Lets go back to the start...things could get emotional
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nibbynoo
Posts: 250 Member
If no one wants to post in this one as its quite personal fair play but i think it could help with the issues that cause us all to comfort eat.
can you remember how it started, or a point when you knew you had a problem?maybe even the reasons why you need to do it.
If we can get it all out in the open and talk it through touchy-feely-sisterhood-of-the-travelling-pants-style then it might help to find a way to stop!
I will start to spur you lot on!
My mum was really ill with cancer but struggled to the family meals EVERY day for 14 years until she died. I thought if I didn't eat ALL of it she would think I was ungrateful (which is ridiculous looking back!) but she had worked so hard to make it and I have never left a dirty plate since really. If its in front of me, I will eat it.
I used to also buy chocolate bars on the way home from school and eat them out of my pocket so no one could see! The chocolate made me feel good so I did it every day.
sharing is good :P lol
don't hold back just vent
can you remember how it started, or a point when you knew you had a problem?maybe even the reasons why you need to do it.
If we can get it all out in the open and talk it through touchy-feely-sisterhood-of-the-travelling-pants-style then it might help to find a way to stop!
I will start to spur you lot on!
My mum was really ill with cancer but struggled to the family meals EVERY day for 14 years until she died. I thought if I didn't eat ALL of it she would think I was ungrateful (which is ridiculous looking back!) but she had worked so hard to make it and I have never left a dirty plate since really. If its in front of me, I will eat it.
I used to also buy chocolate bars on the way home from school and eat them out of my pocket so no one could see! The chocolate made me feel good so I did it every day.
sharing is good :P lol
don't hold back just vent
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My mum and dad used to tell us when we were little to eat all of our dinner and then we could have desert, so I used to eat fast and cram it in. I also used to save the "best" part of the meal till last and then I would be sure to eat whats on the plate. I still eat like this now..........
I am a big comfort eater also, I lost a lot of weight in my early 20's and got in a bad relationship and was hurt in a really huge way, I put the weight back on as a defense mechanism, no one wants to date the fat bird and therefore I won't get hurt.
Well its time to suck it up!
My mum died when I was only a baby, my auntie adopted me (hence mum and dad in the first paragraph! Confusing!!) but I always struggled with this deep down, and always thought that my life was a ticking time bomb, and I would die like she did at 30. I didn't, I am 31 now, but since hitting 30 and a half (sounds daft but I was convinced this was when I would happen) I feel a sense of release and I have been trying my hardest to experience all that life has to offer. I want to lose weight now to continue to do this and eventually climb mt kilimanjaru!
Sharing is good! Thanks for listening and thanks for starting this off! x0 -
I believe virtually everyone who is over weight has emotional reasons. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years sexually, physically and psychologically. Eating comforted me and its been hard to get out of the habit. All my siblings and mum have the same issues so I wonder if we learnt it from mum too. I really don't know. The relationship ramped it up big time though! Zara X0
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well done! i didnt expect such honest posts!
do either of you two know how fricken amazing you are for trying to fix these problems? it really is like alcoholics anon say- admitting it is the first step! Changing your life is a ridiculously hard thing to do but we have all done it and are ready to reap the rewards!
Men are a huge reason why most women seem to comfort eat (not blaming men outright if any read this!) i have convinced myself that i will never find a man until i am thin, and other friends have done this to and even if people do show interest i just push them away as its easier! You can be the 'chubby, bubbly friend' and never get in too deep!0 -
Well you can sort a problem unless you are 100% honest can you!
I didn't realise how amazing life was until I stood at the top of Ben Nevis last July and was literally on top of the UK and from that point I knew anything was POSSIBLE!!!
I cannot wait to change my life for good this time, and I have the support of people on here to help me at every step of the way and also have a fantastic support network in my personal life.
