Sick of first dates!
toots99
Posts: 3,794 Member
I really am getting sick of them. I've had some dates from match, and while I'm glad to be having some dates to go out on, I hate first dates! Aside from whatever it is we do, they always seem the same. You say the same things and ask the same things and it's like going on a bunch of job interviews. Plus, usually what we (and most normal people) do are things that wouldn't totally be "in my element". Not that I'm uncomfortable going to lunch or dinner, but it feels so forced. But I don't think someone would appreciate the suggestion of going to work out then going for drinks after. That's where I'd prefer to meet someone, because I know then that that's what they'd be into. I see guys on match that put "About average" as their body type and say they workout often, and I see pictures or see them in person and it's like "No, I don't think so." And I know body type isn't everything...oh I KNOW that...but still, that's important to me. I'm sure women do the same thing.
Anyway, back to my original rant...I hate first dates! :laugh:
I'm trying to shake that train of thought as I prepare for a first date that I have in an hour. :laugh:
Anyway, back to my original rant...I hate first dates! :laugh:
I'm trying to shake that train of thought as I prepare for a first date that I have in an hour. :laugh:
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Replies
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That is a really early morning date. What is up with such an early morning date?
Most first dates fail. They are generally ungratifying. What you are experiencing is normal.
I talk about flow a lot in here. It's important. Those early dates have to have a good flow to them, feel natural. Feeling forced is never a good sign. I find better flow in more active things than sitting around having alcoholic drinks, dinner or coffee. Maybe that's just me.
Truth about body types in online profiles is a problem that both sexes have.
I think there needs to be less conversation on first dates that are chit chatty small talk (What do you do? Where are you from?, etc and more chatting about adventures in life). Small talk doesn't build attraction.0 -
11:30 is early morning? What time do you get up? :laugh:
He suggested an early lunch, which was okay by my because of my work schedule.0 -
Well, this morning I woke up at 8:30 AM. That's fairly late for me for a wake up time.
I think of scheduling dates a lot like the way professional sporting events are scheduled in terms of start times. Sporting events usually have a start time in the evening, particular the sports like baseball and basketball, which are regularly scheduled (unlike football, a primarily Sunday affair in the pros). If there's not a night time start, it is usually a weekend afternoon. My weekday dates will usually have a post 7 PM start time. Weekend dates might involve something in the afternoon, particularly if it is an active pursuit that has an outdoorsy component. But I could not imagine starting something at 11:30 AM for a first date, or a lunch. Lunch is unromantic. There's got to be an element of romance. I think even a French restaurant would be less romantic at 11:30 AM than 7:30 PM for example.
Scheduling dates can be challenging.0 -
You know.. I'm starting to get on the train that online dating sucks, not entirely but most of it does. I'm not clear if this is a date from match.com? I think that's what I understood.
I've had a couple of 1st dates that weren't from a dating site. They felt more natural. Of course they didn't evolve into more obviously but I was more relaxed and at ease because we already had our "meet and greet" when they came over to talk to me. Plus, I knew they liked me/ were attracted to me/ wanted to get to know me etc.
The only benefit from online dating so far is that you meet guys you might not otherwise meet in "real" life. Oh and there's definately a variety of men on there.
The cons for me have been the scary horrible gut wrenching 1st date (x8 or how many ever I've been on), rejecting someone or getting rejected is more obvious with online dating IMO, and it feels like a competition when you meet someone you click with, then you see them online browsing.
I've taken a break AGAIN haha. I've been meeting guys in person and I like it a lot more. Nothing is more obvious than when a guy comes over to you in a room full of woman and if you're interested, well that 1st date just doesn't seem so scary.0 -
Hope it goes wellf or you though!0
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I was more relaxed and at ease because we already had our "meet and greet" when they came over to talk to me. Plus, I knew they liked me/ were attracted to me/ wanted to get to know me etc.
I hate that phrase "meet & greet". It makes me want to vomit. "Meet & greet" sounds so forced.0 -
meet and greet meet and greet meet and greet.
