Keeping going or bow out?

Vodkha

I met this guy online after talking to him for about a week. First off, I'll say I get VERY nervous about meeting someone from online. I know, I shouldn't be doing the online thing probably, but I don't really get out enough to meet people. We have hung out a couple of times. He is sort of my type, has a very good career that he will be in right until retirement, he is pretty funny, I feel comfortable around him, BUT, he doesn't have a load of experience with girls, so he is very shy and nervous around me. I try to help him relax but I think it is just going to come with time.

His personality is kind of not what I am into in the regard that he is very agreeable and is constantly saying sorry. This comes a lot from the career he has in which he is always told what to do, which I can understand. He says he is working on it and is aware of the problem. I just feel a man should be a man and should kind of take control. I like to be the submissive one in the relationship.

Anyways, I can tell he likes me a lot. He is always texting me in the AM to say he hopes I slept well and that I am having a good day. He is always complimenting me and is always inviting me to do things. I'm not even exactly sure what the problem is, but the whole being agreeable thing is a little annoying. I can tell he is a very nice guy and would treat the person he is with awesome. Would you stick it out to see if it goes anywhere or would you bow out now?

Carl01

My advice is to stop overthinking it for now and give it a chance.

AllanMisner

In your list of pros and cons, I'm not seeing many pros.

will010574

I second what Carl said! Don't over analyze it so much at this point. Have fun and see where it goes. I'm not sure what your deal breakers are, but if he hasn't hit any of those and you are having fun stop thinking about it so much and enjoy it.

Vodkha

Yes, I am a girl, I do tend to over analyze

timnca03

It doesn't appear he is a bad guy, maybe just too nice....and we all know how that does not seem to work out too well. Id say give it some more time and see what happens.

catherine4211

I understand what you mean. That I'm sorry crap gets old. Wait until you've really done something wrong - then apologize. All in all he sounds like a decent guy though. I'd keep going if I was you.

DMZ_1

Keep going BUT express to him what he should change. If he doesn't do that, then go.

This is a decent guy.

Saying sorry excessively isn't a good thing.

I think if he feels more comfort around you, his confidence will increase and this will be a moot point. Be willing to see it through if you see some changes for the better, even if it is slow.

Nerple

I think if he feels more comfort around you, his confidence will increase and this will be a moot point. Be willing to see it through if you see some changes for the better, even if it is slow.

What he said. I was just like that guy in one relationship, self confidence issues and what not. But I soon got comfortable and became far more assertive and confident which she enjoyed.

Vodkha

I think if he feels more comfort around you, his confidence will increase and this will be a moot point. Be willing to see it through if you see some changes for the better, even if it is slow.

What he said. I was just like that guy in one relationship, self confidence issues and what not. But I soon got comfortable and became far more assertive and confident which she enjoyed.

Were you this way in the bedroom as well? If so, did that change? I really don't want to have to be the dominant one here!

flimflamfloz

Stick out for, say, 2 months, then ditch him (chose the duration before though).
Once he's been ditched, he'll hate women, start thinking that women hate nice guys (which they kinda do), and then he'll man up or die alone.
I'm actually half serious here... Because whether you want it or not, that's (probably) what's going to happen (except you'll ditch him only later because he doesn't change even though he says he will).

As for the bedroom thingy, especially the first times, I don't push things too hard because half the women like it, the others don't (and get annoyed). It's a fine line... I think if the girl wants it, she should really help a bit (or the guy should throw out feelers but at the very least, the girl should respond).
Not all guys want this either, so there is a possibility that your guy don't like it at all.

AllanMisner

See this is what happens when they don't keep score in pee wee soccer and removed dodge ball from school to avoid hurting people's feelings. They may as well just cut their manhood off at birth.

AnnaPixie

If you can catagorically say you're 'submissive', then I dont think you match!

It's funny, as I was having a chat with my gay boss the other week. In gayland, he says all the relationships are stricktly dom and sub! They call it 'top and bottom'!! This to me, is a simple approach and it obviously works for them. Heterosexuals are not that simple......

Now I know we've had some long discussions about this very topic on this forum, how women can be independent/intimidating/dominant at work but 'submissive' in relationships. However, I dont think that heterosexual relationships are that simple. Sure, you can be strictly dominant and submissive and be seriously into the S&M scene with chains and whips, but on a more 'normal' scale both males and females can be a mixture of both (depending on mood, without the tools....lol), or you can just be just equals and those traits don't feature in your life, or the bedroom.

SO, if you definitely say you're 'submissive', then that's what you are! This guy is definitely submissive too!! So, not a good match I'm afraid. You can eek it out, but I would say the guy needs an mistress with a whip! Seriously. :flowerforyou:

MissingMinnesota

SO, if you definitely say you're 'submissive', then that's what you are! This guy is definitely submissive too!! So, not a good match I'm afraid. You can eek it out, but I would say the guy needs an mistress with a whip! Seriously. :flowerforyou:

This made me laugh but I agree with it whole heartly. I think two people that have strong/dominate personalities can make it work but I think it is hard for two people that are submissive in nature to be able to work. You need at least one person in the relationship with an backbone that is going to take the lead.

Two leaders will work something out and be able to move forward but two followers will just stand around waiting for something to happen and that is not a good thing.

(How many cliches can I throw into one answer?)

