Perfect time to get naked??
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Honestly, I say three months or even later. I don't think sex is something to be taken lightly or to be dove into casually. I think sex is something special.
But that is just my views on the topic. I know the majority of people don't think this way.0 -
bump...want to remember to come back to this.0
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I wait until we're exclusive and preferably we have both used the L word (or I at least feel it). The one time I didn't wait for those, I regretted it. I ended up jumping into a relationship because we had and it probably would not have turned into a relationship otherwise.
I recently told the new guy I'm dating that I wanted to wait a little longer (he was ready right then, lol). He was cool with it and we're still talking and I appreciate that.0 -
People who disagree with the 3 months thing should read dating books written by men....most men don't respect a woman who gives it up early.
I don't understand why there's a magic number. Why 3 months? Why not 3 weeks? Or 6 months? Or 3 years? If it takes him 3 months to respect me, I don't want his respect anyway.0 -
I don't understand why there's a magic number. Why 3 months? Why not 3 weeks? Or 6 months? Or 3 years? If it takes him 3 months to respect me, I don't want his respect anyway.
From http://singlecityguy.com/2009/12/02/the-90-day-rule/
"When you enter a pattern of having sex immediately, you miss out on the actual value of dating. Meeting someone becomes about sex and not about caring or wanting to learn about the person. It becomes a natural occurrence without you realizing."
This I definitely agree with. People I know who had sex early have relationships that revolve around sex and hooking up and drama. People who wait have strong relationships that are coupled with sex, which is to show intimacy in the relationship.0 -
Well 3 months doesn't seem that bad....having said that it was just about 3 months when my ex and I did the deed. Glad I waited though...able to see how well we did or didn't mesh (we were on and off for 2 years). Now a day I give a 5 date minimum...I ain't getting any younger.0
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Answer for a woman: When she's ready.
Answer for a man: When she's ready.
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Thanks everyone for your replies!! It helps to know what others in my position think.0
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This I definitely agree with. People I know who had sex early have relationships that revolve around sex and hooking up and drama. People who wait have strong relationships that are coupled with sex, which is to show intimacy in the relationship.I don't understand why there's a magic number. Why 3 months? Why not 3 weeks? Or 6 months? Or 3 years? If it takes him 3 months to respect me, I don't want his respect anyway.
Not saying i hope into bed early on. I definitely don't. I just think 3 months is a long time to wait if you have good chemistry with someone. Not to mention I still say there is no magical number. But, to each their own :flowerforyou:0 -
Answer for a woman: When she's ready.
Answer for a man: When she's ready.
That seems about right.
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I don't think sn actual time can be placed on this. With one person....you couldsee them once a week over 3 mos due to conflicting.schedules .....or you could see someone every other ay over 3 months.....just depends o when you feel the time is right0
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Hmmmm here I go getting to sound like the bad girl again...... If I was waiting 3 month one of us better be in traction lol. For me it is usually within the first month of seeing each other / hanging out........ Sex is not tied to my emotions though so its kinda different to me. I think much more like a guy in this aspect lol I've been told. But I also have a tendancy to hang with someone alot if wer into each other. My FWB and I went and hung out about 9 times in 2 weeks so its almost like I compress the process ... But each person has a different time frame
I'm a bad girl, too then. lol If I waited until I was in love or exclusive, I would still be a virgin. Sometimes "IT" happens. I don't plan for it. BTW I always heard 3 date rule, not 3 month rule. Sometimes the 3rd date is in the same week. Oops ! If you are going on a 3rd date, it's pretty clear you like them so I don't think it's weird for PedMom to know that they were gonna be exclusive so soon. I've never had my feelings hurt, we date, it naturally progresses and fizzles not because of the sex issue. Maybe if I was really, really into someone I would want to hold out because I do think there is some truth to if you jump in to early, then you forget to get to know each other and every time you see each other becomes all sex, no talking. But, I get pretty comfortable with people fairly soon, I don't do the whole datey rituals. But yes, I'm 35 and never married. So do what works for you. I don't want whether he respects me to be based on when I gave it up. I know a ton of people who ended up in love or married to someone that started as a "casual encounter" or booty call/FWB. 0 -
3 MONTHS? i consider it pretty chaste and moral if i wait 3 dates....
just sayin...0 -
3 MONTHS? i consider it pretty chaste and moral if i wait 3 dates....
just sayin...
