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"You're too amazing" is the new "It's not you, it's me"
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I would much rather have him tell me I'm too good for him -- at least that shows he cared enough to try to spare my feelings in some way.
I can see that. It’s just that when I got this kind of a message 3 times in a week, I wondered if perhaps my posts were giving the wrong impression. If all the men think you’re too good for them, then you’ll never get to keep one ;-)
But now that I know it’s just a polite way of saying he’s not interested, I can deal.
I'm not sure it's always a brush off. I think there are times when guys have an inferiority complex and literally think that they won't be able to look after you/protect you/provide for you/give you what you want, and whatever other notions that men think they are 'needed' for.
I think some men just struggle with independent, successful women. They prefer a wallflower with a vagina! :laugh:
But I think its a cowardly rejection too! :flowerforyou:0 -
I've texted that girl to tell her that I was too busy to see her this week. Which is true.
Is that bad?
On the other hand, I met her only last week and I had plans for every evening this week already, and tons of work...
On the other-other hand, if I was indeed into her, I would invite her to some of the night outs with me... Probably.
On the other-other-other hand, I only saw her once, so can I really be into her that much that I "betray" my friends who I said I would go out with, in order to see her instead at this stage?
Can someone sort that out for me? Thanks, I'll give you 1£.0 -
Can someone sort that out for me? Thanks, I'll give you 1£.
When you already have plans with friends, you don't cancel them for a new girl.
(shows you are dependable and implies you won't make plans with her and just break them at the last minute)
When you don't like her, you just tell her you already have plans and leave it at that.
(which I would interpret as, he's not really into me but too polite to say so or thinks I’m too nice and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings)
When you do like her, you say you have plans but what about doing ABC on XYZ date.
(which I would interpret as, he's a fun, busy guy and this might be worth exploring)
Now... about that 1£...does it come with a plane ticket attached so I can come pick it up???0 -
Thanks. I might say to her, "OK sorted all my sh!te, what about a drink on XYZ" just see what she is about.Now... about that 1£...does it come with a plane ticket attached so I can come pick it up???
As for the £1, I'll fax it to you.0 -
Thanks. I might say to her, "OK sorted all my sh!te, what about a drink on XYZ" just see what she is about.Now... about that 1£...does it come with a plane ticket attached so I can come pick it up???
As for the £1, I'll fax it to you.
Har har!0 -
I've said it before, but for a time the book "He's Just Not That Into You" was my literal dating bible. Somewhere in the book it said that a guy would rather do ANYTHING than tell you he's not into you -- so anything other than him tripping all over himself to win your affections means he's not into you...which includes "you're too amazing" and other similar statements.
So this!!! I too would wish he would be the exception to the rule. But like its been said time and time again - if he really wants it to happen, he will make it happen!
And no bueno to the disappearing act - had that happen to a guy I had total butterflies with and I was DEVASTATED!!0 -
Ugh. Would rather hear "Sorry, I'm just not in to you" I'm a girl, I will overanalyze and create meaning in almost anything else. But, as much as an "I'm not into you" sucks I can take it and move on.0
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I just tell 'em it's not for me. Sorry. Less confusion that way.
Ditto.
Anytime I've tried a line, I've had to go through a long drawn out process to just get to the point that I am not interested.
Easier to start with it.0 -
Ugh. Would rather hear "Sorry, I'm just not in to you" I'm a girl, I will overanalyze and create meaning in almost anything else. But, as much as an "I'm not into you" sucks I can take it and move on.
Me too. I just got a version of the "It's not you, it's me" spiel, and it sucks. I'd rather he just say, honestly, "I'm not into you" and go away.0 -
I'd like to hear (from both the men and women) how it's worked out just being honest and saying, "It's not gonna work" or "I'm just not feeling a connection).
I ask because I’ve noticed that guys seem to be ok with it (they move on pretty quick). I’ve known some women who were ok with it, but a few who keep badgering the guy as to why he’s misunderstood something and that they would really actually make a good couple.0 -
I have experienced the same thing, and I think it's because men are not at all comfortable being openly hurt or hearing why they aren't good enough. Their egos dictate that they must walk it off, move on immediately, "the only way to get over an old love is to get under a new one," etc. But the average woman seems to have this idea that hearing a man articulate why she isn't good enough will actually make her feel better and give her "closure" on the situation. Personally, being on the receiving end of a "why you're not good enough for me" conversation has only made me want to punch a guy in the junk, so I'm not really a "closure" kind of woman.0
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punch a guy in the junk,
:laugh: great phrase!!
