Dating Multiple People
Lizi19
Posts: 180 Member
I went from having no prospects to going on a bunch of first dates. Now I'm dating a couple of guys and I feel like one is more serious abou me than I am about him. He told me that he is only seeing me and I feel like a ***** for dating someone else.
Anyway, do you date more than one person at a time? And when should you make a decision about exclusivity?
Anyway, do you date more than one person at a time? And when should you make a decision about exclusivity?
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I do date more than one guy at a time, more so lately. I find it challenging because I'm really a one-man kinda girl and when I like someone I really just like the one person. The nice thing about it though is that it gives me the chance to be more picky. Guys who might had a just okay date and might have gotten a second date don't because I'm more interested in someone else. I tend to start narrowing the field when there is someone I like a lot in the picture, even if we're not exclusive yet. Like recently, I went on two dates with one guy, one with another, and was talking to a third. I let one date guy know almost immediately that I wasn't interested in pursuing things and today I let the other guy I was talking to know that I needed to move on. So, now the guy I've been out with twice is the only one I'm talking to. I know we're nowhere near exclusive and he very well may be talking to other girls, but for me it's just hard to continue talking to others when I know I'm more interested in one. Now, if another guy I was really interested in were to magically appear, I would begin to talk to and date him too.
As to when to actually call it exclusive, I don't know. I usually leave that up to the guy :indifferent: .0 -
Anyway, do you date more than one person at a time? And when should you make a decision about exclusivity?
Absolutely! Guys seem to really be into a girl for a couple months and then the newness wears off (chemical enthrallment, anyone?) and they realize you're just as "female" as other girls they've dated. So unless someone's a) still around after a couple months and b) not in "friendship mode" would I consider being exclusive. For me casual dating does not include intimacy, which makes it easier for me to just relax and have fun getting to know different guys.
Only one time in the last 3 years of being single have I actually been "exclusive" with someone, and he is the one who initiated that conversation (basically, he said, "I'm considering settling down, and I don't want to share you"). No one else I've dated gave me the impression that I was the only one they were pursuing, and I'm not going to sit at home moping because a guy I like hasn't called. I'll find something else to do. Funny how, in finding something else to do, I then end up meeting more guys. I enjoy getting to know them, but even though I hope each time one will "stick," I'm also realistic... in 3-4 months they'll most likely be replaced by others. ;-)0 -
Fair game in my opinion EXCEPT:
The only thing that SUCKS for guys is the financial aspect of it. It's really irritating to date someone for a month or two, do the traditional courting only to have her pick someone else because she's dating multiple people. Women should be more respectful of that and know if they're dating more than one person to not be a mooch.0 -
I calculated how much I cost my date on Saturday night and it was around $80-90. :noway:
For a second date, that was pricey right?0 -
As for my response to original question, I will date multiple guys at a time. Now if I've gone out with a certain guy over 4 times I'd probably pull back from everybody else since I'm obviously interested in him more.
The only downside to this for me is keeping up with everybody's story. I have confused jobs, parts of the city they live in, music they like, etc... :noway: Good thing I haven't confused names yet!0 -
Fair game in my opinion EXCEPT:
The only thing that SUCKS for guys is the financial aspect of it. It's really irritating to date someone for a month or two, do the traditional courting only to have her pick someone else because she's dating multiple people. Women should be more respectful of that and know if they're dating more than one person to not be a mooch.
Yeah, I will agree. When I was dating, I was dating a few ladies at once and yes, it was expensive, but even then, having an option at one point was nice.0 -
As for my response to original question, I will date multiple guys at a time. Now if I've gone out with a certain guy over 4 times I'd probably pull back from everybody else since I'm obviously interested in him more.
The only downside to this for me is keeping up with everybody's story. I have confused jobs, parts of the city they live in, music they like, etc... :noway: Good thing I haven't confused names yet!
What really sucks is when you accidently send a text meant for one woman to another one. I did this recently but thank God I didn't have a name attached to it. I was able to play it off. Now once I plan on becoming intimate with one, I'll not continue to see the others. IMO, that's when it becomes wrong.0 -
Well if your single and looking for someone then yea I would think you would date more than one person other wise how are you going to figure out whos the best one for you. But I also think if your dating someone more than once then there must be some type of connection or at least a begining connection, thats when you more than likely need to deicied yes give it a shot and let everyone else go or no and let that person know your not the one.0
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If you envision financial aspect as a potential problem or think it might become one, then why pay or go on expensive dates?Fair game in my opinion EXCEPT:
The only thing that SUCKS for guys is the financial aspect of it. It's really irritating to date someone for a month or two, do the traditional courting only to have her pick someone else because she's dating multiple people. Women should be more respectful of that and know if they're dating more than one person to not be a mooch.