/\. Thats how it usually is. If there's no chemistry or sexual tension, it wouldn't make it to 1 month vs 3
There's got to be a basic animal desire but again, 3 dates coupled with today's communication methods is usually the process.0 -
I either feel it or I don't. I've never given anyone a chance if I didn't feel it. Maybe I've let some good guys go.0
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Well, I want to have a pleasurable life. So ASAP? When I can, if I want?
Why deny yourself the pleasure (well, that is... if you think there is going to be a pleasure!)...
Is life so great in all areas for people that they deny themselves to enjoy life even more?
Nobody will care about this when I'll be dead anyway.
What kind of men wrote these "dating" books? Monks? Most "dating" material for men I read advise early sex. Because sex massively strengthens the bond, so the earlier you get to "bed" the woman, the stronger the bond and the easier it is for you...People who disagree with the 3 months thing should read dating books written by men....most men don't respect a woman who gives it up early. Yes, they can treat her nice and proper but not respect her because it shows a lack of respect to herself
And also "Shows a lack of respect to herself"? What? Accepting/wanting sex is disrespectful to yourself? Or are people morally "superior" if they don't have sex early? Sex is then dirty and vile? :noway:
"Behold!!! This woman had sex. And worst of all... She dared to enjoy it!"
* people gasp in shock horror, children cry *
I completely agree with you :flowerforyou:I've waited 6 months and I've done it on the first night as the chemistry was THAT strong. Both ways, I'm still single now.....:laugh: Just do what feels right :bigsmile:
(The guy on the first night was the love of my life for about 4 years :brokenheart: )
I also become exclusive with someone right away, if we both feel its right. I dont date multiple people. Never have. So having sex is going to be a natural progression. Can't really give a direct answer as to when, there are no rules, but the ideal would be when you feel its right and can't keep your hands off each other any longer!
All these arbitrary rules people are setting are just asking to be broken! And then they will say: "No, I still have this rule but it was different this time!". Sure.
Sorry! I know everyone is different... Glad to see there are differences of opinions :flowerforyou:0 -
Following rules IS a bit silly because you're just doing what somebody else is telling you what to do. Plus, I'm a sucker for breaking rules. :devil: When you tell me NOT to do something, it makes me want to do it even more. Ha! Maybe that's the preacher's kid inside of me...
I just know myself. And I LOVE sex. In fact, I miss it right now haha. I think about it now that I'm single- a lot. When I've gone out on dates, I've thought about it. Last night I was out by myself, got hit on a couple of times... and wishing I could just tell a guy to come home with me for the heck of it.
Sex and my body definately bring pleasure which I'm not against. I'm a Christian but have always felt that we have a bad name concerning sex because some folks decided to make it a "bad sinful" thing (some still do). Well, I can be the proper lady in Sunday service at church and then afterwards do some awesome acrobatic fun at home. :smokin:
I think it's just the emotions that sex brings out in me. I feel connected and close to that person. Which makes me want more of them which is why for me, being in an exclusive relationship would be best (and I'm aware we could break up the following week).
If anybody is staying away from sex because of how it makes you feel personally (dirty, shameful) than I say look further into it. Sex is awesome, it's a beautiful thing! I am fascinated by the way our bodies work and quite honestly can't wait (but I will
) to use mine again. 0 -
It's very interesting to see how different peoples opinions are. LIke I said early you have to do what you feel is right for you. BUt honestly 3 months and there might be a spark missing or something lol.0
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Not all Christians I know think sex is dirty, teehee... in fact, when I was married to a Pastor, I discovered from other Pastor's wives that they were some of the kinkiest couples around. And, my home church has an extremely low divorce rate (my divorce was quite the shocker), so they must be doing something right. ;-)0
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Most "dating" material for men I read advise early sex. Because sex massively strengthens the bond, so the earlier you get to "bed" the woman, the stronger the bond and the easier it is for you...
