Could pose a problem...

Natx83

Alright, here is the possible dilemma.

Last year, I was dating quite a bit and through a mates girlfriend at the time, I met an awesome Canadian girl. (I'm from Australia). She was living here at the time and at this stage I was seeing someone, there was definite chemistry. I would find her coming to talk to me in a group of people at a get together, come and sit next to me. Her accent was damn cute and so is she. Things didn't work out with the girl I was with and a while later I spotted Canada on a dating site. I got in contact with her through our mutual friend, she was stoked that I had and we went out on afew dates. Got along great etc, we cuddled up a few times but nothing full on physically as at this stage it wasn't long till we would have to part as her visa was up.

She's been back home for a while now, prob 6-7months and we still chat on Facebook. I'm going over to the states and heading to Canada to visit her briefly before going to the UK to see my old man who lives there at the moment. So we are going to head to NYC together and do a bit of travelling together. Not going there as a romantic pursuit, but back home I'm actively seeking to meet someone. The trip is 3-4 months away. Plenty of time to meet someone in.

My thought is this going to be an issue, me meeting a girl and then telling her I'm off to the other side of the world to go visit someone I used to date and the only reason we weren't together is cause she left the country, oh by the way we going to New York together etc etc...

Ladies would you see this a problem? I'm thinking I should just lay low until after the trip :smooched:

MissingMinnesota

Well to tell you the truth I wouldn't bring it up unless you were actually in an exclusive relationship with someone.

ItsCasey

I would have a problem with it, based on the facts you presented. She's not a girl who was really just a friend of yours. You had feelings for her, and, in your words, the only reason nothing happened is because she moved away. So the possibility exists that you go see her, travel with her, whatever, and those feelings resurface. Then what?

I don't think you should stop living your life between now and then. If you want to date, date. Just be honest about everything, and be prepared that a woman who wants something serious with you may not approve of you traveling around with a non-friend half the world away.

ETA: I agree this is not something that needs to come up unless you've been on several dates with a woman and there is a mutual feeling that things are getting serious. Before that, it's none of her business, but at that point, she needs to know.

Natx83

Yeah I figured as much. I would definitely not hide it from someone should I get into a relationship with them. This wasn't a serious thing with the Canadian girl as we both held back, we've only said we wished we had met earlier in her stay but that's about as far as our discussions have ever gone about what might have been.

Could be the ultimate test of trust... I know I would feel crappy if my girl was doing the same. Damn

AnnaPixie

bump for later, I'm late for a luncheon!! This site is addictive !!!! Arghhhhh!!!!

Bye for now :flowerforyou:

Carl01

Right now it is all kind of a hypothesis so I wouldn`t think a lot about it until real.
Concentrate on finding a person you can share your life with,if after a couple of meetings if it seems heading for something serious and long term then it matters.

My gut feeling is that at that point you may not want to see this other person so problem solved but definitely be open about it and guage the new ladys feelings.
Then it is simply a matter of which is most important to you.

Sometimes there are just times where we can`t have it all.

La_Amazona

I think it's too early to think about it.

I've thought about this exact situation if and when the FL moves away and our plan is for me to visit in September. :ohwell: That's very very far away. I can't imagine any signifcant other being okay with me visiting an old "friend lover".

It would be a problem for me... if my SO told me he was going to visit an old "friend". I'm nosey and I'd ask questions about her and once I found out there was once "something" there, it'd make me uncomfortable.

Just cross that bridge when you get there, I say.

JanieJack

So we are going to head to NYC together and do a bit of travelling together. Not going there as a romantic pursuit, but back home I'm actively seeking to meet someone. The trip is 3-4 months away. Plenty of time to meet someone in.

My thought is this going to be an issue, me meeting a girl and then telling her I'm off to the other side of the world to go visit someone I used to date

This wouldn't necessarily bother me, since if I met a guy tomorrow it would take 3-4 months for me to feel comfortable "being exclusive" with him anyway, and I wouldn't expect him to change travel plans established before I become comfortable.

The only ways it would bother me are a) if the guy was dishonest about it, b) he fails to acknowledge the potential danger such a continued friendship could have to our relationship, or c) these kinds of trips continued once we became "exclusive"

Natx83

So we are going to head to NYC together and do a bit of travelling together. Not going there as a romantic pursuit, but back home I'm actively seeking to meet someone. The trip is 3-4 months away. Plenty of time to meet someone in.

My thought is this going to be an issue, me meeting a girl and then telling her I'm off to the other side of the world to go visit someone I used to date

This wouldn't necessarily bother me, since if I met a guy tomorrow it would take 3-4 months for me to feel comfortable "being exclusive" with him anyway, and I wouldn't expect him to change travel plans established before I become comfortable.