I have yet to be convinced that being the "provider" helps you in the date. Sure, if that's all that the guy has (money), he's indeed smart to play the money card correctly, but otherwise... (I know for me atm money is an issue, so I definitely cannot play this card)
Back on topic:
I don't think it'll ever happen to me to date multiple people:
- I'm really picky: thinking about changing this, but atm not really meeting enough potential dates... seriously annoying. But I fear I'll just jump from one bad date to another then (I should give people more credit, surely!).
- I don't have time for more than one person: if I enjoy seeing the person, I'll attempt to see them 2-3 times a week, and honestly don't have time for more than that... I could perhaps sprinkle a slow date on top of this - a person I see once every two weeks or so, but clearly I would like more the person I see 2-3 times a week so probably wouldn't be bothered to see someone else.0 -
I calculated how much I cost my date on Saturday night and it was around $80-90. :noway:
For a second date, that was pricey right?
Dunno that's pretty cheap.. on my first 3 dates I spent quite a lot. The least I spent was about 150 dollars and the most was a hell of a lot more than that (the hotel thing I told you about!) Just depends if it bothers you or not. I was more bothered about having an absolutely awesome time so it wasn't even in my mind.
Oh and yes I'd date two people or more as long as I hadn't gone past 3/4 with someone else and it felt good. If that was the case I'd probably stand back because by that stage I'd be wanting to see them more than new people anyway!0 -
I calculated how much I cost my date on Saturday night and it was around $80-90. :noway:
For a second date, that was pricey right?
That wasn't cheap, but well below average from my experience.
Like some of you said, it seems to come in feast or famine. So, I'll occasionally be dating more than one girl. I've found it helps keep me clearer on what I like and don't like about them. Oh, if could just take parts of this girl and parts of that girl and build Franken-girlfriend! But I kid...0 -
The only thing that SUCKS for guys is the financial aspect of it. I
You guys talk about spending a LOT more money than I'm used to guys spending on a date, wow...There's only been a handful of guys who took me to places that cost more than my babysitting (and even then, I try to make frugal choices) so I can totally understand how the finances are a consideration.0 -
I have a LOT of experience in dating multiple people and the reality is if you are kissing him, spending his money, meeting people he knows and he (they) are treating you like a girlfriend than no you should not be dating multiple people. The only thing that can come from this is pain, but if you are completely heartless and are in it to find your perfect man no matter how many other men’s feelings you spare then keep it up. If you have emotions and believe in what goes around comes around when you feel a guy thinking you are his and only his and you don’t feel the same speak up. You would want some guy dragging you along by a thread on Friday night when he was only to wake up Saturday and repeat with someone else :-)0
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What really sucks is when you accidently send a text meant for one woman to another one. I did this recently but thank God I didn't have a name attached to it. I was able to play it off. Now once I plan on becoming intimate with one, I'll not continue to see the others. IMO, that's when it becomes wrong.
Text sent by mistake doesn't bother me... it's when the guy lies to play it off that bothers me. Or chooses his words carefully to make me think he's not seeing someone else (which to me feels like he is lying).0 -
Both men and women are seeing other people in the early stages. It is just a reality. Technology has made the process of dating multiple people so much easier.
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
The exclusivity topic should be broached when both parties feel that it is relevant, usually after a few good get togethers. Clear expectations should be set here as it is a core issue to a relationship.0 -
I want to date multiple people.. lmao. I was married for so freaking long. blah. such a waste.
I digress .. I would think that if you have only been on a few dates .. it is up to the dude if he wants to continue spending money on you. If he is not worried about it, you shouldn't be.
It is just me .. I feel like you just kinda "know" if a person is someone that you ONLY want to date. Especially after a couple dates .. maybe it is just me. I know right away I feel like .. hm.0 -
I can't. I don't even like talking to more than one guy at once. I know that they are probably talking to multiple women but I don't like it. Probably how I set myself up for dating failure.0
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I calculated how much I cost my date on Saturday night and it was around $80-90. :noway:
For a second date, that was pricey right?
That wasn't cheap, but well below average from my experience.
Like some of you said, it seems to come in feast or famine. So, I'll occasionally be dating more than one girl. I've found it helps keep me clearer on what I like and don't like about them. Oh, if could just take parts of this girl and parts of that girl and build Franken-girlfriend! But I kid...
I just imagined you in a lab coat doing a mad scientist laugh.0 -
I once had 2 dates in a weekend, and felt awful about it all weekend. The worse part........Sat. night was a first date, and I REALLY liked the guy, then Sunday was a day date -second date, and even though I liked him, I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, and so all day I was wishing I had just cancelled.
