Deal breakers
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Still married....
LMAO .. yeh .. that might be a deal breaker!0 -
Still married....
LMAO .. yeh .. that might be a deal breaker!
Oh? Really? Just how "married" is considered "married?"
Not being sarcastic. At my workcenter we recently had a HUGE divide over this because I live in a state where it takes a year for the divorce to be final. I personally think if you are still married, even on paper, then you are still married and off limits. Not one person I work with agrees with me. Sad (especially since the military has a rule against adultury). I guess it's another sign of how marriage isn't important to people anymore.
People see nothing wrong with dating while separated (not even filed for divorce yet) or once the divorce is filed (waiting for that year to pass).
What do you guys think?0 -
I think just from a the stand point of emotionally there is no way someone could be "really" ready to date if they are still married. I know I wasn't.
I agree though .. if you are married, you are off limits. Period. I fought tooth and nail for my marriage, even when I knew deep down it was over, because marriage is supposed to be forever. It makes me sad how people just throw it away and move on.0 -
I thought I had these deal breakers. No smokers, no guys that live in other time zones, no obese I haven't done cardio since Clinton guys. Buuuuut I went to visit an old friend this week and I have apparently decided all that is negotiable. On the other hand he's Jewish, brilliant and cooks breakfast.0
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SO SO SO glad I don't live in a state that makes you wait a whole year.
My marriage was over way before I filed. I dated a guy soon after I seperated from my ex. Of course, it was a rebound (wth was I thinking type of thing) and it failed. Still, a whole year even though let's say, you're marriage had died 9 months ago... that's almost 2 years!!!
Personally I wouldn't date someone who was still married.. maybe if they had already filed but not seriously.
In Texas you wait the 61 days. And since we had no kids, no property- easy peasy.
I joke that it cost a total of about $18,000 to get married (dress, venue, band, everything even honeymoon, rings) and $259 to divorce. :noway: :ohwell:0 -
My deal breakers would be:
Addiction of any kind
Overall rude person
Arrogant (although a bit cocky is good :bigsmile: )
No sense of humor
Athiest
Emotionally unstable
What I thought were deal breakers but keep breaking them myself :laugh: :
Kids
Height0 -
In Texas you wait the 61 days.
61 days? lol .. why 61? That seems like such a random number.
NY has the separation for one year if you have no grounds .. but if you have grounds or it is uncontested there is no waiting period.0 -
I fought tooth and nail for my marriage, even when I knew deep down it was over, because marriage is supposed to be forever.
That's how I feel. When a man talks to me about marriage as if it means nothing I immediately scratch him off my list. I understand not wanting to get married, but I don't understand the lack of respect people have for marriage.
I actually dated one guy who was gorgeous and fun, but once I found out he wasn't single, only separated, I told him we can still get to know each other through the group, but not to call me till they were divorced. We moved (being military) and months later he calls me up talking about his divorce and his ex. After about a month or so into what I thought was a match made in heaven (even though long distance), I discovered they were still married- hadn't even filed the paperwork yet. So disgusting!0 -
In Texas you wait the 61 days.
61 days? lol .. why 61? That seems like such a random number.
NY has the separation for one year if you have no grounds .. but if you have grounds or it is uncontested there is no waiting period.
Actually I'm right.. I don't know why 61 days.. I just looked back on my calendar and was told to come go back on the 62nd day. Weird.
Anywho, day 62 was the happy day.0 -
On the other hand he's Jewish, brilliant and cooks breakfast.
brilliant and cooks breakfast??? he's a keeper, lol!0 -
What I thought were deal breakers but keep breaking them myself :laugh: :
Oh, I know!!! My last boyfriend broke MOST of my deal breakers but he was such a great personality (strong, assertive man, not intimidated by my degrees, crazy hard worker, and umm hot!!) I just couldn't give him up...until I discovered how much he smoked. I didn't know he smoked when I first met him. I didn't find that out til a couple of months later. I'm not even sure how he hid it so well considering that I'm so sensitive to smoke I couldn't hang out at his place for more than about 20 minutes.
That's why I no longer have a set list of things I'm looking for. It basically boils down to a fun responsible guy who can love and respect me the way I am and be a good father to my son.0 -
My marriage was over way before I filed. I dated a guy soon after I seperated from my ex. Of course, it was a rebound (wth was I thinking type of thing) and it failed. Still, a whole year even though let's say, you're marriage had died 9 months ago... that's almost 2 years!!!
I joke that it cost a total of about $18,000 to get married (dress, venue, band, everything even honeymoon, rings) and $259 to divorce. :noway: :ohwell:
$259 to divorce is very impressive. Many couples spend far more than that on the divorce.
Most marriages are over long before papers are filed. Marriages usually take a lot longer to run their course than one would logically think. I know of a few zombie marriages in my social circle right now. There was another time in the past where I met a couple and immediately knew that they'd get divorced. It was like another 16 months after that until the papers in that case.0 -
What I thought were deal breakers but keep breaking them myself :laugh: :
That's why I no longer have a set list of things I'm looking for. It basically boils down to a fun responsible guy who can love and respect me the way I am and be a good father to my son.
Amen to that.