The only ways it would bother me are a) if the guy was dishonest about it, b) he fails to acknowledge the potential danger such a continued friendship could have to our relationship, or c) these kinds of trips continued once we became "exclusive"

Replying to point b and c, in my circumstance I would def get that they were uncomfortable about it for sure. But do you think a friendship such as I have described where it's never really been suggested that we should be together apart from the fact we wished we had met earlier In her stay? Obviously this wouldn't be a continued thing as if I had an SO I would be wanting to travel with them not with an old flame that lives 14,000 km away

Moe4572

Yeah I figured as much. I would definitely not hide it from someone should I get into a relationship with them. This wasn't a serious thing with the Canadian girl as we both held back, we've only said we wished we had met earlier in her stay but that's about as far as our discussions have ever gone about what might have been.

Could be the ultimate test of trust... I know I would feel crappy if my girl was doing the same. Damn

I think you should date, and if you feel a connection with someone, then tell them, but don't stop your life. Now, the Canadian, is she someone you would be willing to relocate for? If that is the case, then you might want to just Lay Low as you stated.....

Natx83

Yeah I figured as much. I would definitely not hide it from someone should I get into a relationship with them. This wasn't a serious thing with the Canadian girl as we both held back, we've only said we wished we had met earlier in her stay but that's about as far as our discussions have ever gone about what might have been.

Could be the ultimate test of trust... I know I would feel crappy if my girl was doing the same. Damn

I think you should date, and if you feel a connection with someone, then tell them, but don't stop your life. Now, the Canadian, is she someone you would be willing to relocate for? If that is the case, then you might want to just Lay Low as you stated.....

Not possible for me to relocate at this stage as I have committed to a job upon my return from my trip for at least a years contract, but she on the other hand really love Australia and would love to come back. She's a teacher and is struggling to get on the supply list back home. She may apply for residency here but that is an unknown

Ps are you from Alexandra headlands, in qld. Cause 4572 is my post code

AllanMisner

Let's not beat around the bush. You're going to meet hottie Canadian girl and things will likely pick up right where they left off. Either don't get in an exclusive relationship, or if you do, bring her along (at least to the US/NYC part).

While it might feel weird to bring a girlfriend (like when I met my first crush last weekend), you won't be tempted. My initial thought is (and ladies, I know this is going to sound terrible, but this is guy speak), a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. She's there, ready to spend time with you. You have chemistry, and distance is all that has to be overcome. That isn't nearly as hard as you'd think if you really love someone. A few months isn't a lot of time in respect to what you might find.

JanieJack

But do you think a friendship such as I have described where it's never really been suggested that we should be together apart from the fact we wished we had met earlier In her stay? Obviously this wouldn't be a continued thing as if I had an SO I would be wanting to travel with them not with an old flame that lives 14,000 km away

I'm probably the wrong one to ask, since infidelity to me is a red line and such friendships (*especially* such friendships where there's a lot of "what ifs") would concern me long term. It's rare that a man would maintain such a friendship without romantic intentions, so I wouldn't believe it if he told me it's just friendship. Being military, I know a lot of guys have women friends in various countries they visit often (like Guam) and I would just have a hard time trusting that without a lot of reassurance.

But if someone I met had already booked a trip 3-4 months out, even with an old girlfriend, wouldn't make me cringe. Booking such a trip after we'd been dating 3-4 months would make me doubt he's the one.

Edit: I don't cancel plans for new guys I meet. But then, I also don't book trips halfway around the world with men I am not romantically interested in. ;-)

Natx83

Let's not beat around the bush. You're going to meet hottie Canadian girl and things will likely pick up right where they left off. Either don't get in an exclusive relationship, or if you do, bring her along (at least to the US/NYC part).

While it might feel weird to bring a girlfriend (like when I met my first crush last weekend), you won't be tempted. My initial thought is (and ladies, I know this is going to sound terrible, but this is guy speak), a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. She's there, ready to spend time with you. You have chemistry, and distance is all that has to be overcome. That isn't nearly as hard as you'd think if you really love someone. A few months isn't a lot of time in respect to what you might find.

Yeah totally get what you're saying mate. That frightens me a little, cause it is possible that we might just pick up from where we left off, who knows. I wouldn't complain but I would also not suffer until the next time I saw her whilst attempting a long distance relationship until she possibly moved out to Australia which is a complete unknown at this point.

AllanMisner

Let's not beat around the bush. You're going to meet hottie Canadian girl and things will likely pick up right where they left off. Either don't get in an exclusive relationship, or if you do, bring her along (at least to the US/NYC part).

While it might feel weird to bring a girlfriend (like when I met my first crush last weekend), you won't be tempted. My initial thought is (and ladies, I know this is going to sound terrible, but this is guy speak), a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. She's there, ready to spend time with you. You have chemistry, and distance is all that has to be overcome. That isn't nearly as hard as you'd think if you really love someone. A few months isn't a lot of time in respect to what you might find.

Yeah totally get what you're saying mate. That frightens me a little, cause it is possible that we might just pick up from where we left off, who knows. I wouldn't complain but I would also not suffer until the next time I saw her whilst attempting a long distance relationship until she possibly moved out to Australia which is a complete unknown at this point.

Translated: Yep. Gonna.

:drinker:

Moe4572

Yeah I figured as much. I would definitely not hide it from someone should I get into a relationship with them. This wasn't a serious thing with the Canadian girl as we both held back, we've only said we wished we had met earlier in her stay but that's about as far as our discussions have ever gone about what might have been.