Thanks for the support
Jaqui x0 -
Hi. I'm Alisa. My pattern has been to start each day with renewed resolve, eating a healthy breakfast, probably a healthy lunch, and then blow it in the evening. I will comfort eat pretty much whatever there is at dinner. I feel tired and emotionally drained at the end of the day at work. When I get home, I want to be there emotionally for my family, but feel like I have so little to draw on that I soothe myself with too much of whatever we are eating while trying to respond to the multiple "Mom! Mom! Mom!"s, questions, requests, etc of my three kids. I love my kids and want to hear about their day and answer their requests but feel overwhelmed so take a mini mental vacation on the ship of whatever tastes and sensations the food can distract me with. I eat until I am too full and then feel guilty and irritable. Not a good cycle. If it's a night where we go out, especially to a pub/restaurant, then adding a beer or wine just lowers my inhibitions about when to set down the damn fork. I'm working on de-stressing prior to getting home, mainly through adding some exercise or even a 10 minute quiet break before going home. This past week (since Monday), I've been doing better. I even passed up an invitation for us all to head over to our friends' house for beer and pizza on the porch because I just knew I felt too fragile still with this attempted to change to have a reasonable shot of making good decisions in that kind of setting. Glad I did too, because I don't have anything to regret today Keeping on doing well long term, that's the real challenge... 0
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I'm always honest... And open. I want people to know you can get through an abusive relationship - maybe a little worse for wear but you can do it. I have an amazing fiance, we've been together 4 years. 2 amazing step kids. Had major surgery recently. My contraceptive pill caused tumours on my liver, had to have them removed obviously with part of my liver. Also had my gall bladder removed. Been in and out of hospital for 2 years with associated pain and now struggling to recover and got extra health problems thrown it. Currently suffering from vertigo and terrible anxiety and trying to recover from the operation. Times are hard and the temptation is to comfort eat. I have eaten a lot of crisps this week, but I'm determined to snap out of it and told the partner he's not allowed to buy anymore. I'm not as bad as I was but I still use food for comfort. X0
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This ^^!!! I always start out great in the day, but by the evening I bomb big time!Hi. I'm Alisa. My pattern has been to start each day with renewed resolve, eating a healthy breakfast, probably a healthy lunch, and then blow it in the evening. I will comfort eat pretty much whatever there is at dinner.
However that is not how it started. I was always a super thin child and very active. I never worried about my weight. When I went through puberty at 13 I started putting on some pounds, but it looked good. I didn't look so ill any more. When I was pregnant the first time I was in a VERY physically and emotionally abusive relationship. He wouldn't let me eat cause he was worried I would become a fat preggo and he hated that. I finally left him when I was 7 months. I moved back in with my folks. I was finally allowed to eat and feed my unborn child and so I let loose...a little too much. I went from having gained 1lb from month 1-7 to gaining 80lbs from month 7-10!!! That is a lot of weight.
I lost 100lbs by the time she was 6 months old and went back to being active and eating well. Only eating when hungry and never over filling.
What I am about to tell you next...I have not shared with anyone but my mom, husband, and therapist. Please I ask it stays in this group. *deep breath*....when my daughter was 5 I was raped by a fellow co-worker. I blame myself partially because I did indeed lead him on. But whatever. I became pregnant and was emotionally devastated. Since I was too scared to tell anyone what really happened I endured A LOT of ridicule and anger for "getting pregnant again and being a floozy".
I remember the exact day the switch got flipped. I was sitting on my dad's recliner and thinking about how I hated my life and things where terrible. And I remember very clearly telling myself...."Who cares about eating well and being physically fit anymore." And at that moment I got up and ate a ton of crap though I wasn't hungry. Something I never did. And I gained 50lbs and never lost it. Luckily the Lord saved me and I have been a Christian since I was 5 months pregnant with her. For almost 6 years now :happy: I have emotionally healed and moved on. I am married to a wonderful and loving man who supports me in my desire to lose weight. Though I have healed emotionally I for some reason still struggle with my eating. I have a hard time flipping the switch back to where it was.
When I joined MFP I lost a lot of weight and did really well! I was 262lbs when I gave birth to my 3rd daughter in Feb 2011 and I am now 200lbs. I want to be healthy this pregnancy, but struggle so much with wanting carbs and comfort food.
