Is he coming on too strong??
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I run from anyone who seems like they're trying to make me feel guilty for not accommodating their desire to push me outside my comfort zone. I'm not saying don't meet him for coffee, but I am saying listen to your gut before other body parts (including your MIND which says you might be dismissing him too soon).0
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I don't think you're dumb, it is actually nice of you I think. Definitely only for a coffee though, you want to be able to keep it nice and short and be able to wrap it up properly if things go haywire.does anyone think it's dumb if I DO choose to at least meet for coffee and see what vibe I get in person??? Or has he already crossed into creepy territory? I hate to write the guy off, I am just feeling a little smothered and conflicted.
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He wanted to do dinner, but I think I'd feel more comfortable over coffee or something more casual.
I posted earlier that the guy is either a weirdo or clumsy with his words/dating in general. And all men are not comfortable with dating, far from it.
So: this is a fact that his behaviour is weird and annoying, but maybe it's because he is clumsy. Otherwise, he is a weirdo.
Clumsy guy will generally be a "nice guy", he is just not too experimented with dating - so things can go quite well if he's like that.
I think she totally hit the nail on the head here: problem with boundaries. I will quickly behave like that with people I've met - or chatted with a lot - but I refrain myself from doing it before that.the problem with this guy isn't just that he's coming on too strong, it's that he has problems with boundaries.
Then again, once you're past that first date, you'll know if he is just "kiddin' around" or if he actually is some slimy, creepy dude with bad jokes (the only difference between the two being attitude and the way you deliver the line probably...).0 -
I don't think you're dumb, it is actually nice of you I think. Definitely only for a coffee though, you want to be able to keep it nice and short and be able to wrap it up properly if things go haywire.does anyone think it's dumb if I DO choose to at least meet for coffee and see what vibe I get in person??? Or has he already crossed into creepy territory? I hate to write the guy off, I am just feeling a little smothered and conflicted.
[...]
He wanted to do dinner, but I think I'd feel more comfortable over coffee or something more casual.
I posted earlier that the guy is either a weirdo or clumsy with his words/dating in general. And all men are not comfortable with dating, far from it.
So: this is a fact that his behaviour is weird and annoying, but maybe it's because he is clumsy. Otherwise, he is a weirdo.
Clumsy guy will generally be a "nice guy", he is just not too experimented with dating - so things can go quite well if he's like that.
I think she totally hit the nail on the head here: problem with boundaries. I will quickly behave like that with people I've met - or chatted with a lot - but I refrain myself from doing it before that.the problem with this guy isn't just that he's coming on too strong, it's that he has problems with boundaries.
Then again, once you're past that first date, you'll know if he is just "kiddin' around" or if he actually is some slimy, creepy dude with bad jokes (the only difference between the two being attitude and the way you deliver the line probably...).
LOL man. You know that clumsy/nice guys are usually overlooked by the ladies. I didn't perceive the guy as clumsy. OP says the guy is 35 and never married. That means he's been on the dating scene approximately 20 years. 20 years is enough time for anyone to figure something out.
I think the OP should pass on this one and find someone that she is a little more comfortable with.0 -
I repeat, there is a reason he has never been married, good or bad who knows which. Move on...0
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I've never been married and don't really intend to... I'm doomed!I repeat, there is a reason he has never been married, good or bad who knows which. Move on...
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If you don't intend to why would you be doomed...I was doomed once and not sure I want to be doomed again.....lol0
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If you don't intend to why would you be doomed...I was doomed once and not sure I want to be doomed again.....lol
Haha!
I was doomed too.. not sure if I'll take that route again.0 -
I haven't read the other responses, but...
You obviously put a lot of time into writing this post, but you really didn't need to. Why? Because you already know. You're getting signals that are strange and questionable, things that make you go "HUH?" and you said the words red flag.
You know this is not the guy for you.
Not long ago I met someone on the 'net very much like your dude. Good looking guy, 6-figure job, seemed stable...until he started talking/texting. He always and I mean ALWAYS said the strangest things. I was tripping in red flags almost from the word go.
Let your strange guy go - listen to your instincts.0 -
I am torn...but...does anyone think it's dumb if I DO choose to at least meet for coffee and see what vibe I get in person???
Dumb no. But I will virtually guarantee you that it will ultimately be a waste of your time. Sorry to be so blunt, but you don't live for (nearly!!) 45 years without picking up a few pearls (and not the necklace kind for goodness' sakes?!?) of knowledge along the way. :flowerforyou:0 -
RUN!!!!!!!!!0
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I repeat, there is a reason he has never been married, good or bad who knows which. Move on...