I didn't know what else to call it?!? :laugh: I sat there for about 2 minutes and meet and greet is what I came up with okay?0 -
LOL, overall we have the same idea about the dating sites.
There's often something lost in translation from the Internet to real life.0 -
Are you not liking any of the guys you're going out on the first dates with? I'm just curious!There's often something lost in translation from the Internet to real life.
Definitely.0 -
There are various ways to approach this, but if you're not excited to get out and meet people, which I don't think most people are, then it's tough.
The other way is to just let life happen and you may run across someone in your daily life. To me, this is the optimal choice because it will liekly involve similar interests, being close to home, natural way of meeting, etc. However, sometimes, it's really hard to wait and let life just happen. And, I know that people worry that time will just pass them by, and most people can't stand being by themselves, which I think is somewhat of a problem. But, that aside, if you're going to go at it a little more aggressively, and try online dating, I think you have to resign yourself to the fact that it's just another step in finding a person to spend the rest of your life with. It's part of the process.
So, make it fun.
I have a friend that was a major serial dater. I mean, crazy. She would go on dates at least 3 times a week, with different people. It was absolutely crazy. I thought she was nuts. But, she did know EXACTLY what she was looking for, and her ideal mate was a very specific person, and she said she knew within about 10 seconds of meeting him if he was the one or not. Anyway, her stories with some of these guys were awesome. She took the route of just dating them, she didn't bother chatting or phone calls, if they were interested, she'd just say, "OK, lets meet at such and such restaurant" and that would be it.
I told her, that after every date, she should write down everything that happened and everything that was said. When she was finished, and found her partner, she could then sit down and write a humorous book about the whole experience. She didn't do it, as most people wont. But, I believe that there is always, always a good side in everything. She had some real hum-zingers to talk about too. One time, her date was so bad that she excused herself from dinner to go to the restroom, and she left out the back door. LOL.
Anyway, my point is, find a way to make it fun. Figure out a way to make it less of a chore, and more of an adventure.
I dislike it too, and I tend to be more zen about things related to this, so I just think when I'm ready, someone will come floating into my life effortlessly.0 -
I agree with you, first dates from internet encounters are toughl! :noway:
The only thing I've tended to do is treat them like a friend night out. That way I dont get too nervous about it. So we mutually agree beforehand, that EVEN if there is no chemistry, we are going to be grown up enough to just have a good evening together. It kinda takes the pressure off the word 'date' and makes it more fun.
As for the interview technique, I think that happens more when you haven't spoken on the phone? I get important questions out the way on the phone, before I meet anyone. So by the meeting, it should be more like a flowing conversation based on things you already have in common.
Hope you get more of a 'flow' with the guy today, let us know :flowerforyou:0 -
I see guys on match that put "About average" as their body type and say they workout often, and I see pictures or see them in person and it's like "No, I don't think so." And I know body type isn't everything...oh I KNOW that...but still, that's important to me. I'm sure women do the same thing.
I totally agree with the overall point you are making here. Dating and first dates suck. Feeling 'forced' to do the online thing because it's the norm also sucks.
Just thought your quote above was really interesting since we're here on MFP. I mean, someone who sees my profile might not think I workout as often as I do either without knowing about my weight loss, etc... Of course you should have non-negotiables, I guess I'm just saying not to judge a book by it's cover, especially if you like other things on his profile.
Good luck on your lunch date and keep us posted!0 -
I've had a couple of 1st dates that weren't from a dating site. They felt more natural. Of course they didn't evolve into more obviously but I was more relaxed and at ease because we already had our "meet and greet" when they came over to talk to me. Plus, I knew they liked me/ were attracted to me/ wanted to get to know me etc.
Yeah, much easier 1st date when you've already met someone. You already know there is chemistry so its already at a more advanced stage.0 -
I think of scheduling dates a lot like the way professional sporting events are scheduled in terms of start times. Sporting events usually have a start time in the evening, particular the sports like baseball and basketball, which are regularly scheduled (unlike football, a primarily Sunday affair in the pros). If there's not a night time start, it is usually a weekend afternoon. My weekday dates will usually have a post 7 PM start time. Weekend dates might involve something in the afternoon, particularly if it is an active pursuit that has an outdoorsy component. But I could not imagine starting something at 11:30 AM for a first date, or a lunch. Lunch is unromantic. There's got to be an element of romance. I think even a French restaurant would be less romantic at 11:30 AM than 7:30 PM for example.