TBH I would rather hear it. And the one time's it's happened, I said 'thanks for letting me know' and moved on.
It was the reverse with the last guy I said it to, he stalked me for months :noway:
I think everyone's reaction is different on this, depends on the person.0 -
I'd like to hear (from both the men and women) how it's worked out just being honest and saying, "It's not gonna work" or "I'm just not feeling a connection).
I ask because I’ve noticed that guys seem to be ok with it (they move on pretty quick). I’ve known some women who were ok with it, but a few who keep badgering the guy as to why he’s misunderstood something and that they would really actually make a good couple.
If it was a polite and simple thing I would rather have that then the silent walk away with no explanation.0 -
I just tell 'em it's not for me. Sorry. Less confusion that way.
Bless you! We all need to be more honest and forthright about dating and relationships. I'm ashamed to say I used to be in the 'let him down easy' camp, but now I know better. If a person can't handle simply being told, sorry, you aren't what I'm looking for, that person isn't mature enough to be dating at all!0 -
Last winter, I dated a guy--2 dates on second date I realized it just wasn't happening, and we had gone to a hockey game. On the way home, I was tryign to make small talk, but really wasn't working and he finally said........"I am getting the distinct impression that you don't like me"....I said it is not that I don't like you, I just don't feel a romantic spark is all...I'm sorry. Then he says, "Yeah, I don't feel it either, so I guess there is not point in seeing each other again, then huh?"...........Seriously...ugh!!! Then he mentioned to my friend that our date was a "disaster"......I didn't think it was a disaster, just wasn't there............there is a difference0
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I have gotten the cold shoulder ignore and walk away as well as the hey this isnt working out and I prefer the simple hey this isnt what I am looking for straight answer. And no I dont want to hear all the reasons why nor do I want to list out a bunch of reasons why it isnt working when I tell you it isnt gonna work lets move on with our lives. Especially after 2 maybe 3 dates. At that point it may just be a feeling in my gut, but I am 38 years old and I have learned to go with my gut on some things. So if after a couple dates I call or text or face to face say hey this isnt it, lets cut our losses and move on, please accept that is it, dont over analyze it and ask a million questions over the next two weeks.
It sucks either way but really I dont want to be with someone who isnt completely into me and I would hope no one wants me to be with them if I am not fully into the relationship.
Long winded way to say, I agree and I do give the Im not that into you talk but there are times I regret it and would rather just cold shoulder the exit because of all the drama that often times follows the lets part ways talk.0 -
So excited to see this post. I have been on 2 dates with this guy and having a 3rd tomorrow. I can't pick any 1 thing but I just don't feel any spark with him and my gut is telling me it isn't going to turn into a LTR. He has been polite, well-mannered, funny, and I have geniunely enjoyed his company but I can't escape my gut. We didn't have a lot of serious talk during the 1st two dates so I am allowing the 3rd just to make sure. But if there is still nothing there I am definitely going to tell him I'm just not into him. (I hate hurting others so it'll be a struggle to not elaborate on the whole It's not you it's me thing but I am going to do it!).0
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So excited to see this post. I have been on 2 dates with this guy and having a 3rd tomorrow. I can't pick any 1 thing but I just don't feel any spark with him and my gut is telling me it isn't going to turn into a LTR. He has been polite, well-mannered, funny, and I have geniunely enjoyed his company but I can't escape my gut. We didn't have a lot of serious talk during the 1st two dates so I am allowing the 3rd just to make sure. But if there is still nothing there I am definitely going to tell him I'm just not into him. (I hate hurting others so it'll be a struggle to not elaborate on the whole It's not you it's me thing but I am going to do it!).
You may want to cancel the date now if you plan to break it off anyway. Save everyone time and aggravation.0 -
I do give the Im not that into you talk but there are times I regret it and would rather just cold shoulder the exit because of all the drama that often times follows
I think a large part of that drama is a lack of maturity, or a lack of experience with great guys who aren’t great for them. I’ve dated enough now that it doesn’t (usually) bother me when I don’t see someone after one or two dates. You already know it’s not going to work, and I don’t take it personal.
That said, I’ll admit, I still take it kinda hard when someone makes it past 2-3 months then fizzles, even if it’s clearly for the best.0 -
We didn't have a lot of serious talk during the 1st two dates so I am allowing the 3rd just to make sure.
You may want to cancel the date now if you plan to break it off anyway. Save everyone time and aggravation.
Do more guys agree? I've been a fan of giving a 3rd date "just to see" if there were no red flags in the first 2, because for some women, myself included, butterflies develop after getting to know someone not always instantly.0