"The easier it is for *you*" Yes, exactly!
Because the sooner a man beds her, the sooner she becomes emotionally attached to him which means the sooner he can have her hung up on him, even if he treats her like dirt or only texts her late nights for booty calls. Most men (I've been told...never been one) don't bond over sex the same way a woman does.0 -
Most "dating" material for men I read advise early sex. Because sex massively strengthens the bond, so the earlier you get to "bed" the woman, the stronger the bond and the easier it is for you...
"The easier it is for *you*" Yes, exactly!
Because the sooner a man beds her, the sooner she becomes emotionally attached to him which means the sooner he can have her hung up on him, even if he treats her like dirt or only texts her late nights for booty calls. Most men (I've been told...never been one) don't bond over sex the same way a woman does.
Welllllllllllll preach it! At least for me, this is how it happens.0 -
We agree 100%! (obviously, I was talking from a "man who read dating material" point of view here, so this is definitely not at women's advantage)
Welllllllllllll preach it! At least for me, this is how it happens.
"The easier it is for *you*" Yes, exactly!Most "dating" material for men I read advise early sex. Because sex massively strengthens the bond, so the earlier you get to "bed" the woman, the stronger the bond and the easier it is for you...
Because the sooner a man beds her, the sooner she becomes emotionally attached to him which means the sooner he can have her hung up on him, even if he treats her like dirt or only texts her late nights for booty calls. Most men (I've been told...never been one) don't bond over sex the same way a woman does.
Only thing I disagreed with was someone who said earlier that dating material for men advised to wait for sex. To me that would be *bad* dating material then.0 -
Only thing I disagreed with was someone who said earlier that dating material for men advised to wait for sex. To me that would be *bad* dating material then.
I've never read men's dating material that said this, always the "dump her if no sex by 5 dates" kind of thing... but maybe in this case the dating material was geared towards seriously finding a long-term mate...? Because in that case it's actually to the guys advantage to wait for sex because then he can find out if she really likes him for *him* not just as a walking moneybag or "check the block with the first decent guy" husband/father.
um, did I just admit I read men's dating stuff... yeah, I do... lol...maybe that's why I have such a different perspective on dating than most girls, lol0 -
I'm thinking I need to read up on mens relationship/dating to get some tips.0
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I'm thinking I need to read up on mens relationship/dating to get some tips.
Start with Maxim magazine. Yes, it is written for 21 year olds, but we never really outgrow that stage mentally. ;-)0 -
Yeah... Not convinced that this would be the best approach still, since you still want to have the strongest bond as early as possible, to basically ensure that the woman sees you as a potential partner, to not let the opportunity of a potential LTR slipping between your finger, to not let someone else share this bond with her first if she is dating multiple partners, etc.I've never read men's dating material that said this, always the "dump her if no sex by 5 dates" kind of thing... but maybe in this case the dating material was geared towards seriously finding a long-term mate...?
What you do with this "bond", how do you use it with the woman is your problem then (for LTR or STR or nothing).
Yeah, I still think you should start all your LTR by STR if it makes sense - and they always do anyway (I mean you've got to be with someone for a short period of time before being with them for a long period of time, don't you?).Because in that case it's actually to the guys advantage to wait for sex because then he can find out if she really likes him for *him* not just as a walking moneybag or "check the block with the first decent guy" husband/father.
Rather than adopting a different strategy, I'd rather have my STR turning into LTR naturally if we keep having the same objectives/goals/etc.
I would wait for sex of my own accord if I end up in bed with a girl and want to send a stronger signal: she is not being pressured into doing anything, she can decide when it happens. Men are usually depicted as such pigs that you normally get to close the deal the next time at her demand.