Scheduling dates can be challenging.
Amongst your finest! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Do you have a chemical equation for the romance?0 -
As for the interview technique, I think that happens more when you haven't spoken on the phone?
I could be wrong, but I think the reason why the interview technique works is because it is a way of training your attention on the other person and away from yourself. This is a basic technique used to reduce social anxiety (ie re-focusing outwards of self directed attention hence reducing the perception of self as a social object).0 -
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I was more relaxed and at ease because we already had our "meet and greet" when they came over to talk to me. Plus, I knew they liked me/ were attracted to me/ wanted to get to know me etc.
I hate that phrase "meet & greet". It makes me want to vomit. "Meet & greet" sounds so forced.
That's what I call the first meeting from online. A "meet and greet", I don't consider it a date. Usually it is just to check out chemistry and hang out. If you meet someone in person then someone asks the other on a real date. But if you've just looked at a profile and had a couple emails and IM's, you are just meeting up. Hence, why coffee and a beer are popular. I don't want to wine and dine with someone that I'm not interested in. Not fair to either of us to have unrealistic romantic expectations. I like to chat first so at least I know we will be able to have a conversation without it being awkward, that way we can have fun and enjoy each other's company regardless of if there is romantic chemistry.0 -
I was more relaxed and at ease because we already had our "meet and greet" when they came over to talk to me. Plus, I knew they liked me/ were attracted to me/ wanted to get to know me etc.
I hate that phrase "meet & greet". It makes me want to vomit. "Meet & greet" sounds so forced.
That's what I call the first meeting from online. A "meet and greet", I don't consider it a date. Usually it is just to check out chemistry and hang out. If you meet someone in person then someone asks the other on a real date. But if you've just looked at a profile and had a couple emails and IM's, you are just meeting up. Hence, why coffee and a beer are popular. I don't want to wine and dine with someone that I'm not interested in. Not fair to either of us to have unrealistic romantic expectations. I like to chat first so at least I know we will be able to have a conversation without it being awkward, that way we can have fun and enjoy each other's company regardless of if there is romantic chemistry.
That understanding of the first in person meeting of the process just adds a layer of complexity. To me, it should be either date or not a date. Probably why organic is preferable.0 -
Love this! Thanks for sharing :flowerforyou:0 -
Love this! Thanks for sharing :flowerforyou:
It's from XKCD. I have it on a Tshirt, which I frequently wear on first dates. Generally gets the nerds I date laughing and breaks the ice...0 -
I know what you mean. I get tired of them as well. The best first dates for me are the ones that involve something active, like minigolf, bowling, something like that. I'm a pretty quiet person and the sit-down formal dinner thing makes me more nervous. Usually the dates that involve something along the lines of minigolf turn out better and are more likely to result in a second date.
Also, the guys I feel a real connection with beforehand turn into better dates, even if it doesn't turn into a relationship. Yes, I can tell a lot by an email. For this reason, I think I've gotten a bit pickier.
I've been doing a lot of dating recently and while it's fun, it does get tiresome after a while. I'm ready for a relationship already, lol.0 -
I've been meeting guys in person and I like it a lot more. Nothing is more obvious than when a guy comes over to you in a room full of woman and if you're interested, well that 1st date just doesn't seem so scary.The other way is to just let life happen and you may run across someone in your daily life. To me, this is the optimal choice because it will liekly involve similar interests, being close to home, natural way of meeting, etc.
That'd be great, if I met guys in person! I'd much prefer that, but since that's not happening, I gotta do something, right?Just thought your quote above was really interesting since we're here on MFP. I mean, someone who sees my profile might not think I workout as often as I do either without knowing about my weight loss, etc... Of course you should have non-negotiables, I guess I'm just saying not to judge a book by it's cover, especially if you like other things on his profile.