Somebody told me yesterday (after I told them about my gym crush and how he bursted my bubble with the 2 kiddos at the gym) that I needed to be more open. :grumble: She asked me what my dating range was (29-37ish) and she said a lot of guys will probably have kids at that age range. And if so, as long as the relationship with the ex is amicable, it might not be too bad.
Then I looked back and noticed that some of the guys I have dated so far, did have kids.. although only 1 kid each. We shall see what the future holds.0 -
My marriage was over way before I filed. I dated a guy soon after I seperated from my ex. Of course, it was a rebound (wth was I thinking type of thing) and it failed. Still, a whole year even though let's say, you're marriage had died 9 months ago... that's almost 2 years!!!
I joke that it cost a total of about $18,000 to get married (dress, venue, band, everything even honeymoon, rings) and $259 to divorce. :noway: :ohwell:
$259 to divorce is very impressive. Many couples spend far more than that on the divorce.
Luckily the ex was a "good guy" in the end and agreed to everything I said. I drew up my own papers and everything. No need for a lawyer. If we would have had kids, completely different.
My marriage died back in 2008. I stuck around because I thought maybe it could come alive again. Sad, but I tried to save it. I did all I could to revive the dead horse. Beat it, CPR it, used a defibrillator a couple of times, beat it some more with a heavier stick, checked the pulse again and again... yeah.
:laugh:0 -
[/quote]
"Actually I'm right.. I don't know why 61 days.. I just looked back on my calendar and was told to come go back on the 62nd day. Weird.
Anywho, day 62 was the happy day."
[/quote]
No no no, I wasn't questioning your information, lol. I just found it amusing that they would say 61 days is the magic number. Ha!0 -
Still married....
LMAO .. yeh .. that might be a deal breaker!
Oh? Really? Just how "married" is considered "married?"
Not being sarcastic. At my workcenter we recently had a HUGE divide over this because I live in a state where it takes a year for the divorce to be final. I personally think if you are still married, even on paper, then you are still married and off limits. Not one person I work with agrees with me. Sad (especially since the military has a rule against adultury). I guess it's another sign of how marriage isn't important to people anymore.
People see nothing wrong with dating while separated (not even filed for divorce yet) or once the divorce is filed (waiting for that year to pass).
What do you guys think?
Do you live in NC or SC?0 -
"Actually I'm right.. I don't know why 61 days.. I just looked back on my calendar and was told to come go back on the 62nd day. Weird.
Anywho, day 62 was the happy day."
[/quote]
No no no, I wasn't questioning your information, lol. I just found it amusing that they would say 61 days is the magic number. Ha!
[/quote]
Sorry, I had written a response saying I had made a mistake, that it was 60 days.. but then I checked and saw that my original response was right. lol Sorry!0 -
My marriage was over way before I filed. I dated a guy soon after I seperated from my ex. Of course, it was a rebound (wth was I thinking type of thing) and it failed. Still, a whole year even though let's say, you're marriage had died 9 months ago... that's almost 2 years!!!
I joke that it cost a total of about $18,000 to get married (dress, venue, band, everything even honeymoon, rings) and $259 to divorce. :noway: :ohwell:
$259 to divorce is very impressive. Many couples spend far more than that on the divorce.
Luckily the ex was a "good guy" in the end and agreed to everything I said. I drew up my own papers and everything. No need for a lawyer. If we would have had kids, completely different.
My marriage died back in 2008. I stuck around because I thought maybe it could come alive again. Sad, but I tried to save it. I did all I could to revive the dead horse. Beat it, CPR it, used a defibrillator a couple of times, beat it some more with a heavier stick, checked the pulse again and again... yeah.
:laugh:
There are two sides to the coin on this one, and I can see both sides, despite never having been married. I can see why someone would want to give it their all and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to save it. At the same time, I also see the logic in cutting your losses and moving on. There's only a finite amount of time. I think I would lean towards the quick decision, cut losses and move on. I remember one time I knew a woman was about to break things off with me, so I took the step of a pre-emptive breakup before she could lower the boom. She was pissed that I did it before she did, not so much upset about the end. Granted, this was a much less serious arrangement than a marriage.0 -
My marriage was over way before I filed. I dated a guy soon after I seperated from my ex. Of course, it was a rebound (wth was I thinking type of thing) and it failed. Still, a whole year even though let's say, you're marriage had died 9 months ago... that's almost 2 years!!!
I joke that it cost a total of about $18,000 to get married (dress, venue, band, everything even honeymoon, rings) and $259 to divorce. :noway: :ohwell:
$259 to divorce is very impressive. Many couples spend far more than that on the divorce.
Luckily the ex was a "good guy" in the end and agreed to everything I said. I drew up my own papers and everything. No need for a lawyer. If we would have had kids, completely different.
My marriage died back in 2008. I stuck around because I thought maybe it could come alive again. Sad, but I tried to save it. I did all I could to revive the dead horse. Beat it, CPR it, used a defibrillator a couple of times, beat it some more with a heavier stick, checked the pulse again and again... yeah.
