an accident and hurt he might not have even been able to text you that he wouldn't make it. A picture is worth 1000 words in this case. I would give him a second chance.0