Okay, I guess I should have clarified this more...I'm talking about the guys who say the work out and try to be healthy and whatnot, and when you meet them, it's the opposite. I went out with a guy once who told me he lost a bunch of weight, etc...and I thought that was great. We met for dinner, and he told me about his gastric bypass (nothing against it at all!) but then proceeded to gorge himself on the most awful meal you can think of. It was sickening. LOL
Anyway, it went well...well enough that we talked about going out again. We went out for an early lunch, and ended up talking long after lunch was over. When I asked what he thinks he might like to do next time, he said "I don't know, something exercise-like? Hiking or biking?"
That's much more my speed. 0 -
I prefer:
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I prefer:
MEN ARE WORSE THAN EVIL:
We know for a fact that men require 4 things:
Time, Money, Sex and Women
SO:
Men = Time x Money x Sex x Women
And everyone knows:
Time = Money
Therefore:
Men = (Money)^2 x Women x Sex
And of course to a guy, Women and Sex are the same thing:
Women = Sex
Men = (Money)^2 x (Women)^2
We will also follow the claim of the other thread that money is the root of all evil:
Money = Evil
And you've already proved that women are evil so:
Women = Evil
Therefore with a few more substitutions:
Men = Evil^4
I, therefore conclude that men are worse than evil.0 -
I prefer:
MEN ARE WORSE THAN EVIL:
We know for a fact that men require 4 things:
Time, Money, Sex and Women
SO:
Men = Time x Money x Sex x Women
And everyone knows:
Time = Money
Therefore:
Men = (Money)^2 x Women x Sex
And of course to a guy, Women and Sex are the same thing:
Women = Sex
Men = (Money)^2 x (Women)^2
We will also follow the claim of the other thread that money is the root of all evil:
Money = Evil
And you've already proved that women are evil so:
Women = Evil
Therefore with a few more substitutions:
Men = Evil^4
I, therefore conclude that men are worse than evil.
That is an epic equation.
I would probably suggest swapping out "Time" replace with any particular sport. Then you're onto a winner.
Ps. Im not evil, just jaded :P0 -
Anyway, it went well...well enough that we talked about going out again. We went out for an early lunch, and ended up talking long after lunch was over. When I asked what he thinks he might like to do next time, he said "I don't know, something exercise-like? Hiking or biking?" That's much more my speed.
So glad you liked him and he's into the same exercise activities you are too!0 -
It should be:MEN ARE WORSE THAN EVIL:
We know for a fact that men require 4 things:
Time, Money, Sex and Women
SO:
Men = Time x Money x Sex x Women
And everyone knows:
Time = Money
Therefore:
Men = (Money)^2 x Women x Sex
And of course to a guy, Women and Sex are the same thing:
Women = Sex
Men = (Money)^2 x (Women)^2
We will also follow the claim of the other thread that money is the root of all evil:
Money = Evil
And you've already proved that women are evil so:
Women = Evil
Therefore with a few more substitutions:
Men = Evil^4
I, therefore conclude that men are worse than evil.
Men = Evil^3
See we're not as bad as you think after all!
(But that's why I don't trust women :laugh: )
The root of all evil:
Money = sqrt(Evil)
Money^2 = evil0 -
Anyway, it went well...well enough that we talked about going out again. We went out for an early lunch, and ended up talking long after lunch was over. When I asked what he thinks he might like to do next time, he said "I don't know, something exercise-like? Hiking or biking?" That's much more my speed.
So glad you liked him and he's into the same exercise activities you are too!
He seems pretty nice so far, yes.
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Anyway, it went well...well enough that we talked about going out again. We went out for an early lunch, and ended up talking long after lunch was over. When I asked what he thinks he might like to do next time, he said "I don't know, something exercise-like? Hiking or biking?" That's much more my speed.
So glad you liked him and he's into the same exercise activities you are too!
He seems pretty nice so far, yes.
Good to hear! :smooched:0 -
I, therefore conclude that men are worse than evil.
haha love it0