Excuse me, marriage does NOT define you as a sane person!! :laugh: In fact, quite the opposite!! I'm 48 and never married, nor ever wanted to! It's not his marital status that worries me at all. Its the fact that he's a creep! And trust me, I've met loads of divorced creeps too!! :laugh:
But seriously, I've done a lot of internet dating and I've met some creeps in my time, however, someone like this, I wouldnt even carry on talking to. The fact that he's pushing you to meet, sexual innuendo before you're ready, texts of a strange nature.....etc. are flags you can't ignore.
However, we aren't the one's having a conversation with the guy. And if you feel that there is still hope after all the above, then I dont think meeting for coffee is a dumb idea. Just make sure you are in a public place and have an escape route - ie someone to ring your phone after 20 minutes and say you have to go, or someone waiting outside to pick you up. DO NOT tell him where you work or where you live!!! I'm not saying he's harmful, but he definitely has stalking potential!! :laugh:
Good luck again :flowerforyou:0 -
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Hmmmmm.....yeah I don't know. Something is telling not to go out with him after all. Granted, since yesterday, he has backed off a LOT. Texted me last night to ask how studying was going, then said he was off to bed. Just a quick good morning this morning, and not much else. Perhaps he is getting the hint that he was coming on too strong....or maybe he's just too busy to talk much today. I half expect him to be standing outside my bar looking in at me hahaha. If he drove around he could probably hit up all the wine bars in the area tonight. hehe. Either way, I just don't know if it's a good idea. I am busy with school and work, and I don't want to worry about having to fit someone so clingy & jealous (seemingly) into my schedule. Maybe I jumped the gun a little putting myself on the dating site....in fact, I think I may just cancel my membership and let things happen the natural way. So, I basically need to hope a cute, eligible, stable guy sits at my bar, or is at the library while I am studying!!0
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My weird guy pushed too hard too soon, said bizarre things, was mad when I wouldn't give personal info (number, address) straight away, would send rambling ALL CAPS emails and messages when he felt that I bruised his "integrity"...and all of this happened in a time span of a few weeks.
He admitted to googling me early on and informed me that anyone could find out anything about someone if they knew a cop and had a license plate #. Who says that to a girl they just met?
After we stopped 'dating' (too weird, I couldn't like him) I sort of felt bad for him so continued to be a 'friend'. Erm, mistake. One day I was going to meet him for drinks - AS A FRIEND - but then I changed my mind. Long story, but he had known about me being here, and he creeped to my profile...he asked me specific questions about my pic.
The bottom line is your guy reminds me SO much like this guy. Not so much clingy, just weird and bizarre.
No need to give up your dating site...it's just that this guy is not the one for you.0 -
It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do. If there is something in your gut that feels wrong about him, then follow that feeling.0
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There is a reason he has never been married, good or bad who knows which.
Wow, judgemental much?0 -
There is a reason he has never been married, good or bad who knows which.
Wow, judgemental much?
How so? Theres a reason for the way people are, how they act, because of how they were brought up and experiences they have gone through. For me personally I don't trust anymore, will I change back into a trusting person who knows. To have an opinion is to judge? I said good or bad theres a reason, good or bad is not judging. Do you falsely accuse someone of judging much?0 -
There is a reason he has never been married, good or bad who knows which.
Wow, judgemental much?
How so? Theres a reason for the way people are, how they act, because of how they were brought up and experiences they have gone through. For me personally I don't trust anymore, will I change back into a trusting person who knows. To have an opinion is to judge? I said good or bad theres a reason, god or bad is not judging. Do you falsely accuse someone of judging much?
Well, it sounded as though you were saying the OP should not date the guy because he's never been married. By that logic, you are also saying there is something wrong with every single person who has never been married. That sounds like judging a large percentage of those of us on here - don't forget you are on a singles thread!0 -
Keep it happy people...don't make me get all moderator-y n' stuff :flowerforyou:0
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There is a reason he has never been married, good or bad who knows which.
Wow, judgemental much?
How so? Theres a reason for the way people are, how they act, because of how they were brought up and experiences they have gone through. For me personally I don't trust anymore, will I change back into a trusting person who knows. To have an opinion is to judge? I said good or bad theres a reason, god or bad is not judging. Do you falsely accuse someone of judging much?
Well, it sounded as though you were saying the OP should not date the guy because he's never been married. By that logic, you are also saying there is something wrong with every single person who has never been married. That sounds like judging a large percentage of those of us on here - don't forget you are on a singles thread!
Yeah you right, it did sound that way and I should have worded it differently.0