This works with women who are "concerned" about being in bed with a man, but if she is 100% confident with her body and she definitely after it, then you'd only make her angry at you by making her wait, so I wouldn't in this case :laugh:0 -
I've never read men's dating material that said this, always the "dump her if no sex by 5 dates" kind of thing... but maybe in this case the dating material was geared towards seriously finding a long-term mate...? Because in that case it's actually to the guys advantage to wait for sex because then he can find out if she really likes him for *him* not just as a walking moneybag or "check the block with the first decent guy" husband/father.
I agree. Men don't realize that there are manipulative women about there that do want to get pregnant with a guy's child so they can have a link to them forever...I'm not saying this is all women or most of them, but there are a few that will do this. I know a girl who got pregnant on purpose just so her boyfriend would stay with her and not dump her. Before you stick your...ahem...into someone, make sure you know their character and their values. Too many men have f-ed up because they think with their **** before they think with their brain.
Yeah... Not convinced that this would be the best approach still, since you still want to have the strongest bond as early as possible, to basically ensure that the woman sees you as a potential partner, to not let the opportunity of a potential LTR slipping between your finger, to not let someone else share this bond with her first if she is dating multiple partners, etc.I've never read men's dating material that said this, always the "dump her if no sex by 5 dates" kind of thing... but maybe in this case the dating material was geared towards seriously finding a long-term mate...?
What you do with this "bond", how do you use it with the woman is your problem then (for LTR or STR or nothing).
Yeah, I still think you should start all your LTR by STR if it makes sense - and they always do anyway (I mean you've got to be with someone for a short period of time before being with them for a long period of time, don't you?).Because in that case it's actually to the guys advantage to wait for sex because then he can find out if she really likes him for *him* not just as a walking moneybag or "check the block with the first decent guy" husband/father.
Rather than adopting a different strategy, I'd rather have my STR turning into LTR naturally if we keep having the same objectives/goals/etc.
I would wait for sex of my own accord if I end up in bed with a girl and want to send a stronger signal: she is not being pressured into doing anything, she can decide when it happens. Men are usually depicted as such pigs that you normally get to close the deal the next time at her demand.
This works with women who are "concerned" about being in bed with a man, but if she is 100% confident with her body and she definitely after it, then you'd only make her angry at you by making her wait, so I wouldn't in this case :laugh:
Please don't take any offense, but some men are viewed as pigs sometime because they try to manipulate women like this...trying to get them to have sex with them so they're "bonded" and they toy with women's emotions.
Toying with people's emotions are not the way to get them to be attracted to you. Love is not some game where you can just play around with people and attempt to win. Just be yourself! /endrant0 -
No offense taken, I think dating strategies are "neutral", like knives. You can use them for good purposes or for bad purposes. They are just tools, and it is the hand that uses them that is ultimately responsible of the character of the action.Please don't take any offense, but some men are viewed as pigs sometime because they try to manipulate women like this...trying to get them to have sex with them so they're "bonded" and they toy with women's emotions.
Toying with people's emotions are not the way to get them to be attracted to you. Love is not some game where you can just play around with people and attempt to win. Just be yourself! /endrant
In other words, I use these strategies to help my cause when I know I want to be with some girl, and I treat her right when I am. Similarly make up is a form of manipulation too, that doesn't make girls who use it bad! It just helps their cause. Tool =/= purpose.0 -
No offense taken, I think dating strategies are "neutral", like knives. You can use them for good purposes or for bad purposes. They are just tools, and it is the hand that uses them that is ultimately responsible of the character of the action.
In other words, I use these strategies to help my cause when I know I want to be with some girl, and I treat her right when I am. Similarly make up is a form of manipulation too, that doesn't make girls who use it bad! It just helps their cause. Tool =/= purpose.
I think we will have to agree to disagree!0 -
I'm thinking I need to read up on mens relationship/dating to get some tips.
Start with Maxim magazine. Yes, it is written for 21 year olds, but we never really outgrow that stage mentally. ;-)
Perfect - all the inmates get this magazine - I'll just ask the mailroom guys to let me read a copy before it goes out to them. All magazines HAVE to be read beforehand 0
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