Wow that was really long....sorry0 -
I seriously don't know why I'm such a comfort eater. When I was a teenager, I could eat anything (and did) and still only weighed 100 pounds. I started to put on weight when I went to college and basically have gone up since then. I eat for comfort and also when I get bored. I'm really trying to break that cycle. I gave up french fries (and onion rings) and potato chips (and any other kind of chips) for lent and I haven't slipped once! I'm very proud of that. If I can keep that up, maybe I can cut out some of my other weaknesses (sweet tea!).
Thanks to all who shared their very personal and moving stories. Please know that your strength is very motivating to me!0 -
This ^^!!! I always start out great in the day, but by the evening I bomb big time!Hi. I'm Alisa. My pattern has been to start each day with renewed resolve, eating a healthy breakfast, probably a healthy lunch, and then blow it in the evening. I will comfort eat pretty much whatever there is at dinner.
However that is not how it started. I was always a super thin child and very active. I never worried about my weight. When I went through puberty at 13 I started putting on some pounds, but it looked good. I didn't look so ill any more. When I was pregnant the first time I was in a VERY physically and emotionally abusive relationship. He wouldn't let me eat cause he was worried I would become a fat preggo and he hated that. I finally left him when I was 7 months. I moved back in with my folks. I was finally allowed to eat and feed my unborn child and so I let loose...a little too much. I went from having gained 1lb from month 1-7 to gaining 80lbs from month 7-10!!! That is a lot of weight.
I lost 100lbs by the time she was 6 months old and went back to being active and eating well. Only eating when hungry and never over filling.
What I am about to tell you next...I have not shared with anyone but my mom, husband, and therapist. Please I ask it stays in this group. *deep breath*....when my daughter was 5 I was raped by a fellow co-worker. I blame myself partially because I did indeed lead him on. But whatever. I became pregnant and was emotionally devastated. Since I was too scared to tell anyone what really happened I endured A LOT of ridicule and anger for "getting pregnant again and being a floozy".
I remember the exact day the switch got flipped. I was sitting on my dad's recliner and thinking about how I hated my life and things where terrible. And I remember very clearly telling myself...."Who cares about eating well and being physically fit anymore." And at that moment I got up and ate a ton of crap though I wasn't hungry. Something I never did. And I gained 50lbs and never lost it. Luckily the Lord saved me and I have been a Christian since I was 5 months pregnant with her. For almost 6 years now :happy: I have emotionally healed and moved on. I am married to a wonderful and loving man who supports me in my desire to lose weight. Though I have healed emotionally I for some reason still struggle with my eating. I have a hard time flipping the switch back to where it was.
When I joined MFP I lost a lot of weight and did really well! I was 262lbs when I gave birth to my 3rd daughter in Feb 2011 and I am now 200lbs. I want to be healthy this pregnancy, but struggle so much with wanting carbs and comfort food.
Wow that was really long....sorry
Wow. What an incredible story. Thanks for sharing. Hope it felt good. What a horrendous time you've had. Just horrendous. Been in a abusive relationship myself, also feel I've healed but left with the food problems. We are very similar. Good luck sweetheart. Xxx0 -
My weight gain seemed to start when I was about 10. I used to be fit and healthy and ride my bike to and from school every day but my little sister was born, we moved and ever since struggled financially. There were days we didn't have any food so I became accustomed to everything all that I could when I could so I have a problem with portion control. Plus, with the price of fruits and vegetables it was cheaper to buy the cheap stuff which I'm sure didn't help. I noticed when I am stressed, sad, angry or anything I eat. Growing up, I never had many friends and was teased a lot because of my weight so I had very low confidence and self esteem. Only now, because of my wonderful boyfriend of 5 years, have I finally begun to realize I am beautiful no matter what and I have something to offer the world. 5 years ago my Dad was diagnosed with RA and was given Enbrel which caused him Congestive Heart Failure and he almost died. The same day my dad was admitted to the hospital my bf at that time broke up with me. Around that time I had jumped up to nearly 300 lbs. I am tall and very curvy thanks to my family but I have been struggling with my weight for most of my life. My back has given out several times and my knees are in constant pain. I have been trying to change my life in almost all aspects but the weight loss seems to be the hardest. Now, my little sister, who just turned 17, is almost 300lbs and I am very scared and sad for her. I am glad I found this group and especially myfitnesspal. It has done wonders for me and my confidence. People barely recognize me, haha.0
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hey i havent got a story really about why my weight just kept creeping up, but sometimes i think im fat anyways so if i eat something bad, im not going to see it it really, which is know is untrue. i start off great in the day and around 8 when no ones around, ill eat bad food, anything really. I want it to stop most of all because its making me deeply unhappy.