ItsCasey

I met this guy online after talking to him for about a week. First off, I'll say I get VERY nervous about meeting someone from online. I know, I shouldn't be doing the online thing probably, but I don't really get out enough to meet people. We have hung out a couple of times. He is sort of my type, has a very good career that he will be in right until retirement, he is pretty funny, I feel comfortable around him, BUT, he doesn't have a load of experience with girls, so he is very shy and nervous around me. I try to help him relax but I think it is just going to come with time.

His personality is kind of not what I am into in the regard that he is very agreeable and is constantly saying sorry. This comes a lot from the career he has in which he is always told what to do, which I can understand. He says he is working on it and is aware of the problem. I just feel a man should be a man and should kind of take control. I like to be the submissive one in the relationship.

Anyways, I can tell he likes me a lot. He is always texting me in the AM to say he hopes I slept well and that I am having a good day. He is always complimenting me and is always inviting me to do things. I'm not even exactly sure what the problem is, but the whole being agreeable thing is a little annoying. I can tell he is a very nice guy and would treat the person he is with awesome. Would you stick it out to see if it goes anywhere or would you bow out now?

It just sounds like you are not really into this guy. "Being agreeable" is not just some annoying thing he does; that's his personality. It didn't come from his job; I would venture to say he gravitated toward that line of work BECAUSE that's his personality.

I dated a guy like this once, and I will never do it again. He was nice, intelligent, and I enjoyed talking with him, but he was unwilling to make a decision about anything, and that is terribly unattractive to me. He asked me out, yet the burden for deciding what we did all night was placed on my shoulders. At one point, I told him I felt like I was ordering him around, and he said "Well that's okay with me. I don't like making decisions." I'm a very strong-willed, self-aware person, but I have to make decisions and be a ball-buster all day long at work. When I leave the office, I want to feel like a woman, not someone's supervisor.

AnnaPixie

SO, if you definitely say you're 'submissive', then that's what you are! This guy is definitely submissive too!! So, not a good match I'm afraid. You can eek it out, but I would say the guy needs an mistress with a whip! Seriously. :flowerforyou:

This made me laugh but I agree with it whole heartly. I think two people that have strong/dominate personalities can make it work but I think it is hard for two people that are submissive in nature to be able to work. You need at least one person in the relationship with an backbone that is going to take the lead.

Two leaders will work something out and be able to move forward but two followers will just stand around waiting for something to happen and that is not a good thing.

(How many cliches can I throw into one answer?)

hahaha!! Great cliche's!! And well articulated :flowerforyou:

And yes, this is what I meant:
Dom/dom = yes.
Neutral/Neutral = yes
Dom/sub = yes
Sub/Sub = OMG NO!!! :noway:

Vodkha

Well, maybe I exaggerated. I like being submissive and I don't enjoy being dominant. But I haven't delved much in BDSM so Im not sure if I am submissive as extreme as that. Likely. It looks like Id have to be the leader in this one. At least for awhile. Should I talk to him about this or just hang out more and see what happens? I don't want to drop him if it is something that can be changed one day. Since he doesnt have much experience sexually maybe I can train him however I like it (which would probably ruin him for other girls), I'm half joking here...

La_Amazona

My ex was just like this. He was always saying he was sorry, I was the leader and would take charge because he wouldn't. Of course somewhere along the way he resented me for it and we had a lot of issues with this. My ex was and is still very insecure. I will never date someone like this again. As soon as I see even a hint of this in a man, I run the other way.

It's too early for you to have all these hesitations so I don't think you're into him. There's nothing wrong with that. Move on and find someone that suits you better. :flowerforyou:

MissingMinnesota

Well, maybe I exaggerated. I like being submissive and I don't enjoy being dominant. But I haven't delved much in BDSM so Im not sure if I am submissive as extreme as that. Likely. It looks like Id have to be the leader in this one. At least for awhile. Should I talk to him about this or just hang out more and see what happens? I don't want to drop him if it is something that can be changed one day. Since he doesnt have much experience sexually maybe I can train him however I like it (which would probably ruin him for other girls), I'm half joking here...

We weren't saying you were or that this was a BDSM relationship but each person is naturally dominate/leader or submissive/follower in their personality. Two followers usually don't work out as they usually don't have a clear direction in where they are going, and if they do it is hard for one of them to state let's go this way.

AnnaPixie

We weren't saying you were or that this was a BDSM relationship but each person is naturally dominate/leader or submissive/follower in their personality. Two followers usually don't work out as they usually don't have a clear direction in where they are going, and if they do it is hard for one of them to state let's go this way.

^^^this! I was exaggerating to make a point. No tools involved, people are just naturally leaders or followers. Thanks Minnes :flowerforyou:

It looks like Id have to be the leader in this one. At least for awhile

Try it, but it doesn't sound likely he will just change! Some men are just wired that way. Like LaAmazona, I've dated a guy like this too. And he just got on my nerves after a couple of months - agreeing with everything I said. Not having an opinion of his own. Acting all jealous when I spoke to other guys. Not making any decisions about anything. Cuming in about 30 seconds every time cos he was too 'excited' and 'overwhelmed' by me...........sorry if that was TMI!! :laugh: Even initiating sex was a problem for him...........:noway: lovely guy, but......nah! Just not compatible with me.

But hey, I think you should find out for yourself. Life is about experiences, so........why not! :flowerforyou:

Nerple

Were you this way in the bedroom as well? If so, did that change? I really don't want to have to be the dominant one here!

Yeah, and it changed as well.

I have never since been so timid as I was initially with her. Though I still get nervous on first and early dates but never to the degree anymore I drop my usually extremely opinionated self.