Dating Multiple People
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Oh and I rather do a nicer place for drinks.. since I like to bring it and dress up. I will wear a dress/ heels and all that jazz. Last time my date suggested Pluckers for 1st date and although I do love their food and drinks, I said it was too loud (it is) as it's more of a sports bar/ restaurant but truthfully it was because I was wearing a dress and heels hehe.0
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I'm embarrassed offering any place like Pluckers, Chili's, Olive Garden (you name it) these days.. maybe just a Dallas thing. High expectations here.0
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BUT Pluckers has a special place in my heart.
Darn boneless mild wings. 0 -
I like doing the martini bar/tapas bar thing. Yes it is expensive but they are classy and you can eat without feeling self-conscious.0
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I want to date multiple people.. lmao. I was married for so freaking long. blah. such a waste.
hmmm, maybe THAT's my problem!!!0 -
I date whoever I want until I fall in love with someone. But its harder for me to fall in love with someone if Ive got my emotions divided up amog a few people. So I actually date muliple people to make SURE that I dont fall in love and settle down when I dont want to. It helps to date likeminded people.
and by dating I pretty much mean FWBs.
This!
I tend to obsess about things, so dating a couple of guys has helped me avoid forming an emotional attachment too soon and if someone doesn't call for a couple of days, I'll have other options
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So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
I would be offended. It just seems awkward and unnecessary, but I almost always offer to pay or split.
One of the guys that I am dating is just as broke as I am, so I always pay for myself and we go on cheap dates.So what about venues? What's the worst place a date has ever taken anyone here? And what is deemed acceptable?
Going to the movies on a first date is definitely not a good idea. I've gone on a couple of walk and hikes with one guy, and I loved them
I also don't like the whole chain restaurant thing, I rather go to a hole-in-the wall restaurant.0 -
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
*record screech*
If he's the one that asked ME out, yes, I'd be offended. This is speaking of early dating though.. later on, no I wouldn't be at all.
I don't know if "offended" is the right word, because I know everyone has a difeferent background and some women get upset when a man tries to be chivalrous...and so guys don't... but I compare guys I date to my guy friends: My guy friends treat me like a lady (hold the door, sometimes pay for meals) and I really want the man I settle down with to treat me special as well.
Paying for the meal/event/outing is part of what makes me feel special. No one said it had to be a fancy expensive date.
That said, I'm the opposite of La_Amazona... early on I might be more forgiving. But if we're been getting to know each other for a few months and thinking about becoming a couple...well...taking me out is going to be part of your role for a very long time (just like looking hot for you is going to be part of my role for a very long time, lol)... so if you started asking me to pay, I would take it as an indicator that we aren't headed down a permanant path.0 -
maybe just a Dallas thing. High expectations here.
That's because in Dallas you can go to places like Steel where $20 meal comes with hot towels and awesome service ;-)0 -
I tend to obsess about things, so dating a couple of guys has helped me avoid forming an emotional attachment too soon and if someone doesn't call for a couple of days, I'll have other options
Yes!! me too!0 -
I'm glad someone asked this. I'm just starting dating again as I've been separated almost a year and my divorce will be final in a month! I anticipated nobody would be interested in me (single stay at home mom, 2 little kids). But, well, I was wrong. I've been on just one date but have another 1st date (diff guy) this weekend. We talk on the phone several times a week and text pretty frequently. He's made no secret that he's looking for an exclusive relationship and while, ultimately, that's what I want too....I'm not so sure I'm going to want that right away. I haven't dated in over a decade so part of me wants to enjoy it. But the other part of me feels that if him and I hit it off in person as well as we have so far, maybe it's stupid to not eventually go exclusive with him.
I'm totally at a loss. But for now, yes, I've got actually 3 guys who I'm talking with/dating. But only the one is likely any potential. The other two are just "hang out with" kind of guys. Neither would I ever consider dating long term, exclusively.0 -
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
*record screech*
If he's the one that asked ME out, yes, I'd be offended. This is speaking of early dating though.. later on, no I wouldn't be at all.