I dont know why but if im watching something good on the tele i think its appropraite to eat something good with it. madness i know! ut its like i have a friend. my husband works late and once my sons n bed, ill eat...... i am getting bigger and bigger and want to break the cycle. i blame lonliness! but im not really lonely. im actually enjoying the peace, im a childminder so once all the kids go home (6 kids) i am glad to sit down and have some alone, quiet time. but why do i feel the need to eat?"!?" especially rubbish?
my husband cnt really understand why i complain and dont do anything about it, its hard to explain, because im ashamed of myself! i dnt know why i go an eat so much.... dipping biscuits into a cup of tea!! or having swwet things like jam on toast! it tastes nice but i regret it the next day, then do it all over again!!! why why why?"?!?!?!?!?0 -
My parents always made us eat our veggies first before they gave us our meat. Whilst it did make me like veggies, it became a lifelong habit. Which means now, no matter how big the plate is I do the same and won't stop eating until I have finished the meat, which is always eaten last! I am working on this.
I was a normal, healthy, thin child until I was 9 when I was diagnosed with epilepsy. The medication they put me on made me sleep, so I would come home from school, climb into my parents bed and sleep. If I had no homework, sometimes I would sleep right through to the next day. My mum would wake me for meals, but sometime bought them to me in bed. I was also bullied at school during this time, so the bed/food routine became a comfort time for me. If I am depressed or upset about something now, I still make myself food and a coffee and go to bed. I did lose weight after that, although it went up and down right until I was in my early 20's.
I was then married to a chocoholic, who would wake up at all hours of the night and eat slabs of chocolate. He could eat anything he wanted in vast quantities and remained skinny. I of course, didn't! At more or less that time I lost about 20 pounds at Weight Watchers. I then fell pregnant and after that the relationship deteriorated. Lots of fighting, he was verbally and physically abusive, as well as very manipulative and messed with my mind. I of course, turned to food. Relationship ended and I just kept getting bigger and bigger. I tend to hoard food and then eat it, and get very possessive about my food. I get mad if someone eats something I have been keeping. I eat when I am sad, bored, lonely, depressed, excited, happy, celebrating etc. If there is an emotion I eat with it!
Right now I am trying very hard to resolve this, and have tried to plan and prepare my food in advance so that it is there if I need it. However, old habits die hard, the other night my daughter was out at a church function. I actually stopped off and bought all the food I would normally have gorged on. I got it home, thought what are you doing? I have managed to hide it, but it is calling me. I plan to take what I can to work on Monday and leave it there for the rest of the staff.0 -
I was raised by my grandparents. My mother gave me away when I was a baby. I was seven when I found out that my grandmother and grandfather where not my real parents. I had emotional troubles dealing with it. I believe food just made me feel good for a moment. I started picking up weight in second grade and by third grade was pudgy and got made fun of a lot. I made it to middle school and lost the weight in the seventh grade. Then I went through lots more drama and hard times. My home life was very difficult and food once again soothed me. I was more active then and since i am now a stay at home mom dont have much time for exercise. 31 and in the worst shape of my life. My grandfather( dad) passed away in 2010 and really turned my whole world upside down. I am tired however of letting food make me happy for a moment and upset everyday when I look in the mirror. So food is gonna be fuel for me from now on and no longer a crutch.0
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So food is gonna be fuel for me from now on and no longer a crutch.