Could be the ultimate test of trust... I know I would feel crappy if my girl was doing the same. Damn

I think you should date, and if you feel a connection with someone, then tell them, but don't stop your life. Now, the Canadian, is she someone you would be willing to relocate for? If that is the case, then you might want to just Lay Low as you stated.....

Not possible for me to relocate at this stage as I have committed to a job upon my return from my trip for at least a years contract, but she on the other hand really love Australia and would love to come back. She's a teacher and is struggling to get on the supply list back home. She may apply for residency here but that is an unknown

Ps are you from Alexandra headlands, in qld. Cause 4572 is my post code

nope...from CT. ....USA

Natx83

Let's not beat around the bush. You're going to meet hottie Canadian girl and things will likely pick up right where they left off. Either don't get in an exclusive relationship, or if you do, bring her along (at least to the US/NYC part).

While it might feel weird to bring a girlfriend (like when I met my first crush last weekend), you won't be tempted. My initial thought is (and ladies, I know this is going to sound terrible, but this is guy speak), a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. She's there, ready to spend time with you. You have chemistry, and distance is all that has to be overcome. That isn't nearly as hard as you'd think if you really love someone. A few months isn't a lot of time in respect to what you might find.

Yeah totally get what you're saying mate. That frightens me a little, cause it is possible that we might just pick up from where we left off, who knows. I wouldn't complain but I would also not suffer until the next time I saw her whilst attempting a long distance relationship until she possibly moved out to Australia which is a complete unknown at this point.

Translated: Yep. Gonna.

:drinker:

:laugh: you just get me...

pa_jorg

I think you should just go out and have fun on some dates. Most likely in that time frame you will just have some 1-2 date go rounds, so don't over think anything unless it become more serious.

lorro

I think you hope things will pick up where they left off and know you should therefore not start something serious before going. You may be conflicted about whether it's a great idea given the lack of clarity about what may happen next, but this isn't strong enough for you to stop you from finding out. Your feelings seem quite strong already, to me - an indicator of the degree of connection you feel. By all means keep trying to find someone you feel that strongly for at home if you wish, but you're unlikely to succeed until the Candian situ is sorted

Natx83

Yeah that's true, but I'd hate to pass something great at home up cause something might happen on the trip... Guess I'll have to cross that bridge when it happens!

meshashesha2012

i think you're putting your carts before your horses. you havent even met anyone new and already are worried about what this hypothetical person may or may not think about trip details that may or may not happen.

no need to worry about it now. deal with it when it comes up, if it comes up

Natx83

i think you're putting your carts before your horses. you havent even met anyone new and already are worried about what this hypothetical person may or may not think about trip details that may or may not happen.

no need to worry about it now. deal with it when it comes up, if it comes up

Well I kind of have actually... Thats the reason behind this whole post :indifferent:

lorro

Lol. Thought so. How would you feel about keeping things platonic on holiday?

Natx83

Oh that would be fine. Its not like Canada and I bring this up ever really. We just talk like friends.. Think we both know that at the time it would of been good but didnt work out like that. But in saying that, I havent seen her for 6 months, that might all change the day she picks me up from Toronto airport :flowerforyou: :explode:

lorro

All depends on how strongly you feel about the new girl then and whether she will expect you to be exclusive. If Canada is still on your mind (I think this is the way you are leaning) maybe you should at least find out if she is dating other people too.

lorro

that might all change the day she picks me up from Toronto airport :flowerforyou: :explode:

This is what you want most, I think? Wondering if you think maybe it will have been the wrong move to make if it doesn't pan out, but none of us know the future so all you can do is go for what you want most in life. Forget about playing safe, you won't live half as well

Natx83

that might all change the day she picks me up from Toronto airport :flowerforyou: :explode:

This is what you want most, I think? Wondering if you think maybe it will have been the wrong move to make if it doesn't pan out, but none of us know the future so all you can do is go for what you want most in life. Forget about playing safe, you won't live half as well

Haha.. I like it.

Better to regret something you did, than something you didnt hey!

lorro

Haha.. I like it.

Better to regret something you did, than something you didnt hey!

Always. At least that way you know what was possible and you move on, for better or worse. The alternative is a life of "What Ifs"

AnnaPixie

I agree with everyone, you can't predict the future so just live life in the present.

If you develop feelings for the girl at home, then when you get on your trip, you wont be interested in the Canadian girl romantically.

If you ARE interested in Canadian by then, then the girl back home is well and truly dumped!!

Either way, definitely dont lay low!! That is not an option in life. Live it, as you never know what tomorrow will bring! :flowerforyou:

AnnaPixie

before going to the UK to see my old man who lives there at the moment.

And I hope you will look us up when in UK!!! :bigsmile: Florian is organising a meet up in May/June, but we can have another one. Are you going to be anywhere near London?

Natx83

Yeah, I will be in London for sure. I know my way around to well kinda lol.

Dad is in Hertfordshire at the moment, but works in London as he always has, last time I was there he was in bounds green.