That said, I'm the opposite of La_Amazona... early on I might be more forgiving. But if we're been getting to know each other for a few months and thinking about becoming a couple...well...taking me out is going to be part of your role for a very long time (just like looking hot for you is going to be part of my role for a very long time, lol)... so if you started asking me to pay, I would take it as an indicator that we aren't headed down a permanant path.
No way I would do that. I've seen guy friends go into debt because they paid for every outing for their girl, trips, drinks, dinners etc. just because that was expected. I'm 100% in the beginning but after a while it should be 50/50. It's just not sustainable. That said, I'd probably pick up the tab more often than not out of my nature, but set expectations when it comes to these types of things are a deal breaker.0 -
No way I would do that.
No way to which part (there were a lot of different opinions expressed there)...I take it from the rest of what you said "no way" would you always pay as you settled into a long-term relationship, but I just wanted to make sure I got your view right. thx.0 -
Tell her before the diner you'll flip a coin when the bill comes. Heads you pay, tails she pays.0
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No way I would do that.
No way to which part (there were a lot of different opinions expressed there)...I take it from the rest of what you said "no way" would you always pay as you settled into a long-term relationship, but I just wanted to make sure I got your view right. thx.
Yep, the long term part.0 -
I thought this said "Dating Married People". I am glad I caught it, otherwise I would of made a reply that made no sense whatsoever.0
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This is how I feel about dating multiple people!
If a guy asked me out and we went on a few dates, and then I found out he was taking other girls out on multiple dates too, that would not sit pretty with me. I would be pretty upset. I think if you have a couple of dates with someone, you should stop looking for other people to date, at least temporarily. I don't think a conversation is needed saying you're exclusive, but I think it would be implied because you kept seeing the other person.
I believe you can never fully give your heart to someone if you're dating more than one person.0 -
I calculated how much I cost my date on Saturday night and it was around $80-90. :noway:
For a second date, that was pricey right?
That wasn't cheap, but well below average from my experience.
Like some of you said, it seems to come in feast or famine. So, I'll occasionally be dating more than one girl. I've found it helps keep me clearer on what I like and don't like about them. Oh, if could just take parts of this girl and parts of that girl and build Franken-girlfriend! But I kid...
DANG! What are you people doing? I can count on one hand the number of date that a man has spent that much! Geez!
Take me on a date!0 -
A couple of other posters have brought up the cost concept, which is relevant. Men are often expected to pick up early stage dating costs despite the fact that women are often earning equal or more than men. Childless females in their 20s earn more than men in their 20s in major metropolitan areas.
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
If the guy asked me out... I would be offended. But it is possible that I would offer...
Let the girl offer... if she doesn't.... well, be the gentlemen and pay.
If I asked a guy out... I would pay... but would be so smitten if he offered to pay...and IF he insisted I would let him... and reward him later.
chivalry is HOT! 0 -
For 3 weeks I have been talking to 2 men. One I really like the other I have zero attraction to. But he's a nice guy. I was out with the nice guy on Saturday and the second that the one I like sent me a text I lost every teeny bit of interest I had in the nice guy. I felt guilty even though I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wish I was the type of person that could juggle men but I'm not. Either I like your or I don't. And if you are a "don't" you are NOT going to grow on me. Maybe someday I will change and give people more of a chance.0
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For 3 weeks I have been talking to 2 men. One I really like the other I have zero attraction to. But he's a nice guy. I was out with the nice guy on Saturday and the second that the one I like sent me a text I lost every teeny bit of interest I had in the nice guy. I felt guilty even though I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wish I was the type of person that could juggle men but I'm not. Either I like your or I don't. And if you are a "don't" you are NOT going to grow on me. Maybe someday I will change and give people more of a chance.
No, don't do it! :laugh: It's called "chemistry" for a reason... if it ain't there today, it won't be tomorrow either.
I am dating a few men at the moment, and the one who showered me with care and attention is the one I let go recently, mostly because he had two relationship speeds (emotionally, that is) = fast and faster. No bueno!