So, I can talk to numerous people, but multiple dating is hard on me......0 -
I haven't really dated much, but I can see in the early stages dating multiple people, I'm sure most first dates don't turn into multiple dates, so I wouldn't feel guilty at that, but if I got more than a few dates in with a guy, then I'd stop seeing others and breach the topic of exclusivity, it just makes sense.0
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I don't know about everyone else but it's hard not to spend less than 50 dollars on a date. The norm is 60-70. Drinks are the most expensive part..0
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A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?0 -
I once had 2 dates in a weekend, and felt awful about it all weekend. The worse part........Sat. night was a first date, and I REALLY liked the guy, then Sunday was a day date -second date, and even though I liked him, I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, and so all day I was wishing I had just cancelled.
So, I can talk to numerous people, but multiple dating is hard on me......
This reminds me of the SATC episode where Charlotte is multidating.. in 1 night and she goes home early from 1st date because she's "sick" and when she's coming home from her 2nd date that same night and KISSING her 2nd date at her door, 1st guy is dropping off some soup for her to feel better. The guys find out about each other obviously and they take a cab home together. haha0 -
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
*record screech*
If he's the one that asked ME out, yes, I'd be offended. This is speaking of early dating though.. later on, no I wouldn't be at all.
HOWEVER... on my Saturday date, I did buy 2 rounds of drinks for us... :drinker:0 -
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
I don't get offended at all...I always offer to pay my share. As of yet, only one guy took me up on it....he stated he was "poor" due to being real estate agent and everyone knows how the market is blah, blah, blah. But I always offer.........0 -
I date whoever I want until I fall in love with someone. But its harder for me to fall in love with someone if Ive got my emotions divided up amog a few people. So I actually date muliple people to make SURE that I dont fall in love and settle down when I dont want to. It helps to date likeminded people.
and by dating I pretty much mean FWBs.0 -
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
I don't get offended at all...I always offer to pay my share. As of yet, only one guy took me up on it....he stated he was "poor" due to being real estate agent and everyone knows how the market is blah, blah, blah. But I always offer.........
I'd offer to contribute on the first date (kind of a deal breaker if they let me) and offer dutch from there on in, or as someone else pointed out, buy a round of drinks or whatnot. Asking to split the bill, go dutch or whatnot, it's fine after the first few dates, I don't expect a guy to pay for me for months!0 -
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
HOWEVER... on my Saturday date, I did buy 2 rounds of drinks for us... :drinker:
THIS.
Very cool of you. I've had a few dates where the woman picks up a few things.. it's quite refreshing and makes me respect them a lot more.
So what about venues? What's the worst place a date has ever taken anyone here? And what is deemed acceptable?0 -
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
HOWEVER... on my Saturday date, I did buy 2 rounds of drinks for us... :drinker:
THIS.
Very cool of you. I've had a few dates where the woman picks up a few things.. it's quite refreshing and makes me respect them a lot more.
So what about venues? What's the worst place a date has ever taken anyone here? And what is deemed acceptable?
When I first started dating I'd just go wherever he suggested. For 1st "meets" I like meeting up for drinks or something casual like that. I really don't like doing dinner for 1st date because I'm eating and trying to talk and I'm nervous enough!If we go to get a drink, we can go somewhere else afterwards if we're feeling it. If not, we have 1 drink and say goodnight.
The only problem is that several times I was taken to LOUD places where I kept having to repeat myself or ask them to say whatever they just said again because of the noise.
Now that I know better, I will suggest going somewhere quiet where we can conversate and hear each other.
Oh and never ever the movies during the beginning!0 -
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
HOWEVER... on my Saturday date, I did buy 2 rounds of drinks for us... :drinker:
THIS.
Very cool of you. I've had a few dates where the woman picks up a few things.. it's quite refreshing and makes me respect them a lot more.
So what about venues? What's the worst place a date has ever taken anyone here? And what is deemed acceptable?
When I first started dating I'd just go wherever he suggested. For 1st "meets" I like meeting up for drinks or something casual like that. I really don't like doing dinner for 1st date because I'm eating and trying to talk and I'm nervous enough!If we go to get a drink, we can go somewhere else afterwards if we're feeling it. If not, we have 1 drink and say goodnight.
The only problem is that several times I was taken to LOUD places where I kept having to repeat myself or ask them to say whatever they just said again because of the noise.
Now that I know better, I will suggest going somewhere quiet where we can conversate and hear each other.
Oh and never ever the movies during the beginning!
I'm surprised anyone does movies anymore.
Ditto on the loud places thing.. I always go to places where it's somewhat quiet.. the bar/restaurant type places are the best.0
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