:laugh:
There are two sides to the coin on this one, and I can see both sides, despite never having been married. I can see why someone would want to give it their all and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to save it. At the same time, I also see the logic in cutting your losses and moving on. There's only a finite amount of time. I think I would lean towards the quick decision, cut losses and move on. I remember one time I knew a woman was about to break things off with me, so I took the step of a pre-emptive breakup before she could lower the boom. She was pissed that I did it before she did, not so much upset about the end. Granted, this was a much less serious arrangement than a marriage.
And this is where regret will creep in. I was only 27-28 when my ex cheated. Knowing what I know now (that it wasn't going to work out), I wish I would have left then. I'm only 32 now so I didn't lose 10 years or anything but that thought can sting me sometimes.
On the other hand, sticking around for those extra years made me stronger and helped me see just what I'm made of. Also, I know now that if anybody were to betray me in that way again, I will simply walk away right then and there.
I walked away with NO regrets, in terms of "why didn't I try counseling" "why didn't I do that?" etc and the way I see it, the peace of mind I have now, was worth the 3-4 years I stuck around.
Still, I was only 28!!0 -
Ok so backto deal breakers lol
Cant be shorter than me
Must like kids (seeing as I have 2 lol)
must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation..0 -
Do you live in NC or SC?
No, LA0 -
I certainly don't envy the position that you were put in, La Amazona. The early stages of dating have a lot of ungratifying elements, but certainly preferable to a bad marriage. And if one perceives that to be the case, I think it is better to get to the dating pool earlier at 28 than early 30s. The dating pool shrinks at a more rapid rate everyday in late 20s/early 30s.
Peace of mind is a good thing though.0 -
Ok so backto deal breakers lol
Cant be shorter than me
Must like kids (seeing as I have 2 lol)
must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation..
Height is a concern, I focus on shorter women because I don't want to be screened out.0 -
Ok so backto deal breakers lol
Cant be shorter than me
Must like kids (seeing as I have 2 lol)
must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation..
Height is a concern, I focus on shorter women because I don't want to be screened out.
Yes, but this sucks for tall women, I'm 5'10"!0 -
Lateness, yes! "If you're ten minutes early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late!"
I've always made a point of ringing the doorbell on the minute I'm due (no need to stress the lady out by being early).
I'm taught to do this in my job too!! (sub 'client' for 'lady'). I'm a kitchen designer. Early is considered rude/inconvenient!! :ohwell:
Okay fine, if you're picking me up at my house, be on time. If we're meeting out, be on time. I know I'll be there a few minutes early though. Don't keep me waiting just because you're a slacker. :laugh:0 -
Ok so backto deal breakers lol
Cant be shorter than me
Must like kids (seeing as I have 2 lol)
must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation..
Height is a concern, I focus on shorter women because I don't want to be screened out.
Yes, but this sucks for tall women, I'm 5'10"!
There is not a shortage of men over 6'0".0 -
Ok so backto deal breakers lol
Cant be shorter than me
Must like kids (seeing as I have 2 lol)
must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation..
Height is a concern, I focus on shorter women because I don't want to be screened out.
Yes, but this sucks for tall women, I'm 5'10"!
There is not a shortage of men over 6'0".
Really where are they hiding then lol....... Normally I end up liking guys that are 6'1 and up. I'm 5'9 so I really notice tall guys rather rapidly lol0 -
Ok so backto deal breakers lol
Cant be shorter than me
Must like kids (seeing as I have 2 lol)
must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation..
Height is a concern, I focus on shorter women because I don't want to be screened out.
Yes, but this sucks for tall women, I'm 5'10"!
There is not a shortage of men over 6'0".
Really where are they hiding then lol....... Normally I end up liking guys that are 6'1 and up. I'm 5'9 so I really notice tall guys rather rapidly lol
6'3 here :drinker:
I thought I answered mine guess it was a different but similar thread....
for me:
1) smoker
2) drug user like hard core needles, crack
3) religous. goes to church every sunday
I believe in god but the church thing is just not for me.
4) hates all sci-fi, fantasy things
She doesn't need to be a total geek/nerd like me but if you hate it all, what's the point?
5) is anti-gay/racist.
I like all kinds of people. I can't be with someone who hates or dislikes gay folks or other races/ethincity0 -
lateness, smoker, fake tans, lacks intelligence and/or common sense, likes to go barhopping all the time, irresponsible with money, needs constant reassurance of self-worth.0
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1) smoker
2) drug user like hard core needles, crack
3) religous. goes to church every sunday
I believe in god but the church thing is just not for me.
4) hates all sci-fi, fantasy things
She doesn't need to be a total geek/nerd like me but if you hate it all, what's the point?
5) is anti-gay/racist.
I like all kinds of people. I can't be with someone who hates or dislikes gay folks or other races/ethincity
^^^All of these (just opposite gender). Mostly the church thing, it's not for me... but also, if we can't slay zombies on L4D or watch The Walking Dead... uhm it's not going to work out... Or Game of Thrones... current addictions.
Stoners can be ok, as long as that's not the only thing going on in your life. Love my gay friends and friends of other races and beliefs! I go to Pride most every year. ) If a guy has a problem with my having mostly male friends, that's it, because all my friends are male. 0