Taking things slow and getting to know someone is half the fun, and the foundation of a good potential relationship. So, I juggle while getting to know them. Options, baby, options :drinker:0 -
For the first time in my life (45 years old) I am dating multiple people. In the past, I've always dated only one person but after my last relationship ended this past November, I decided that I must be doing something wrong! So rather then putting all my eggs into one basket (so to speak), I decided to try my hand at casually dating (rather then getting serious so quickly), and with this new process I've been dating a few men. So far, I'm not sure if any of them (dating 4 guys) are really what I would want long-term. I do have to say that although dating a multiple guys at once is fun, it is also nerve wracking. It's not something I'm used to doing, and it is hard sometimes remembering what I've already told or not told someone.
OK...my own personal rule: if a guy asks me out, then he pays. If I invite a guy that I'm currently dating out to a dinner/date, then I pay. If it's a first date, the guy pays, but I will offer to buy a round or two of drinks if we end up at a bar.0 -
So ladies, to this point. Would you be offended if the other person asked you to split the bill?
*record screech*
If he's the one that asked ME out, yes, I'd be offended. This is speaking of early dating though.. later on, no I wouldn't be at all.
That said, I'm the opposite of La_Amazona... early on I might be more forgiving. But if we're been getting to know each other for a few months and thinking about becoming a couple...well...taking me out is going to be part of your role for a very long time (just like looking hot for you is going to be part of my role for a very long time, lol)... so if you started asking me to pay, I would take it as an indicator that we aren't headed down a permanant path.
No way I would do that. I've seen guy friends go into debt because they paid for every outing for their girl, trips, drinks, dinners etc. just because that was expected. I'm 100% in the beginning but after a while it should be 50/50. It's just not sustainable. That said, I'd probably pick up the tab more often than not out of my nature, but set expectations when it comes to these types of things are a deal breaker.
Completely agreed with you man, seen exactly the same thing with the debt, she literally rinsed him dry then said he was "boring" because he couldn't afford to take her anywhere for a few weeks. I'm not saying that it was all her or anything he willingly got himself into that situation, like you said it's not sustainable.
To Wiggins_J I don't really agree with the way you put your argument there. Why is it the guys role to take you out and pay for it? I don't understand that part, and your next line is that it will be your role to look hot? I'm pretty sure If I was starting a relationship with someone I doubt the first thing on my mind is going to be that to be fair. Fact is if I'm going to be having to pay to go out with someone every time and I'm paying for her to look hot, why wouldn't I just get a hooker or something? She'll look hot and make me pay for her for the rest of the relationship too! I pay for all the dates and everything because I want to, not because I have to. Later on in the relationship for me it's 50/50. I wouldn't neccesarily say to them "your half is.." more that one of us would pay one time and another the next, that way you're never "splitting" the bill but across a month it sort of balances out.0 -
To Wiggins_J I don't really agree with the way you put your argument there. Why is it the guys role to take you out and pay for it? I don't understand that part, and your next line is that it will be your role to look hot?
I'm addressing two of the biggest gripes people have after being married a while... the wife often complains that the man stops taking her out/treating her special, and the husband often complains that the wife let herself go.
There are many other "roles" in a relationship. For example, conversation ("he never talks to me anymore") or recreational activities ("she never wants to go to football games anymore"). We're quick to meet those needs in early dating, but less so as the relationship matures.
My thought is, it's a two-way street. I work a man's job all day, and for me personally, being treated to a nice evening out makes me feel special.. .which pays off handsomely for my man (once our relationship grows to that point). Similarly, if I expect him to do what gets me going, then it's important that I do what gets him going (one main thing most men hope for is that the woman will keep up her appearance).0 -
seen exactly the same thing with the debt, she literally rinsed him dry then said he was "boring" because he couldn't afford to take her anywhere for a few weeks.
Wow that's just tacky!
I hate debt. Love to have fun, and enjoy spending my heard-earned money on fun stuff, but I hate debt.0 -
To Wiggins_J I don't really agree with the way you put your argument there. Why is it the guys role to take you out and pay for it? I don't understand that part, and your next line is that it will be your role to look hot?
I'm addressing two of the biggest gripes people have after being married a while... the wife often complains that the man stops taking her out/treating her special, and the husband often complains that the wife let herself go.
There are many other "roles" in a relationship. For example, conversation ("he never talks to me anymore") or recreational activities ("she never wants to go to football games anymore"). We're quick to meet those needs in early dating, but less so as the relationship matures.