Well said, I have started to see food like this, suddenly the thought of binging on sweet sugary food seems pointless, and snacking on chicken breasts and tuna becomes normal :-)0 -
I cant honestly ever remember a time when I did not over eat or eat to calm and comfort myself. I'm 26 now and at my heaviest weight ever and totally disgusted with myself. A few years back I was having a talk with my mom and I asked her " why am I like this" She eventually told me about how my grandmother used to force feed me when I was a baby. She said when I was a new born she would watch me while my mom was out or just out of the room, she would take the milk out of my bottles and replace it with rice cereal. My mom was telling me that I was full all the time and never knew what the feeling of actual hunger was like, so if I wasnt full I would scream and cry for more food. When I heard that I thought to myself " I never had a chance" If this didnt happen I could have been a normal size child and had a normal life with out all the teasing and bullying that comes along with being over weight. I feel like that was where my over eating started.
When I was growing up my mother was a severe anorexic and she was always trying to get me to loose weight and diet with her and I hated it. Sometimes I felt like I was being forced to be annorexic with her. Sometimes I would be so hungry I would sneak food out of the kitchen and eat it in my room late at night and hide things from everyone in my drawers or closet. I knew it was wrong, but I still did it almost every day. And even now there's something so comforting to me about eating alone. It's like a shameful process for me. At this point I cant even go into a resturaunt with out having a full blown panic attack. I feel like everyone's looking at the fat girl at the buffet. I hope that I can work though all these issues and work off my weight and be overall healthy inside and out!0 -
And even now there's something so comforting to me about eating alone. It's like a shameful process for me.
I feel like everyone's looking at the fat girl at the buffet.
know that feeling!
i hate that everyone thinks going to dinner together is such a nice thing whether its for a date or whatever. Before i used to eat before i left so i could have just a tiny main when everyone else is having starters and desserts etc. and no one would think 'here comes the fatty'0 -
I was always told to do the same thing by my mother. Be sure to eat good before you go so you can just have a salad and not look like a hog. It always made me feel so disgusting. My eating habbits in front of other people are so compulsive. I worry about how fast im chewing, how much is on my fork, are they staring at me, If i get up to go get seconds is anyone watching me. It's such a big routine to look like you fit in and in actuallity I dont. :ohwell:0
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I'm not sure where it all started for me, but I recently saw something at my parents house that makes me wonder...
I was hanging out, chatting with my dad when one of my nieces (whom my parents were watching that day) wandered in to the living room with a bag of crackers. My dad practically fell all over himself, telling me to just open them up for her and let her eat. I just looked at him, took the crackers and thanked my niece, then handed her a doll to play with. She happily wandered off to play with the doll. This whole episode got me to wondering if my bad habit of eating out of boredom was started as a young child.
Now, I tend to go in cycles of bad eating habits. I'll work on it for a while, replace the junk food with fruits and vegetables (so that I'm at least getting something good when I'm snacking) and then I fall off the wagon again... The worst was my ex- who always kept junk food in the house. I was ok if it was something I didn't like, but he would occasionally bring home things that I liked, too. It's so hard to resist those temptations when they are right there!0 -
Looks like this thread helped some of us. Thanks nicki x0
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Here is an interesting parable a personal trainer told me. I'll try to tell it like she told me:
"If someone offered to go fill your car up, you'd be so happy and say of course! So what happens when you go to your car and find it won't crank because instead of filling it up with gas (fuel), they filled it up with diet coke. Yeah...it was filled but it was filled with nothing that can help you."
I really liked this. The person who said from now on, food would be fuel, reminded me of this story. That is something I need to remember. Any comfort that comes from food is gone quickly and then I feel worse than before because I feel like I've done something bad. I need to remember that food is fuel and allows me to do things I want to do!
And this thread did help...thanks!!!0