My thought is, it's a two-way street. I work a man's job all day, and for me personally, being treated to a nice evening out makes me feel special.. .which pays off handsomely for my man (once our relationship grows to that point). Similarly, if I expect him to do what gets me going, then it's important that I do what gets him going (one main thing most men hope for is that the woman will keep up her appearance).
Ah right so you didn't specifically mean the guy has to pay for everything or else sort of thing, more pointing out the traditional roles in relationships.
Maybe I've just been brought up differently to most people but all of those complaints you listed aren't things that have come to bother me in the past. I've always made an effort to talk and compliment the person I'm seeing no matter how long I've been going out with them, same for the eating out and doing special things. I still wanted to do things every night/weekend when I'd been with someone for years, that was part of the enjoyment seeing how much fun they were having! That's why I saw it as 50/50. He can treat you but if you don't treat him back (and I don't mean with sex) it won't happen like that. I'd rather that you offered to pay next time or something even if I wouldn't let you in the beginning. If we were properly going out though I'd let you because I'd pay next time, meaning we could go out more often!
As to the debt thing, very tacky. As this thread is about multiple dates though it's possible, some of us guys posted how much we spend on dates.. if we're being taken for a ride (I.e. she knows it's not going further) we can end up spending a fortune over a month of dating on lost causes and we don't even know about it because we don't know about the multiple dates (for both sexes!) I'm not going to spend less on my dates when I like the person and want to be myself so it's a rubbish situation really.0 -
Fair game in my opinion EXCEPT:
The only thing that SUCKS for guys is the financial aspect of it. It's really irritating to date someone for a month or two, do the traditional courting only to have her pick someone else because she's dating multiple people. Women should be more respectful of that and know if they're dating more than one person to not be a mooch.
I'm just asking...why isn't it up to you to set that boundary?0 -
*record screech*
If he's the one that asked ME out, yes, I'd be offended. This is speaking of early dating though.. later on, no I wouldn't be at all.
I don't know if "offended" is the right word, because I know everyone has a difeferent background and some women get upset when a man tries to be chivalrous...and so guys don't... but I compare guys I date to my guy friends: My guy friends treat me like a lady (hold the door, sometimes pay for meals) and I really want the man I settle down with to treat me special as well.
Paying for the meal/event/outing is part of what makes me feel special. No one said it had to be a fancy expensive date.
That said, I'm the opposite of La_Amazona... early on I might be more forgiving. But if we're been getting to know each other for a few months and thinking about becoming a couple...well...taking me out is going to be part of your role for a very long time (just like looking hot for you is going to be part of my role for a very long time, lol)... so if you started asking me to pay, I would take it as an indicator that we aren't headed down a permanant path.
See I am completely the opposite of this. I'm looking for a real emotional partnership, not a cash-for-company type of arrangement.. I would respect a guy who was truthful about his finances or about his feelings on always being the payor on dates. BUT I would much prefer if that were explained before the date, as opposed to going to an expensive dinner and then being suprised with the bill!!0 -
a cash-for-company type of arrangement
hmm0 -
I kind of think both ways about it. On the one hand, it is nice to have more than one option so you don't fall too hard for one guy and then find out that he's just not into you. On the other hand, that's not necessarily a good way to live. I watched this special on online dating (I know, I know, I'm pretty sure it was on a Friday night too :noway: ), that said a lot of people have a really hard time finding "the one" because they have so many options they keep waiting for the next best thing to come around rather than focusing on the person that possesses about 85% of the attributes for which they're looking. That is pretty sad.
As far as the guy asking to split the bill? If it's the first date, and he asked me out, then he really should be trying to prove that he's a generous individual. (I went on a first date with a guy to Starbucks and he asked me to pay for my coffee...even the barista was like, wtf dude?!) After the first date, I definitely don't mind proving that I appreciate his generosity by picking up at least part of the bill...generally buying a round or two of drinks is pretty easy to do and makes a very good impression!
It's all about give and take IMO. If a girl is too eager to pay for something on the first date, it kind of sends a message that she doesn't think she's worth it to spend a little extra cash on her. If a girl doesn't value herself, there is no way a guy will.0
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